“Hell, how I wished you wouldn’t have! Do you think I wanted to use that damn service?”
“How else were you going to do your ‘research’?” I mocked.
His nostrils flared. “When I approached Kenadie last year about a mutually beneficial deal in which I would do some advertising in exchange for some insider information, she refused based on the proprietary nature of what she’s created.”
Good for her, I thought.
“The fact of the matter is, what you do there is unique, and I felt it was the best fit for what we initially wanted. I approached her again, and after some considerable vetting on her part, she agreed, but only if I would use the service for real. She feels strongly,” he stretched his neck, “about the integrity of her company.”
“I’m sure that was hard for you to understand, since integrity must be a foreign concept for you.”
A flash of anger rippled through his eyes. “Why do you think I embellished the damn questionnaire?”
“Did you?”
“Yes,” his voice was strained. “I knew by doing that I was going to get someone who didn’t care if things worked out between us. I didn’t want to knowingly hurt someone.”
“Except me.”
He blew out a heavy breath and ran his hands through his hair. “Kate, I didn’t count on you, and I couldn’t tell you the truth because despite what you think, I’m a man of my word, and as much as I didn’t like it, I entered into the agreement with Kenadie.”
“And when were you going to tell me?”
“When I could.”
“But after you made sure you got all the material you needed from me. What was this weekend? Crunch time? Let’s see if we can get Kate to break all her rules? Were you going to seduce me next? That would make a great plot line. A little sexual healing with some meaningless sex for the broken doctor. Maybe some pillow talk about narcissists and diagnosing psychotic killers.” I rubbed my hands in my face, feeling like I was about to lose it. “You played me the entire time. Just. Like. Douglas.” I removed my hands to find him stone-faced. “But you’re worse. You used your daughter to get to me.”
“Stop right there, Kate, before you say more things you’ll regret.”
“The truth hurts? Or, let me guess, you don’t believe it, because like a true narcissist, you don’t see anything wrong with your behavior. You probably think this is all my fault or in my head.”
His face turned the deepest shade of red.
My ride finally arrived.
“What’s this?” Nick looked over the Toyota Corolla that had pulled up beside us with disdain.
“My ride.”
“Kate,” he took my hand, panic played in his eyes. “Don’t leave . . . please.”
I looked down at our clasped hands one more time, sick over the connection I felt with him. I pulled away. “I should have never come.” I opened the car door and jumped in.
Nick grabbed the door, preventing me from closing it. He leaned in and first focused on the young driver, who looked worried that he’d interrupted a domestic dispute.
Nick scared him even more. “If anything happens to her, you will wish you never lived. Take her straight to her destination, eyes on the road, and take the shortest, safest route. Got it?”
The poor kid nodded like his life depended on it.
Nick reached into his pocket and pulled out a money clip. He threw several one-hundred-dollar bills in the front seat.
“You are not paying for this.” I was never taking anything from him again. And I certainly didn’t need his pretend chivalry.
Nick ignored my protest. Instead, he leaned in more, coming within inches of my face, making me push my back against my seat.
“The truth is, Kate, you’re never going to have the magic you’ve been searching for because you keep running scared from it every time it finds you. Every time I find you.”
It felt like ice cold water doused my spine.
“Goodbye, Kate.” He slammed the door.
Chapter Forty-One
What do you do when someone comes in, kicks their shoes off, props their feet up on your coffee table, and makes themselves comfortable in your life before you ever know what is happening? And brings their family along with them? And then, just when you get comfortable with it, they smash the table and leave muddy footprints behind on your heart?
Going back to life before Nick destroyed my house, figuratively speaking, seemed like an impossible task. Especially since I knew that even if he wasn’t present, he would be invading my days at work. One thing I knew for sure was that I would not be his relationship manager. I would quit if Kenadie refused to release me from that responsibility. I went in on Monday determined to at least remedy that situation.
I got to work before anyone else. The thought of seeing anyone made me feel embarrassed, like they would all know what a fool I’d been. That everyone had been in on the joke and I was the last to know I was only a means to an end. Kenadie had assured me this was all for real. Had she lied too? Everyone was now suspect in my mind. I was desperate for someone to blame because I couldn’t stand looking in the mirror knowing exactly whose fault it all was.
Worst of all were Nick’s haunting parting words. Did he speak truth, or was he getting in his last jab? That’s what a narcissist would do. Look at me, trying to explain away his behavior. Maybe I should find another profession. For all my schooling and life experience, I had learned nothing.
I kept my door shut in hopes of keeping people away as long as possible. Besides, my inbox was bursting and I had a stack of files on my desk for potential new clients that rivaled the Sears Tower.
I almost laughed maniacally at the poor women, who I’m sure represented a large portion of the stack, who wanted their shot at Nick. Then I wanted to cry because how could I, in good conscience, allow them to hope when I knew it was all a hoax? And how could I tell Kenadie I knew? I would have to admit to dating a client. I would have to admit how utterly naïve and stupid I was to believe in magic, to believe in Nick, and worse, to believe my judgment could be trusted.
I was just going to be honest and let the cards fall how they may. But would that cause legal complications for Nick? Why did I care? I didn’t. That was a lie, but I wished I didn’t. I wanted a button to turn off everything good I’d ever felt for him.
To get through the morning, I was downing ibuprofen and coffee, along with rubbing enough peppermint oil into my temples to make my office smell like a candy factory.
Halfway through the morning, Kenadie interrupted my no person zone. I supposed since she was the boss she could. She knocked before peeking her head in. “Welcome back.”
“Thanks,” I said dryly.
She tilted her head. “Are you okay? You look a little . . . tired.”
That was putting it nicely, I knew. My flight was delayed yesterday and I didn’t get home until midnight, which didn’t really matter since I’d hardly slept anyway, and I’d been crying on and off since Saturday night.
“Long trip,” I responded.
Kenadie stepped in. “How was your conference?”
“Good. I have some new research you might be interested in.”
“I love new research.” She inched closer, studying me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I sat up as straight as I could and lied. “Never better.”
“Oh, okay. It’s just, I got a call from Nick.”
I did my best not to react one way or the other to his name.
“He mentioned that his daughter had been trying to reach you but hadn’t been able to. He wanted to make sure you arrived home safely. I told him you were here and buried under work, I’m sure.” She smiled at the stack of files on my desk.
Skye’s name pricked my heart. I’d shut my phone off Saturday night and I hadn’t dared turn it back on. Now I felt guilty. I bet she’d texted. Or maybe Nick was lying, because he was, after all, a liar.
“It’s sweet,” Kenadie continued, “th
at Skye’s so fond of you.”
“The feeling is mutual,” I finally articulated a response.
“Um . . .” Kenadie shifted on her feet. “Nick also mentioned,” her voice got higher, “that he thought it would be better if you were no longer his relationship manager.” She said the last part in a rush.
I pushed a paper clip around on my desk, not making eye contact. “That’s probably a good idea.”
“I know you tried and you did a . . . good job,” she stuttered. “But maybe since he’s asking for a new date every week and you’re so busy with your other responsibilities, this is a good thing.”
Fantastic. On top of everything else, Kenadie thought I was incompetent. And it was my own fault, thinking he was worthy of so much better than his questionnaire gave him credit for. But it didn’t really matter, did it? He wasn’t going to stick with anyone we chose for him. Or so he said.
“I agree.”
“Great.” She twisted her hands together. “Now that that’s settled, I’ll let Cara know she’s taking over his account. I mean, she will be in a couple of weeks. He informed me this morning that due to business and some personal obligations, he has to remain in California.”
I could at least breathe a sigh of relief over that. “Okay,” I said flatly.
“Kate,” she said uneasily. “You’re amazing in your role here. And I really appreciate you spending extra time with Nick to make sure there weren’t any issues, but . . .” She didn’t finish her thought. “Thank you for all your hard work. I’ll let you get back to it.”
I think what she wanted to say was keep your day job, you were a terrible relationship manager. I supposed there was some truth to that. Before she could go, though, I had to ask. “Kenadie, you really believe that Nick is serious about using our service?”
She looked taken aback. “Yes,” she was adamant. “I wouldn’t . . . I mean, I think he just needs some matches that better fit his profile.” A hint of worry creeped into her tone.
I didn’t disagree with her one way or the other. She obviously believed Nick was in earnest when he said he gave his word about using the service. “Well, I have a lot to catch up on.”
“Good luck with that.” She walked away but turned around at my door and gave me a strained smile.
I was too tired to pretend, so I didn’t even try to return it.
As soon as she left, I pulled out my phone from my bag and turned it on. Within seconds of it coming on, I had several texts and voice message notifications pop up. Several from Nick. I ignored those for the time being and went straight to Skye’s. He wasn’t lying about her contacting me.
I miss you.
I don’t know what happened between Dad and you, but he’s really upset. I hope you’re okay.
Dad says we aren’t going back to Georgia. What happened? He won’t say.
Well, of course he won’t because he’s a jerk.
Kate, I love you. Please text me back.
I lost it. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I responded.
Oh, honey, I’m so sorry I missed your texts. I needed a break from my phone. I love you too. Maybe you can call me tonight, if it’s all right with your dad, and tell me your news. I’m here for you anytime.
I tapped send.
I reached for the box of tissues on my desk and used one right after the other. The tears and assault on my heart felt never ending. The masochist in me thought I might as well listen to Nick’s messages.
“Kate.” There was a long pause where I could only hear his breath. He eventually hung up.
“Kate . . . it’s me again.” That was it.
“Will you pick up your phone? I just want to know if you made it home.”
Why did he care?
“Kate, will you at least text Skye back?”
That was it. No apologies. Not like I expected one. He saw nothing wrong with what he had done.
Meanwhile, I sat here feeling the ripple effect of his charade both in the personal and professional arena. I was sure my colleagues had discussed my supposed incompetence amongst themselves. And they were right. I was incompetent. And absolutely heartbroken.
I wiped my cheeks some more. Here I was, thinking that maybe he was the guy worth leaving my life here for. That maybe we could build a life together. And, bonus, he came with a daughter. A girl that owned my heart.
I gazed at the large stack of Nick worshippers and it hit me. I knew nothing about relationships. And if I didn’t know, how could I possibly help someone find one? I felt sick about being the gateway to a fantasy world. These women stood no chance. They shouldn’t even want the chance to be with Nick.
The moral of the story was, it was time for another chapter. I would go home and start polishing my resume. I was good at doing research, not so good at listening to it, so maybe it was time for me to head back to the world of academia. I had been a research assistant while I was a grad student. The pay was terrible, but now that I had a doctorate, I could supplement with teaching.
First, though, I needed my mommy.
I cancelled my appointments at the clinic and drove straight to my parents’ home after work. It probably wasn’t the best idea. The dining room with Nick’s signature all over it was front and center, taunting me. It looked better than before, with perfectly styled wainscot and beautifully placed crown molding. It was even clean. Not a power tool or speck of sawdust in sight.
It had all been part of the façade, I reminded myself.
“Mom, Dad?” I croaked out. My throat was raw from all the tears.
“I’m in the kitchen,” Mom called. “Dad should be back soon with dinner. You can join us.”
I walked back expecting to see the fallout from the disaster Dad had created with the water leak, but there was new, unpainted drywall in the ceiling and again, no dust, not even a power tool in sight.
Mom was at the sink filling a vase of water in her normal attire, a muumuu. Some roses from her bushes outside lay nearby.
“Hey, Mom.”
“Katie, I’m so happy you’re home.” She turned to greet me, but instead she grabbed onto her heart and stood terrified. “Honey, what’s happened to you? You’re cloaked in a black aura.”
For once, I believed her about auras. I gripped the island while a trickle of emotion leaked from my eyes.
Mom rushed forward and wrapped me in her muumuu.
I clung to her. “Everything is wrong.”
She patted, stroked, and didn’t say a word. She did all the right mom things.
I did my part by sobbing.
After several minutes of that, we ended up in the family room on the couch. I assumed the fetal position with my head in Mom’s lap and she continued with the hair stroking. It was not lost on me that a similar but much happier scene took place a short two days ago, except it was at the beach and my head was in Nick’s lap while his entrancing voice read one of my favorite books. That reminder only made the tears fall faster and more furious.
“Katie, honey, did something happen with Nick?”
I quieted. “Why would you ask that?”
“The only time I’ve ever seen you this upset was after . . . Douglas,” she hesitated to say his name.
“Nick and Douglas are two peas in a rotten pod.”
“What do you mean?”
I vomited out the entire ugly affair, starting with my and Nick’s very first meeting to all that transpired over the weekend, all the way down to Cara and Eva, my coworkers, waving my incompetency in front of my face today like a bright red flag and gloating that Cara was Nick’s new relationship manager.
“Oh, Katie, I’m proud of you for trying again, but honey, Nick’s right.”
I sprung upright, sniffling in righteous indignation. What did she mean, Nick was right? She was supposed to be on my side and tell me what an evil pig he was.
“I know that look.” Mom tried to stifle her smile. “You think you’re right. And granted, what Nick did was stupid, even careless, but he’s n
o Douglas. Douglas never chased after you, never cared one second for your well-being. He certainly never would have jumped through the hoops Nick did to get your attention. All you have to do is look at this house to realize that.”
Mom wiped away some straggling tears. “And Nick’s right, you’re afraid of magic because deep down you know the magic of love isn’t created in a moment, it’s forged with blood, sweat, and a lot of tears. And you, my sweet girl, have shed more than you deserved to. It wasn’t fair what Douglas did to you, and I hate to see what he has continued to do to you, but honey, you are the only person who has the power to end his reign of terror. If you want a future, you have to move on from the past.”
I fell against Mom’s shoulder, fighting within myself. What she said rang true, but I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to hate Nick.
“He lied to me,” I said out loud.
“Did he really? Sounds more like he was stuck between a rock and a hard place.”
“Mom,” I was getting irritated now. Why was she refusing to see my point? “He used me for information and wrote a screenplay based on me.”
“Have you read this screenplay?”
“Well . . . no.”
“Then how do you know you have anything to be upset over?”
“Well—”
“That’s what I thought.” She kissed my head. “If you ask me, I think it’s a pretty romantic gesture.”
She talked to crystals. What did she know?
Chapter Forty-Two
On both my parents’ advice, I decided not to hang up my boots quite yet at Binary Search. They reminded me that knee jerk emotional reactions rarely ended well. It was a good thing I spent eight years in school learning that just to have my parents point it out again.
The next two weeks, I kept mostly to myself at work. I only engaged if I had to, or with Zander asking about Meg. She was having some good days now. Zander’s mood reflected that; he was more his upbeat self in the meetings I had to attend. Thankfully, it was only assignment meetings. No more connection meetings for me.
Narcissistic Tendencies (Dating by Design Book 3) Page 29
