He held his breath and quickly typed back...
Where are you?
The diner having coffee.
I can’t leave right now. The kids still need to bathe. They’re watching a movie and having a snack. Can it wait until Tuesday night after class?
No. I’m sick and tired of... keeping this to myself.
Jude stood. He typed back...
Give me one second.
“Hey. I’m gonna take a private call.”
The kids glanced from the TV screen, nodding.
He opened and closed the door to his bedroom. The lack of a walk-in closet, master bathroom, dressing area, and sitting area didn’t bother him anymore. The room served its purpose of a place to lay his head and store his clothes—well, more like squash his clothes, because the closet wasn’t big enough to accommodate his full wardrobe, leaving him to store his spring, summer, and fall outfits in the spare bedroom at Mom’s.
Calling up the video chat, he sat on the edge of the mattress. Raven’s stunning face appeared on the screen. Her skin was lush and brown, so she hadn’t been crying. False eye lashes perfectly applied. Makeup not smudged or smeared.
“Hey... you okay?”
“I thought it over. I need to speak to Darryl.”
“Darryl?”
“Yeah. I need to offer him tobacco. I need to—”
“Whoa. Hold up. Time out. Can you at least tell me first?”
“Please. I need to talk to Darryl. I need to do a sweat.”
“A sweat?”
Raven couldn’t keep her eyes still in their sockets. They bounced around, darting at whatever she was taking in at the diner. “I don’t know what’ll happen to me or you, or us—”
“Hang on. Not so fast. What do you mean us?”
“Because... I must, I must make a decision. I can’t do this anymore.” Her lower lip quivered.
“Let me call Emery. He can watch the kids. I’ll come get you. I’ll take you to Darryl’s.” Panic thumped at Jude’s backside.
“Okay. I’m sorry, Jude.” Her husky voice was full of regret. “I don’t mean to interrupt you. Or make you have to call in a babysitter. Or—”
“Enough. I’ll see you in a bit.”
* * * *
A half hour later, Raven rode shotgun in Jude’s truck, him having explained the delay because Emery had to dress and drive from Long River first.
“He’ll make sure the kids bathe and get them off to bed.” Jude’s hand rested on the steering wheel. “Are you ready to talk to me?”
Raven might as well blurt it out, but a niggling of guilt crawled up her spine. “Clayton was at the diner the night you met with Cookie.”
“He was?” Jude’s head whipped in her direction then back to the road. “Where?”
“Outside.” She fingered the beads on her mittens. “My nephew tipped him off. Clayton used Tanya’s car. He was waiting outside. He overheard Darryl talking. He only caught part of it. He thinks Darryl cheated on Emery. With a hooker. When Darryl was last in the ‘Peg.”
“Wh-what?”
“Clayton... Clayton...” Raven gripped the mittens. “Clayton wants me to set up a debate. He wants to confront Darryl. At the debate. Expose Darryl’s secret.”
“Wh-what?”
She held the mittens to her face, rubbing the rabbit fur against her chin. “I tried, really tried to talk him out of it. He won’t budge. Tonight... he... I guess he told Mom about our talk. He told Mom I wasn’t for the debate. Clayton refuses to understand. Neither will she.”
A gasp Raven had never heard before hurled from Jude’s mouth. “Your mother knows?”
Raven kept rubbing the rabbit fur against her chin. “Only that I didn’t want the debate to happen.”
“This is what you couldn’t tell me?”
“Uh... yes. I... I’m betraying my family.” She looked to the passenger window and into the blackness of the night.
“Hey, it’s gonna be okay.” His fingers brushed at her hands still clutching the mittens.
“Yeah right.” She wet her lips. Her heart trembled. “My family isn’t yours. They’re—”
“They’re your family. Family’s family.” Jude steered the truck down the road to Darryl and Emery’s log home.
“They’re not your family. Not even close.” She might have called the Matawapits a bunch of traitorous do-gooders in the past, but they were behaving a hell of a lot better than her family.
Jude pulled up in front of the small log home.
Three dogs bounded around outside, playing in the snow.
“They got their own zoo going on. Two cats, too.” Jude shifted the gear into park.
“It’s great someone’s taking in the strays. I asked Mom about a dog. She said no.” Raven opened the door and got out.
The dogs raced to her, yipping. She plopped to her haunches, letting the black-and-white one with the illusion of a mask around its face, a mixed golden lab, and the small black one sniff and lick her.
Caring for animals was part of tradition, respecting their four-legged teachers, but Mom called the stray pet problem a pain in the ass.
“What are their names?”
“That’s Bandit.” Jude pointed at the black-and-white one aptly named. “She’s the first one they got. The golden one is Lucky because he should’ve died but lived. And the little one is Keemooch.”
“The sly one?” Raven giggled and petted the small dog shaped like a wiener.
“Yep. Darryl named him. He always figures out a way to steal food, socks, you name it. And instigates trouble. And sneakily gets his way.”
Raven snuggled against Keemooch who wagged his tail and drooped his ears, giving her the I’m-so-adorable stare. “You’re a manipulator. Always up to something. You are keemooch.”
“C’mon. They’ll play outside until Emery gets home.” Jude started up the shoveled walkway.
Standing, Raven patted the dogs one more time. They sprang off down the road like typical rez mutts. Free. Aimlessly going wherever they wished until they got cold or hungry and wanted to come home.
Darryl opened the back door. He’d yet to tie or braid his damp hair. Sweatpants and a t-shirt draped his stocky body. “C’mon in. I made some tea and scones.”
“Thank you.” Raven meant it, since she hadn’t eaten yet, and her growling belly demanded a feeding.
She removed her mukluks and hung her coat on the hook. A fluffy gray cat curled around her leg.
“That’s Smokey. The last time I saw Pumpkin, he was sleeping on the bed in the spare room.” Darryl shut the door. “C’mon in.”
Raven didn’t have to enter far. She pulled out a kitchen chair and sat. The scent of fried scones filled the small log home. Jude joined her at the table while Darryl readied the tea and snack.
Compared to Mom’s place in dire need of renovations since the house still had the original bland cabinets, linoleum flooring, and cheap doors because their home was one of the package deals the band had bought, Darryl had worked fiercely on his crib, from the new hardwood flooring and woodstove to the refinished cupboards and brand-new white fridge, stove, and microwave.
Besides the scent of scones, cedar hanging over the doorways added a nice pop of fragrance. A man nailed to a cross hung on the center wall in the living room. A log-style coffee table and matching side tables added a nice touch of comfort to the cozy home.
“Where does Emery do his homework?”
“In there.” Darryl pointed to a bedroom, which Raven guessed to be the spare one. “I bought him a desk so he can close the door and work in peace.”
Jude fixed a scone. “We didn’t interrupt anything, did we?”
Darryl’s face reddened. “No? Why?”
“Emery’s hair was also wet when he showed up. And he was also wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.” A grin crept onto Jude’s face.
Raven couldn’t help the giggle. Funny, coming here had
put a brightness in her chest, wiping away the storm of gloom from earlier.
“Nope. Didn’t interrupt anything. We were watching a movie.” Darryl’s round face remained red. He drummed his fingers on the table. “Tea?” He poured from the pot, filling the three mugs.
Jude held out the honey.
“Thanks.” Raven added the honey to her mug and stirred. Again, guilt surfaced.
She’d been starving moments ago, but the buttered scone made her stomach slightly cramp. To not eat offered food was rude, though. She picked up the treat and bit into the fried bread.
“I know we interrupted.” Jude winked. He bit into his snack, dimples bared. “Anyway,” he continued on through a mouthful of food. “Raven needs to talk to you.”
“Okay.” Darryl directed his small-eyed gaze on Jude and then Raven.
Under his curious peering, Raven squirmed. “I...” She set the scone on the plate. “I...” She dug inside her purse and withdrew the tobacco pouch. “Here.” She placed the pinch of tobacco in front of him.
Darryl’s brows drew together. “Thank you. What do you need?”
“A sweat. In your backyard.” Where the skeleton for his lodge was erected.
“Consider it done. When would you like to?”
“As soon as possible.”
“We can do that. I’ll get Emery to take something out of the freezer for our meal afterward. You know I’ve been teaching Tyrell to become a firekeeper. We’ll ask him to participate. We’ll go to Basil and ask him to conduct one for us.”
“Okay.” Tyrell’s being close to Emery and Darryl was a big thorn in Clayton’s and Tanya’s sides. But if Raven’s foster nephew could find the courage to stand up for what he desired, so could she.
“I’ll let you know when Basil decides is the best time.” Darryl sipped his tea. “Is there anything else you need of me?”
Raven palmed the mug. The heat warmed her moist hands. She was at her lowest, and the supposed enemy was helping her.
The truth sat on her tongue, urging her to blurt out Clayton’s plan. “No... just—just the sweat.”
“Gotcha. I’ll call Basil.” Darryl grabbed the cordless off the counter.
* * * *
Jude shut the back door. Emery sat on the sofa, having sent the kids off to sleep already. If Raven was going to undertake a spiritual journey for answers, Jude would do the same. After the sweat, knowing she’d make her decision about them, about her beloved diner, about her dreams, her hopes, all could be wiped out if she chose him, and he needed a moment to talk to his brother, something God desired.
He removed his parka and boots.
“Want some?” Emery held up the bowl of chips and dip.
“Pass.” Jude meandered into the living room and plopped in the recliner. “Not in a million years did I believe a Kabatay was capable of making me discern my own spiritual path.”
Emery dipped the chip and bit into it. “What do you mean?”
“Raven and Darryl are doing a sweat together. She said she needs spiritual guidance. There’s a lot happening.”
“That’s promising. The best place to seek answers is from the one you worship.” Emery bulldozed the remainder of the chip through the dip and lathered up a huge portion.
“You double-dipped.” Jude rubbed his jaw.
“I always do.”
Half snickering, since his aching chest couldn’t produce a true laugh, Jude sat forward. “I wanted to ask you to accompany me, but Darryl wants you to cook the dinner for the sweat.”
Emery’s brows hiked upward. “Accompany you where?”
“The church.”
“You need prayer?”
Jude’s chest constricted. Asking for help wasn’t easy. He wasn’t Dad. He’d never be Dad. He was Jude Norman Matawapit. Not Norman Earl Matawapit. The word yes left the back of his throat.
“I have kids to think about. An annulment coming up. I’m divorced and disobeying Catechism. It’s easy to be Catholic when everything’s going great. But when it’s not...” Jude’s chest seemed to fold into his rib cage. “I always knew it wasn’t black and white. I never had to face the shades of gray.”
“One size doesn’t fit all. I’m honored you wanted me to accompany you.” Emery’s words were drawn-out and softer than his usual pitch.
“Once I find out when the sweat is, I’ll text Mom to watch the kids. I gotta admit, her spirituality is something I really admire.”
“Mom?”
“No. Raven’s.” Jude clasped his hands together. The crunch, crunch of chips filled the living room. “Don’t you ever stop eating?”
“Darryl says the same thing.” Emery reached for another chip.
“And you’re supposed to eat the whole chip. Not bites at a time.”
“I savor each bite.” Emery shrugged and smiled, his green eyes flashing.
“Wait until middle age hits you. You won’t be eating like that for long.” Jude reached over and grabbed a chip, a rare treat for him, or he’d blow up into next year.
“I mean it.” Emery’s voice returned to his usual put-anyone-into-a-trance tone. “I’m honored you wanted to ask me.”
“It wasn’t my intention to leave you out.” The chip’s salty flavor didn’t cheer up Jude’s taste buds. He sat back in the chair. “I guess... I guess part of me tried too hard to be like Dad. But I’m not. Dad didn’t end up divorced. Dad didn’t run away from the diaconate—”
“You didn’t run away. You discerned, and the Lord—”
“Discerned? I never made it past the orientation session.” Jude snorted.
“That’s because God already had a plan for you.”
“I’d sure love to know what His plan is.”
“He’ll reveal it when He’s ready.”
“Yeah, that’s what’s freaking me out. What if I lose... “ What if I lose everything again? My home was my sanctuary. My marriage was my sanctuary. My family was my sanctuary. Now what I have with Raven... it is becoming my sanctuary.
“Hey.” Emery reached over and patted Jude’s hand, coating his skin with grease from the chips. “I don’t know what’s going on. I won’t ask. But I can assure you the Lord is present, and He’s here for you.”
“Yeah, like last time.” Jude couldn’t help the bitterness creeping into his mouth. “Mom and Dad shoulda named me Job instead of Jude.”
“We all face tough trials in our lives. I don’t know why you believed you’d be exempt.”
Fire filled Jude’s chest, and he snatched away his hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“We grow spiritually through the most painful moments in our lives, when our faiths are tested. Can you tell me you truly suffered? Ever?”
A glare raged behind Jude’s eyes. No, he hadn’t suffered. No, he hadn’t been reduced to his knees, begging the Lord for help. He’d been... blessed. A wonderful life in school. Girlfriends. Good grades. Sports. A solid education. A wife. Two healthy children. A great career. People seeking him for help or guidance. Loved by just about everyone.
“Maybe... maybe I grew too much of an ego.” He swiped at his hair.
“Not an ego. There’s nothing wrong with confidence. I’d simply say you’ve never experienced true humility.”
“Humility.” The scowl constricting Jude’s muscles pinched his lips into a grimace.
“You do know humility is about being humble. The ability to seek help. The ability to extend your hand and beg for help. Maybe this is what the Lord wants.”
“Y’see, He took everything from me just like Job.”
“No, He didn’t take everything from you. You still have your health. You still have your children—full care of them, too. You still have a job. A home. A family who cares about you. Respect. Money. A truck. A solid education. You have much more than Raven does.”
Jude flopped back in the chair. Emery was right. This was about Raven. She had a lot to lose. And this mean
t he had to respect her decision, whichever one she made.
Chapter Twenty-six: Are You Really Gonna Walk Out?
In the morning, Raven had helped Darryl ready the sweat lodge by placing tarps over it to keep away the light. With the fire pit already constructed from previous sweats, they’d laid the cedar boughs from the pit to the lodge for the spiritual path. There was plenty of wood stacked for Tyrell, who now manned the fire, pitchfork at his side. The Grandfathers were steeping in the deep heat, had sat in the pit for a long time.
No food had touched Raven’s mouth yet. Only water. The sun wouldn’t set until after six. Her stomach grumbled, so she sipped more water held in a container.
Emery moved about the kitchen. The scents of bannock baking in the oven, a roast cooking in the Crock-Pot, and potatoes bubbling on the stove from the ingredients Raven had purchased at the Northern Lights Store the other day filled the home. Buying the food was important, to thank Emery and Darryl, even though the high prices had put a dent in her wallet. Because Darryl had set up the sweat, he’d given gifts and offerings to Basil.
“Do you need help?” Raven had put on her light cotton robe in the spare bedroom. Having always sweated with her female relations, this evening would be her first among men. She’d already informed Darryl she’d be sans clothes, needing to completely expose herself to the spirits. May they help her.
“I got it under control.” Emery continued to move about the small kitchen. “You worry about the sweat.”
“Have you done one?”
“Actually, yes.” Emery turned from the stove where he stirred the potatoes. His gaze was as gentle as Raven’s cotton robe.
“Really? I thought you were a...” It wouldn’t be appropriate to say hard-core Catholic. “Dedicated to the church.”
“I am. But I enjoy joining Darryl for his sweats.”
“Really?”
“Uh-huh.” Sincerity filled Emery’s gaze. “They’re very spiritually cleansing.”
“The church isn’t enough for you?”
Sanctified Page 23
