by V. L. Dreyer
"Should?" I repeated, shooting a nervous glance at her. "These are our kids we're talking about. 'Should' isn't really good enough."
"There's no way to be sure until we've had a chance to test it," she replied. "No science is ever a hundred percent guaranteed. Nothing is perfect. But we're only going to use dead viruses, so at least the subject can't get infected from that. The worst that can happen is that their immune system won't kick in, in which case you give them a booster shot of the immunoglobulin and keep trying."
The look on my face must have been pretty intense; I felt Simon touch my arm to comfort me. I took a deep breath and nodded, burying my fear through sheer force of will. Even if there was a small chance that my baby might not be born immune, this still gave us a way to save her. She might have to be on regular injections for the rest of her life, that was still a life. That was more of a chance than so many of us had before.
Madelyde rounded a corner, and entered a small laboratory, one of the many in the sprawling underground labyrinth. She looked around for a second, then went over to a desk and sat down – or tried to, but she wasn't quite tall enough to reach the chair.
"Man, I used to be six-four. Now I feel short," she said, shooting a look at me. "Lift me up?"
I obliged. Once she was settled, she pushed the power button on the computer, and we waited several painful minutes to see if it would boot. While we were waiting, Gavin stuck his head through the doorway.
"It's not going to start," he said. "The CMOS battery will be long dead." He looked at me and raised an eyebrow. "Did I teach you nothing, young padawan?"
I laughed and shrugged. "We never talked about computers, old man. You just taught me important survival stuff, remember?"
"Oh, right." He grinned at me and winked, though it looked a little odd with his milky-white eye. "Anyway, I can take care of this. Unplug the machine and we'll take it back with us."
"Sounds good," I agreed, then I looked at Madelyde. "Is there anything else we should take?"
"Um…" she looked around thoughtfully, then pointed at a small stack of notebooks on a bookshelf nearby. "Those. You probably won't need them, but take them anyway. Those are all my hand-written lab notes. And you should probably take the network server, too. It'll have backups of everyone else's research on it."
I nodded and gestured to her. "Okay. I'm feeling a bit light-headed and need to sit down for a minute. Can you please show Gavin where it is?"
"Sure," Madelyde agreed. She jumped out of her chair and scampered off, with Gavin right behind her.
Once they were gone, I took another long, deep breath and sat down in the chair that she'd just vacated. Whether it was the hormones, the excitement, or just the unfamiliar chill of air conditioning, I wasn't feeling my best. Simon put his hand on my shoulder, and looked at me in obvious concern.
"You okay, Sandrine?" he asked gently. "Can I get you some water or something?"
"No, no, I'm fine," I said, shaking my head. "I just need to sit for a second."
He nodded understandingly, then he pulled another chair over and sat down beside me. "Well, I've been wanting a second to talk to you alone, anyway. No time like the present, I guess."
"Oh?" I looked at him and raised a brow. "Is something wrong?"
"No, not wrong," he said, smiling. He reached over and took my hand, then looked me in the eye. "There's something I've been wanting to say to you since the moment we met, but I wasn't sure if you felt the same way. I think I've finally figured it out."
I just looked at him, bewildered.
"I've been alone for so long," he admitted, running his thumb across the back of my hand. It was a gesture that was tender and intimate, and it immediately set off warning bells in the back of my head – but not soon enough. Before I quite realised what was happening, he leaned in and kissed me.
I froze, shocked by the totally unexpected gesture of affection. Sure, I'd had a crush on him for years, but I'd never, ever imagined that the attraction would be mutual. I was stunned, so stunned that it took a few seconds before the part of me that was totally in love with Michael screeched like a horrified banshee. All of a sudden my body was back under my control, and it was not impressed. I shoved Simon away and leapt to my feet, glaring at him. "What the hell?! I'm a married woman, Simon!"
His eyes flew wide, and a look of absolute horror crossed his face. "But… I thought you were flirting with me! You've been giving me all of the signals! I thought you wanted a threesome relationship, like your sister has. I—"
"No!" I cried, covering my face with my hands. "No, no, no! I wasn't flirting, I was just being nice! I'm nice to everyone!"
"Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" he gasped, slumping forward and burying his face in his hands. "I misunderstood. I thought—"
Suddenly, Aaron raced into the room. "Sandy! What's going on?"
I nearly jumped out of my skin. "What? Nothing! Nothing's going on!"
"Well, something must be going on," he replied, "because Michael went off looking for you a minute ago, then he came tearing back through the lobby looking bloody furious. I've never seen him that angry. He went right up the elevator without a word to any of us. Did you two have a fight or something?"
"Oh, no," I gasped. "He must have seen… Oh no, no, no."
I didn't even try to explain. I just brushed past Aaron and ran off, racing back towards the elevator. There, I found the rest of our party standing around looking bewildered. Mary waved and called out to me, but I couldn't hear her. The only thing on my mind was Michael… and saving my short-lived marriage from a misunderstanding of epic proportions. The elevator pinged open a second later; Maddy had left it unlocked, just as she'd promised. I pushed the button for the ground floor, and then slammed my hand against the button to close the doors and kept pushing it frantically as if that would somehow make it work better. It didn't, but at least it gave me something to do with my hands.
Thirty seconds later, I was back on the ground floor of the research facility, my heart hammering in my chest.
"Michael!" I cried, cupping my hands around my mouth. "Please, it's not what it looked like!"
There was no answer. Tears gathered in my eyes, blurring my vision. I could survive a plague, fight a mutant, and wrestle a goddamn undead pig if I needed to, but the thought of living without Michael was more than I could bear. I took off running, with no idea where I was going or how I’d find him. The logical guess was that he was running away from what he'd seen, which meant that he was probably heading back towards the horses.
My head swam and tears ran down my cheeks, making it harder and harder to see where I was going. I rounded a corner too fast, slipped, and slid into a wall, only to bounce back off again and keep running without falling. By the time I burst out of the front door, I was a mess. I felt it, and I really must have looked it.
All the horses were exactly where we’d left them. I was still staring at them, struggling to make sense of what I was seeing, when a voice spoke from the shadows of the eaves a few meters to my left.
“I trusted you,” Michael said softly. I jumped in surprise and looked at him; he was sitting on the ground with his back against the wall, arms wrapped around his legs, his face set in an unreadable mask.
“Michael,” I whispered. I hurried to his side and knelt down beside him, but when I tried to take his hand he pulled it away.
“I don’t even know how to be mad at you,” he said in a tone that wasn’t angry so much as bewildered. “I never thought that I’d have to be. Why would you do this?”
“I didn’t, honey,” I replied, shaking my head. “I swear to you, I’d never betray you. You’re the only man I’ve ever truly loved. I’d never throw that love away.”
“I saw you kissing Simon,” he replied, his tone harsh and accusative for the span of the sentence, and then it turned soft again. “How is that not what it looks like?”
“Because that was a stupid misunderstanding,” I replied, reaching for his hand again. This
time, he let me take it. I pressed a kiss to his knuckles, then looked him in the eye. “Simon thought that I’d been flirting with him, and that I wanted to have a three-way relationship with him and you.”
A flicker of understanding passed through his dark eyes. “He… what? You’ve told me again and again that you’re afraid of that kind of relationship.”
“I am,” I replied with a shrug. “But I guess we’re not close enough for him to know that. I’ve never deliberately flirted with him or anyone else, except for you – and you know how bad I am at flirting.”
“You’re not that bad,” he replied, a faint smile tugging the corner of his lips. "Is he going to be sporting a hell of a shiner tomorrow?"
"Nah, I reserve my love-taps for you," I replied, as light-heartedly as I could in the moment. "But… seriously though, he caught me completely by surprise. I just froze. I've gotten out of the habit of automatically punching anyone who tries to touch me, you know? And I do like Simon, just… not like that. I couldn't be like that with anyone but you. You're the only one to earn the privilege."
Michael took a deep breath, and I could see him visibly relaxing. “I should have known better than to assume the worst.”
“I can’t blame you for doing so,” I replied. “I mean, it must have looked pretty bad. But… honey, there’s something I need to tell you. I’ve been putting it off for a while now because I wanted to make sure that it wasn’t going to break your heart. I was going to tell you tonight, but I think if I tell you now it’ll help you understand how I feel about you.”
“Break my heart?” he echoed, confusion crossing his face. “What are you talking about, Sandy?”
“I’m talking about this, you big doofus,” I replied, guiding his hand to rest on my stomach. He glanced down at it, and I saw a plethora of emotions cross his face in the span of a few seconds.
“Wait, what?” he asked, looking bewildered. “Are you saying…?”
“I’m saying that we’re going to have a baby,” I replied. “She’s due in about five months. I didn’t want to tell you until I made it through the first trimester, in case I lost her. You lost Sophie not even a year ago, and then we both had to watch Skye lose her baby. I knew how much you wanted a child, and I knew it would kill you if I miscarried. Doc said there was a good chance I could lose this one in the first trimester, not just because of the malnutrition thing but because..." I glanced away and swallowed hard. "I've had miscarriages before… after… you know."
“Oh, Sandy,” he whispered. I felt his arms close around me, and suddenly I was being hugged. “You should have told me, but I understand why you didn’t.”
I sniffed and rubbed my eye, brushing away a few tears that were trying to break free. "I know. I just didn't want to make you suffer. You've already lost enough. It’s been hard enough watching you grieve for Sophie; I’m not sure I could bear watching you grieve for our baby, too."
“You won’t have to,” he said, his voice suddenly taking on that tone of total determination I knew so well. “We’re going to get through this together, you and me. Nothing is going to happen to the baby on my watch.” I heard him laugh, then suddenly his grip around me tightened to the point that I could barely breathe. A few seconds later, he leaned back and looked at me, grinning like a madman. “A baby! I can’t believe it! You know I’m going to have to tease you mercilessly for not telling me straight away, right?”
“Oh, I fully expect you to,” I answered dryly. “And I deserve it, so it’s all good. A few other people already know, but not many. Maddy was the one who told me, and Doc’s confirmed the diagnosis. Gavin knows because I asked him to make sure you were okay, and Skye and Anahera know because they figured it out last night. Apparently I’ve been gaining weight or something.”
“You have,” Michael replied, giving me a playful tickle. “I just assumed you were eating more than usual to make yourself extra cuddly for me. I didn’t know you were eating for two.”
I squeaked and shoved his hand away. “Hey, no tickling! Bladder is weak right now!”
“Sorry, I just can’t help i—” he started to say, then suddenly he went stiff in my arms. "Wait… if you've known about the baby for months, is that the only reason you wanted to marry me?"
"Oh, hell no," I replied, with an appropriately sassy gesture. "I married you because I want to claim ownership over you 'til death do us part’. I couldn't care less if our baby was born out of wedlock. I wanted to marry you because you're my Officer Sexy, and I love you." I gave him a cheeky grin, and draped my arms around his neck. "Well, that and the fact I wanted to see you in uniform again."
Michael laughed and I felt him relax again. "Well, if that's what you wanted, all you had to do was ask."
Chapter Sixteen
The building’s eaves offered little protection from the elements, so we were both sopping wet by the time we finally finished making peace and returned to the facility, but the look on Michael's face more than made up for the discomfort. His couldn’t stop grinning, and I was so relieved to have the burden of secrecy off my chest that I found myself laughing over the most ridiculous things – like the looks on people's faces when the elevator doors opened, and we stepped out. I took one look at the worried faces of my friends, then dissolved into a fit of childlike giggles. Michael grinned even wider and held his hands up to get everyone's attention. "Don't worry, guys! Everything is fine! We had a misunderstanding but it's all sorted now, and we have some really awesome news." He glanced at me and raised an eyebrow. "Do you want to tell them, or shall I?"
"You do it," I said, still struggling to get my laughter back under control.
Gavin looked at me and raised an eyebrow, but he didn't say anything. Michael wrapped an arm around me and pulled me up against his side, then gently rested a hand on my belly. "Everyone, I am thrilled to announce that we are officially pregnant!"
A ripple of surprise passed through the gathered people, then Mary nudged her father in the side and cheered for us. Soon, everyone else joined in – everyone except Simon, who just looked even more embarrassed.
"And about bloody time," Gavin said, breathing a huge sigh of relief. He looked at me again, and gave me a very pointed scowl. "I'm not spying for you again, little miss. That was way too stressful."
"Speaking of which, you and I are going to have words about this later," Michael told him, in a tone of mock anger. "Come on, man! What happened to the bro-code?"
“I’m pretty sure that’s not actually a thing,” Gavin answered dryly. “And have words with your wife, it was her doing.”
Michael laughed and gave me a squeeze. "Oh don’t worry, we’re going to be having plenty of words. Though now that I think about it, I was wondering why you were following me around like a lost puppy."
"I was not!” Gavin scoffed. “I just made excuses every now and then to strike up a conversation. Besides, I think that was secretly her plan all along. She wanted us to spend more time together so that your sense of humour would rub off on me."
"Guilty as charged," I said brightly. Then, I suddenly realised someone was missing and my amusement faded. "Hey, where's Simon? He was here a second ago."
The group glanced around, then exchanged looks and shrugs. I sighed and nodded.
"Honey, I need to go talk to him," I said to Michael. "He's still our friend, after all. He made a dumb mistake, but we can work through it and save our friendship. Can you and the others work with Madelyde to finish gathering up everything we need to take back home?"
"Sure, you just worry about Simon," he started to reply, then paused and looked at me quizzically. "Wait… when did we start calling her Madelyde?"
"Oh, uh, we didn't," I replied, embarrassed. "I've been calling her that inside my head since she got possessed, and it just kinda… came out."
"Ahh." Michael nodded understandingly and gave me a silly grin. "Just your inner monologue showing again. Gotcha. Off you go, talk to Simon. We'll be here when you get back."
&
nbsp; He gave me a gentle shove in the direction of the airlock, just enough to get me moving. I caught myself easily and jogged past my friends, who reached out to pat me on the back and offer congratulations as I passed. By the time I was safely around the corner, I could feel myself blushing.
I wasn't sure how to feel about everyone knowing that I was knocked up. In some ways, it was kind of cool. In others, it was embarrassing as hell. I was doing my duty as one of the last women alive by propagating my species, but I still had conflicting feelings about that duty. It was all up to me and the thirty-two other women who had made their home in Tumanako. It was our duty to bear the next generation. It was an honour, but also a burden. In some ways it felt like my right to choose had vanished along with civilization, but in other ways I felt like I would have made the choice – or sacrifice, depending on how I looked at it – willingly in the end.
Without the miracles of modern medicine, carrying a child had become a huge risk again, just as it had been for our ancestors. But I was a Kiwi woman, the latest in a long line of pioneering women. Barely more than a hundred years before the plague, New Zealand had been a wilderness. Now she was a wilderness again, and I was going to help create a whole new type of pioneer.
I laughed and shook my head. Anahera's whole goddess earth mama vibe was starting to rub off on me, just like I'd hoped it would.
A few seconds later, I heard the sound of footsteps. I crept up to the corner and peered around it. Sure enough, there was Simon pacing back and forth, his expression so miserable that I immediately felt sorry for him. I took a deep breath to steel myself, then I stepped into his line of sight and waved. "Uh, hey."
"Oh, hey," he replied. He turned his back to me and hung his head. "I'm sorry. I feel like such an idiot. I guess I've completely lost my knack for reading people."
"It's okay, mate," I said, touching his shoulder. "It was an honest mistake, and an innocent one. Under different circumstances, I might have been flattered, or even reciprocated your interest. I had a celebrity crush on you for ages, you know?"
