by Sandy James
But she needed Robert. Here. Now. How could he not know that? Or did he assume she wanted to be alone because he did, because he didn’t need her?
If she kept thinking this hard, her tension headache was going to bloom into a full-blown migraine.
Beth had never felt more alone in her whole life. If she admitted exactly how much she wanted him to hold her right now, she’d be baring her soul to a man who’d already put one foot out the door. Unable to speak without revealing her churning emotions, she simply nodded.
“We’ll probably grab some w-wings after.” He dragged his toes across the tile floor, looking like a little boy asking his mother for permission. “If that’s okay with you…”
Heck with that. She wasn’t about to start bossing him around. Or begging for him to love her. He wanted to escape the nightmare for a while, fine. She’d bear it all alone. “Go.”
“You’re sure, B? You don’t need me to stay or anything?” Robert pushed away from the fridge and took a couple of tentative steps toward her, like a hunter trying not to spook his prey.
What she wanted was for him to quit hesitating, gather her into his arms, and tell her he loved her as much as she loved him. That if Emma was gone forever, he’d still love her and still want her to be his wife. Instead, she heard his voice from back in the courtroom, saying something much, much different.
I w-wanted to be Emma’s d-dad.
“Go see what Charlie’s dug up,” she forced out before coughing to cover the way her voice broke.
She wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Robert. No way would she manipulate him like that. Guilt wasn’t a good foundation for a relationship. A marriage needed love.
Oh, who was she trying to fool? This marriage had no foundation. It had come about as a way for her to keep Emma close and for Robert to fulfill some weird midlife crisis. He’d wanted to be a father, not a husband. If what she feared became reality, if Emma was given to Darren permanently, Beth wouldn’t hold him to his marital vows. He deserved better than a union kept together by pity.
“Okay, then.” He put the mostly full bottle down next to the sink. “You sure you d-don’t mind?”
She shook her head. “I’m just going to read.” One thing she wasn’t able to fake was a smile, not as depressed as she was. So she didn’t even try.
He gave her a quick peck on the cheek that didn’t deserve to be called a kiss and headed out the garage door.
Beth went upstairs. Knowing it was a stupid thing to do, she headed straight to Emma’s room anyway. Her heart was breaking, and each step felt as though she were walking on broken glass. Stopping in the doorway, she looked around the nursery. The room still bore Emma’s scent, a cross between baby and talcum powder. She saw so many things in her mind’s eye. Emma sleeping. Emma playing. Emma smiling. Things Beth would probably never see again.
Her daughter wouldn’t be her daughter anymore. Sure, the judge had yet to make a permanent ruling, but the writing was all over the wall like some kind of grotesque graffiti. This week would become more weeks until Judge Ramsey finally awarded Darren full parental rights and relegated Beth and Robert to superfluous relatives.
Unable to bear seeing Emma’s things a moment longer, Beth went to the master bedroom. That room was every bit as painful as the nursery. Here, she saw what she’d shared with Robert—from brushing their teeth side by side to making love.
Never would she love another man the way she loved Robert Ashford, but she could no longer trust his declaration of love. As Carol always preached, actions speak louder than words. Robert ducking out of the house tonight—a time when they should’ve been supporting each other through such a devastating event—showed just how little he really cared for her.
She went through her evening routine on autopilot. Washing off her makeup. Combing her hair. Putting on her nightgown. When she was done, she barely had the energy to crawl into bed, pull the blankets over her head, and lie there in the dark with nothing but her torturous thoughts.
Sleep was her only reprieve.
* * *
The house was quiet when Robert returned from Charlie’s shop. The man had found a veritable treasure trove of stuff, but Robert hadn’t been able to focus on anything Ben or Charlie showed him. No doubt he’d missed a lot of great opportunities for the future houses he would construct, but he honestly didn’t give a shit. When the other guys had gone out for wings and beers, Robert told them he needed to go home.
He should never have left Beth. Every moment of the evening, he’d thought of her. Of Emma. When he’d asked Beth whether she wanted him to go, he’d hoped she’d tell him she needed him. He’d hesitated, literally dragged his feet, but she’d snapped at him to go in a voice that screamed that she wanted to be alone.
After kicking off his shoes, he stopped and stared at them as they lay at odd angles on the rug by the kitchen door. Why couldn’t he learn to put the damn things away? Beth never complained about him being such a slob. She usually just smiled and put things away. She never griped about him working late or bitched about him leaving the toilet seat up or forgetting to replace the empty toilet paper roll. She did loads and loads of laundry and sinks full of dishes and not once did she nag at him about helping.
Beth took damned good care of him. And of Emma.
His eyes flooded with tears, but he gave his head a shake. Then it dawned on him that Beth hadn’t cried, either. He would, but only when he was alone in the shower. It wasn’t masculine to weep. Grown men didn’t cry in front of people. They sucked it up, manned up, and moved on. Besides, his wife needed him to be strong for her.
Or did she? Beth had handled the drama in the office much better than Robert had. He’d clenched his hands into tight fists to keep from snatching Emma right back. Her screams had reached his soul, making him feel as if he were the biggest failure ever. He’d been her father, her protector. Yet he’d been powerless to stop another man from taking her away.
No wonder Beth didn’t need him. She was a wonderful woman who deserved a man of equal strength and character. Instead, she’d married him.
After putting his shoes in the coat closet, Robert headed upstairs. The lights were out except for the night-lights Beth had put in the hallway that lit the entire length like an airport runway. He stopped himself from going in Emma’s room. He could barely keep from weeping now. Seeing his daughter’s crib and toys would shatter what slim control he now kept over his emotions.
All he could see of his wife was the shape of her body under the blanket. His melancholy eased when he saw that she’d turned the ceiling fan on. Even if it might seem odd that she needed both the fan and the thick blanket, he found it quirky and more than a little endearing.
She’d brought so much warmth and happiness into his life. And how did he repay her? He’d let her down when she needed him, just like he’d let his daughter down. No wonder Beth had wanted to be alone tonight.
After stripping out of his dirty clothes, which he put in the hamper for once, he eased under the covers on his side of the bed. Beth was sleeping, judging by her slow and even breaths. Robert carefully pressed himself against her back, draping an arm over her waist and letting her sweet scent soothe him.
He wanted to make love to her, to promise her that he’d move heaven and earth to get their daughter back where she belonged. But Beth was sleeping so peacefully after such a draining day, he didn’t want to be selfish and wake her up so they could talk. At least now he was holding her.
There was one idea he wanted to share with her, something that he’d only recently decided would be something good for their family. Now wasn’t the time. When things settled down and Emma’s visit with her father was over, then he would tell Beth his brilliant idea.
Robert wanted to have a baby with her. Only then could he be sure that she’d never leave him.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Robert blinked against the sunlight streaming through the bedroom window. He mentally scolded himself for forg
etting to shut the blinds before he crawled into bed.
They’d survived the first night without Emma and the world hadn’t ended. Whatever he and Beth faced, they could survive—if they helped each other through.
He rolled over to wake his wife, hoping he could convince her to make love. He needed the connection. With a little luck, she would finally let her walls down and would let him back in. She’d been so emotionally closed off yesterday, so he’d given her space. Now he wanted to bridge that gap, to make their marriage stronger and to show her how much he truly loved her. Her doubts about him were far too easy to see, and the time had come to bury those doubts.
She was gone. “B?” No sounds came from the bathroom. He tried again, loud enough to be heard downstairs. “Bethany?”
There was no response.
Robert threw the covers aside and padded down to the kitchen. There weren’t any dirty dishes in the sink, which meant she’d probably skipped breakfast again. He opened the doors to the deck and stuck his head out. “B? Where are you?”
Grumbling to himself, he slammed the door and headed to the garage. Her Beetle was gone.
Rubbing his hand over his face, he cursed himself for not waking up when she did. When they were first married, her mere movement in bed would jar him awake. After weeks of sleeping by her side, he’d grown accustomed to her, which was bad news for him now.
Before going back upstairs to get ready to face the day, he searched around for a note. Nothing. Not a single clue as to where she’d gone. Just a missing phone and purse that screamed she’d flown.
He texted her three times while he shaved and dressed and received no reply. Shifting from irritated to worried, he texted Dani.
B with you?
On a normal day, her replied sarcasm would’ve made him smile.
Did you lose your wife?
Tired of texting, he called her. After four rings, he was ready to hang up since it would be humiliating to tell her he had no idea why his wife had left. Dani answered before he could disconnect.
“What’s up, Robert?”
Too worried to search for the proper words, he blurted out, “Bethany’s g-gone.”
“What do you mean ‘gone’?”
“When I w-woke up, she wasn’t here. Did she call you?”
“It’s eight in the morning on a summer break day. She knows better than to call that early. So should you.”
“Sorry.” Every instinct inside him was screaming that Beth needed him, but he wasn’t sure where to even start searching for her.
“You really don’t know where she is?” Dani asked.
“Not a clue.”
“Hold tight. I’m throwing on some clothes and coming over there.”
Since he knew “right over” meant at least thirty minutes in Danitalk, Robert wolfed down some cereal and resorted to nervous pacing until she pulled into the driveway. She honked the annoyingly cute horn on her Prius, so he snatched up his phone and sunglasses and went outside.
“Is she back yet?” she called through the open window.
“Nope.”
“No call or text?”
He shook his head.
“Then get in,” Dani ordered. “I know some places we can check.”
* * *
Robert was heartsick. Three hours of searching what seemed like every square inch of Cloverleaf yielded not a single clue as to where Beth had gone. Frustrated enough he wanted to pull his hair out, he weighed the idea of calling the police to get their help. Problem was that he’d heard cops wouldn’t get involved in missing person cases until at least twenty-four hours had passed. If he waited that long, he’d go insane.
Where was she? He’d used up most of the juice in his battery texting and calling her. If she had her cell phone with her, the insistent playing of the song “Anyway” had to be driving her nuts.
God, she loved that song. Beth always talked about how it said so much of what she felt in her heart, that even if the chances of success weren’t good, a person should always try anyway. It was a song of hope and optimism. Pure Bethany.
Why couldn’t she see that the battle for Emma wasn’t lost, not yet at least? Why couldn’t she reach deep down for that optimism, that hope, she needed? He was here for her, ready to fight right alongside her.
So why the disappearing act? There was no answer to be found, not in his own mind or from the Ladies Who Lunch. They’d joined the search about an hour in because Dani insisted the two of them needed help.
His heart leapt when his phone rang, and he fumbled to unclip it from his belt. “Damn it,” he muttered when he saw the caller ID. With a weary sigh, he answered the call. “Hey, Alexis. Now’s not a good time.”
“I’d say not,” she said, a note of anger in her tone. “Do you want to explain why Beth asked me to start annulment proceedings?”
“What?”
Everyone in the supermarket parking lot where he and the other searchers had met turned to stare at him. No wonder, considering he’d shouted loud enough to wake the dead.
“You didn’t know?” Alexis sounded as confused as Robert felt.
“N-no.” He swatted at Dani, who was gripping his elbow and trying to get him to let her hear the conversation. “Is she there w-with you?”
“No. She left a message about an hour ago with my receptionist. I just now got back to the office and immediately called you to see what in the hell had happened.”
“Did she say where she is?” Robert asked.
“She’s not with you?”
“No.” Now he had to brush all three of the Ladies away. “Stop it,” he scolded. “Give me some room.”
“Pardon?” Alexis said.
“Nothing. Look, I haven’t seen Beth all day. Her friends and I have looked absolutely everywhere. Did she say where she was?”
“No, I’m sorry but she didn’t. My assistant said Beth sounded a little… odd. She said Beth also mentioned dropping the adoption petition. I’m really worried about her, Robert.”
“So am I. If you hear anything, p-please call me.”
“I will,” Alexis promised. “And please let me know when you find her. You know, I’ve been thinking hard about Judge Ramsey insisting on this visitation, and if I’m correct, it weighs in our favor.”
“What’s that mean?”
“What if she’s giving Darren a huge dose of reality by having him take care of Emma so he can see how hard it is? She might especially want him to know how much harder it’ll be when they bring the newborn home, too.”
“You think the judge would d-do something like that?”
“Judge Ramsey? Absolutely. Look, go on. Go find Beth.”
“Thanks. I’ll be in t-touch.”
Ben pulled up in his truck only a few moments after Robert ended his call with the lawyer. He jumped out and hurried to the group. “Anything yet?”
“N-no,” Robert snapped. He was so upset he couldn’t get the stutter under control. Never in his life had he feared for someone so deeply. In the back of his mind, he worried that Beth had sunk into a deep depression and might even be suicidal.
No. Not Beth. No way she would consider taking her own life. She might be feeling a bit beat down by the world right now, but her heart was too full of joy, of life, to ever think about suicide. That was his panic talking.
“What do we do now?” Mallory asked, throwing up her hands.
Everyone else started talking at once. Except Dani. She stood there, lost in thought.
Robert tried to listen to his friends’ suggestions, but all he heard was noise much like the adults in the Charlie Brown cartoons. He kept staring at Dani, and he saw the moment she had what looked like an epiphany. Her eyes widened and she let out a soft gasp.
“W-what?” he asked, barely able to keep from grabbing her arms and giving her a shake to get her to spill. “What did you figure out?”
“I think I know where Beth is.”
He flipped his hand, trying to hurry her up. If
she knew where Beth was, he wanted to be there. Now.
“Have any of you noticed that Beth hasn’t cried lately?” Dani asked, her gaze shifting from person to person.
“Of course she’s cried,” Robert insisted.
Dani’s eyes settled on him. “Has she? Really? ’Cause I haven’t seen it. Not at her sister’s funeral. Not over this adoption battle. Not at all!”
“You’re right,” Mallory said with a nod; then she knit her brows. “But Beth cries over everything.”
“Movies. Songs. Even cute puppies,” Jules added. “I’m with Mal. I didn’t see her do more than wipe away a few tears at the funeral, not even at the graveside service. Her only sister died, and she hasn’t cried?” She gave her head a shake. “That’s not the Beth we know.”
“Exactly,” Dani said. “She hasn’t mourned Tiffany. Not really. One minute she’s at the grave; the next, she’s taking care of Emma. She never had a chance to decompress and let go of the grief.”
Robert found some of his patience and actually listened to what had just been said. The more he thought about it, the more he realized they were all right. Beth hadn’t grieved for her sister. There might have been a tear or two, but that was it. They were also correct in saying that was unusual for his wife.
Beth had an enormous heart, and she wore it on her sleeve. At graduation, the Douglas students could pick their most influential teacher to hand them their diplomas. Beth always had the most kids, and there were always tears streaming down her cheeks as she said good-bye to her seniors.
Yet she hadn’t wept over her sister. Add to that the endless stress caused when Darren Brown had been named Emma’s father and then stolen her away. Beth had to feel like a ticking time bomb that was ready to explode.
“You’re right, Dani.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But what does that have to do with where she is now?”
