“And if he doesn’t?”
“He will.”
He decided to let it lie for a bit, so he scratched his chin and affixed a perturbed expression on his face. “I don’t know, Gwendolyn. There’s always an inherent danger. When I travel with Colin or James, they have to abide by the rules.”
“What are the rules?” she asked, excited. “I can follow rules!”
“Gwen, you’re terrible at following rules.”
“I am not!” she exclaimed indignantly, but immediately, she grinned sheepishly. “Okay, I am. But I won’t be this time. I promise.”
He put the car in park outside of a pub, then headed around to her side. He opened her door, unbuckled her, and leaned one arm on the dash in front of her, effectively filling her personal space. He searched her eyes, noticed her skin was flushing that delightful shade of pink he saw back in the dress shop, and he took a deep, even breath.
“Aye, Gwen. If you promise to do exactly as I say, I’ll take you to meet my dam.”
Her face lit up. “I can’t wait.”
He gave her a resigned smile, but inside, he was doing a victory dance. Nor can I, lass. He slowly backed up, allowing her to get out of his car, and he closed the door behind her.
A car parked a few spaces from them backfired, and Gwen let out the most ear-piercing, terrified scream he’d ever heard. Before he could blink, she was in his arms, trying to claw her way into his skin.
“Whoa,” he exclaimed. “Gwen. Gwendolyn. ’Twas a car backfiring. You’re safe.”
Her body shaking, she nodded her head against his chest, but she didn’t release her death grip on him. “Okay. Can we just stay here for a minute?” she asked, her voice raw.
His heart cracked at the tears saturating his shirt. Oh, Gwendolyn, the things you must’ve seen. He wrapped his arms more securely around her. “Aye. For a minute, for an hour, for a day. For as long as you need.”
Chapter Five
“Reilly’s upgraded his lawn furniture, I see.”
The next day, Gwen grinned as she rubbed her hands over the smooth teak chair that matched the one in which Ellie sat. “No kidding. He’s had those plastic things for much too long. I think the weather finally did them in.”
“Colin told me it was one of Reilly’s visitors who said something about it.” Ellie sipped her iced tea thoughtfully. “From what I gathered, it was a visitor who had never encountered plastic before, and took a sword to it as a form of investigation.”
Gwen’s eyes widened, and a giggle escaped her. “Well, I can’t say I blame him. They were pretty awful.”
“These are as gorgeous as the rest of the furniture in the house.”
Gwen nodded in agreement. “Reilly makes it all. He’s very talented.”
Ellie stirred her beverage with her straw without looking at Gwen, and said carefully, “So…you’re sure you’re over Reilly, Gwen?”
She choked on her own iced tea. “Et tu, Brute?”
Ellie grinned. “Excellent Shakespeare reference! Color me impressed!”
Gwen rolled her eyes. “I had to suffer through it in high school just like everyone else.”
“Suffer?” Ellie gasped. “Julius Caesar was an amazing foray into—”
“Oh please, let’s not discuss literature,” Gwen implored, cutting her off. “I can’t do it today!”
“Then let’s discuss your love life. I admit that I’m a little surprised you agreed to marry Anthony. Not that you’re unable to commit,” Ellie hurried on, noticing her friend’s color rising. “But you barely spoke about him. You worked with him a lot and have a respect for him, certainly. But when you talk about him, you don’t have that joy.”
Gwen laughed uncomfortably. “Not everyone wears their heart on their sleeve, El.”
Ellie leveled a stare at her. “You do. And I know you, Gwen. I’ve known you all our lives. And while I wasn’t privy to meeting your Reilly until last year, whenever you spoke of him, your eyes got almost starry. Your face lit up, and you became more animated.”
Gwen swallowed hard, the stabbing pain in her chest almost unbearable. “That was before.”
“Before Anthony?”
Gwen considered lying. She thought about how easy it would be to pretend, to let her best friend think that.
But Ellie would figure it out. She always did; she was so attuned to other people’s thoughts and feelings that sometimes she almost knew Gwen better than Gwen knew herself.
She opted for the truth.
She took a deep breath, then opened her mouth. She promptly shut it, trying to form the right words, then opened it again.
Then shut it.
“I’ve got all day, but Colin and Reilly will be back from their run eventually. I suggest you simply spit it out.”
Gwen chewed her lip for a moment longer. “I loved Reilly from almost the minute I met him. Obviously, he is gorgeous, and he was then, too. But there was something I recognized in him right away, like my soul settled into place when we first spoke. I thought we were destined to be together, you know? Even though I was so young, my heart just knew it’d found its other half. But he rejected me. And he did it in such a way that I was bruised, but I didn’t give up hope. He offered me his friendship, and I took it.”
Ellie nodded encouragingly, and Gwen focused her gaze on the tree line in the distance. “He always treated me as more than a sister, but less than a girlfriend. Best friend, I guess, which is what we are. I always wanted more, and I never made a secret of it. Good God, I made advances a lot, Ellie. A lot.” She huffed out an embarrassed laugh. “More than any dignified woman should, for sure. But my pride never mattered. I just kept thinking, He’ll see it. He’ll see that we are meant to be together, and it will all be worth it. But then the years passed, and he didn’t see it. He kept me at arm’s length, and like a dog starved for attention, I was willing to take what he offered. Pathetic, I know. But I never cared about that, because just being near him, being part of his life, was enough for me.”
“But you dated other guys.”
“I did. And they were all right. But I kept holding them up to Reilly, and none compared. I mean, how could they? I was in love with someone totally out of my reach. They never stood a chance.”
“But then Anthony came along, right?”
She adjusted her position and tightened her sweater around herself. “Not exactly. A few months ago, when Reilly was visiting me, I remember sitting with him on the couch, fighting over the Doritos bag. We wrestled it back and forth a bit, and there was a moment when my mouth was close enough to his that if I was brave enough, I could kiss him. I could lay one on him and really feel if he was into me. But before I could, he handed me the bag, gave me a smile, then continued to watch the movie. He never felt the charge I did.” Gwen paused a moment, pushing the lump in her throat down.
“So that was the moment you realized it was time to let go?”
Gwen swallowed hard. “I wish. But I couldn’t. I physically couldn’t handle the pain every time I thought about never seeing him again, because that’s what I’d have to do in order to really move on. And I wasn’t ready.”
“What made you ready?” Ellie asked.
Gwen buried her head in her hands. “Last summer, when we fell into the Middle Ages, and after Colin saved you from the other laird, I saw Reilly covered in blood. It wasn’t his, but it freaked me out. Before you fell asleep that night, you said something that struck a chord. You told me you had to try one more time.” She paused, fighting the tears that threatened. “I left the chamber and went to Reilly’s. He was awake. I’ll never forget the picture of him, sitting by that fire, sharpening his sword. His hair was damp, and he smelled like soap. The blood was gone, but I had to say something right then.”
Ellie’s eyes were huge. “What did you say?”
Gwen pinched the bridge of her nose as she remembered.
“Ry?”
He looked up from his task. “You should be abed, lass.”
>
“I couldn’t sleep. I needed to see you.”
He didn’t smile, but he did shift over on the bench and went back to his task.
She gingerly sat down. “Are you okay?”
“I’m always okay after these things,” he replied. His tense shoulders told a different story.
She laid a hand on his arm. “Reilly…”
He froze. “Gwen, do you know what battle does to a man?” She remained silent, and his gaze dropped to her hand on his arm. “It makes him…desirous.”
“Too much testosterone flowing?” she tried to joke, but the words died on her lips when his eyes met hers.
“If you don’t leave, I can’t promise you’ll be safe here.”
Gwen searched his face. “You wouldn’t hurt me.”
He let out a humorless laugh. “Not intentionally. I beg of you, Gwendolyn. Leave me.”
She gently cupped his face, knowing he needed her at that moment possibly more than she needed him. “I’ll never leave you.”
Slowly, he leaned toward her. “I’ve done terrible things in my life, Gwen, but I’ve never lost my honor.”
Her voice barely above a whisper, she replied, “There’s nothing you could do to stop me from loving you.”
The admission shocked him; she could see it in his flared nostrils, his widened eyes. But then his mouth was on hers, devouring her, and her heart exploded with such love, she swore she’d somehow entered into heaven.
He said her name over and over again, through his kisses down her neck, across her cheeks, and into her mouth. His sword clattered to the floor, and he swept her into his arms, his lips never leaving hers. He tossed her onto the bed, and she watched him come close almost immediately. His hands traveled down her sides, to her hips; his fingers tightened around the fabric of her dress, and he began tugging it up. She lifted her hips to aid him, and he kissed her deeply, searing her soul. His hands were everywhere, and with them, he lit a trail of fire unlike anything she’d ever experienced.
She pulled at his tunic, and he whipped it off with one hand. Her breath whooshed out, as she took in the perfection of his chest. Enormous muscles, dusted with dark hair, flexed as he shifted himself over her.
“You’re my light,” he whispered feverishly.
“You’re my life,” she whispered back.
Their lips met again, slower this time, but with more intensity. He began to unlace her, and he revealed her inch by inch, until her breasts were free and her bodice at her waist.
“Perfection,” he murmured, tracing her gently.
A knock at the door had him looking up, annoyed. He called out something in Gaelic, and a woman’s voice replied. His face changed, and he looked down in horror at Gwen.
She sat up quickly, pulling her dress up. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
“Dear God…I almost ruined you.”
“What?” she half-laughed, a feeling of dread replacing the beautiful butterflies she had a moment ago.
“You must leave. Immediately.” He launched himself off the bed and pulled his tunic on.
“I don’t understand—”
“You’re not a whore, and I won’t use you as one,” he said sharply. He shot her a glare. “I told you to leave. After a battle, I can’t help myself. I’ve needs, Gwendolyn. And you’re not the woman to see to them.”
The sting of tears was instantaneous, and she didn’t bother trying to stem them. “How could you say something like that? I love you!”
“Nay, you do not. You think you do. But you mistake it. We’ve naught but friendship. I will not use you in such a way, to slake my lust after tonight’s events.” He turned his back to her and picked up his sword from where it lay by the hearth. “Go, Gwendolyn. Do not return to my chamber.”
Ellie gripped Gwen’s hand when she fell silent. “That was a horrible thing to do.”
“The woman outside the door was coming to his room to relieve his stress,” Gwen said, this time without inflection.
“I don’t remember any tensions the next day,” Ellie replied thoughtfully. “Though, to be honest, I had a lot going on.”
“There was tension. I spoke about Claire MacWilliam being the next time traveler, just to irritate him. I know he does love her like a sister and the thought of her in danger would put him over the edge, so to speak. And I wouldn’t let it go, either.”
“When did you two talk about what happened?”
Gwen sighed. “The day we got back. He apologized, blamed it on the heat of the moment. He also swore up and down that he didn’t allow the woman who interrupted us that night into his bedchamber.”
“Do you believe him?”
“Not that it’s relevant, but I do. And then we agreed to leave it in the past, and we made a promise to continue to be each other’s best friend.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
Gwen used some colorful language that made Ellie grimace.
“I guess I never understood why he wouldn’t choose me. I just don’t get why I can’t let him go.”
“Can’t, as in, still can’t?”
“Couldn’t,” Gwen hastily replied. “Couldn’t. Because I have. It’s why I barely spoke to him over the last year. When I left for the States, I didn’t call him or text him or anything. I video chatted with him when I was in Venezuela. When I realized things were a little off there, I think I needed someone to know where I was.”
“Reilly’s a good guy to have around for a rescue,” Ellie agreed.
“Yeah.” Gwen traced the rim of her glass before placing it on the small table between them. “That’s probably the reason why I called him and not my parents or you.” She let out a frustrated sigh. “God. I wish I could just understand why he rejected me. Every spurned woman’s wish, I guess…”
“Has he ever told you about the soul mate thing?”
Gwen blinked. “The what?”
Ellie tucked her legs underneath herself. “The soul mate. No?” At Gwen’s blank look, Ellie continued, “So, as I understand it, the Protectors are each destined for one woman. I can only assume it works for Reilly, too, as he’s the leader of them. Once a Protector claims his mate, as she’s called, he’s bound to her forever. No matter how many lifetimes go by, he will only find happiness with his mate. But she has to return the claim.”
“What happens if she doesn’t?”
Ellie frowned. “The Protector is doomed to live half a life, never finding true happiness.”
Gwen’s heart felt heavy. “Well. There’s my answer, I guess. All these years, I’ve offered myself to him over and over and over.” Her voice caught on the lump in her throat as the realization hit her with full force. “That’s the reason why he’s never accepted my advances. I’m not his mate.”
“I’m sorry,” Ellie said softly, reaching over to squeeze Gwen’s hand. “But Anthony…it just seems so sudden, Gwen.”
Gwen explained with a shrug, “I think, deep down, I knew something like this was at play, that maybe Ry and I weren’t meant to be. But I was excited that his secret was out. I thought that must’ve been the thing holding him back. I mean, if there was any perfect time to tell me, that would’ve been it, right? But I realized, that day we got back from our adventure, that it wasn’t ever going to happen. So I accepted his apology, and made the conscious choice to move on with my life.”
“And so you came back, met Anthony, and fell in love?” Ellie asked skeptically.
Gwen grasped Ellie’s hand, her eyes intense. “Ellie, I want what you have with Colin. I want the happiness, and the security of knowing that someone loves me. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Of course not.”
“Anthony can give me that. I can be content with him. He’s enough for me. I might not have that fairy-tale love, but I like him. I respect him. And I’m not getting any younger, to be truthful. I’m thirty-two. I want children, and a dog, and a messy house.”
“Gwen…you’re settling,” Ellie whispered, sho
cked. “Please don’t settle. You deserve more than that.”
“I don’t deserve a damn thing,” Gwen retorted. “Don’t feel badly for me, Eleanor. Don’t you dare. I’ve made my bed, and I’m perfectly willing to lie in it. Not everyone can get what they want all the time.”
“What if Reilly were to walk through that door and tell you that you were making a mistake? That you belonged with him, and he wanted to marry you?”
Gwen felt a bubble of anger. “Why would you even say that?”
Ellie’s mouth twisted into a sad smile. “Because I think you still love him. Answer the question.”
Gwen shook her head. “You’re wrong, El. I don’t. I can’t. I used to be blind with love, but I’m no longer that deep that I wouldn’t see it for what it was. If, after all this time, Reilly were to declare his undying love for me, I’d know it was his pride speaking, not his heart. He’s made it abundantly clear, over and over again. My pride can only handle so much.”
“I wish it was different.” Ellie’s sadness darkened her whole face, and Gwen knew they wore matching expressions.
“He can't push me away, then expect me to be there when he’s decided he’s ready,” Gwen said, her voice showing more resolve than she felt. “I’ve moved on. And I’ll be happy with Anthony.”
“Then I’ll have to be happy with that,” Ellie replied loyally. She offered her a small smile. “It’ll all work out in the end. It always does.”
“So says the glowing bride,” Gwen smirked, relieved that Ellie was letting it lie.
Ellie began talking about the latest first copy of some book she received in her bookshop recently, but Gwen’s mind was elsewhere. She wished she could feel the same way about Anthony that Ellie did about Colin.
• • •
Reilly stood just inside the kitchen, the conversation outside leaving him dazed.
“I’d know it was his pride speaking, not his heart.”
“You can’t push someone away and expect them to be there when you’re ready.”
“I’ll be happy with Anthony.”
The words played on an endless reel, making him dizzy and slightly nauseous. He couldn’t breathe.
Falling Through Time: Mists of Fate - Book Four Page 10
