The moment the speeches are finished, the band takes to the stage and the crowd starts conversing and moving around the room. I watch as Cassie excuses herself from the table and steps out into the fresh air. I’m moving away from the table before I even realise what’s happening. I follow her out the side exit and find her standing at the edge of the patio looking out into the night.
I step up behind her and watch as her body slightly tenses as she feels my presence. I gently wrap my hands around her waist and pull her back against my chest, feeling at home as she relaxes against me. “You ok?” I ask.
I feel her take a deep breath as she slowly turns in my arms. “You don’t need to do this, Jax,” she says, making my heart slowly break.
Without hesitation, I look down into her big brown eyes. “I want to.”
She searches for something in my eyes and eventually is satisfied by what she sees. With a sigh she entwines her arms around me and leans her head down on my chest, needing to be held. I pull her in tighter and gently sway her to the music which flows through the open side door. I soothe her as best I can and remind her that her parents would have loved to be there.
After a short while, she slowly pulls her head back from my chest but doesn’t step out of my hold. “I truly am sorry, Jax,” she says, looking up at me with those eyes. “I never should have left.”
I search her eyes, the same way she had done to me before, though I have absolutely no idea what I’m searching for. “Why’d you go?” I ask, desperately needing the relief the answer could bring me.
A tear trails down her cheek as she takes a shaky breath. “I was scared,” she starts. “I was there that day you showed up with a ring and talked to my dad.”
“No,” I cut in, confused. “You were gone. You were with that girl from school.”
“No, Jax, I was home. Millie had a flat tyre and was running late. I didn’t bother telling anyone because it wasn’t going to be a long wait,” she explains. “But then you came and you were so sure of yourself, of our future and it freaked me out.”
“Fuck, Cass,” I groan, letting her go. “Don’t tell me you left because of that.”
“No,” she begs as more tears escape her eyes. “Just hear me out, please.” I turn away from her as I attempt to get my thoughts in order before turning back and telling her to go on. She takes another shaky breath. “I was confused after graduation and I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, I felt like I needed a change. So, I was talking to mum one night and she told me as long as I was happy it didn’t matter what I was doing, she joked that I could have been a truck driver for all she cared, as long as I was happy. Somewhere along the line, I had gotten in my head that getting out of Denver was the key to that happiness.”
She needed a change? What the hell? We were weeks away from heading to college, what more of a change could she have needed? “Why didn’t you talk to me about this?” I snap. “Fuck, Cass. If you wanted a different college or city I would have gone with you.”
“I know,” she snaps back.
“What the hell, Cass? This doesn’t make sense.”
She lets out a sigh as she looks back up at me. “I knew you would follow me anywhere I went and I couldn’t let that happen,” she explains. “Things with your parents were bad and I knew you wanted to get away but you needed to be here. Your dream is being in the NHL. You needed to go to college and use your scholarship. This was your shot and I would have never forgiven myself had you thrown that away to follow me while I searched for what I wanted.”
I have no response. I can’t even get my thoughts in line to figure out where to start.
“Say something,” she cries.
“I can’t, Cass. I have no idea what to say. You threw away our future because you couldn’t talk to me.”
She hangs her head, though I can’t understand why. Regret maybe? Possibly shame? “It didn’t take me long to realise that I’d made the worst mistake of my life but by the time I’d realised that, you had already moved on. You were only a freshman but were already making features on ESPN and they made it very clear what kind of reputation you had.”
“So the reason you left had nothing to do with the conversation between me and your dad?” I ask.
“No,” she breathes, “It just made me realise how dedicated you were to me.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes, Jax. I’m sure,” she tells me with the slightest bit of annoyance in her voice at having to repeat herself. “I had to get away and I couldn’t let you give up your future for me.”
“Babe,” I sigh, stepping up to her and instantly pulling her into my arms. I bury my head in her neck and inhale the natural scent of her creamy skin. Her arms instantly wrap around me and she holds me tight, needing the closeness. “All this time, I thought you left because you were done with me, over it, over us.”
She pulls me back and looks into my eyes. “Never,” she says. “How could I ever be over us when I’m still madly in love with you?”
“Fuck,” I say, getting frustrated with the situation. If she had only talked to me and let me in on what was going on in her head, this whole thing could have been avoided. “So, if you were so unhappy, why didn’t you come home?”
“I couldn’t,” she sighs. “I had already hurt too many people by leaving and I didn’t want to make that worse by letting them know that I wasn’t happy. I made a massive mistake and I was too stubborn to admit it.”
Fuck. This woman is my kryptonite. I crash my lips down on hers making her gasp for breath. She kisses me back and it feels amazing. Different from the night we shared a few weeks ago. That was desperate, needy and a mess of confused emotions but this, this is something that comes from the heart, something I’m not even sure I know how to describe.
We could have been kissing for seconds or it could have been hours, I’ll never know but eventually, she pulls back and rests her forehead against mine. “What’s happening between us, Jax?” she asks.
“Honestly, Cass, I have no idea,” I tell her as my hands tighten on her waist. “I still care for you, hell, I might even still love you but I’m not the same man you once knew.”
“Yes, you are,” she demands. “I know, you are, the old you is still in there it’s just clouded by the girls, the reputation and this persona you have as the Captain but that’s not you. I know it’s not.”
“I don’t know, babe. I have to think about this. You tore me to shreds when you left,” I tell her honestly. “I don’t know if that is something I’ll be able to just forget about.”
She looks up at me. “I don’t know how I will ever make that up to you.”
“I don’t know either, Cass. I just… I guess I just need time to sort this out, figure out where my head is.”
“K,” she whispers, a little unsure. I lean back against the railing and pull her into me as we silently listen to the party within.
It’s not long before we hear a voice in the distance. “Found her,” Sean calls out to someone behind him and begins to approach. “Ah, sorry guys,” he says hesitantly, clearly not wanting to disrupt anything that could be going on out here.
“It’s fine,” Cass says, stepping out of my arms to face her brother. “What do you need?”
He cringes and glances at me before turning back to Cass. “I was hoping for a favour?”
“Sure,” she says, automatically.
“Well, our first dance is coming up and well… we were hoping you might sing” he asks, cringing once again. Seriously, man. Stop cringing, it’s a simple question, one we all know she would accept with ease.
“I… I don’t know,” Cass replies making my jaw drop as I stare at her. “You know, I haven’t sung in a while.”
What the hell? Cass hasn’t sung in a while? That’s as crazy as me not playing hockey. Singing is a part of who she is, it doesn’t make sense. Sean glances at me once again before turning back to Cass. “It would really mean a lot if you could do it. I know it’s ha
rd but it would mean the world to me and Sara.”
With a sigh, she looks down at her feet and quickly wipes a tear away as my eyebrows furrow before she looks back up at him with a smile, an extremely fake smile at that. “Ok, yeah, sure. No problem.”
“You’re sure?” Sean asks.
“Yeah. I’ll be ok.” She nods, “Now, get lost.”
He gives her a tight, grateful smile before disappearing. “Um… you’re not singing anymore?” I ask, completely stumped by this revelation.
“No,” she sighs. “Not since I left.”
“What the hell, Cass?” I ask alarmed. For as long as I could remember, she wanted to be a singer and musician, though, that was before she discovered she wanted to be a physiotherapist but the singing never stopped, it’s her passion. She used to joke that she might have even loved it more than me, though, I’d always have to pin her down and tickle her until she took it back.
“I just can’t do it,” she responds with a shrug.
“Stop bullshitting me and be straight. Why aren’t you singing?”
She turns back to me. “Because I’m a mess. I sing when I’m happy and I haven’t been happy in a long time.” She explains. “It hurts.”
I’m quiet for a short while as I consider her answer. “You’re still writing though?” I ask, remembering the old notepad I saw sticking out the top of her bag that day in the library.
“Yeah, I’m still doing that,” she admits. “But instead of the sweet, innocent love songs I used to write, it’s… I don’t know, it’s different. Darker.”
With a nod, I let her off the hook and bring an end to her interrogation, knowing I’m somehow going to have to help her through this, I have no idea how I’m going to do it but I know I won’t stop until her heart is no longer hurting. I can’t stand an unhappy Cass. “Come, on,” I say, “We better head back inside.”
“K,” she whispers as we turn and head back to the door. We’re walking back into the room when she stops abruptly before me. I follow her eyeline and notice she is staring at my parents talking with Sara and Sean. “What are they doing?” she asks.
“What else? Social climbing,” I scoff.
We watch as my mother leans in and gives Sara a tight hug and kiss. “I don’t think Sara has any idea who she is,” Cass mentions.
“Probably not,” I groan. “Mum would be telling her what a wonderful wedding it was and how spectacular she looks.”
Cass scoffs, “And Sara would be thanking her for coming, keeping it polite in case they are friends of Sean’s.” she murmurs. “If only she knew.”
Movement catches our eyes and we watch as my dad holds a hand out to Sean who takes it in his own and gives it an extremely firm shake. Once Sean releases his hand it goes straight behind his back, where he shakes it out, clearly in pain but the smile doesn’t fade from his fake face. Cass bursts into giggles at my side and I can’t help but put my arm around her waist.
“Don’t stress, they’ll be leaving soon. They just needed to show their faces at the wedding of the year.”
“They haven’t changed,” she grunts as we head back to the bridal table.
“Never will,” I murmur.
The party kicks up and soon enough the M.C. is announcing the first dance and introducing Cass to the stage. The crowd applaud as they gather around.
Cass nervously adjusts the microphone as Sean and Sara get into position. Her eyes flick to mine and I give her an encouraging smile even though it is selfish, all I want in this moment is to hear that magical voice of hers once again.
The music starts and she belts out the opening lines of ‘At Last’ while Sean and Sara dance and sway to the beautiful song. Her eyes remain locked on mine and I watch as another tear falls from her eyes, reminding me once again that this should have been us.
In that moment, I promise myself that I would do anything for that to be the final tear of the night.
Chapter 13
Cassie
The song comes to an end and I feel absolutely empowered. I still can’t believe my stupid brother and Jax convinced me to do that but either way, I am so glad they did. Singing on a stage again felt amazing and I can’t for the life of me understand how I could possibly have stopped.
Well, I know why I stopped and it was necessary at the time but tonight something feels as though it has clicked back into place, like a piece of my soul has returned to me.
They did give me the hardest song on the planet to sing, not because of the notes or runs but because of the lyrics. My eyes sought out Jax’s as the lyrics poured out of me and in that moment, just the two of us existed.
I look out at the crowd and am humbled to see them all come to their feet and applaud for me, even Sara and Sean turn to face the stage, Sara with a beaming smile while Sean watches me with love in his eyes and mouths a ‘thank you’.
‘You’re welcome,’ I mouth back with a little nod before giving a slight nod to the crowd and making my way off stage.
Wow. I feel like I could be high as the adrenaline rushes through my body. The M.C. invites the rest of the bridal party and the guests to join the bride and groom on the dance floor so I’m hardly back to the table before Jax sweeps me up in his arms and turns me around to head straight back to the dance floor.
A waiter walks by with a tray of champagne and Jax scoops two glasses off and hands one to me. “Enough of the serious bullshit tonight, we’re partying now.”
With a grin, I take the champagne flute and throw it back. “Let’s do this,” I say.
The band is switched for a DJ and the music is turned right up. Drinks are passed around and all the oldies hit the road while us young ones stay to celebrate a great night.
We dance and party the night away and I’m stolen away by an extremely drunk Tom when the M.C asks all the couples to hit the dance floor. ‘Kiss Me’ by Sixpence None the Richer comes on and all the couples around start making out on the floor with a bit of dirty grinding included. I try my hardest to bat Tom away but end up slapping a hand over his mouth to hold him off, though that only has him making out with the palm of my hand while I’m laughing like a fool.
“Do you mind not defiling my little sister,” Logan says as he and Carter finally come to rescue me. They drag Tom away who somehow confesses over the sound of the music, his undying love for me and promises he will be back to rescue me from the torturous clutches of my evil brothers.
With that I find another glass of champagne and search the room for Jax, only to find him attempting to avoid being groped by an older woman who must be looking for a young stud to show her the time of her life. I walk right up to them and drape myself over Jax who instantly puts his arm around me, “Sorry, love,” I say to the lady while roaming my eyes greedily up and down his body. “I think you’ll find this one is taken tonight, besides he needs someone who can keep up.”
Jax looks down at me with lust burning in his eyes before turning his attention back to the lady. “I think you’ll find more luck over there,” he says, pointing out the senior's table. She gasps in outrage before Jax sends her a wink and whisks me off.
I lead him outside and start walking out into the yard. “What are we doing?” he asks with a grin.
“I have an idea,” I tell him.
I start leading him towards the break in the fence between our two properties before he starts to grow weary. “You going to explain this idea anytime soon?”
I turn back to him and give him a charming smile which I know he recognises instantly as sneaky. “I’m getting all our old shit back,” I explain.
“You mean, you’re breaking into my parent’s house?” he clarifies.
“Eh,” I shrug, “tomato/tomato. You in?”
A grin spreads wide over his face as a twinkle appears in his eyes. “Hell, yeah.”
Before he has finished his sentence, I grab him by the hand and rush through the gate. We run around the perimeter of the property trying to keep in the shadows of the trees. We
pass the pool house and sneak in between the two buildings before heading for the back door.
Jax bends down and lifts up an old plant pot and sure enough comes back with a key. “Bingo,” he grins.
He unlocks the back door to his family’s estate and we sneak in as quietly as possible, though, with us both as drunk as skunks, I’m pretty sure we’re heard all over the house, but here’s to hoping.
Jax roams around the house acting like some kind of assassin and I have to bite down on my lip to keep from laughing too loudly. We head up two flights of stairs until we come to the level with his room. We tiptoe across the landing and down the hallway just in case his parents are close and push open his door.
He walks into the room and looks around as if he had never seen the place. I gently close the door behind me and watch him with hooded eyes. My hand moves before I even have a moment to think about what I’m doing. My fingers wrap around the strap of my dress and slowly pull it down.
Jax notices the movement and turns his gaze on me, his knees go weak as he drops to the edge of the bed to watch the show.
I slip my other arm out of the dress and slowly let my silver gown drop to the floor. I step out of the material leaving me in nothing but a pair of panties and my high heels. He looks at me as if he is a man who has been starved for the past three years and who is about to get his first meal. His eyes take in my body as I very slowly strut towards him.
I drop down onto his lap and grab his tie before loosening it from his neck. His hands instinctively wrap around my waist as he allows me to slip the tie over his head. He licks his lips as he watches me with need flaming in his eyes. I climb off him and pull him up in front me before turning him around and tying his hands behind his back. Satisfied he won’t be able to get out of it, I find a chair and push him down into it.
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