by Lya Lively
Sweat glistened over my entire body; my hair was everywhere, and I was everywhere. And then, you wouldn’t believe it; I saw him through the crowd of disappointment and neglect. “Noah,” I whispered his name out loud preparing to make my way over to him, a pathetic smile creeping across my lips.
He was grinning, and it seemed like the happiest I’d seen him since we met. Perfect, I thought excitedly, the exuberance of the moment striking me like a bus, now just talk to him. And then I saw it.
It was then I saw the bleached-blonde in a tight dress holding his hands between her delicate fingers.
I wasn’t sure if the beat dropped, but I felt something fall within me. It collapsed and shattered, and I’m inclined to believe it was my heart but it could’ve just been that I hadn’t eaten.
Suddenly I was approached by a dark-haired boy, his green eyes piercing through the lights of the party. It wasn’t his eyes I saw first, though; it was the tattoo of a clock that laced his inner forearm.
He held his hand out, offering me to take it. Suddenly the world was quiet and still. I reached out, closing the gap between us, and held his hand as he led us out of the swarm.
Behind me, I could hear the beat drop followed by laughter and yelling. It hit me that I was that girl. I was the one that dies first in scary movies, but he was so mesmerizing, and all I wanted to do was forget. I couldn’t help myself. He wanted to take me away from the crowd, so he did.
***
“So what’s a nice girl like you doing at a party like that,” he asked me from across the red and black checkered table. Nice girl. I wanted to reply to his smile with one of my own, but just thinking about it reminded me of Noah and that girl.
“What’s a smart guy like you doing with a tattoo like that,” I asked gesturing to the clock.
“Ugh,” he laughed a cute, deep-voiced laugh. “Back to this?”
“Yes,” I said bluntly. “I don’t like it.”
He was still smiling when the waitress came over to take our order. He gestured to me first, “Um, just a sweet tea, please.”
“Ok,” she mumbled scribbling it down. “And you, Drew?” She asked him, her mouth curling up slightly at one end when she said his name.
“Yes, well I will have the fantastic cheese sticks and water, please.” He winked when he finished and handed her our menus.
When he returned to planet Earth, I glanced away and began fidgeting with sugar packets, “Who’s she?” I tried to ask casually.
He watched me and picked up a packet as well; he twirled it between his fingers, “No one you need to worry about.”
She was tall with long brown hair and baby-blue eyes, the very definition of ‘worry about it.' My eyes darted to his, “What do you mean?”
“I mean,” you could tell he was getting nervous, his jaw clenched while he maintained eye-contact with the table tiles. He threw a casual shrug, “I like you.”
I didn’t mean to, it just happened...
He looked appalled but in a sarcastic way, “Did you just laugh at me?”
“No,” but I couldn’t stop. The giggles just kept erupting from me like lava, “I mean, yeah, but I wasn’t laughing at you!”
He tried to be upset, but he couldn’t help himself from joining in, “what’s so funny?”
“I dunno,” I dropped the sugar packet, and the waitress came back with the drinks.
“The cheese sticks will be out in just a minute,” she assured him with a smile.
“Okay, thanks,” he replied blindly before turning back to me. “Then why are you laughing?”
“I guess,” I said after the spontaneous amusement subsided, “I’ve just never had anyone say they like me before.”
“Hm,” he said quietly. We just sat there for a minute waiting for him to get his food so we could leave.
“You know,” he started. “Artificial sweeteners are actually worse for your body than the normal sweeteners. Which sucks because people on diets love them,” he smiled.
“No kidding,” I said amused, brushing loose hairs out away from my face.
***
“So how was your night,” he asked dropping me off at the apartment.
“It was okay,” I grabbed his wrist playfully, “you certainly taught me not to waste a good moment.”
He leaned in closer; I could smell the cologne on his Green Day t-shirt. Just then the door opened, startling us both, causing him to jump away.
“Oh sorry,” Noah said with false discomfort. “I thought I heard someone out here; I was hoping it was...” His voice trailed off when he noticed my disappointed expression. “Did I interrupt something?”
“Naw, man; you’re good,” Drew said quickly. He was about the same height as Noah, maybe only half as wide, and it seemed like in that moment that’s exactly what he was thinking too.
“Oh good,” he continued calmly, “well have either of you seen Cameron?”
“Nope,” I said without hiding my disdain.
“Oh okay,” he said leaning back into the room. “If you do just yell for me,” he winked as he closed the door.
I couldn’t tell what it was for sure, but I could’ve sworn I almost wanted him to come back out; for anything, just something stupid.
“So...” Drew said after an awkward pause of silence.
He leaned back in, “Nope,” I said smoothing putting my hand in front of his face. “Maybe you should get a bigger tattoo next time. Clearly, you missed the message.”
I grabbed the room key out of my back pocket and opened the door, “Night Drew.”
“Night,” he mumbled before I shut it.
I pressed my back against the cool wood, just in time for Noah to come up through the kitchen. “Gone so soon? It’s only,” he went to check the time with a questionable eyebrow raised.
“You didn’t think it was Cameron,” I said plainly.
I could’ve sworn he smirked, “so you went out tonight?”
“You didn’t?”
“Not exactly.”
“What do you-,” but he cut me off before I could finish, pulling his phone out of his pocket.
“I’ve gotta take this,” he said checking the name on the LED screen, “Hello? Cameron? Where the Hell are you, I’ve been worried sick!” He yelled, his expression turning tight and angry.
It was at that moment the room started to shake; I could feel the intense emotions mixing the contents of my head and stomach like a blender. The thoughts trampled their way into my mind with a violent thudding that sounded like the pounding of a clock. It ticked, and ticked, and ticked as the room fell black like a curtain closing the scene.
***
“Where were you,” she yelled angrily. “We’ve been worried sick!”
“Mom,” a male’s voice spoke guiltily, “I was just hanging out with Hayden.”
I leaned heavily against the warm drywall; the Fisher’s didn’t like using air-conditioning because Eric’s dad was raised in an Amish community. He was only kicked out because he fell in love with Eric’s mom, a nonbeliever. They’ve somewhat modernized and compromised since then, but there are some things they still like to hold onto around the house like they don’t use electrical appliances and they don’t wear jewelry, they only dress in solid dark-colored clothing and don’t use any unnatural dyes. For that reason, Eric’s mom likes to keep multiple candles stashed away for cold nights, also a kerosene lantern in case of emergencies in each of the bedrooms. I scrounged my toes beneath me on the carpet as their voices changed to hushed tones.
“I don’t want you hanging out over there anymore,” his mom whispered loudly.
“But Mom, it was only one time,” Eric’s familiar voice whined. What was only one time, I thought curiously.
“Eric, that is enough! I don’t want to hear any more on the subject,” she scolded. “And when your father comes back from wherever he is,” I could imagine her waving her arms in the air as she sometimes did when she became exasperated. “He can deal with you. N
ow make sure you’re packed up for New York when he gets home, you know he doesn’t like to make these trips longer than they need to be.”
Her voice was sharp, unfaltering. Whatever she was saying, she meant it. I just wish I knew what it was. I waited a moment longer in my hiding place behind the wall just outside the kitchen for Eric to reply, to argue, something but he remained silent.
I turned around to high tale it back to his bedroom; there I could confront him about this whole ‘hair-dying’ situation with my mom. But as soon as I shifted the weight to my other foot he was already standing over me; his strong hands rested on my shoulders while he stared worriedly into my eyes.
I managed to choke out a whisper, “Noah?”
TWELVE
Hayden
“What was that?” Noah asked for nearly the tenth time.
“I told you,” I said weakly as I tried to push away the thoughts that had invaded my restless and confused mind; “I must’ve just zoned out.”
“No, no-no. No, I’ve seen people zone out; that was like,” He searched for a phrase that would best describe what he meant. Then his face tightened into something that could only be described as either anguish or disappointment; he squinted. “Are you on drugs?”
“What?” I stood up exasperatedly, “are you kidding me? I zone out, and you think I’m a drug addict all of the sudden?”
“Well, I didn’t. But now I do,” he replied firmly.
I pushed on his chest; it didn’t move him, but he took a careful step back anyway. “You’re ridiculous,” I told him angrily before I stormed off to plant myself on the sofa.
He opened his mouth to say something, regret becoming apparent on his face, but before he could the door swung open.
“Who’s ready to go camping,” Kara asked bursting into the room with false enthusiasm and a red tank top.
“Umm,” I mumbled curiously, caught completely off-guard by the sudden mood and subject change.
“I don’t know if that’s such a great idea,” Noah said finally. “I mean, with you and Cam...”
“Look, I know we aren’t dating anymore,” she said rolling her eyes. “But we already paid for the trip, and I think, correct me if I’m wrong, that we’re all old enough to move past the ‘boyfriend/girlfriend’ drama and have a fun weekend out together.”
Her inappropriateness in the situation was almost comforting, possibly, hidden deep within the panging sickness it left in my stomach. A part of me worried slightly that Noah would tell her he believes I do drugs now, and since they’ve known each other for so long, she would believe him. And then I would be alone, again.
There was a moment of quiet contemplation on Noah’s part where he refused to look at me; I just sat on the sofa quietly while they dealt things out. As I watched them, I noticed a pink Nike bag thrown over Kara’s shoulder.
“Yeah,” he argued while he ran a hand through his messy black hair, “I still don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She threw her hands up in exasperation, “Well what if Hayden comes to ease the tension,” she pointed at me.
“What,” I asked warily. “Was I just volunteered to play peacekeeper on a camping trip I wasn’t formally invited to?”
“Yes,” she said painfully withholding her irritability as she spoke through her clenched jaw, there was a twinkle of hope evident in her bright green eyes begging me to consider her invitation.
“Well,” I said carefully, “I’m for it if you guys are.” I shrugged. “I haven’t been camping since I was three, so I don’t really know all the fundamentals but, yuh know, I’m cool with it if you are.” I made it a point to look at Noah when I said, ‘you,’ struggling not to cry as I spoke. He hates me.
He shrugged and turned around so his back would face me as if our conversation five minutes ago hadn’t even happened, “I mean, sure. I’ll try, but I can’t promise Cameron will agree,...”
“He will,” Kara said suddenly.
I exchanged thoughtful glances with the back of Noah’s head while he continued to avoid looking at me, “Well, what’s everyone waiting for? Let’s get packing!” Kara yelled excitedly as she threw down her bag beside the table. “I’ll be back to pick everyone up in about six hours, so be ready,” she added before she disappeared into the hallway.
***
Seven hours later Kara showed up rushing us out of the room, of course, I was already ready because I didn’t need to repack too many things. “Alesha is driving us in her dad’s old VW van thingy, and Cameron is bringing Tony along,” she told us on our way out to the elevator where we then stood awkwardly for what seemed like forever.
To be completely honest, while I wasn’t ecstatic to go on the trip, there were few things I hated more than staying inside alone for countless hours. SO, it was better than the alternative.
“Wow,” she looked at Noah hoping he’d comment, “and here we have an annual trip we go on, and she hasn’t been since she was three.”
I raised both eyebrows to respond instead of speaking outright; maybe this whole trip was a bad idea, from the start. We rode the rest of the way down in silence.
I’m not sure why, but I was surprised when I saw how big the van actually was. Alesha stood plastered to the side of it, gesturing us into the double doors like a sarcastic model, now sporting red hair that better framed her sun-kissed skin and blue eyes.
The vehicle, which I later became informed is named Debra, has a beautiful cream and brown interior that was soft to the touch. The seating in the back resembled the setup of a limousine. Whereas it was positioned in the shape of an L. In the back, there were only seat belts for four people, so naturally, Kara and Alesha occupied the front seats while the boys and I sat uncomfortably in the back with all of the luggage behind and between us on the floor.
The trip was a six-hour trip. I’ve learned that Tony, Cameron’s friend, is a huge fan of Skiing though he had oddly enough never participated in the sport or witnessed it played in any form. He claims that the “obsession,” his words not mine, all started when he saw a poster in a magazine “about sports” and the intricacy of the image captivated his “dreams and waking conscious at all hours.”
“Wow,” I said awkwardly shaking my head in genuine disbelief, “that’s almost poetic.”
Noah, who seemed to express the thoughts I was actually thinking muttered, “Or just weird.”
“Yeah, but mostly that,” I whispered back, startling him as though he hadn’t known his voice was audible or that the words had left his lips.
I almost wanted just to stare at him, Noah I mean. I knew he didn’t like me when we met, I know he still doesn’t trust me and that I’m undeserving of it anyway, but what I don’t know is when the day will come that I’m not able to just wonder about him so closely. I don’t know when the day will come that the questions I’m dying to ask won’t even have the slightest opportunity to be shared, even if I wouldn’t ask them now. I almost felt deeply intoxicated by the curiosity he left me drowning in; it was as if even the more I found out, the more questions I had, the less I truly knew.
It was almost enough just to be able to look at him with silent thoughts and know that right now he was next to me and that was enough.
“Are you staring at me, Harlow?” His voice asked, breaking through my mental rantings of curiosity and plaguing temptation.
“You wish,” I lied. I shifted my gaze out the window beside him, “I just wish I would’ve gotten the window seat.” That’s not necessarily a lie.
He raised both of his dark eyebrows suspiciously, “You wanna switch?” He asked me, his fingertips grazed his seat belt buckle resembling a cowboy drawing his weapon in any western movie ever made.
“Right now,” I asked excitedly grasping for mine.
He quickly glanced at the girls before shifting his gaze back at me, the corner of his mouth twitched upward into a sideways smirk, “in three...”
His dark eyes burned into mine like a hellish fire, “two...�
�
Anticipation caused my palms to get slightly sweaty; it happened whenever I was nervous. He glanced back at them, “ONE!” And you could hear the quick clicking of our seat belts and the quick chuckles once we settled down in each other's seats.
“Noah,” Alesha called back without turning around, “you better not be doing anything stupid.”
“Of course not,” he said sounding sarcastically appalled.
Then Kara turned around, her back towards Cameron and Tony, “Hayden, I hope you’re not instigating anything,” she winked.
“Of course not,” I told her with false disbelief.
“Okay,” she mouthed as if she didn’t believe a word I said.
“Hey,” I whispered to Noah after she turned back around. “I was wrong; I don’t like this seat,” I joked.
He caught on to the sarcasm, his eyes widening. Mine, however, had somehow gracefully shifted down past his jaw and to his neck where, just before his shoulder, was a mark. “Three,” he said playing along. It could’ve been a birthmark. “Two,” his eyes sparkled with amusement. But it was something just off from that, and then it hit me. “One!” He laughed amusingly a deep, adorable laugh that reeked of innocence and tragedy.
It was a burn.
***
We finally arrived at Buck Pond Campground six hours later after four bathroom stops, two drive-thru’s, and once because there was a bee. Do I feel bad for screaming? No. Are you shitting me? It was a giant bee. What kind of question is that? Psh!
Anyway, we checked into our three-person tents with just less than fifteen minutes before our reservation would’ve been given away if necessary. I wouldn’t say we were lucky exactly, but I wouldn’t deny it if someone else did.
The sun had already died over the pond hours ago, so we lit the campfire given we were within the time regulation of us doing so, and somehow the conversations went from light-hearted talk about music to a full-fledged deep-seated discussion about life, and death, and everything between, above, and below it. Eyes were glazed over, illuminated by nature’s poison, voices hushed, and thoughts hung dry in fear of being spoken.
