The Randy Romance Novelist

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The Randy Romance Novelist Page 11

by Meghan Quinn


  “Pizza?” Henry asked, walking next to me toward the pizza shop down the block.

  “Yes, please!” I glanced over at him. His arms were full of bags, and sandwiched between his arm and thigh was the giant penis piñata. I couldn’t help but giggle as we walked down the eccentric streets of New York City, giant penis in hand, and a bag of dicks dangling from our fingers.

  “Nice dick!” a man called out from a passing taxi, followed by laughter.

  Henry shook his head. “You owe me for this, Rosie.”

  “Why? That penis suits you.”

  “Does it? I didn’t know a papier mâché penis was something that could suit someone.”

  “If anyone can pull it off, it’s you, hot stuff,” I replied, giving him a giant smile and loving the way his eyes sparkled whenever he looked at me.

  “You still owe me,” he winked, sending a chill up my spine, a really good chill.

  Chapter Eight

  Deli Meat

  HENRY

  Eight at night, it was eight at night, and I was still in the office. It was a long-ass day already, given that Rosie decided to spend a good portion of last night straddling me in every direction she could conceive—no pun intended. Then, this morning, she just had to suck me off in the shower. I’m not complaining, I’m just . . . nervous.

  I’ve never had this much sex in my entire life, and I’m fucking terrified as shit that one time I won’t be able to get it up. Then what? I go down in history as one of those men, one who can have a sexy as fuck woman in front of them and not spring a chub? Fuck, I never want to be that man, especially since Rosie is my girl. She is so fucking perfect that not being able to get it up around her would be devastating. If she couldn’t do it, then who the fuck could?

  Sweat started to tickle the back of my neck from the mere thought of it, and I wasn’t even around her or even in a sexual kind of space. Christ, the woman’s libido was starting to attack me at work now.

  After this morning, I made a mental note to talk to Derk about Rosie. Her little scene last night in the adult toy store was a little concerning. Actually, it was very concerning. She was so hot and cold, so damn emotional and horny I honestly didn’t know what to do. At one point, I felt like protecting my balls, because the look in her eyes made me believe she was about to deep throat them in the middle of the dildo and elephant condom section. I needed some advice on how to calm down my overly emotional girlfriend.

  “You going to have those drafts on my desk by tomorrow morning?” Eric asked, peeking his head over my cube walls.

  I perked up and tried not to show the sleep that wanted to invade my senses. “Yup. I sent mock-ups to the design team this morning; should have them ready for tomorrow. Just working on my proposal now.”

  “Good,” Eric praised. “First round of edits will start tomorrow, but I like what you have so far.”

  I nodded at Tasha’s cube. “And what about Tasha? How’s she doing?”

  Eric stepped into my cube and placed his hands in his pockets as he leaned forward to speak quietly. “The girl knows her condoms, that’s for damn sure. She has good ideas, Henry.”

  Fuck, that was not what I wanted to hear. I knew she was going to be knowledgeable in the condom department, but to be able to put together a campaign that was eye-catching, that surprised me.

  “Really? I’m still kind of shocked she’s here. In college, she showed no ounce of aptitude for advertising. I really don’t know how she’s gotten this far in her career.”

  “I know; they’re stacked on her chest.”

  Eric was probably the most professional man I knew, so to hear him make a comment about a woman’s breasts in the workplace was shocking. It just showed me how annoyed he was over the entire situation.

  Insecurity washed over me as I asked, “Think I have a shot?”

  The man was a good boss because instead of making fun of me, he gripped my shoulder and looked me dead in the eyes. “I wouldn’t put my stamp of approval on you if I didn’t think you had a shot. You’re a smart man, Henry, and a hard worker. I see great things in your future; we just have to make sure we get you there. Let’s kill it with these drafts tomorrow, okay?”

  He patted me on the shoulder and then took off.

  And then there were two.

  From a few cubes down, I could see the desk light streaming from Tasha’s space. I desperately wanted to see what she was working on, but I wasn’t about to ask her; that would show weakness, and that was the last thing I wanted to do right about now. Instead, I turned to my proposal and read through it again, looking for any mistakes and any places I needed to embellish a little bit more.

  The hum of the air conditioner was the only sound filling the silent office space except for the occasional tap of computer keys. The cleaning crew had already been through the building, apparently they came earlier than I expected, and all the lights except a few were turned off. It was almost eerie being in a skyscraper at night.

  “What are you working on?” Tasha asked from over my shoulder.

  I nearly shit my pants from being startled. I didn’t even hear her walking in my direction. Usually the click clack of her heels against the hard floor warned me of her approaching. I looked down to see her barefoot; that could explain things. Her toes were painted a black color that for some reason terrified me. Black nails made me think women were covering something up. Where have your toes been that you need to paint them black? Have you been digging in chopped up loins? Do you have some kind of vagina digging fetish? Why were they black?

  “You into toes?” Tasha asked, wiggling her feet.

  “What? No!” I replied, leaning back in my chair, scooting as far away from her as possible.

  She crossed her arms over her chest, bringing her cleavage even closer together, and leaned up against the entrance of my cube. “We had some good times back in the day, Henry.”

  “Yeah, I don’t want to talk about that,” I answered honestly. What’s past was past, plus I didn’t trust her. Why didn’t I close out of my proposal before she came over? Oh yeah, she sneak-attacked me. I sat up in my chair, hoping my shoulder span covered up my computer screen.

  “So, you and Rosie, huh?” She nodded her head at the picture of Rosie on my desk. I glanced at it quickly, a lightness filling my heart before I turned back around to Tasha.

  “Yup, me and Rosie,” was all I said. I didn’t want to get into it. All I wanted was for Tasha to leave me the hell alone so I could finish up the last couple of paragraphs on my proposal and then get back home to Rosie.

  “Do you ever think about what we used to have?”

  “Nope,” I shook my head. Not liking the way she was looking over my shoulder, I turned around and exited out of my proposal. “I’m actually going to get going.” I shut down my computer, unplugged it from my docking station, and stuffed it in my computer bag.

  I stood up from my chair but was blocked by Tasha, who now had a predatory look in her eyes. “Don’t you want to share ideas? Maybe brainstorm?” Her hand reached out and started pressing on my shirt buttons. “Think about it, Henry. We can combine our ideas and then share the position.”

  “What kind of world are you living in? They are not going to split the job in two.”

  She stepped even closer, backing me up into my desk. “I know on Friday I was a little ornery, but I was caught off guard when I saw you in the conference room. You’re good at your job, Henry, and I was intimidated.”

  I didn’t know how to respond; her hand was inching up my shirt and she was leaning in way too close. I was about to tell her to step away when the elevator dinged and Rosie came walking into the office space, wearing a trench coat and looking a little nervous. She was watching her perfect little feet glide across the floor until the moment she was only a few feet away from my cube; that was when she saw Tasha practically crawling all over me.

  My stomach plummeted from the look of utter betrayal and devastation across her face.

 
“Rosie . . .” I said, stepping aside from Tasha, computer bag in hand.

  Rosie stepped back as I approached, while pointing behind me. “Is that Tasha?” Her voice was shaky, and she stammered.

  “Rosie, it’s not what you think.” I stepped closer, but she took another step back. I could feel her slipping away, and it was the most horrifying feeling I’d ever experienced.

  To make things worse, Tasha stepped up behind me, placed her hand on my shoulder and said, “Hey, Rosie, long time no see. How are you, girl?”

  Rosie didn’t even answer her. “Why are you here?”

  “Oh, Henry didn’t tell you? I’m working here now.”

  “You’re . . . you’re working here?” Rosie pointed at the ground. “As in working with Henry, late at night, with your hands all over him?”

  “Oh, that?” Tasha laughed. “Just reminiscing on who we used to be. Isn’t that right, Henry? We were so hot back then.”

  “Nope, no, no, no,” I shook my head, hating every moment of this. “No.”

  “I’ve got to go,” Rosie shouted, incredibly loudly, out of pure mortification, and then sprinted toward the elevator, where she continuously pushed the down button.

  Shaking Tasha off me, I said, “Leave me the fuck alone, Tasha. You just turned my night into a shitstorm.”

  “Good.” She smiled. “Maybe when you’re done playing house, you can come hang with a real woman.”

  I looked Tasha dead in the eyes, hoping she would get it through her head what I was about to tell her. “There is nothing real about you, Tasha. What we had is in the past and that’s where it will stay. I am with Rosie now; I am happily in love with Rosie right now. Therefore, there will be no reminiscing, and there will be no more touching. I will not let you ruin what I have with Rosie because you are seeking some kind of vengeance. Leave me the fuck alone, got it?”

  I didn’t let her answer. Instead, I chased after Rosie, but when I got to the elevator, the doors had closed before I could stop them. It was going to be a really long night.

  ***

  By the time I got home, it was well over twenty minutes of battling elevators, stairs, taxis, and every single person in New York City. For some reason, the entire population decided to walk the streets tonight and get in my way. I was surprised I was able to hold my composure and not start punching random strangers for being in my way.

  The apartment was dark when I opened the door, not a light or a sound to be seen or heard. A sickening feeling came over me as I dropped my computer bag in the entryway and started searching the apartment. Sir Licks-a-Lot was on the living room windowsill, licking his crotch as usual, and barely looked away from his kitty balls to acknowledge my arrival.

  Ignoring him, I blew past the living room and straight into the bedroom, where I found Rosie lying on the bed, curled into a ball and sobbing. My heart broke in two just from the sight of seeing her so weak, so sad. I did that to her.

  Needing to be near her, I took off my jacket, tossed it to the side, and walked up to the bed. “Love, can we talk?”

  She shook her head no, not even able to voice her sorrow.

  “Rosie, please, I need to talk to you about this. I don’t want you being upset.”

  She picked up her head and I swear venom shot out of her mascara-drenched eyes as she shouted at me. “Well, it’s too late for that, isn’t it?”

  I sat down on the bed to be closer to her, but she scooted away. She was still in her coat, and from her rumpled appearance, I could see it didn’t look like she had anything under it.

  Christ. I ran my hand over my face and gathered my thoughts.

  “Rosie, I’m going to try to talk to you in a rational, calm voice. Can you please listen to me before getting emotional?”

  “Emotional?” she screamed, as she sat up in bed. She pulled her hair out of her high ponytail, shoved her hand through the top, and pulled high so her hair was sticking straight up in the air. Her eyes were wild and her movements erratic as she spoke. I was scared for my life. “How can I not get emotional when I walked in on you and Tasha making out.”

  Yup, this wasn’t going to be fun at all, and by the insanity beaming off her, I knew she was going to be irrational about everything.

  “First of all,” I held up my hand as I spoke to her, trying to calm her inner crazy, “we were not making out, not even close to it.”

  “Likely story,” she crossed her arms and puffed up her chest.

  I rubbed my forehead and took a deep breath. “Rosie, why would I make out with Tasha? What on earth would possess me to do that?”

  “Well, you did it right after we had sex for the first time!”

  And there it was, the unspoken elephant in the room that had always put a black mark on our young relationship. The Tasha incident.

  To be fair, it wasn’t all my fault. Rosie and I had sex for the first time a few months back, and it was by far, the best thing that ever happened in my life. I had been wanting to make Rosie mine for a while, and finally, finally she gave into my flirting and the passes I was making at her.

  When I claimed her lips, and pressed our bodies together for the first time, I was immediately lost in her love. I knew right then and there, there was no turning back for me. Rosie was it, she would be my girl for as long as I lived.

  Was our first time a little awkward because she kept asking questions? Yes, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Watching her face light up when her orgasm took over her body and listening to the sweet sounds pop out of her mouth would forever be engrained in my mind.

  Afterward, I wanted to hold her all night, I wanted to continue to explore her body, I wanted to tell her how much I was in love with her, but then, she checked her voicemail . . .

  Literally seconds after I pulled out of her, she had her phone in her hand, listening to a voicemail from another man.

  Try being a man who’d been pining after a girl for so long, then finally being able to get lost in her sweet skin, only to be brushed off right after you came inside of her. I was fucking wrecked.

  She got a phone call from Atticus, the man with the busted balls, who she danced with and actually had a decent connection with, but not good enough.

  She then proceeded to tell me that he wanted to go out with her again.

  I could still smell her on my skin when she told me this, I could still feel her pussy wrapped around my cock; what was I supposed to say to that?

  At the moment, it seemed like she was just using me to lose her virginity, that she actually didn’t have any intention whatsoever of being with me. So, I did what any other broken-hearted man with an ounce of pride left inside would have done, I went on the defensive. I acted like what we just did didn’t rock my world and flip it upside down.

  I was broken, battered, completely and utterly devastated, but I didn’t show it.

  Instead of being a man, and claiming her as mine, I took what was left of my shattered heart and moved on. Was it the right thing to do? No, but I’m human and humans make mistakes.

  “Fine, you want to talk about what happened with Tasha a few months ago? Let’s get into it, let’s rip it open.” I sat there and waited for her to answer me. If we were going to fight, might as well get it all out.

  In a hoity voice, Rosie said, “If you were a character in a book, you would have lost all chance of becoming a book boyfriend. You broke the cardinal sin in every romance novel; you were with another woman after you were with me.”

  My mind exploded and I lost it. “News flash, Rosie, we’re not living in a romance novel. This is real fucking life, not some fictional story you read on your Kindle. Do you know what happens in real life? We get hurt, we act on those hurt feelings, and then we do stupid shit we will regret later. Not everything is going to end as a happily ever after. You have to work for love, you have to earn it, and you sure as hell have to maintain it.”

  She was silent as she let my words sink in. I was nervous that I might have been too harsh on her. T
ears started to stream down her face, and I mentally kicked myself in the crotch for my outburst. She was already on edge, I didn’t have to lose my cool in front of her, especially after what she saw.

  I ran my hand through my hair and broke the silence between us. “Listen, love. I’m sorry—”

  She held up her hand to stop me, and her tear-streaked face met mine. “You hurt me, Henry. You hurt me the day I found Tasha in your room with you, and that feeling has weighed heavily on me ever since. Seeing her on you tonight, it brought back all those horrible emotions of self-doubt and not being good enough for you.”

  I didn’t think I could feel like any bigger of an ass.

  “I’m sorry, Rosie. If I could take back anything, I would take back the way I reacted after we made love for the first time.”

  “Made love?” Rosie asked, a lift to the side of her lips.

  “Yes, made love. Rosie, I was so madly in love with you, all I wanted to do was hold you in my arms and keep you there forever after the first time, but the first moment you could, you checked your voicemail. It was a huge blow to my ego and my heart. I reacted in a shitty way, brushed you off, and tried to work you out of my system. Was it smart? No. Was I being human? Yes. We all react to situations differently. A bigger and less prideful man would have talked to you about his feelings, but it felt like I had been trying to tell you how I felt for so long, but you weren’t interested. All those nights when we hung out while you were on your mission to lose your virginity, those nights were precious to me; I tried to hint at the fact that I was the man you were looking for, but you never picked up on it. After you listened to your voicemail, I guess I just gave up. I assumed you wanted nothing to do with me, so I tried to move on.”

  “Oh,” was all she said as her hands twisted in her lap. “I guess I never thought about it that way.”

  “I’m not trying to come up with excuses, love. What I did was wrong, I didn’t handle my emotions well, and I hurt you even more. I will always hate myself for that, but what you saw tonight was not even close to what I can only imagine you’re thinking.”

 

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