Uncovering Peace

by Steffy Rogers

  CopyRight

  Uncovering Peace – Military Love Vol.

  First edition, October 2015

  Copyright © 2015 by Steffy Rogers

  Photographer: Shauna Kruse of Kruse Images & Photography: Models & Boudoir

  Cover Models: Jason JC Kurtis and Tiffany/t.h. Snyder

  Editing: Kathy Krick

  Cover Design by: Kari Ayasha of Cover to Cover Design

  Formatting: Rebel Edit & Design

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written consent of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in reviews.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used factiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  What Readers are Saying

  Dedication

  Military abbreviations

  Prologue

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  Epilogue

  Afterword

  About the author

  Acknowledgments

  Playlist

  What Readers are Saying

  “Rogers takes tough topics such as depression, PTSD and cutting and puts them out there in a way that you can relate and understand how these conditions affect people in their day to day lives. What I really loved is how well it is woven into the story and you can feel the emotions bleed into your soul while reading this book. This book, as well as the prior in the series, feels like real life and that is what I thoroughly enjoy in books!”

  -Suzanne Talkington, Blogger at Southern Vixens Book Obsessions

  “This book will open your eyes to things that happen to people behind closed door and the facade that some try to put up to keep you from finding out that they need help in their lives, but if you ever think someone needs help offer a helping hand and you too can also help someone uncover the peace that they have been searching for.”

  -Patricia Ann Blevins, Blogger at SNS Bookaholics

  “They are the strength for one another. Together they are 'uncovering peace'... A touching story as told by the author, yet again shining a light on real issues.”

  -Donna Minnich

  “This book is gonna be hard at times to read, why? Because it’s going to make you feel things that you never thought you could with a book. This is an emotional rollercoaster, but it’s one of the most beautiful stories of survival and love you’ll ever read. You’re going to want to smack Faith, but then you’re going to want to hug her and tell her everything will be ok. Seth, you’ll swoon over him. He’s sexy, adorable and has a way with words but the best thing about him is, he never gives up on the one he loves. Just because you’re broken, doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of love. Grab yourself a bottle of wine, a box of tissues and some chocolates and be prepared for this beautiful love story that is Faith and Seth’s.”

  -Shelly Jones, Author of “Right kind of Wrong”

  “This book literally left me speechless!! Right from the beginning you are hooked. Faith and Seth are so amazing. All they have to overcome just to be together and then all they have to endure throughout their relationship. Everything that is meant to tear them apart only draws them together closer!!”

  -EJ Morgan, Blogger at Fueled By Books

  “Uncovering Peace is the must read book of 2015! This was seriously one of the best books I've read all year. I cried learning about Faith's childhood, and I've never had a book leave me speechless. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll be happy and you'll be sad, but you'll pull for this couple so hard. They need each other to heal each other and finally discover what peace is.”

  -Melissa McDaniel, Blogger at Steamybookslover

  “To state it simply, Uncovering Peace is a love story. Hard at times, but well worth it. It’s the story of two people, who apart, are a mess, but together are perfect.”

  Megan Nugen Isbell, Author of The Home Series

  Dedication

  This book is for all the lost souls, the broken ones, the ones that have lost hope.

  You are worth it.

  Don’t ever forget that.

  Military abbreviations

  PFC = Private First Class

  SPC = Specialist

  SSG = Staff Sergeant

  ETS = Estimated Time of Separation

  Off post = Off base

  FOB = Forward operating base is any secured forward military position, commonly a military base, that is used to support tactical operations

  AIT = Advanced Individual Training. After you complete Basic Combat Training, you’re ready for your next step. AIT is where you learn the skills to perform your army job.

  Prologue

  Daddy has been out drinking again. I pretend to be asleep. Maybe then he will leave me alone this time. Maybe I’ll go unnoticed for once. I can hear him stumbling around downstairs, barely able to keep himself up. His footsteps are coming closer. He’s coming up here. Dammit. I lie still in my bed and force my breath to calm down. Pretend you’re asleep, Faith. My door slams open and the monster who is my father walks in.

  “Wake up, you little bitch. Daddy needs some lovin’.” He slurs his words while pulling my covers off me. When I don’t move he slaps me across the face and I finally open my eyes, knowing I can’t prevent him from what he’s about to do.

  “Good girl. Now how ’bout you keep your old man some company?”

  “Please, Dad, please don’t do this again.” I cry.

  The rage in his eyes makes me cower against the headboard of my bed. I try to think of a way to escape, but I come up empty. I could try to hurt him but at sixteen years old, I am skinnier than most girls and my strength is almost nonexistent. I’d have no chance against the two hundred fifty pound man standing in front of me.

  “Get your ass outta this bed. Now. Or do I have to show you again what happens when you disobey me?”

  “No, sir.” Defeated I get up off my bed. In my mind I go to my secret island where no one knows me and nothing can happen to me. It’s the only way I know to endure what’s happening to me.

  He slams me against the wall and the pain in my back is excruciating. I’m sure it’ll bruise and I’ll have to skip gym for a while. I don’t want my teachers to notice. Everybody already thinks I’m a freak.

  “Next time you try to disobey me it’ll be worse. Now take off those damn clothes and get on your knees.”

  I do as I am told and wait for him to get it over with.

  Mom left us eight years ago and since then Daddy has never been the same. He blamed me for Mom’s departure. There was a time where he treated me like a princess and did all the things a dad would do with his daughter. But those times are long over. He has become a monster that is out to hurt me every chance he ca
n.

  I fade out the pain when he pushes into me. It never lessens and I break a little more every time he decides it’s time to punish me. I try to be invisible but most days I fail. I don’t know why I deserve this. I hate my mother for leaving us, for leaving me with this monster.

  When he’s done, he gets up, pulls up his pants and leaves my room. Tears are flooding my eyes and I stumble to the shower. I need to wash him off me. It’s my fault Mom left. I wasn’t lovable enough. If it wasn’t for me, Mom would still be here and Daddy wouldn’t be so unhappy.

  I stand in the shower for what feels like an eternity and scrub till my flesh is red. Once again I wonder if it wouldn’t be easier if I just ended it all. At least I wouldn’t have to deal with the pain anymore. I get out of the shower and after I put on some clean pajamas I walk over to my dresser and pull out the razor blade I have hidden between my clothes.

  I sit on my bed and hold the blade against my arm which is covered in scars. The cutting takes away the pain most days. I know it isn’t healthy, but at this point what other choice do I have? Daddy already told me he would kill me if I told anybody about what’s happening. Tears are still streaming down my face as I cut into my flesh.

  One more time. One more cut. One more drop.

  I lie in my bed and think about my life. I know I need to get away from here before I get killed. I hear my dad stumble into his bedroom that’s across the hall from me. Five minutes and he’ll be out for at least ten hours. This is my chance. He won’t even hear me.

  I get up and grab my backpack out of my closet and throw my stuff in. I don’t have much so I’m packed rather quickly. I grab the picture of my grandma off my nightstand. I don’t bother with pictures of my parents. I want nothing to do with them.

  I wait thirty minutes just to make sure the old man is really asleep and then quietly open the door of my bedroom. He’s snoring which tells me he’s passed out.

  I tiptoe my way downstairs and look for the cookie jar in the kitchen. Dad always hides the cash from his paycheck in there. Maybe I’ll be lucky enough and he hasn’t drank it all away yet. I open the jar and there’s about five hundred dollars in there. That’ll be enough to get me away from here.

  I look around my home that used to be filled with love. Beer and liquor bottles now litter almost every surface in the kitchen. I look down at my arm that is covered with a bandage to stop the bleeding from the cuts.

  Yes. I need to get away. I grab my dad’s keys and head out to the car. He’ll be furious when he wakes up, but I’ll be long gone by then.

  I drive myself two hours out of town to a bus station. It’s almost six in the morning when I park the car in a deserted parking lot and walk the mile to the bus stop. I look at the schedule and see that there’s a bus to Savannah, Georgia leaving in about twenty minutes. Perfect. My dad would never think about looking for me there. It’s far away from Seattle.

  I pull out a hoodie from my backpack and put on my sunglasses. I buy a ticket at the counter, then board the bus and find a seat.

  When the bus pulls away from the stop I can’t help but feel relief.

  I am free.

  Chapter 1

  Faith

  I wake up covered in sweat. Fuck. I hadn’t had that dream in so long. Why now? I’ve been doing so well. I turn around and Jordan is lying there fast asleep. I wish I was able to sleep that peacefully when my significant other was battling a nightmare. Fucker.

  I know it isn’t his fault that I have these dreams and I’m such a mess, but sometimes I can’t help but resent him. Sure I love him, in my own kind of way. Even after a year of dating I’m still missing that spark though. I know he’s not “the one” and as much as I try to be happy and good enough for him, a part of me knows I will never be. However, he’s safe, and at this point in my life that’s what I need.

  I had been okay with being single and not dating. Fuck buddies was all I had ever known. That was until Seth stepped into my life. With his dark blond hair, blue eyes and muscular body, he had instantly captured my heart. We shared one night together about a year and a half ago and when I woke the next day he was gone. I think about that night every day and I long to be with him. I know Seth is the one I am meant to be with, but there is one tiny problem – he’s married. He vowed to spend the rest of his life with Krystal, and even though he was unhappy I had to steer clear of him.

  I’m standing under the stream of water while thinking about the night that changed me forever. I can still feel Seth’s touch and kisses on my body. Fuck. I need to get these thoughts out of my head - they’re gonna drive me insane. It isn’t fair to Jordan either. He’s been nothing but good and understanding with me.

  I hear the bathroom door open and Jordan walks in.

  “Why aren’t you in bed, baby? It’s only five a.m.,” he asks.

  “I had a nightmare and couldn’t go back to sleep so I’m just gonna get ready and head to work early.” I step out of the shower wrapping myself in a towel.

  “Or you could come back to bed and I can make you forget about your dream.” He winks.

  “Not right now, Jordan. I’m not in the mood to get sexed up,” I say and walk into the bedroom to get dressed.

  “You’re never in the mood anymore.” I hear him grumble.

  “Excuse me? What did you just say?” I snap at him.

  “You heard me. We haven’t had sex in a long time and I’m starting to think that maybe you’re not into this as much as I am anymore. Is there something you wanna tell me?”

  “Fuck off, Jordan. I’m sorry I don’t feel like rolling around in the sheets with you after I just woke up from a fucking nightmare. I’m sorry there’s nothing you can do to make that fucking lingering feeling go away. I’m sorry that I have a job and can’t just have sex with you twenty-four fucking seven. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get ready.”

  “Faith...”

  “No, Jordan. Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk to you right now. Go away.”

  “You know, if I didn’t know better, I’d think there’s someone else. But surely, you wouldn’t do that to me, would you?”

  “What the fuck? Why would you even say shit like that, Jordan? There’s no one else.”

  He closes the distance between us so he’s almost in my face. “Good, cause it’d be ugly if there was. Trust me, you really don’t want that.” His voice is angry, distant. I’ve never seen him like this.

  “Are you threatening me?”

  “No just a little warning, my love,” he says as walks out of the bedroom.

  What the fuck just happened? Did he seriously threaten me? No, he’d never hurt me. That’s not the kind of person he is. He’s never been this angry towards me before. I feel guilty for lashing out at him like that, but his words hit me. I hadn’t noticed how much our sex life was slacking. Dammit. He doesn’t deserve this.

  I finish getting ready and an hour later I’m in my car on my way to work. I have a few meetings scheduled and am prepared for a busy day ahead. At least it will distract me enough from thoughts of my father or my relationship with Jordan. I pull up in the empty parking lot. As always I’m the first one here.

  I unlock the building and head to the kitchen for coffee. I can’t start my day without a hot cup of java.

  Once I settle at my desk I scroll through my emails and respond to my clients. I have a few authors publishing in the next few weeks and there’s a lot of work to be done. Promotions still have to be finished and I have to schedule some interviews. I’m deep into a manuscript when some of my coworkers come walking in ready to start their day.

  “Morning, Faith,” my boss Shannon greets me.

  “Hey, boss.” I barely manage before I dive back into the manuscript. I only interrupt my work when I hear my phone dinging. I have two unread messages. The first one is from Jordan telling me he’s sorry for being a dickhead and asking if I want to go out for dinner. I type my answer and tell him to meet me at the office at six p.m. before opening th
e text from Skye, my best friend.

  Skye: Hey girlfriend. Lunch at Luigi’s? I miss you!

  Me: Sure why not. 12:30 sound okay?

  Skye: Perfect. See you then bitch. Xoxo

  The first meeting with one of my clients went smooth and I’m headed for lunch with Skye. I miss living with her and Caige, my other best friend. We don’t get to see each other nearly as much as we used to. I walk up to Luigi’s, a pizza shop right around the corner. Skye is already there, and I can’t help but admire her in her sundress and that adorable baby bump of hers. I can’t wait to meet my little niece.

  “Hey, my precious niece. Are you keeping Mommy on her toes?” I lean down and whisper to Skye’s belly.

  “Very funny, Faith. She’s been kicking like crazy. I’m so ready to get her out of there. How are you?”

  “I’m fine. Just busy at work. There’s so many projects going on right now, I’m surprised I haven’t gone mental yet. When are you finally taking your leave of absence?”

  “I have two more weeks and then I’ll be home till this little one makes her grand entrance. How’s Jordan? Still kickin’ it?”

  I instantly become uncomfortable. I think about the fight we had and debate whether or not to tell Skye about it. She isn’t happy with my choice, but I need to talk to someone. Usually Caige is the one I vent to, but I haven’t seen him in a while.

  “Uhh... He’s okay. We got into a fight this morning. But I’m sure it’ll all be alright.”

  “Why did you fight?”

  I proceed to tell her about my dream and how Jordan reacted after I brushed him off. Tears are building and I have to fight to keep them at bay. I won’t break down in public. I look at Skye and I’m glad that I don’t see the usual pity in her eyes. I don’t want pity. Yes, life has dealt me a shitty hand, but over the years I have learned to deal with it and make the best of it. Happiness isn’t in the cards for me and I have long come to accept that.

  “Faith... Maybe it’s time to face that Jordan just isn’t it. Sure he’s a nice guy and I understand your need for safety, but clearly he doesn’t get you or he would’ve tried to comfort you instead of being a douche. I can’t think of a time when Braden wasn’t right by my side when I have a nightmare and vice versa.”