Uncovering Peace

by Steffy Rogers

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Seth asks me.

  “I was just thinking about a conversation I had with Tyler while you were in the hospital.” I smile at him. He’s still in pain but the doctors have said he will make a full recovery. He has been released from his current deployment. I’m happy he doesn’t have to go back and we can finally be a couple. I have no idea how our living situation will play out since I refuse to go back to my house. I haven’t been there since the incident with Jordan. The wounds are still too fresh to set foot in there. I’m scared that Seth will go back to his house with Krystal. Their divorce is official, but I don’t know what their arrangements are when it comes to the house. I’m afraid to ask. I’m not sure I can handle the answer.

  “I can’t wait to get back and hole up with you for a while. I’m gonna send your boss flowers for giving you another week off from work.”

  “About that... Where are you gonna live, Seth?” The subject is unavoidable. I decide it’s better to know now than to get back and realize he’s moving back in with Krystal.

  “What do you mean? I figured I could stay with you till I find my own place. I was looking into houses while I was deployed, but with the accident I didn’t have a chance to close on one. I can find a friend to crash with if you prefer that.”

  “It’s not that. It’s... I haven’t been back to my house since Jordan attacked me there. Skye had to go over there and get my stuff for me. I can’t stomach going back there again.”

  “Baby, why didn’t you tell me? Have you been staying with Braden and Skye the entire time?”

  I nod. “I was packing my stuff when I got the call. I was gonna crash with Caige. I overstayed my welcome with Skye and Braden. I felt like I was intruding on their time with the baby.”

  “We’ll figure it out when we get back. If I have to put us up in a hotel room I will.”

  “So you won’t move back into your house with Krystal?”

  “Hell no, what would make you think that?”

  “I don’t know what your agreement on the house is. We haven’t really talked about it.”

  “Baby, Krystal and I are done. I told her she can keep the house, I don’t want it. It only holds negative memories. I do however have to check up on her and make sure she’s okay. I owe that to her.”

  Hearing his words makes my blood boil. Why does he need to check up on her? I pull my hand out of his grip and look away.

  “Faith, please don’t be mad. Just because I don’t love her doesn’t mean I don’t care about her well-being. At some point she meant something to me.”

  “You don’t owe her anything, Seth. She was a bitch to you. Do I have to remind you of the night when she tried to seduce you, even though you told her that you were divorcing her?”

  “How do you know about that?”

  “Skye overheard you and Braden talk about it. We don’t have secrets, especially not if they are regarding a certain ex-wife.”

  “I really don’t understand why you’re mad about this. Did Skye also tell you I turned her down and kicked her out of my room? Even if I had slept with her you were still with Jordan.”

  “Are you turning this around on me now?” I glare at him.

  “No... Fuck... Why are we arguing about this? I just want to check up on her and make sure she’s not harming herself. You don’t have to understand it, but I need to do this, Faith. That changes nothing about us. I love you and I want to be with you. Krystal hasn’t been in my heart for a long time.”

  I’m livid. I don’t know what has gotten into me but the sheer mention of Krystal drives me insane. What if he decides he does still have feelings for her? I almost lost him once, I can’t do it again.

  We spend the rest of the flight in silence. Seth is fast asleep next to me. I can’t ever sleep on planes. They make me anxious and the sooner I can get off the better. I hate flying.

  After ten hours of flying we finally land in Atlanta. When the flight attendant found out that Seth was in the military we were both upgraded to First Class. We’re the first ones to exit the plane. I’m glad I don’t have to wait for all the other passengers to get off. Once we make it through customs, we grab our luggage and head to the exit. Caige is there waiting for us. I squeal when I see him and jump into his arms. To others this may be weird, but the last three weeks have been the longest I’ve ever gone without seeing him. From the moment he saved me from living on the street, we’ve pretty much been inseparable. Even girlfriends or boyfriends couldn’t change that. It was surprising enough that we let Skye in on our circle. I remember when we first saw her Caige tried to hit on her. She was totally unaffected by his charm and I knew then we would be the best of friends.

  “It’s nice to see you too, Squirt. I’ve missed you.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” I kiss him on the cheek.

  Seth and Caige shake hands and it fills my heart with joy to see that Seth has no rivalry with Caige about me. He gets it. While I was in Germany I explained to him how deep my friendship with Caige runs.

  “Good seeing you up and walking, dude. You scared the shit out of us,” Caige says to Seth. He is right. Seth’s accident crushed me. He was aware that I would’ve never been able to recover if Seth had died that day.

  “Yeah, I don’t plan on doing that ever again. I think it’s about time for a desk job.”

  Hope bloomed inside of me. Was Seth done with the military? He had wanted out when we first met, but he reenlisted. Secretly I was hoping he would retire. However, I’d never ask that of him. If he wanted to stay in I would support him.

  “Hey, Caige, do you mind if Seth stays with us for a while? He doesn’t really have a place to go since the divorce and all.”

  “Of course, I kind of figured he would anyways. You guys can crash in one of the guest rooms.”

  The drive to Savannah takes four hours. By the time we get back all I want to do is crawl in bed. Caige carries our bags inside while I go straight to the guest room. I flop on the king size bed and vow not to leave it for days. The last three weeks have been exhausting. I slept on a rollaway bed in the hospital until a week ago when Seth was released. He had begged me to get a hotel room but I refused to leave his side.

  “Looks like someone is tired. Do you want me to run you a bath?” Seth asks as he enters the bedroom.

  “Yes, that would be wonderful. Thank you.”

  Not long after, we’re soaking in the bath tub. Seth is scrubbing my back and our argument from earlier is long forgotten. Right now I just have to take it one day at a time. Our relationship hasn’t been easy. It probably won’t be for a while. We just have to promise that no matter what we have to face, we do it together.

  After our bath we cuddle up and I realize how good it is to be in Seth’s arms finally and how there is no place I’d rather be. I’m still scared he will walk out on me again, but I’m choosing to push those thoughts away.

  “I’ve thought about this the entire time we weren’t together. The night we first slept together I memorized how it felt having you in my arms. I thought I’d never have the chance again. Yet here I am, holding the girl of my dreams. I don’t know how I can ever make up to you what I did, but I promise you I’ll try. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “I think we’re even, Seth. I haven’t been much better. I was such a bitch and selfish. What matters is that we’re together now. I’m not gonna lie. I’m still scared. What I feel for you, I can’t even describe it in words. I’ve never felt anything like it before. That’s why I ran. I was overwhelmed by these all-consuming feelings. I’m not strong enough to stay away from you though. I need you like a junkie needs his next fix. You are my drug, Seth.”

  “Drug, huh? Well you’re my favorite addiction as well. I get drunk off your kisses and I don’t ever want that feeling to go away. No matter what, I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. You’re stuck with me, whether you like it or not.”

  “I like that very much actually.”

  “Goodnight, Peach
. I love you.” I smile at his endearment. It’s the first time he’s ever called me that and I have to admit I like it.

  “What’s up with the nickname?” I’m curious.

  “Every time I kiss you I’m reminded of peaches. You taste like them. And you live in Georgia. It’s perfect.”

  “I love it.” I smile at him.

  Exhaustion takes over and I snuggle closer to Seth. His arms and legs are wrapped around me holding me tight. He’s just as afraid of me running as I am of him leaving. I feel it in the way he holds me. It’s gonna take some time to convince him that I’m here to stay.

  I wake up covered in sweat. The dreams are back. Tears are staining my face. Why is he still haunting me after all this time? Why can’t his hold on me just go away?

  I feel Seth stir next to me. He turns on the lamp on the nightstand.

  “Peach, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

  “The dreams. They won’t go away. He won’t go away.”

  “Who won’t go away? Tell me. I want to help you.”

  I sigh. I know I have to tell him or we’ll never be able to move forward.

  “My father...”

  The shock is palpable on his face. He knows I went through something, but he had no idea who was behind my turmoil.

  “My mom left us when I was eight years old. She didn’t leave a note, nothing. She just disappeared. One day she was here, the next she was gone. There was no trace. Dad tried everything to find her, but she made sure he wouldn’t.”

  “I’m sorry, Faith. That was pretty damn selfish of her.” He pulls me to him so that I am sitting with my back to his stomach. I lean into him.

  “My dad raped me for the first time when I was nine years old.”

  I hear him gasp and I know that nothing can prepare him for what he’s about to hear. I just hope that he won’t look at me differently, but he deserves the truth, no matter how ugly it is.

  Chapter 11

  Seth

  My hands ball into fists. I knew someone hurt Faith pretty bad in her childhood, but I had no idea it was her father. I want to find him and kill him, but that’s not what Faith needs. She needs someone to be there for her. I will do anything in my power to make sure she knows she’s not alone. I pull her closer to me while she talks.

  “The first year after Mom left us he barely talked to me. He blamed me for her departure. He always told me that if I had been a better daughter she wouldn’t have left us. Most days he would stay at work longer and I had to take care of myself. I had no one to help me with homework. I had to cook for myself whenever we actually had groceries in the house. Sometimes I went days without food. Dad wasn’t always like that though.”

  She pauses. Reliving all of this must be hard for her.

  “It’s okay, Peach. Take your time.” I don’t know what to say. My parents had been neglectful, but I always had food on the table and my nanny Amelia made sure my homework was done every day. She was a wonderful woman. When I was a kid I always wished she was my mom.

  “When I was younger he always treated me like a princess. We would do fun stuff together like go to the zoo or go see a movie. We were a happy family. To this day I don’t understand why my mother left. I haven’t heard from her since the day she walked out. No cards for my birthday, no calls, nothing. Who does that?”

  My heart breaks for her. No child deserves to go through this.

  “After a few months Dad started drinking. It started out with a few bottles of beer every night and eventually it became a bottle of whiskey. Alcohol started ruling his life. He would say really hurtful things and he reminded me every day how much I looked like my mother. Maybe that’s why he started hating me so much. But I was only eight. I didn’t understand why my once so loving father was suddenly a monster.

  “My ninth birthday came and went. I never had a party or cake. He didn’t even acknowledge it. At this point I had already pulled back from all my friends at school. I stayed to myself. I didn’t want people to know what was going on at home. The kids started making fun of me. I was the odd one in class, always quiet, always in ratty clothes.”

  I feel her tremble in my arms and tears land on my hands. She’s crying. I want to take all her pain away from her but I am helpless. I don’t know what I expected but it sure wasn’t this.

  “Shortly after my birthday he came home from the bar and was trashed, like he could barely walk. I don’t even know how he made it up the stairs to my room. When he stumbled into my room I remember him slurring his words and the smell of cheap whiskey on him.”

  I’m not sure I want to know what happens next. My anger is raging inside of me.

  “He crawled into bed with me. At first I thought maybe the old daddy was back, the dad who would lay in bed with me and read me stories and told me how pretty I was. I couldn’t have been more wrong. He started ripping my clothes off me. I was so young. I had no idea what was happening. He took his clothes off and forced me to touch him. He threatened to hurt me if I didn’t do what he wanted. He made me believe that daughters did that for their dads. It felt so wrong. When he had enough he hovered over me and...”

  “You don’t have to tell me, baby. We can talk about it another time.”

  “No, you deserve the truth. You need to know why I’m so fucked up.”

  “Okay.”

  “That night he raped me for the first time. The pain was excruciating. I remember there was blood after he was done and left me to myself. I knew then that my father had done something terrible and had taken a piece of me that I would never get back.”

  Now it’s my turn to cry. How could he do this to her? She was still so damn young. She had no way to defend herself. Parents are supposed to keep you safe, not hurt you. Fuck. I think I’m gonna be sick.

  “The next day I woke up and he had bought me a new doll. For that day things were back to normal. He was actually being nice. He told me what a pretty girl I was and how much he loved me. He took me to Chuck E. Cheese and we even went and got ice cream afterwards. It was his way of bribing me to make sure I wouldn’t tell anybody what he did. Little did he know that I didn’t have anyone to talk to anyway.

  “He didn’t touch me again for months. Things were semi normal. He had days when he would pretend I didn’t exist and then there were days he treated me like I was his everything. That was usually short lived. He picked his drinking habit back up and from there it went downhill. At first it would happen every few weeks, then it was once a week and when I got older and my body changed, he raped me almost every damn day.”

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I wish I could go back in time and save you. You should’ve never gone through this. Your mother should’ve never left and your dad... Well... The things I want to do to him right now aren’t exactly pretty.”

  “Thank you. Dealing with this isn’t easy. But I’m not done yet.”

  “Go on.”

  “I started cutting when I was eleven. That’s where all the scars on my arms come from. It was my escape from the pain he was putting me through. When I cut... I’d be able to forget everything around me for a while. I didn’t even feel anything when I cut. No pain in this world could compare to the pain I was feeling inside. I was shattered and broken. I’d been trampled on and there was no way out for me. Every time I cut, the blood showed me that I was still alive even when I didn’t feel that way. I was empty. I had long learned to shut my feelings off. It was all I could do to survive. The kids at school avoided me like I was the devil or something. I was this weird child that always wore long, black clothes. They didn’t know that I was just trying to hide the scars. There would’ve been questions. My dad noticed them one night and beat me so hard I almost ended up at the hospital. I’m sure I suffered from a concussion, but he never took me to the ER. Everything would’ve come to light. Now that I think of it, he never took me to doctor’s appointments period. He made sure no one knew what was going on. To the outside he was this loving and caring father. On the inside he was a
monster. When I started having my period he made me go on birth control. I don’t know how he managed to get it and honestly I don’t care.”

  She lets out a breath. I remain silent – there’s more to the story.

  “One night when I was sixteen I decided I finally had enough. After he attacked me once again I waited for him to fall asleep. Once I was sure he was passed out I grabbed few of my belongings, stole a wad of cash from the cookie jar and his car. I parked the car not far from the bus stop and got on the bus. That’s how I ended up in Savannah. It was far enough away from Washington State. I got a motel room and for the first time in my life I was free. I remember going to Wendy’s that night. That’s where I ran into Caige. He refused to leave me alone and eventually I gave in. I told him I had run away from home but never told him why. He took me to his aunt Martha’s house. I was so fucking scared that she was gonna call the cops, but she never did. She did send me away at first, but the next day Caige came back to the motel to come get me. She felt sorry for leaving me to fend for myself. After that she let me stay at her house when she didn’t have to. While out one day, Caige and I stopped at a gas station. I looked at the newspaper only to see my face staring back at me. The bastard had seriously gone to the cops and told them I was missing. How fucking dare he?

  “Anyways, we went home and Martha was already waiting for us. She had seen it on the news. I told her everything. From my real name to what my father did to me to how I ran away. She called the police and I gave my statement. My dad was arrested the same night. Martha adopted me and my dad was sentenced to fifteen years in prison. That was twelve years ago. I’m scared what’s gonna happen when he gets out. I’m afraid he’ll come after me. He knows what name I go by now. What if he finds me?”

  “He’ll never hurt you again. I’ll make sure of it.” My anger is palpable. I want to smash things. I release Faith and get up off the bed. The rage I feel inside is growing stronger the longer I think about what she went through. I walk into the bathroom. Splashing some water on my face, I try to calm down. The fucker is dead if he so much as looks at Faith ever again. I’ll kill him and make it look like an accident. When I finally manage to regain control over my feelings, I head back out to the bedroom where Faith is. She is walking towards the door.