Michi rolls her eyes. ‘Okay. Pink then. Though black would look better on stage …’ ‘But what about the “different” part?’ asks Alysha. ‘You mean, what we wear with the top?’
‘Exactly,’ says Michi. ‘Whatever you think works best. We could layer things. A long-sleeved tee under the singlet. A skirt, cut-offs, black jeans, tights …’ ‘I’m wearing my pink skirt with black tights,’ says Alysha quickly.
‘And I’m definitely wearing my black boots,’ says Michi. ‘But apart from that …’ ‘I haven’t got anything to wear,’ I wail.
‘Me neither,’ says Mia. ‘We definitely need to go shopping. Let’s hit the op-shop near the station on Friday night after school. I’ll get Mum to take us there. You know the one, Lexi. It’s where we found all that random ’60s stuff that time. And then we can come back here for our sleepover and try everything on …’
Then she sees the look on my face and stops. ‘Oh, that’s right. I nearly forgot,’ she says, the enthusiasm draining from her voice. ‘You’re going to be busy that night. With Alysha and her friends.’
Alysha and I exchange guilty looks. ‘Yeah, sorry about that, Mia,’ Alysha tells her. ‘But we can always record our song another time, and there’s still plenty of time to rehearse for Starsearch. And Michi seems to know what she’s talking about. I mean, how hard can it be to find black things? You don’t need us all there.’
‘Alysha’s right,’ I jump in. ‘Michi’ll be better with all that fashion stuff than me, Mia. And you can show her how to play “Living in Pink”. It’s not like wasted time or anything.’
I ignore the hurt look on Mia’s face and remind myself how awesome Friday night’s trip to Eastfields is going to be. Make-overs, a movie, junk food. And … the most special thing … the possibility that Jack might be there. Will be there, I tell myself, willing the butterflies doing backflips in my stomach to behave themselves. It’s all going to be heaps better than just another night at Pink HQ, playing the same old music and talking the same old talk. And anyway, it’s not like we’re totally abandoning Mia. Michi will be there. Her new best friend. They can talk about fashion. And other random stuff like that. Mia will be fine. Finer than fine.
I get a funny feeling in my tummy as I think all this, like there’s something not quite right about it. But I push it back down again.
‘You guys’ll do just fine without us,’ I say, doing my best to avoid the wounded look in Mia’s eyes.
Chapter 12
Alysha and I have arranged to meet Paige and Jayde at six o’clock outside Surf’n’Skate. The make-over first at Paige’s place has been ‘cancelled’. Something to do with Paige’s mum being sick, she told Alysha vaguely. I’m disappointed – I wanted to look really hot for Jack – but there’s still plenty of other things to look forward to.
Except maybe the car trip over to Eastfields with my mother. Why does she always have to be so majorly embarrassing in front of my friends? As soon as we pick up Alysha she starts in on me.
Mum: Now, I know I don’t have to remind you, Lexi, the amount of trust your father and I are putting in you here, allowing you to go off with people we haven’t even met.
Me: Hello? Alysha’s right here in the car with you. You’ve met her a million times.
Mum: Yes, but these other girls. What are their names again? Paige and – something green, wasn’t it?
Alysha: [muffled snort]
Me: Paige and Jayde, Mum.
Alysha: With a ‘y’, like Alysha.
Mum: Paige and Jayde. Okay then. Now, tell me again exactly where you’re going to meet me at the end of the movie. I don’t want to have to run around the whole of Eastfields looking for you.
Me [robotic voice]: At the north entrance near the pet shop.
Mum: And you’ve got your mobile phone with you? In case I need to call you for some urgent reason. It’s switched on? The batteries aren’t flat or anything?
Me: Mu-um. Like, I’m going to a movie? I’m going to have to turn it off inside the cinema.
Mum: Well, leave it on vibrate then. You just never know.
Yeah, I’m thinking, Dad might come home early for a change and suggest we all go out for a family dinner at a nice restaurant. That would be an urgent reason.
Me [what I really say]: Yes, Mum. See you later, Mum. Thanks for the lift.
Alysha and I jump out of the car and head for Surf’n’Skate on level two. Paige and Jayde aren’t there when we arrive, but it’s okay. We’re a couple of minutes early.
‘Just don’t do or say anything stupid,’ Alysha keeps reminding me, like I’m a total try-hard or something.
‘Give me a break, Leesh. As if I would!’
It’s late-night shopping and the centre’s packed. Heaps of guys and girls drift around randomly in groups. I recognise some of them from school. A couple of girls from our class wave at us while we’re standing there, our backs against the big shop window, trying to look casual and relaxed. Well, I am, anyway. It’s hard to tell what Alysha’s thinking these days. We stand there in silence, listening to the plastic music blaring out of the speakers.
‘What’s the time?’ Alysha mouths to me.
I check my watch. ‘Twelve minutes past six,’ I say.
Alysha deepens the forced smile on her face, in case anyone’s looking. Her eyes search the crowds endlessly, looking for Paige and Jayde.
Where are they? The same two girls I saw before walk past again. This time, instead of waving, one of them whispers something into the other girl’s ear. Then they both laugh. Are they talking about us? It’s hard to tell.
Finally, after the longest twenty minutes I’ve ever spent in my life, I see Paige and Jayde coming up the escalator, colourful carry bags hooked over their arms. Their heads are close together, like they’re sharing a secret. Probably about us. Both of them are giggling. I point them out to Alysha. She lunges out towards them, her smile amped up to full beam.
‘Hi, Paige! Hi, Jayde!’ she blurts cheerily, ignoring the fact they’ve just kept us waiting for nearly half an hour.
‘There you are,’ says Paige, giving an exaggerated sigh. ‘We’ve been looking everywhere for you.’
‘But –’ Alysha says, confused. ‘You said to meet here, right? Outside Surf’n’Skate?’
‘Hardly,’ Jayde says. ‘Only bogans wear their stuff. We said Surfer Girl, didn’t we, Paige.’
Paige nods, a little smile playing around her lips. She’s wearing glossy lipstick, just like Jayde’s. And a stack of blusher and eye shadow. Looks like the ‘cancelled’ make-over session just got uncancelled. She looks at her watch pointedly. ‘We’ve been waiting ages for you. Everyone else will be wondering where we’ve got to.’
Alysha nibbles her fingernails. Then, avoiding my eyes, she says, ‘I told Lexi it was Surfer Girl, but she insisted we wait here.’
I stare at her, shocked. Liar. The meeting place was definitely Surf’n’Skate. How dare she throw it back on me?
We trail along behind them to the food court. Jayde leads the way to a large table where a group of girls our age or a bit older are already hanging out. The table’s littered with smoothie containers and hamburger cartons.
‘Hi, Jasmina, hi, Hannah.’ Paige and Jayde trade air kisses with their friends, who scoot along the bench to make room for them to sit down. Alysha manages to squeeze in beside Paige, leaving me standing there like a dork. Some friend.
Jasmina turns her big almond eyes towards me, looking me up and down. ‘So, who’s your friend?’ she asks Jayde, giving a little snort. I cross my arms nervously across my chest. What’s wrong? Why is she staring at me like that? Is it what I’m wearing? It took me ages to choose my outfit for tonight. In the end I decided on a hot pink and mauve off-theshoulder top and white pants with pink flowers embroidered on the back pockets. I saw them in a magazine fashion spread last year, and hassled Mum and Dad to get them for me for my birthday. So they must be okay, mustn’t they?
‘Nice … ah … top,’ Jasmina says,
then whispers something to Jayde.
‘Yeah, it’s like so ten minutes ago,’ says Jayde.
They both snigger quietly. I can feel my face getting hot. I try to think of cold things to cool it down again. Ice-cream. Refrigerators. Snowmen. Refrigerated snowmen eating ice-cream. Nothing seems to be working. Instead, the flush spreads down my neck to the rest of my body. My stomach twists itself into knots. Come on Alysha, help me out here.
Then Jayde turns her attention away from me to the two guys who’ve just turned up. I hold my breath. Is Jack with them? No way do I want him to see me looking like a beetroot. But it’s okay. He must be running late too.
‘Hi, Saxon,’ Jayde gushes, flicking her hair. Saxon shrugs off his backpack and squeezes in beside her. So how come they couldn’t make room for me when I wanted to sit down? I look over to Alysha for help but she’s too busy chatting up Saxon’s friend, who’s somehow managed to find a seat on the other side of the table. So I’m left standing there on the outer, twiddling my thumbs, listening in while Saxon and his mate tell everyone how many baskets they expect to shoot in the big match against the Merlins tomorrow.
Alysha must have a short memory. It’s pretty obvious to me that Paige and Jayde are playing with her. She doesn’t seem fazed now though. In fact, she seems to be fitting in just fine. Unlike me, living my own private horror movie. I wonder what Mia and Michi are doing right now? Watching a real horror movie probably, surrounded by comfy cushions, with pillows crammed over their eyes every time a scary bit comes on. Mia’s dad will have brought in a big tray of homemade pizza, and her mum will be making sure everyone’s got enough drinks and snacks, like she always does on Friday nights.
Suddenly, I want to be there. I want to be there so badly it hurts. I turn away quickly before anyone can see the tears welling in my eyes, and wipe them away with the back of my hand.
‘Won’t be a sec,’ I blurt to the back of Alysha’s head. ‘Just need to go somewhere.’ Then I thread my way through the packed tables, trying to find the blue and white toilets sign. I finally locate it, next to the doughnut shop. I hurry in and dab cold water on my face, then pat it off with a rough paper towel. My skin is all red and blotchy. I must look like a freak.
By the time I return from the toilets, everyone’s standing up, gathering their gear together to head into the movie. I trail along behind them up to the cinemas. Above the steady hum and chatter of the shopping centre, Alysha’s silvery voice cuts through me like a knife.
‘Yeah, I know,’ she’s saying to Jasmina. ‘Lexi’s such a try-hard. I mean, look at the way she dresses. It wasn’t my idea she come along tonight – I tried to shake her but she insisted on following me. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again. I’ll make sure she gets the message.’
I don’t hear what Jasmina says in reply because the sound of the blood pumping through my ears blocks it out. Alysha said that? About me? How could she?
Maybe I should just go home? It’s not like anyone’s going to miss me. And then … I see him. Jack. Jack’s turned up after all. He’s sauntering towards us from the ticket counter, looking more like Ryan D’Ario than ever. Stuff Alysha. Jack’s here now to save me. I give my hair a quick run-through with my fingers and dab at my eyes one last time. Quick, I think, what’s a good opening line. ‘Hi, Jack.’ Nah. Too boring. What about ‘Hey,’ like he said to Alysha that time? Or even, ‘Hey, Jack, you’re looking hot tonight.’ Yeah, sure. I’d say that in my dreams.
Maybe I should just quit all the greeting stuff and cut to the chase. Ask him whether he plays guitar or not. And if he’s thinking of going in the Starsearch contest. Wouldn’t that be excellent! We won’t have much time before the movie starts anyway. And then we’ll have something to talk about afterwards. Maybe we can even organise to get together for a jam session sometime! Just him and me. We can talk about our favourite songs and bands, and then maybe he’ll play me a song he wrote, inspired by me, and then he’ll take my hand and he’ll tell me … Yes, that’s it. I’ll start with the question about the guitar. Perfect.
I’m just opening my mouth to form the first word when Jack pushes past me without even saying hello and slips into the queue beside Jasmina. ‘Hey, Jasmina,’ he whispers into her ear, brushing his Ryan D’Ario lips against her cheek.
Oh, no. Oh why did I come? Stupid stupid stupid. Jack’s not interested in me at all! It’s like he just picked up my heart and stomped on it, mashing it into tiny little bits, and the worst part is, he probably doesn’t even know. The doors to the cinema open and I blindly follow the others inside. The inky darkness inside swallows the light, along with my dream of cosy guitar sessions with Jack.
‘Lexi!’
I jump. ‘Whuh?’
Alysha’s beside me, glaring at me through the dim light. ‘Your phone’s ringing.’
‘It is?’ I scrabble through my shoulder bag (pink, to match my top) and extract the offending mobile. The caller display reads ‘MUM’. Oh gee, thanks, Mum. I quickly cancel the call, switch off the phone and drop it into the bottom of my bag again.
I can feel everyone else staring at me now, even if I can’t see them in the dark. Alysha’s giving me frantic signals to sit down. I fall into the nearest seat and try to concentrate on the screen, where endless trailers for upcoming movies are showing. I peer along the row. I can’t be sure, but from here it looks like Jack has his arm around Jasmina’s shoulder. I feel like going outside and calling Mum to come and get me. Right now. But I don’t want her to know what a big fat failure I am.
The movie starts but I can’t take any of it in. All I can think about is how I’m going to face all these people on Monday. Especially Jack. In fact, after tonight, I’m not sure I ever want to see him again.
And then there’s Alysha. My ex-best friend. Why did she invite me along tonight if all she was going to do was dump on me? I feel like telling her to go to hell.
But then I realise I’m already in hell myself. Why would I want her to join me?
Chapter 13
I can’t stand it. Mum and Dad are arguing again. Sharp bitter words that they hurl across the room at each other like arrows. I slink around the edge of the kitchen and into the lounge room, where Jordan’s sitting in a sad little heap in the middle of the floor, cuddling Pushkin.
‘Go and play outside, Jorboy,’ I tell him. I put my hands over my ears to try to block out the sound, but I can still hear them.
I open the lid of the piano and sit down on the bench. My fingers stab down at the keys, playing louder and louder. Scales, my exam piece from last year, crashing chords – anything I can think of to drown out their voices. Pushkin jumps out of Jordan’s arms and runs off to the hallway, and he rushes after her.
The front door slams. I gently close the keyboard and stand at the kitchen door. Mum’s sitting at the table, her head in her hands. Should I go in and comfort her? What do I say? And what if I go in there and she tells me the last thing I want to hear – that my dad’s decided to leave home because of something I’ve done? I know I sometimes get into silly little arguments with Jordan about whose turn it is to watch TV or use the computer. Or when I’m in my room playing music or something and he comes in and bugs me.
I don’t want to hear that. No way. So I quietly let myself out the back door and run up the street to Mia’s instead.
Michi and Mia are in a little huddle in Cushion Land, sorting through piles of clothing. And Alysha’s in her favourite place these days: in front of the mirror, testing out different hairstyles. She nods at me as I come into the room, then goes back to zhoozhing her hair. Things have been pretty frosty between us since last Friday night. In fact I’m surprised she still wants to hang out with ‘try-hards’ like us anymore at all. Guess she likes the thought of all the attention she’s going to get when guys at school find out she’s in a band.
Mia pats the cushion beside her. ‘Hi, Lex. Come and sit down. We’re just going through a few outfit ideas for tomorrow.’
And then I rem
ember. I was supposed to be here half an hour ago. Mia told me about it on the bus this morning. We’re having a run-through of our audition song for the Starsearch competition. It’s the first real chance we’ve had all week. When Alysha first told us about Starsearch, everyone was so excited. But now, after everything that’s happened over this past week, I just hope we’ll be able to pull together enough to do a good job at the audition.
I hang back, biting my lip. I’ve been wanting to talk to Mia all week about what happened at the movies last Friday, but every time I get her to myself, she steers the conversation round to Michi. Michi this. Michi that. It seems Michi is her new bestie these days. They spend heaps of time together, talking about clothes and art. She doesn’t seem to want to know me anymore.
Mia holds up a wispy black top. ‘Isn’t this great?’ she asks me. ‘It belongs to Michi’s mum. She said I can wear it tomorrow.’
‘Great,’ I echo dully. Why is she talking about a stupid top? Can’t she see how upset I am?
Alysha comes over to check it out. ‘This is really cool,’ she says. ‘I wish my mum wore clothes like this.’
‘Dad’s always going off at her for the way she dresses,’ Michi laughs. ‘He likes things to be neat and calm. Nothing like my mum.’
‘Is he strict?’ Alysha asks her.
‘Not so much with me,’ Michi says, grinning. ‘Because I’m a “good” daughter. I practise my violin. I do my homework. But my brother! Phew. He’s always going out of his way to defy Dad. They have these big fights. Sometimes they get really loud. Just as well I’ve got Pink HQ to escape to!’
She sends me a sympathetic smile. ‘It must be hard for you too, Lexi.’
I suddenly freeze. ‘What must be hard?’ I say, a little alarm bell pinging in my head.
‘You know,’ Michi goes on. ‘Having parents that argue all the time. It must be a relief to know you can always come here to get away from all that.’
I stand there, shell-shocked. How could she possibly know about my parents? I’ve never discussed them in front of Michi. In fact, I’ve never told anyone – except for Mia and Alysha that is, and they promised not to tell anyone. It’s too upsetting.
A Year in Girl Hell Page 6
