by V. L. Dreyer
Chapter Eighteen
By the time Solomon finished telling the gruesome tale of his torture and mutilation, there were tears running down my cheeks and I had my hands clamped firmly over Priya's ears. She had been through enough; I didn't want her to have to think about that kind of pain. It made me sick to my stomach, and if I'd eaten breakfast then I might have lost it. Even Owen looked a little green around the gills.
Skye didn't stop there, though. She called Charu to the stand next, and he came willingly for the same reason as Solomon. Part of me was grateful that they were so willing to help me, but a bigger part was just horrified by what they'd gone through. The emotional onslaught didn't stop with Charu, though. Once he was done, Skye called Isabelle to the stand.
Like the others, Isabelle came willingly, but she was obviously feeling miserable. The only person she'd look at was me, as if looking at me and thinking about how she was helping me kept her focused on what she wanted to do. Hearing her story was too much for me, it struck too close to the bone. I pleaded for a momentary respite to collect myself, and Johan permitted it. Anahera took me by the shoulders and led me out, just as Skye was calling Michael to the stand.
We managed to make it to the ladies room before I broke down and wept as if my heart was breaking. Anahera just hugged me and held me silently, letting me vent my grief on her shoulder like the mother I'd lost ten years ago. That was all I could ask from anyone, even when I didn't have the words to express how much I needed it.
Eventually, my tears ran dry. Anahera helped me over to the sink so that I could wash my face, then she led me back to the dining room where the trial had continued without us. Michael's testimony was over and he'd been released back to his seat. Skylar called Priya's name. She promptly panicked and looked around for me. It wasn't until she saw that I was on my way back that she relaxed again. I gave her a quick, reassuring hug and sent her up to give her testimony.
I barely heard a word she said. I was feeling so drained, both physically and emotionally, that I planted my face in the side of Michael's neck and stayed there. Owen barely had any questions for her, and now when he asked them he was subdued. No more doublespeak, no more trying to catch us in lies or twist our words to make us sound guilty. The time for that was long past; now, he looked as exhausted as I felt. The only person who seemed to have any energy left was Bobby, who was still glaring at me in spite of everything.
Once Priya had been sent back to her seat, Johan looked at Owen and Skylar. "It seems like we're just about done here, unless any of you have any other witnesses you'd like to call?"
"Nope, I think we've made our case," Skye said. Everyone looked at Owen, but he just shook his head.
"All right, well I think the verdict is fairly obvious," Johan said. He glanced around for a second and shrugged sheepishly. "I feel like I should bang a gavel or something, but I don't have one. It's obvious to me that Sandrine was just doing what she had to do to protect the people she cares about, and that she made every reasonable attempt to salvage the situation. I find her not guilty of the charge of murder. If anyone believes I have made the wrong decision, please raise your hand."
We all looked at the gathered crowd expectantly. Not a single hand rose. I let out a deep breath I hadn't even realised I'd been holding until that moment, and managed a weak smile.
Before I could say anything, Bobby rocketed out of his chair, red-faced and shouting. "What?! That's it? She killed him, and you're just going to let her get away with it? That's bullshit! You bitch! I'll kill you, you stupid bitch!"
Gasps of shock and horror echoed through the crowd as Bobby vaulted right over the table and rushed at me, slipping through the fingers of his gang-mates when they tried to hold him back. Ryan grabbed me and pulled me away, while Michael and the guards on duty rushed in to try and subdue him.
He was strong, though. That growth spurt had packed muscle on him, and I could see the other men struggling to hold him back. Ryan tugged my arm and pulled me towards the door, but I resisted him. Too many people I loved were in that room for me to just run away. I wanted to help. I wanted to fight! There were so many bodies everywhere that I could barely make out what was happening – but I definitely heard the scream.
"Look out! He's got a gun! He's got a gun!"
The world seemed to slow down in that instant, and everything came into perfect focus. I saw Michael lose his balance and fall to the ground, giving Bobby the moment of opportunity he needed to lift that gun and point it straight at me.
A body flew into me just at the moment the gunshot rang out, bowling me right off my feet. I hit the ground so hard that it left me momentarily stunned. By the time I'd regained my wits enough to shove myself up, Bobby had vanished beneath a mound of angry bodies.
Unfortunately, his single shot was enough to turn my world upside-down.
"Ryan!" Skylar gasped, rushing past me. "No, no, no, oh God, hold on!"
She dropped to her knees beside him, frantically trying to staunch the blood pumping from his chest. Doctor Cross flung himself down beside her a second later and joined in the efforts, but the wound was too deep. I could see the blood around the wound frothing and bubbling as air escaped from his lungs with every breath.
"Skye?" he whispered, groping for her hand. His skin was already turning pale from shock, paler than I'd ever seen it before.
"I'm here, Ryan," she said, grabbing his hand in both of hers and holding it to her chest. "Just stay with me. Doc will take care of you."
He tried to answer, but all that came out was a sick gurgling. Skye leaned in close to listen, but I couldn't make out what he was saying from afar. I could see her nodding as she listened to him struggling to speak. People gathered around me, whispering and staring, and I shared the sense of disbelief running through the mob.
"This wasn't supposed to happen," Owen said. I hadn't noticed him come up beside me, and part of me was too deeply in shock to understand what he was saying. I glanced at him and saw the same kind of utter stupefaction on his face. "No one was supposed to get hurt. We just wanted to see what was going on here, and get Bobby justice. This… this wasn't supposed to happen."
"Well, it did," I replied, my words coming out much harsher than I intended. The sound of my own hoarse voice stirred me out of my daze. There was nothing I could do for Ryan now, and he was in the most capable hands we had. In the meantime, there was a situation that needed to be addressed. "Where's Bobby?"
"Unconscious, I think," Owen replied. I looked around, but all I could see was a crowd of faces watching on with concern. At the back of the crowd, I spotted Rebecca and Aaron trying to get through; Bobby was forgotten for the moment, in favour of getting Ryan the medical care that he needed.
"Make way!" I shouted, putting as much force behind my words as I could. "Let them through! Make a hole, people!"
Whether it was my tone of voice or the expression on my face, people moved enough for the two nurses to get through. By the time they reached him, Ryan had lapsed into unconsciousness. Skylar knelt on the floor, just staring into space while the doctor and nurses picked Ryan up and raced him off to the infirmary.
I went to my sister's side and put my arms around her. It was the only thing I could do for her now. Skye hugged me and buried her face in the side of my neck, silent and shivering. Everyone around us fell silent, and when I glanced up I could see them exchanging uncertain looks.
Suddenly, someone shoved through from the back of the crowd, and I heard a familiar deep, husky voice ordering people out of the way. A few seconds later, Michael burst through, his expression frantic. He rushed over to us and wrapped both of us up in a hug. Skye barely seemed to notice, but I was grateful for it.
"What happened to Bobby?" I asked him over my sister's head. "Owen said he was unconscious?"
"He got knocked out in the scramble," Michael replied. "I had my boys move him to one of the spare rooms and lock him up. We can deal with him later. Ryan…?"
"They took h
im to the infirmary," I said quietly. "We don't know yet, but…"
"It's an unsurvivable wound," Skye said, her voice laced with a mixture of bitterness and regret. "If he's not dead yet, then he will be soon." She laughed, but there was no humour in it. "He knew it. He was trying to say goodbye, but he couldn’t speak properly."
I sighed heavily and tightened my grip on her. "I'm so sorry, Skye. After everything you two have been through together… it just isn't fair."
"Life isn't fair," she replied. This time, her voice lost its bitter edge and just sounded exhausted, far more exhausted than any eighteen-year-old had a right to be. "He made a choice, and he chose to save you."
"He didn't just save me, though," I said. "He saved my baby, too. He saved my family. He must have known the risk, but he made that choice anyway." I glanced up and made eye contact with Michael. "At least now we know what to name the baby."
"Actually, I might have to fight you for that," Skylar said. "I think I'm pregnant again. I'm late. Just a few days, but… if I am, it might be his, or it might be Hemi's. I guess I won't know until after it's born."
I felt tears gather in my eyes, and this time I made no attempt to hide them. "Dammit, little sis. When I said that we needed to repopulate the earth, I didn't mean that we had to do it personally."
Skye managed another humourless laugh and wriggled out of our three-way embrace. "I want to… I want to go wait with him. Even if he's not awake. I need to say goodbye."
"Do you want me to come with you?" I asked.
She shook her head. "No. I just need some space, please. I know where you are if I need you."
Part of me screamed in protest about leaving her alone at a time like this, but she'd proven time and again that she was mature enough to cope with far more than I knew how to give her credit for. I was learning, though. I was learning not just how to be there for her when she needed me, but how to take a step back and not pressure her when she needed space. That was a hard lesson for me when all of my instincts told me to wrap her up in cotton wool and protect her from the world.
"Can we at least walk you to the infirmary?" I asked, reaching out to touch her hand. Skye just nodded and threaded her fingers through mine, letting me offer her what comfort I could from physical contact.
The crowd parted in front of us as we walked out of the dining hall, with Michael a step behind us. The infirmary was so close that it was a symbolic gesture more than anything else, but Skye seemed to appreciate it. When we got there, we found Hemi waiting outside the door. He took Skylar’s elbow and guided her inside, leaving the rest of us out in the hall.
I looked at Michael, but he had no advice or guidance for me today. None of us had known Ryan for more than a year except for Skye, but he'd touched so many of our lives. I took Michael's hand and sat down on the floor. The least we could do was sit out the death watch in his honour.
Chapter Nineteen
People came and went over the course of the next few hours, but Michael and I stayed. Maddy came to join us, carrying Tigger in her arms. The kitten – now a young-adult – pranced back and forth across our laps, then curled up and went to sleep on my thigh. I stroked her for a while, but there were no words to make my churning gut feel any better today.
Slowly but surely, other people came to join the watch. Priya brought Alfred up, though the old sheepdog had no idea what was going on. He lay down beside Michael and went straight back to sleep, while Priya sat down in front of us and stared into space. Elly, Zain, and their older boys sat on the floor not far away, and Richard and Jim sat across from them. Anahera and the rest of the Waikato Iwi arrived one by one, and then other citizens started to join us as well. Eventually, the hall was packed with people.
I couldn't look at them. Seeing so many people gathered around just made it all seem more real, and I couldn't bring myself to accept the reality of his impending death just yet. I knew that the doctor would do everything in his power to save Ryan’s life, but we weren’t equipped to treat gunshot wounds, let alone collapsed lungs. My gut told me his death was inevitable, and that was so tragic that it made my mind scream and thrash in rebellion. Too many young people had died. Far too many. Sophie, Dog, Kylie, and now Ryan – they'd barely had a chance to live. It wasn't fair for them to have to die. Netty had broken my heart, but at least she'd lived a full life and gone to her grave on her own terms.
Another friend, gone forever in the blink of an eye.
"This is the last one," I said softly, as much to myself as anyone else. "We can't lose anyone else before their time. We just can't. It's wrong. He's the last one. For his sake, this cannot happen again."
Michael touched my shoulder, a simple gesture that told me he understood, then he rose to his feet. "I'll be back in a minute. I'm going to go get something."
I nodded dumbly, my head a million miles away and busy replaying the collection of moments that Ryan and I had shared together. Our joy over their baby, then despair. The moments when we'd sighed together over Skye's stubborn nature and swapped loving jokes at her expense. In a few minutes, those memories were going to be the only thing I had left of my friend.
I was still brooding when Michael returned and sat beside me, carrying his violin in its case.
"My parents taught me that the dying can still hear, and sometimes music can ease their passing," he explained as he set the case on the ground at his feet.
I just nodded again, closed my eyes, and leaned back against the wall to listen. While I might not share his beliefs, I accepted them for what they were and was happy to let him do what he wanted to do. If there was even the slightest chance that it would help, then it was worth it. More people joined us as Michael played, squeezing into whatever gap they could find in that narrow hallway. It was hard to judge the passage of time without watches or windows, but it didn't really matter anyway. We would wait as long as it took, for the sake of our friend.
Just as I was thinking that, Madeline reached out and touched my hand, then Michael's. The violin fell silent.
"We need to go in now," she said. "It's time."
"Time for what?" I whispered.
"Time to say goodbye," she replied simply. The little girl rose and beckoned for us to follow her, then led the way into the infirmary. Nobody seemed surprised by our arrival, not anymore. Madeline's gift had seen to that. Skye was sitting beside Ryan's bed, her face drawn and red, but no tears shone in her eyes. Doctor Cross and the nurses were covered in his blood from their efforts to save him, but now they’d given up and just stood in a huddle nearby, their expressions utterly devoid of hope.
I went straight to Skylar's side and put my arms around her without being asked. She looked up at me, her face unreadable.
"I can't cry," she told me. "I should, but... I feel like I've already said goodbye to him. I don't know how to do it again. Ever since he told me that he tried to kill himself, I knew we were living on borrowed time. I knew it wouldn't be long until we were saying goodbye for the last time. The man who came back after Kylie's death was never my Ryan, the happy-go-lucky kid with the ready laugh and the shy eyes. I buried my Ryan when I buried our daughter. I still love him, and I'll always love him, but… now all I feel is relief. Every minute of our lives is pain and struggle. He's played his part, and now he doesn't have to suffer any longer. He's finally free of the misery, the fear, and the dread, and who knows? Maybe he's gone to be with Kylie and our parents. He's at peace. It's the rest of us I'm worried about."
I looked at Ryan, struggling to process her words but I couldn't. I just stared and stared, and all I could think was that I'd never seen his freckles stand out so much. The rosy glow of life was already fading away, leaving his skin pale and translucent. It was a miserable thing to see. He was far, far too young to die. I felt a small hand touch my back, and then I heard Madeline's voice.
"He wants me to tell you not to worry about him, Miss Sandy," she said, her voice soft and serious. "He always knew he'd give his life to save a McDe
rmott someday, and you've been a good friend to him. He says to make the most of it, and to remember every day as his last gift."
A shiver ran down my spine, much as it did every time she spoke for the dead and dying. I closed my eyes and nodded. "Thank you. Please tell him that I appreciate it. My baby appreciates it. We'll never forget him."
"He says that he already knows that," she replied, then she looked at Michael. "He wants you to know that he's not angry at you. He knows why you treated him the way you did, and he gets it. He says that he’s always respected you, and he wishes fate had given him the time to earn your friendship back. He wants you to promise to take care of his girls for him."
Michael drew a deep breath and nodded sharply. "I promise, and… thank you. Please tell him that I forgive him. I made a mistake by treating him the way I did, because I didn’t understand his choices until it was too late. But when it came time to make the most important choice of all, he made exactly the same one that I hope I would have been strong enough to make. I'll remember him as a brother and a friend."
"That made him happy," Maddy said with a smile and a nod, then she turned to Skylar at last. "Miss Skye… he wants me to tell you that you made his life worth living, and that you were his first and only love. You were his hopes and dreams, and he'll be waiting for you when it's your time – which he hopes will not be for a long time."
I looked up just in time to see a smile cross Skylar's face. Finally, tears welled up in her eyes. She reached out and took Ryan's pale hand, pressing it to her cheek.
"You silly boy," she whispered. "I'll miss you so much. I’m so glad you came back and I’ll always be grateful for the time we had together. You better be waiting for me when I get there. If you aren't, I'll hunt you down."
