by Lori Folkman
They were in a department store, in yet another shoe section. It was very, very boring. Ben and Jackson were sitting in some chairs near the clearance rack. Kat was around the corner trying on her fiftieth pair. Jackson entertained himself by counting the girls who checked out Ben. There had been ten in this store alone. And they were checking him out just because he was hot … not because he was Ben Wilder. Although, Jackson did hear one girl say, “OMG, he looks like Ben Wilder.”
Jackson gave Ben a sideways glance. It wasn’t really much of a disguise. He still looked like Ben. But, then again, Jackson knew it was Ben. So he asked—in a whisper, of course, “Does anyone ever recognize you … when you’re going incognito?”
“Um, kind of. I see people pause—like think that they know who I am—but then they always dismiss it with a ‘couldn’t be.’ Why?”
Jackson could see that tiny little crack in Ben’s ego again. Ben had insecurities just like the rest of the population. Maybe it was a fair world after all.
“Because your disguises really suck,” Jackson said bluntly.
“Really?” Ben didn’t sound worried; he sounded ticked. “You got any better ideas?”
“Actually, yeah.” Jackson reached into the little box that was on the shelf next to him. He grabbed one of those nylon footie things and pulled it over his head, robber style. He turned and looked at Ben.
Ben looked like he was taken aback. Like maybe he thought that Jackson was the biggest idiot on the planet. But then he laughed. An all-out, hearty laugh. “Give me one of those,” he said.
Now they looked like the two biggest idiots on the planet. They decided to go find Kat; to see if she’d be impressed with Jackson’s idea.
She might not have been impressed, but at least she was startled. She seriously gasped when they peeked around the corner of the shelf. And then she smacked Jackson on the arm. “Dork,” she said. To Jackson. Not Ben, even though he was being equally as dorky.
But the disguises worked a miracle: Kat was so embarrassed with Ben and Jack’s behavior that she grabbed the box of shoes she was fretting over and decided to buy them. Just so they could get out of the store—even though she said she wasn’t totally in love with the shoes. Man. Jackson wished he would have thought of wearing pantyhose over his head sooner.
He convinced Kat to let him buy the shoes. Well, not with his own money—because he didn’t have any. But with Kat’s. He just wanted to be the one to pay the cashier. And he got Ben to tag along.
The cashier jumped when she turned around to find two “robbers” at her till. But then Jackson held out Kat’s cash and said, “I’d like to buy these shoes please.”
“You can’t wear that. Someone will call security,” the twenty-something cashier said. She sounded all high-and-mighty.
“We have to,” Jackson replied, his voice sounding morose. “Leprosy. These nylons keep our skin from falling off.”
“Leprosy?” the cashier asked. She still sounded snooty. And she wasn’t buying it. “You’re what? Freshmen in high school?”
“No,” Jackson quickly responded, “We can’t go to school. Because of the leprosy. We spend most of our time at the Center for Treatment of Skin Lesions. We’re out on a field trip.”
She looked like she was considering believing him. She wouldn’t touch his money. She left it on the counter while she completed the transaction, and then raked the money across the counter with a stiff cardstock coupon.
But then Ben blew it. He said, “Crud. I think my nose is falling off.” He reached up and pinched his nose and pretended like he was holding it to his face.
The cashier grumbled something about them being “so immature,” as she handed Jackson the receipt. Jackson cringed a little. This was probably the first time that Ben had ever been called immature. But it didn’t seem to bother him. In fact, Ben seemed to be having fun. Jackson could see Ben smiling underneath the nylon covering. Even with Kat rolling her eyes at them.
They went back to the mall’s main corridor, but they shed their disguises. Too many people were staring. They passed a Big and Tall store. It gave Jackson an idea. “Hey Kat, there’s a sale at Bath and Body Works.”
He saw her eyes grow bright. “Give me a couple minutes,” she mumbled, already heading in that direction. “I just need some lotion.”
Chapter Fourteen ……
When they parked at the bowling alley, Jackson instructed Kat to wait on the other side of the Jeep. He and Ben had a “surprise.” Ben pulled out his purchase: an enormous velour sweat-suit. It was made for a guy who weighed 350 pounds. And it was going to fit both Jackson and Ben.
It was harder to get into the pants than Jackson had thought. They both had to get in at the same time, like getting into a potato sack for a race—but with two potato sacks sewn together. Trying to balance was a little difficult. They got the sweatshirt on, and then pulled the hood over both their heads. They looked like a freakish two-headed monster. They were already laughing when they hopped around the side of the Jeep.
Kat didn’t laugh at first—she looked like she was disgusted. And then Ben and Jackson took a few more steps. Each of them had to take turns hopping to make it look like this massive man’s legs were walking in sync. It was rather taxing. But it got Kat laughing. By the time they finally made it the ten feet to where Kat was, she was laughing so hard that she couldn’t stand up right. Jackson had a stitch in his side because he was laughing so hard at Kat laughing at them so hard. Or it could have been hurting from the exertion; hopping like that was dang good exercise.
“You guys are such dorks,” Kat said through fits of laughter.
“Just dorks?” Ben asked. “Not HUGE dorks?”
“Oh-ho. Good one,” Jackson said. That should have been his line.
“Yeah, pretty huge,” Kat said. “I’ve never seen two bigger dorks.”
“Just one. Together we make one big dork.” Jackson said.
“One big dork with two faces,” Kat corrected. “And four feet,” she added once she looked down.
“Hey, nobody’s perfect,” Ben stated. Which was odd, considering how nearly perfect Ben was. Usually. But not at this moment. Jackson had successfully drug Ben down a few levels. Now they were on equally dorky ground. Which was kinda cool.
“You’re not going in there like that, are you?” Kat asked, motioning toward the bowling alley.
“Yeah,” they both responded at the same time. Just like twins would do.
“It’s Ben’s disguise,” Jackson added. “So no one recognizes him.”
Kat’s face went straight. “Seriously? How are you going to bowl … wearing that?”
Jackson could tell that Kat was already feeling embarrassed from the thought of bowling with a man the size of a whale. Oh yeah, they were totally doing this.
Once Ben and Jackson had convinced Kat that they could bowl just fine like this, she said. “Great! It looks like I’ll be winning my first game of bowling.”
Jackson and Ben hobbled into the lobby. “I havta go potty,” Jackson said as he pulled Ben in the direction of the restrooms.
“Good luck with that,” Kat laughed as she walked away.
Ben looked at Jackson oddly. “Really? You have to go … now?”
“No. But come on.” Jackson’s intention was to add padding to their costume. He wanted to make their two bums look like one. One enormous rumpous. It took an entire roll of toilet paper. He used another half a roll stuffing the sleeves, making them look full like the legs. They were looking rather huge. Almost real. There was the two-face problem though.
Jackson had Ben tilt his head to the side and bury his face in the fabric of the hood—so it looked like Jackson was growing hair out of the side of his jaw. It was helpful that Ben was three inches shorter than Jackson, but Ben still complained that it was uncomfortable turning his head like that. “Just do it while we’re paying,” Jackson said. “You look like a goiter. A hairy goiter growing out of my cheek.”
“Aw
esome! I’ve always wanted to be disguised as a goiter!” Ben scoffed.
Kat pursed her lips trying to suppress more giggles when they immerged from the bathroom. But Jackson could see her shoulders shaking. She was going to have to do a better job holding in the giggles if this was going to work.
“You know I can’t see where I’m going, right?” Ben said, his voice muffled from inside the hood.
“I got ya,” Jackson responded. He wasn’t going to let Ben crash. Because that would mean Jackson would go down as well. “We’re in this thing together.”
Jackson shouldn’t have said that. It made both of them laugh. Which made it so hard to jump—which made it look like their enormous man was too drunk to walk.
“Please guys,” Kat had stopped laughing, “Don’t make me go bowling with … Gigantor.” But then she couldn’t hold a straight face. “Jack, you look like your toupee fell of your head and stuck to your cheek.”
“My hair looks like a toupee?” Ben’s muffled voice said.
All three of them were laughing again. They were getting a lot of stares from people passing through the lobby. “Kay, let’s do this,” Kat finally said, clearing the laughter from her throat. “Hang back a little,” she directed when she approached the cashier.
She paid for a bowling game for two. And two pairs of shoes. “Ah, what size … Jack?” she asked over her shoulder.
“Twelve’s,” he replied. “Good thing you brought your own shoes,” he mumbled to Ben. “Or she would have had to rent three pairs of shoes. For only two people.”
Jackson heard Ben gasp. Hopefully no one else heard it, or they would have thought that Gigantor had just sprung a leak out his left ear. “I forgot my shoes in the car.”
Jackson’s legs hurt just from the thought of having to hop back to the car. So they sent Kat, who was less than happy with the errand. Once Kat left the lobby—with Ben’s keys in hand—a thought occurred to Jackson. “You don’t think she’ll leave us, do you?”
Ben laughed, “No.” He sounded perfectly confident. Jackson wished Kat would give him that kind of loyalty.
Gigantor made his way to the lanes. The computer terminal sat at the edge of the lane—with two separate, swiveling chairs. They were too far apart for even Gigantor’s enormous rumpous. Which meant Ben and Jack had to try to fit on just one chair. “This might be harder than we thought,” Ben said.
“No going back now,” Jackson reminded him, “Kat only paid for bowling for two.”
Ben had tipped his head upright, but he kept it near the rear of the hood, so Jackson’s face was the dominant one. He chuckled. “Could you imagine me getting busted … for trying to sneak into a bowling alley? That’d be classic!”
Jackson thought he heard a small amount of concern in Ben’s voice. What would that be like: to have to worry about the world knowing your every action? Jackson knew he’d crumple under the pressure. Most people would. Not Ben. He was bred for that life. And yet here he was having fun, acting as immature as any teenager. Again, Jackson felt envious. How could he ever compete when Ben was around?
Jackson started typing in their names on the score keeper. “Code names,” Ben said. Like Jackson was really going to type in their three names: Jackson, Katrina, and Ben. That would get them mobbed. So Jackson typed in their “screen names.” The ones that Jackson and Ben used when they played video games on-line. Jackson’s was Jackman. Ben’s was Benjareno, a combination of his first and middle-names. After Jackson entered those names in, he typed “Kat” on the third line. Then he realized that their code names weren’t much of a code when they were out in public together.
Ben must have realized it at the same time, because he said, “That’s not going to work.” He started erasing Jackson’s name. In its place, Ben typed “Hugh.”
“Hugh?” Jackson questioned.
“Hugh—Jackman.”
“Oh.” Wolverine. That was cool. But. The names Hugh and Jackman sounded fine together, but Jackson didn’t know that he was real crazy about being called “Hugh.” On its own, it sounded rather nerdy.
Ben erased his code name as well and entered in, “Reno.” Perfect. Even Ben’s code name was cooler than Jackson’s.
Kat finally returned with Ben’s bowling shoes. She peered over their shoulders. “What are you guys doing?” she asked.
“Getting the scoreboard ready,” Jackson said. Like duh, Kat.
“Who am I: Hugh or Reno?”
“What?”
“Two people are playing this game Jack. Not three. Duh.”
Oh. Oops. Jackson needed to get rid of one of those names. Preferably his: the nerdy sounding Hugh.
But Ben laughed and said, “Combine them, like this …” His left hand pecked away rather quickly, making one name for Gigantor: “Hugeareno.”
Awesome. Perfect combination.
“We have to change hers too,” Ben mumbled. In place of Kat, he typed “Kataract.”
“Kataract?” It made sense when he said it out loud. But it was kinda stupid.
“She hates nicknames that are feline related.”
Like duh, Ben. Jackson knew that. “But that’s a stupid code name.” Jackson looked at Kat. Her cheeks were red. Ben’s lips were tight. Jackson snickered. Must be some sort of pet-name Ben had for her. Corn-y. But Jackson tried to cover his tracks, “It’s too close to her real name.” So he erased the first part, and changed the last letter, making it, “Rack.”
“Jackson!” Kat scolded.
“Ouch!” Ben cried. Jackson felt Ben’s body flinch. “Why’d you pinch me?”
“Oh, sorry! I thought you were Jack.”
“Ha,” Jackson laughed. “It hurts, doesn’t it?” And everyone always teased him for being a baby. “She’s a vicious one,” he muttered.
“You better change it,” Ben said. “It’s offensive.”
How could it be offensive? She didn’t even have one. Which was why it was funny. But Jackson erased it anyway. “Any suggestions?” he asked both of them. “I’m thinking it should be Brutus … or Zena or something.”
“Sue,” Ben said matter-of-factly. It wasn’t a suggestion. It was the name Jackson was supposed to type.
“Sue?” Jackson asked as his finger found the letters on the keyboard.
“Curly Sue,” Ben said.
Jackson saw Kat’s eyes flicker with endearment. Those guys were even cheesier than a can of Cheez Whiz. Jackson felt his stomach turn. He hoped he would make it through the entire night without retching.
So Hugeareno and Sue started bowling. Hugeareno got five gutter balls in a row. That’s because Jackson was on the right side. As if he didn’t have a hard enough time bowling on his own, now he was required to use only his right arm and Ben’s left arm. And he was supposed to bowl off-center, so that it looked like Hugeareno was centered in the lane. Not working.
“Let me try,” Ben said. He tossed the ball with his left hand. He at least clipped one pin, but it still wasn’t the success they needed catch up with Kat. “We need to switch sides.”
The thought of hopping all the way back to the bathroom made Jackson pant. He had a hard enough time hopping up to the lane each time it was their turn. “Let’s do it here,” he suggested. It wasn’t like they were fooling people with their suit anyway. People were laughing at them. Jackson knew they looked as stupid as the old trench coat trick—the one where one boy rode on the other’s shoulders, trying to look like a grown man.
Ben and Jackson sat down on the bench behind the computer terminal. Pants off, jacket off. Switch sides. Pants back on. Jacket on. Hood over head. It went really well sitting down. They should have tried that the first time. But they had strands of t.p. hanging out all over. They were busy getting their stuffing back in place when Kat came back from bowling a spare. Jackson mumbled to Ben, “Look, over there ….” Hugeareno turned his head away from Kat. “I don’t think she saw us switch,” he whispered. Jackson pulled on the hood, shielding both their faces from her view.
>
Kat slid in next to him. He scooted closer, put his arm around her and gave her shoulder a squeeze. Then he nudged Ben. Ben spoke up in this husky, whisper-type voice. “No one has recognized me. This is almost as good as being alone … with you.”
Jackson had to keep his mouth clamped shut so he didn’t laugh. He got what Ben was saying, and he wasn’t a girl with a huge crush on His-Suaveness.
Kat turned her head toward Hugeareno. Jackson puckered up, sticking his head out of the hood. Kat gasped, “Jackson!” and simultaneously stomped her foot on his. And then she elbowed him in the ribs for good measure.
“Ouch!” Jackson doubled over in pain. He heard a rip.
“Crap, Jack!” Ben laughed, “You ripped our shirt.”
“You are the biggest, fattest dork ever,” Kat sneered.
“Hey, I’m not working alone here,” Jackson said.
“Well …” Kat began.
But they were interrupted by an angry bowling alley manager. “You kids need to hurry and finish your game and get your circus show out of here. You’re disturbing my customers.”
The man tapped his hand on the plastic bench, making this hollow thud. Like he was trying to be intimidating. The guy had smoked half his body weight away. How threatening was a sixty-year-old skeleton?
“We were just leaving anyway,” Jackson called out as the man turned to walk away. “I’m hungry. Let’s go get a pizza. And a bucket of chicken. And a box of moon pies. And a …”
……
This is Juliet Hamblin with your Hollywood Weekend Watch. What to watch for this weekend? This girl: Katrina Hayes. Yep, she’s the beautiful lead dancer from the “Generations” video. She’s been busy lately: out with lots of different guys. Let’s see if we can keep track. Here she is with a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Next: a guy with dirty blonde hair and sunglasses. Next: ball cap guy. I can’t really tell the color of his eyes from this picture. Brown maybe. Next: guy with a stocking cap and definitely brown eyes.
