Ben carefully nursed two beers, determined not to do something stupid. As bemusing as it was being the center of Tim’s attention, he wasn’t about to ruin things with Jace. His heart knew to whom it belonged. Regardless, Ben was careful not to hurt Tim’s feelings by avoiding any conversation about Jace, and Tim never mentioned his sugar daddy.
Ben was dragged to lunch the next day and invited out to dinner, before Allison launched a defensive maneuver and made Ben promise to take her to the movies. Ben fulfilled his social obligations, but couldn’t help checking out the other cinema seats before the lights went down, almost expecting to see Tim lurking there.
Tim’s counterattack came the next morning. Ben had finished showering and just barely managed to get his Calvins on when a rapping on his window made him jump. He tried not to dwell on how long he’d had an audience. Instead he got dressed and went outside. Tim hustled him into the car, which was stocked with a dozen donuts and a couple of Cokes. By the time the sugar rush kicked in, they were well on their way to San Antonio.
“It’s Saturday!” Tim howled, rolling down the windows and sending Ben’s hair flying.
Tim didn’t share the same problem. His hair was much shorter these days, cropped close on the sides and spiky on top. It suited him, as did the dark sunglasses. Tim caught him staring and grinned when Ben didn’t look away.
Their secret destination turned out to be Six Flags Over Texas, a massive amusement park filled with rollercoasters and other potentially deadly rides. Ben had recently gone to Six Flags with Jace, but the park had been closed for maintenance, so they had spent the day shopping instead. And now he was about to carry on with that missed opportunity, except with Tim. The idea made Ben uncomfortable, but the uneasy sensation was lost on the first exhilarating ride.
Like all amusement parks, Six Flags had long lines, so they spent most of their time waiting. As they stood in line, talking and laughing, the years of distance between them dissolved as if they had awakened in their junior year of high school looking five years older.
By late afternoon, Ben could feel sunburn on his neck and his stomach grumbled with a serious hunger the park’s junk food couldn’t satisfy. All Ben had to do was mention his appetite, and Tim offered to take them to dinner. He had been paying for so much the last few days that Ben was starting to feel he had a sugar daddy of his own.
A display of stuffed animals caught Ben’s eye on the way out. One of them, a black stuffed cat, would have looked familiar had it been a different color.
“Samson!”
Tim looked confused.
“Jace’s cat,” Ben explained. “I totally forgot to feed him today. I haven’t been over there since yesterday morning.”
“We’ll swing by after we eat,” Tim offered.
“I kind of need to go now,” Ben said apologetically. “Maybe we can get something to eat on the road?”
“Yeah, all right.”
They navigated the horizonless parking lot until they found the car, Ben worrying about his oversight. How long could a cat go without food? His concern was more than just that. Samson needed regular company, something he had been neglecting the last couple of days.
“I hope he’s okay,” Ben said as they pulled onto the highway. “Usually I stay over there when Jace is out of town.”
“So why haven’t you been?”
Yeah, Ben, why haven’t you stayed the night at Jace’s place lately? Once he put the question to himself it was obvious. That first night he hadn’t liked the idea of waiting for a call from Tim while at Jace’s apartment. And last night, well, he supposed he liked the idea of Tim being able to find him. And look how it had paid off. He had gotten a date out of it.
Perhaps it had all gone a bit too far. It was time to make Jace a part of regular conversation. Tim might be hurt, but surely giving him false hope would harm him more. “I’ll crash there tonight,” Ben said. “Gotta make sure the apartment looks nice before Jace comes home.”
“When’s that?”
“Tomorrow night.”
“So I have you to myself until then. We can do dinner tonight. We’ll feed the cat and then head out. My treat.”
“You don’t need to pay for everything,” Ben said. “I have money too, you know.”
“I can afford it,” Tim shrugged.
“How?”
Tim’s brow furrowed, as if this were a complicated question. Ben supposed it was, but he needed an answer.
“I inherited some money,” Tim said. “A lot, actually.”
Ben’s stomach sank, his fears backed by one more detail. “From who?”
“No one you would know,” Tim answered.
Ben didn’t press any further, but he didn’t offer any other topic of conversation. His short-lived vow of silence paid off.
“His name was Eric. He was a friend of mine. He died late last year.”
“I’m sorry,” Ben said. “Still,” he added after a moment, “it’s a bit unusual. Inheriting money from a friend, I mean.”
“Is it?”
“Yeah. I mean, unless he was your sugar daddy or something.” Ben gave an artificial laugh that didn’t convince either of them.
“I guess Allison has filled you in on the rumors, then?” Tim’s jaw clenched. “I guess there’s no point in telling you what you already know. Eric was rich, old, and gay. What else could it have been, right?”
“I don’t know,” Ben replied weakly, surprised at the sudden anger in Tim’s voice.
“Well, it’s all bullshit. People think the whole world revolves around sex and money, but they’re wrong. Eric was a good person and one of the best friends I ever had. All he ever wanted was friendship.”
Ben didn’t know what to say, but he was afraid he fit into the category of the small-minded. Some rich old guy wanted Tim around for company and nothing more? Had Eric been blind? Add money to the equation and the whole thing stank.
“I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Yeah, you did, but it’s okay.” Tim’s posture relaxed a little. “I just get tired of what people say. They don’t know me. They take a couple of facts and warp them into something they can feel superior about.”
“Yeah, that does suck. So what’s the truth, then?”
“He was like a father to me. Like the way I always wish things had been with my real dad. He knew everything about anything, was funny, and had the craziest ideas. Talking to him was the greatest. That’s all we’d ever do. He was already pretty sick when I met him, so he couldn’t get out more. We’d just sit there and talk for hours. Hell, I practically became his nurse. It was the best time of my life. Well, second-best.”
Ben knew he shouldn’t ask, but he wanted to be sure. “So there was never sex involved?”
“No! Christ! Can’t gay people just be friends?”
“Sorry,” Ben apologized. “It’s just the money thing--”
“Yeah, well, what else was he supposed to do with it? He didn’t have any kids. Just a sister. She got most of the money. I got a small part, which really was still a tremendous amount. And the house, too. She didn’t want it, anyway.”
Ben exhaled, trying to imagine what he would do if he were suddenly wealthy. Tim seemed lost in thought the rest of the drive home. Ben too had much to think about. Neglecting Samson and then hearing about Tim’s strange relationship with Eric had taken some of the fairytale shine off their day. He found himself missing Jace and the simple life they shared. If only he were coming home tonight.
The afternoon’s surrealism only increased when he walked into Jace’s apartment with Tim. His ex-boyfriend silently took in the apartment, examining the walls and making his own judgments. Was he sizing up Jace and mentally knocking him down? Did he feel intimidated or insecure? Did he ever?
“Should I make us something to eat?” Ben asked after tending to Samson.
“No, let’s go out. It’ll be fun.”
“Yeah, all right,” Ben agreed, eager to get Tim away from the apartmen
t.
“Tell you what,” Tim said once they were back in his car. “Why don’t we avoid the crowds? We’ll go back to my place and I’ll cook for you.”
“Eh, I don’t know.” Ben saw the ruse to get him somewhere private.
“It’ll be cool,” Tim said, switching lanes. “You’ll like it there.”
“Said the spider to the fly,” Ben muttered.
* * * * *
Tim lived out in West Lake Hills. The area was notoriously expensive or “rich bitch” as Ben’s mother would say. Tim’s house was modern with rustic elements. The main part of the home was a jumble of minimalistic cubes, but the covered entrance was hewn from rough-cut wood and supported by twisted iron columns. The window shutters were warped with age and reinforced with crisscrossing wire, as if the architect had created them with recycled chicken coops. Even more out of place was the separate garage, as unremarkably middle class as possible. Maybe that was the architect’s intention. One touch of normality to put the rest of the building’s eccentricities into context. The result felt like a tornado had swept up a cabin, a suburban home, and a museum of modern art and dropped them jumbled together.
Tim parked his car in the driveway and led the way to the door. The interior of the house couldn’t have been more different than the cold exterior. Thick colorful carpets were patterned across polished wooden floors. Oversized couches and chairs in warm, earthy colors filled the rooms they walked through. In the living room, practical bookshelves built low into the wall doubled as benches and were set in front of tall windows on either side of the fireplace. The massive kitchen, their final destination, had all the trappings of a professional restaurant, including two ranges and an indoor grill. Ben sat at one of the bar stools at the kitchen’s island and stared.
“I gotta hit the john,” Tim said, slipping off his sneakers. “There’s anything you could ever want to drink in here. Feel free to poke around.”
“Thanks,” Ben said.
Wherever the bathroom was, Ben worried Tim might need half an hour to navigate the sprawling floor plan. Ben opened the refrigerator and grabbed a can of cola. The noise it made when he popped it open sounded deafening in the silence. Despite its cozy appearance, the house felt lonely, the humming appliances too loud in the stillness. A home without a family was a haunted place. Here it was easy to imagine why Eric was desperate for company, how Tim’s proud speech and laughter would chase away the emptiness. But it wasn’t Eric who was left here alone.
“It’s a huge house,” Tim said, causing Ben to jump. “Too big for me. I plan on selling it and finding a place in Allandale, so don’t go getting used to it.”
Ben rolled his eyes at the flirtation but smiled. “Allandale is a nice neighborhood, but I don’t know if you’re enough of a hippie to fit in there. So Eric lived here alone?”
“Yeah, when I first met him. It wasn’t long before he asked me to move in. Don’t give me that look! I can see what you’re thinking.”
“What would you think if anyone told you the same story?” Ben said. “You have to admit that it sounds fishy.”
“Yeah, I guess so,” Tim admitted. “You believe me though, right?”
“Why not? The world’s a crazy place.”
“I would have, though.”
“What?”
“Slept with Eric.” Tim gave a nod. “If it would have made him happy, but he never even hinted at that.”
“Did you want to?”
“I don’t know.” Tim started to pull ingredients out of the cupboards. “Sometimes you can’t tell your friends from your lovers, you know what I mean? The line gets kind of blurry. That’s how it was with me and Eric. Maybe if he wasn’t on so many meds he would have wanted something more physical. Maybe not.”
“What was wrong with him?”
“Cancer. Multiple kinds, multiple places.”
“Geez.”
“Yeah.” Tim paused, staring blindly at the items in front of him. “He toughed it out until the end. He never complained, never felt sorry for himself. He had so much spirit. That’s why I can’t sell the place yet. I feel like he’s still here.”
Ben watched him with curiosity. The Tim he knew of old never would have expressed his emotions so openly and without shame. If only he had been this way five years ago.
“Anyway,” Tim forced an upbeat tone into his voice, “What did you have in mind for dinner?”
Ben took stock of the ingredients gathered on the counter. There was pasta, a can of pineapples, a box of rice, a bag of flour and some brown sugar.
“You don’t know how to cook, do you?”
“No, I don’t,” Tim laughed. “But I had to get you here somehow. We could do delivery. Or we could get nostalgic and you could cook for me. I’ll even lay myself out on the couch and pretend my ankle is jacked up.”
“Tim--” Ben’s warning tones matched his expression.
“Too far? Sorry. I just wanted you to see my place, since it’s so connected to my past. You being here really livens the place up. I wouldn’t mind you visiting more often. Bring Jace along if you like. I’d love to meet him.”
Ben eyed him, trying to weigh his sincerity. “All right. I’ll cook, but you have to help. I don’t care how rich you are, everyone should know how make at least one meal.”
Even without many fresh ingredients in the house, they managed to put together a decent pasta sauce made from canned tomatoes and spices they found in the cupboard. Some aged cheese grated over the top, along with a blend of pastas for variety, completed the dish. They ate straight from the pot, laughing about old memories and arguing over misremembered details.
The makeshift meal was, unfortunately, very endearing. As much comfort as Ben took in Jace’s experience and the security that provided, he was aware of something equally gratifying in how much Tim needed from him. Ben began to wish that Tim was an annoyingly talented cook, had acquired his wealth by illicit means, and was still emotionally stunted. Instead he was doing everything right to reawaken Ben’s old feelings.
“I really need to get back to Jace’s,” Ben said while Tim was digging through the freezer for ice cream.
“Aw, you can’t leave. You haven’t even done the dishes yet!” Tim winced from Ben’s glare. “Only kidding. Geez! There is a pool here, you know. We could go for a swim, have a couple of beers. You can even crash here.”
Ben scoffed. “I don’t think so!”
“Your virtue will remain unchallenged, princess, you have my word. There are two guest rooms. Take your pick. I’ll even sleep in the car.”
Ben’s trust in Tim wasn’t the issue. Rather he didn’t trust himself. Ben needed very badly to go home, relieve some sexual tension, and reexamine everything from a healthy distance. After resisting a few more onslaughts of charm, he won and was driven back to Jace’s apartment. Tim killed the ignition after parking, the resulting silence creating pressure in the car. Why was it suddenly so hard to reach over and open the door?
“Thanks for the last couple of days,” Tim said. “I know I went a little overboard, but it’s been a long time since I’ve had someone like you around.”
“I liked it, too,” Ben said, “but I’m also looking forward to Jace being back tomorrow.”
“Hint taken,” Tim said with good humor. “I’m serious about meeting him though. The man behind the legend and all that.”
“Yeah?
“Yeah.”
“Okay.”
Maybe it would be fun. The two greatest loves of his life together in one place. What could possibly go wrong, aside from everything. The scientists who split the atom had probably felt the same way. They knew what they were about to do would be dangerous, but like Ben, they were too damn curious to stop themselves.
Chapter Twenty-three
The airport buzzed with conversation, people weaving in and out of each other with subconscious precision like worker bees tending their hive. Outside the gate’s security checkpoint, a group of people waited,
each fidgeting with anticipation, their minds focused on the arriving passengers. All but Ben, who couldn’t stop thinking of the cell phone, turned off and stowed away in a kitchen drawer. Instinct drove him to hide it, and only later did he recognize how odd this behavior was.
Hugs burst out around him as reunions took place, but he couldn’t stop thinking of the phone. Had he time, he would have driven home and set it out on the counter in plain view or even brought it with him. Anything was better than it being hidden.
“Ben?”
Luggage in tow, Jace was dressed in uniform, wearing just a vest over his dress shirt and tie due to the warm season. His smile was bemused, as if Ben were being silly by staring at him dumbly, before his long arms enveloped him in a hug. The scent of Jace’s aftershave and the murmured words against his neck were like a tonic. With a kiss, Jace broke Tim’s spell, woke Cinderella up from the strange dream of the last couple of days.
“I’m so glad you’re back!”
Ben almost cried, but that would have been even stranger than hiding a cell phone.
When they were home, they made love with desperation. Jace might not have understood why, but he was happy to comply. Afterwards, securely nestled in Jace’s arms, Ben felt safe enough to speak the truth.
“I ran into Tim the other day.”
“Ah,” Jace said, the puzzle pieces falling into place. There was no need for explanation. There was only ever one Tim, and Jace knew Ben’s history well enough to understand how monumental an impact this would have on him. “I don’t suppose he’s horribly overweight? Probably bald and missing a few teeth too, I imagine.”
Ben wanted to laugh, but instead the details poured out, everything except his fear that his feelings for Tim were still alive. Jace would share the same worry, so there was little point in voicing it. There was no arguing or accusations, not from Jace, but he did frown about the cell phone, and sighed at the mention of the theme park visit. For once Jace had little advice to offer. Instead he held Ben tightly, as if knowing this was the more effective strategy.
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