by Sandy James
Her mouth opened as her eyes squeezed tightly shut, a tear leaking from the corner of one. “Robert… I’m… oh…” Then she gasped, and he felt the spasms as her core contracted, squeezing him, making him want her all over again.
After the storm passed, she opened her eyes and gave him a sexy smile.
Robert cupped her face in his hands and pulled her down for a slow, easy kiss. Then he stared into her eyes, losing himself in those dark depths. “So beautiful.”
Beth’s gaze dropped as she blushed. “Thank you.”
“I mean it, B. You’re beautiful. And you’re the best lover I’ve ever had.”
Her head snapped up. “Really?”
“Really.”
A sense of panic flooded his senses, his body. The voraciousness of his own feelings overwhelmed him, pressing down on him like a heavy weight and making him quickly end the tender moment. “Let’s get up. I need coffee. Stat.” He lifted her until she moved to his side and scrambled off the bed.
Her lips dropped from the breathtaking smile, and he regretted not telling her what was in his heart.
Love. If he wasn’t in love with her now, he soon would be. And why that scared the hell out of him, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that his heart had settled on Beth—and Emma—and wouldn’t be dissuaded.
It was just too early in the game to let her know that or for him to know how to deal with it.
The best course of action was retreat for a few moments so he could regain his courage.
* * *
Beth tried not to let Robert see her disappointment. He’d gone as cold as a block of ice, and darn if she knew why. With a tight grip on the condom, he rushed to the bathroom.
That action took some of the sting out of his abrupt departure. He wasn’t fleeing her; he didn’t want the condom to spill. The last thing either of them needed was a “surprise.” She’d watched the agony Jules had gone through when she’d found herself pregnant early in her relationship with her husband, Connor. Beth wasn’t about to go through that. She had enough on her plate.
She got to her feet and wrapped herself in the sheet. “Robert? You’re right. We should share this bedroom.” Sticking her head into the bathroom, she tried to see what he was doing, but his back was to her. “Robert? Did you hear me?”
He nodded over his shoulder. “Glad you agree.” After tossing the condom in the trash, he came to her and kissed her forehead. “I didn’t want to have to fight about it.”
“It’s that important to you?” At least he wasn’t acting cold now. She didn’t have the nerve to ask why he kept shifting from loving to aloof.
“Absolutely.” Then he opened the shower door and started the water.
“I should probably go on the pill,” she said. “If we’re going to be, um, intimate so often, the pill would help make sure I don’t get pregnant.”
“You would do that?” His eyes were wide in clear disbelief.
“Don’t look so shocked. I’ve been on the pill lots of times.”
“I just assumed…”
“I know. You assumed that I didn’t need to because I don’t date much.” She sighed. “They keep me from getting acne, and you can stop grinning at me. You know I didn’t need them for anything else. But now I do.”
Robert checked the water before stepping into the enormous glass-enclosed shower. “You wouldn’t mind not having condoms?” he asked before flicking on the multitude of side sprays she’d told him would make the shower a downright religious experience.
“Fine with me.”
“Then we’ll go get tested sometime today.”
Since the master bathroom’s shower was more than big enough for both of them, even having two different sets of showerheads, Beth let herself in and turned on the water for her side. “No need. I trust you.”
Robert stared at her as he squirted shampoo onto his palm. “Thanks, B. I trust you, too,” he insisted. “But it’s not a matter of trust. It’s a matter of proof. It will ease both our minds, and by going together… well, it’s the best way to start a relationship. It’s just the right thing to do.”
Her head fell back as she let the water wash over her hair. “If you say so.”
“I do.”
“Then we’ll go before we get Emma.”
He didn’t say another word until they were both wrapped in towels, working on their morning grooming rituals.
After he’d combed his hair, his gaze caught hers in the mirror. “So you’ll really share this room with m-me?”
She smiled at the nervous catch in his voice before she set her brush down and thought through the ramifications.
There would be questions from the Ladies, their other friends, the Douglas High faculty. Pretty much everyone. Was she ready for that kind of inquisition?
Then there were her students’ parents. Despite the fact that it was the twenty-first century, the small town they lived in remained firmly planted in the morality of the 1950s. Would there be any repercussions with the townsfolk or the school board?
A smile curved her lips. None of it mattered. Her heart belonged to Robert Ashford, whether he wanted it to or not. She might as well enjoy the time they could share for as long as they could share it.
“You win, Robert. Now why don’t you help me drag my boxes of clothes in here?”
Chapter Eleven
Dani kept staring at Beth from across the table. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you looking so… so happy.”
“That’s saying a lot,” Mallory chimed in. “Because our Beth is usually happy. Now she’s downright giddy.”
Jules cocked her head and tapped her index finger against her cheek. “Hmm. If I had to guess, I’d say she looks like… I know! A well-laid woman.” When Beth gasped, Jules added, “That rascal Robert is proving to be quite a surprise.” She clucked her tongue. “And I thought I knew him oh so well.” Leaning closer, Jules talked behind her hand as though she wanted to speak only to Beth, which was anything but true considering her volume. “So, Bethany, just how big is his—”
“Enough, already.” While Beth normally loved the jovial teasing of the Ladies Who Lunch, she’d usually been the one delivering the barbs. Receiving them wasn’t nearly as fun.
Not that she was a bad sport. She loved laughing at herself, but not about this, not about Robert Ashford. Not when her future happiness rested firmly in his calloused hands.
“Beth?” Dani put her hand over Beth’s. “You okay?”
She gave Dani a curt nod. “Just tired.”
Jules shot her a knowing expression of sympathy. “I know that feeling well. Raising a baby—”
“Babies in your case, Jules,” Mallory added.
“—ain’t easy. I hope Emma sleeps better than Craig and Carter. Those two keep Connor and me hopping all night.”
At least the conversation had ventured down a better road, so Beth jumped in. “Emma isn’t a problem. Up once a night if at all and usually only because she needs to be changed.” She always tried to beat Robert to the punch whenever Emma woke in the night, not wanting him to feel obligated for her care. Yet there were still times he took the responsibility while Beth slept blissfully unaware until the next morning. “At what age do you start to potty train them?”
“Sick of dirty diapers already?” Dani asked. “That’s one of the reasons I don’t think I’ll ever have munchkins. I still gag when I change a smelly diaper.” She shrugged. “Maybe it’s different when the baby’s your own.”
“It’s definitely different when she’s your own.” The words slipped out before Beth realized their significance.
In the weeks since she and Emma had moved in with Robert, Beth had effortlessly glided into the role of “mother,” of matka. If she didn’t overthink things, she could picture herself and Robert as parents and Emma as their child. But only if she didn’t overthink, which wasn’t bloody likely. People were, after all, nothing but creatures of habit. Overanalyzing was every bit a part of her as breathing
.
Then again, she was beginning to understand Robert’s rapid attachment to Emma. If only Beth could be sure that he cared for her every bit as much as he did the baby.
“About that…” Dani fumbled around in her purse for a moment and then produced a business card. “This is the lawyer I told you about.”
“The custody specialist?” Beth took the card, surprised that it was vivid lavender with a cartoon cat in the background. What kind of lawyer had purple business cards?
The best, according to Dani and some of her college sorority sisters.
“She’s the one who helped Maggie Butler and her domestic partner, or wife, or whatever the PC term is,” Dani said. “It wasn’t an easy process to say the least.”
“Their son was Vietnamese, right?” Mallory asked, leaning over to read the card Beth still held. “Alexis Comer, attorney at law.”
Dani answered with a nod. “You wouldn’t believe all Maggie and Carla had to do to get that baby. But Alexis was there every step of the way. Maggie said she even flew to Vietnam with them to pick Henry up and bring him home.”
“After that case, helping me adopt Emma should be a cakewalk.” No sooner had she said it than a shiver ran the length of Beth’s spine.
“Careful, Beth. Don’t wanna jinx yourself,” Jules said, which was exactly what Beth had been thinking. At least Jules threw in a wink to lighten the foreboding mood.
“What about Robert?” Mallory picked up her Diet Cherry Coke and leaned back in her chair. “Is he adopting her, too?”
“Why should he?” Beth wasn’t sure she was ready to even think about Robert adopting Emma. That would rock the boat, and since the present was smooth sailing, it seemed a silly thing to do.
The Ladies were right. She was smiling all the time now. Everything was close to perfect. Robert had been her knight in shining armor. He’d helped her at a time when she had most certainly been a damsel in distress. She’d been given a baby she was ill equipped to care for; he’d taught her the tricks of parenting. Her home had been too small; he’d given her a castle. Loneliness had been making her unhappy; he’d filled her life with love.
One-sided love.
Since when had she become so cynical? Why couldn’t she just live in the moment and enjoy what she shared with him before it ended?
“Earth to Beth.” Dani gripped her hand. “You know, for someone who was smiling like the Cheshire cat a minute ago, you’re frowning enough to make me worried.”
“Typical Beth,” Mallory added, her tone teasing. “I’ve never seen anyone who could change moods as fast as you do, sweetie.”
“Sorry,” Beth said with a shrug. “Just thinking.” Thinking too much, as usual.
She shoved the business card in her purse, planning on calling the lawyer when she got home from school. “Thanks for the referral, Dani.”
“You’re welcome. But you still didn’t answer my question.”
The topic wasn’t going to drop, darn it. “Robert hasn’t said a word about wanting to adopt Emma. It’s not like he wants anything that permanent.” With either of us.
“I think you’re underestimating him,” Mallory said. “He loves that baby.”
“I know that,” Beth snapped before she could stop herself. Then she breathed a sigh. “Sorry. I know Emma means the world to him.”
Mallory set her can down and folded her arms under her breasts. “So do you.”
“He likes me well enough, I suppose.” The way he’d made love to her, she knew there was affection behind his actions. He’d insisted she share the master suite with him. They were telling the world they were a couple. She only wished she knew exactly how he felt.
“Likes?” Dani shook her head. “It’s a helluva lot more than that. Robert loves you.”
Since she wasn’t sure what he felt had—or ever would—become love, Beth only shrugged.
“Give it time.” Jules popped to her feet. “Gotta run. As usual.” She slung the strap of her enormous purse over her shoulder. Then she leveled a hard stare at Beth. “Do me a favor, Beth?”
“Of course!”
“Trust me on this. I’ve been Robert’s friend since before we were the Ladies Who Lunch, so I understand him better. There’s no way he’d have moved you into that gorgeous house if he didn’t feel every bit as strongly about you as he does about Emma. I’d expect a ring, and perhaps an adoption request, in the near future.”
“You’re all moving way too fast,” Beth insisted. Jules’s words had set her hopes soaring and her heart pounding.
“I think Jules is right,” Mallory said with a nod. “It’s just easier for him to admit that he loves Emma than it is for him to admit that he loves you.”
Beth let out a snort. “He doesn’t love me.”
“You’re the only one who doesn’t see it,” Dani said. “I think Mal and Jules have it pegged. Guys are scared of talking about their feelings. It’s one thing to be so open with Emma. With you… well, he’s probably more afraid.”
That made no sense. “Afraid? Of what?”
“Of you.” Jules made it to the door before she glanced back. “Of how much he feels for you. You might have to tell him first, Beth.”
“Tell him what?”
“That you love him.” With a wave, Jules left.
* * *
The end of the school day couldn’t come fast enough.
Beth’s afternoon classes had been nothing short of torture. The students were working on writing essays, which left her with far too much quiet time to get lost in her thoughts.
If what the Ladies said at lunch was true, that Robert loved her, why hadn’t he told her so?
Duh.
Fear of rejection.
But Beth had never rejected him, nor would she ever. She’d welcomed him into her life, her body, and her heart with arms wide open. If she was honest with herself, her invitation had been sent a long time ago, from the moment she’d met him. He’d always been the man she compared all of her dates to, and she’d turned to him sometimes before she’d turned to Dani.
Surely he knew what she felt. He’d be blind not to see it.
Then there was Emma to consider. Beth wanted to make things easier for their future. By adopting her, Beth could avoid the discomfort of constantly having to say, “I’m her aunt and her guardian.” Everything from enrolling her in school to getting her on the school’s health insurance plan required a “parent.” Sure, she was Emma’s guardian, but Beth was sick and tired of having to jerk out the paperwork to prove it.
She needed to be Emma’s mother. Officially. End of discussion. Alexis Comer was getting a phone call when school ended.
One question niggled at Beth’s brain.
Does Robert want to be Emma’s father?
Broaching the subject would be opening up a scary and rather awkward discussion at a way-too-early time in their relationship. Unfortunately, time wasn’t on their side. If Beth planned to move forward with the adoption, it would be best if Robert were a part of it from the first moment. Then they would have to talk about adoption proceedings, and the “M” word was sure to come into play.
The last thing in the world she wanted was to have him think he had to marry her to be able to hold on to Emma. If he wanted marriage, he needed better, stronger reasons.
Like he loves me.
Beth feared his feelings for her were so entangled with his feelings for Emma that he could never separate the two. If there was a choice between them, a need to know exactly which of his “girls” he cared for most, Emma would win. Hands down.
A knock on her classroom door drew her back to the world.
“Ms. Rogers. Here.” A frowning sophomore with a far-too-large T-shirt thrust a folded piece of pink paper at her.
Beth plucked it out of his grasp and absently said, “Thanks.” Not like the kid even heard it. He’d already started hiking back down the long corridor.
It was only when she unfolded the message that her heart leapt to a f
urious cadence. One word jumped out of the scribblings.
Emma.
“Darn it!”
Every student glanced up from their work at her unusually loud outburst.
“Sorry,” Beth said, a hot flush spreading over her face. “Please get back to your essays.”
She’d forgotten that she’d silenced her classroom phone while the students were working on a quiz before lunch. Since the kids weren’t allowed to have their cell phones during the day, Beth had become accustomed to leaving hers in her purse. A dumb thing to do since Robert had obviously been trying unsuccessfully to reach her.
Good mothers didn’t leave their phones in their purses.
The note asked her to call him immediately, so Beth flicked her classroom phone back to life. Despite the twenty-eight adolescents who’d be listening in, she quickly dialed Robert’s cell and waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to answer.
“Beth! Finally!” The irritation was plain in his voice.
“What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong is that I couldn’t get you to answer a damn phone. I’ve been trying to reach you for close to an hour.”
In all their time together, way back to when she’d first come to Douglas High School, he’d never taken that kind of angry tone with her. Not even when they’d disagreed over some of her suggestions for one of the houses they’d worked on together.
“I’m sorry. There was a quiz and… I… I forgot to turn the ringer back on after lunch.” She sounded exactly like a child making an excuse for having played outside past suppertime. “Why did you need me? The note said to call about Emma.”
“I had to take her to Hudson County Hospital. We’re in the ER.”
“Oh dear Lord. What happened?”
“She fell and hit her head. It’s bad. I need you to get down here as fast as you can.”
Chapter Twelve
Robert dragged his fingers through his hair as he paced the concrete just outside the doors of the emergency room, trying to calm his thoughts. It shouldn’t take so long for Beth to drive from the school to the hospital. The nurses weren’t letting him back into the treatment area with Emma, and he couldn’t stop worrying about her. When Beth got there, they’d finally be able to see their daughter.
