CHAPTER 8
Secrets Revealed
* * *
After a long and sleepless night, I had determined that the best I could do was to go to Elisabeth in the morning and glean some help from her. I was sorely disappointed the next day to find Dunlop already in the drawing room with Elisabeth when I arrived at her parents’ home. It was still fairly early in the morning for company, and I was still wearing my white cotton morning dress with small rose embroidery. I had never expected anyone else to be calling on Elisabeth at such an unsociable hour.
I did my best to smooth out the cotton fabric as I sat across from them. They were sitting next to each other on a small green loveseat. I was getting the feeling that I had made a terrible mistake coming, and that I had intruded on something that was about to happen between them.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you. I hadn’t realized that you already had a guest,” I said nervously. I was so troubled and lacking in sleep that it was easy to see I was making things uncomfortable.
“Mary, there is obviously something troubling you. You don't look like you slept a wink last night. Please, tell me. You know I will help in any way I can,” Elisabeth said with concern etched on her brow.
“Well, I did come here for some advice, but,” I eyed Dunlop. “It’s about my mother. A dinner she has planned for tonight.”
Elisabeth waved Dunlop off. “Don’t worry about Geoffrey. I have told him everything.”
“Geoffrey?” I asked inquisitively, looking between the two of them.
Elisabeth blushed and cleared her throat at the slip. “I mean Lord Dunlop.”
It was easy to see that they were both red with embarrassment that she had slipped something so intimate to me. “Wait, what do you mean he knows everything?” I said, realizing what she had just said.
“Well, I know all about the dinner tonight with my uncle, aunt and Gaffton,” Dunlop replied. “Your mother must have been going to great lengths to make that happen. I also know how you and Elisabeth have hatched your little plan to keep Gaffton distracted and your mother mollified.”
I sat there shocked at the liberties that Elisabeth had taken with my private affairs. “Elisabeth, how could you?”
“I’m sorry, Mary. I can’t keep it all from him now. You see," she said in excitement. She looked to Dunlop for confirmation before finishing her sentence. He gave her a nod of encouragement. “We are going to be married.”
It was easy to see that she was overjoyed to tell me. My sudden hurt and anger melted into pure happiness. “You are?" I said, clasping my hands over my mouth in shock and excitement. “Oh my goodness! Congratulations! When did this happen?” I asked as I reached across the small table holding our tea to take Elisabeth’s hand.
“Just this morning. Geoffrey spoke to my father earlier this morning, and he had just come in to tell me we had his blessing when you arrived.”
“Elisabeth, I am so sorry. I came in here with my woe and misery and ruined this happy moment for you two.”
“Nonsense. We will have the rest of our lives for happiness. You, on the other hand,” Elisabeth stifled a little giggle. “May not live through the night when your mother finds out that you haven’t in fact been courting the Duke.”
I flopped back in my chair in a very unladylike manner. “What am I to do? I don't know what scares me more. When my mother finds out I made it all up, she will be furious. It will be worse than before. And Gaffton,” I sighed in exasperation. “He’ll think I tried to trick him. He will hate me, maybe even scorn me in front of everyone.”
“He wouldn’t do that,” Dunlop assured me.
“I know,” I said. “But he would think I tried to trick him. All his talk of frivolous women who waste their lives chasing men, and how love is nothing more than an illusion we use to trick another into bettering ourselves.” I put my head in my hands.
I didn’t know why I cared so much. An entire night of tossing and turning hadn’t answered that question for me. I did care, though. I cared if he hated me, if he thought I had tried to do him wrong. It would eat away at me. I was sure it would be worse than the rest of my life stuck next to a disapproving mother.
“I know that Gaffton can, at times, seem cold and distant. But he is not that way. You know this,” Dunlop tried to encourage me.
“I don’t know, he does seem very unfeeling at times,” Elisabeth chimed in. She grabbed Dunlop’s hand. “I know you are a good person and that you only see the good in others. The Duke is your friend. I think those two things combined only allow you to see the small good in him and blinds you from his bitterness.”
Now Dunlop let out a long sigh. “Perhaps it is time I told you girls why Gaffton is the way he is.” He took another deep breath. “He would kill me if he knew I told you this. This must stay in our strict confidence.”
He waited for both of us to node in agreement.
“When we were lads, it was arranged for Gaffton to marry the daughter of a family friend. They both had known about the arrangement practically since infancy. I knew her well too. She was a beautiful, intelligent young lady. We were good friends, the three of us. As we got older, it was clear that Gaffton’s feelings were more than just friends. It seemed only natural, after all, since they were to be wed. We were all eighteen when Abigail had her first season out. It was really just for formalities. Gaffton and Abigail’s parents were planning the wedding for the end of that season. Gaffton was head over heels in love with her by then. It was almost like a spell placed on him. She seemed to care for him too. They seemed as if they would end up happily ever after, just like in those children’s’ stories.” Dunlop trailed off.
He took a sip of his tea before continuing. “Halfway through the season, Abigail went missing. It was a week before they found her. She had run off with a young penniless lord. When Gaffton confronted her, she told him that she loved this man. That she had only agreed to marry Gaffton because of her parents’ encouragements and Gaffton’s inheritance. She met this other man and loved him dearly. She was sorry, told him that he would always be a dear friend to her, but nothing more. She said couldn’t go through with a lifetime without love.” Dunlop made a point to say the last in my direction.
“What did Gaffton do?” I asked.
Dunlop shrugged. “He loved her. For that reason, he gave her his well wishes. Her happiness was more important to him. He lived the next two years heartbroken, but knowing he had done the right thing in letting her go. He thought she was with the one love of her heart and that would bring him enough solace in his grief.” Dunlop said this last part forebodingly.
“But after two years, it was rumored that she was having an affair with another man, a man of means. Apparently, she had grown tired of being penniless. Soon, she was found to be with child from this other man. The last I heard of Abigail was that she was discreetly put away and the child given to relations. It was the last nail in the coffin around Gaffton’s heart. He had given her up for true love. Love that had only proven to be false. He has sealed himself tight since then. So you see, I may only see the good in people and ignore the bad, but I know why he is the way he is. His overbearing manner toward me, or Elisabeth these last few months, have only been because he is a good friend. He doesn’t want me to end up like he did.”
I was astonished by all that Dunlop had told me. I tried to picture Gaffton on those few occasions that he was happy, smiling, laughing. I didn’t know if I could picture a world where Gaffton was like this all the time. I didn’t know who this Abigail was, but for some reason, even the thought of her name sent spikes of rage up and down my body. If she had seen what I had seen in those small glimpses of happiness in him, and seen it all the time, how could she have possibly turned away from him?
I was confusingly filled with rage that the Duke had given her his love so freely and that she had thrown it to the swine so unwisely. I couldn’t blame someone for feeling a duty to their heart. Nevertheless, if I had learned anything from all my
searches into love, it was that love is nothing without commitment.
“Here’s what I’ll do,” Dunlop said after giving us a moment to soak it all in. “I will go and talk with Gaffton this afternoon. It will ease the blow a bit if I tell him first. I can’t say that he will play along, but at least with time to mull it over, he won’t out you in front of everyone. At least I can spare you from one wrath.”
“But how could I face him again?” I asked, looking between the two of them.
“Elisabeth and I are engaged now,” Dunlop replied. “I doubt he will continue to find the need to chaperone us.
Which means you needn’t see him again.”
“If you don’t want to,” Elisabeth chimed in.
“Of course I don't want to,” I countered defensively. “I can’t say that it was all horrid, but it certainly wasn’t all good. I understand him better now, but that doesn't change the fact that he is now an unfeeling man who doesn’t believe in love. Why would I ever want to see someone like that again if I don't have to?
Neither Dunlop nor Elisabeth answered. I could tell they didn’t believe me. They probably shared Julia’s ridiculous fantasies that I had feelings for him. As I walked back to my own house, I told myself repeatedly that it just wasn't the case.
If nothing else, Dunlop’s revelations had only confirmed to me that I could never love a man like him. Sure, his hardship had been through no fault of his own, but the results had formed a man who was incapable of opening himself up ever again. That was the last person in the world I could possibly have feelings for, and even if I did, which I didn’t, he had made it quite clear that he would never have such feelings again, especially for a hopeless romantic like me.
CHAPTER 9
The Class Of Two Worlds
* * *
I was wringing my hands that night as we waited for the guests to arrive. Mother had insisted that I wear a royal blue evening dress, and even gave me the pearl necklace from her grandmother. She made Josie spend an extra amount of time on my hair. She insisted that each ringlet was to be perfectly placed. It was easy to see that in her mind what happened tonight would determine the rest of my life.
She didn’t know how right she was. If Dunlop hadn’t gotten to the Duke in time, or worse, had and Gaffton’s anger hadn’t ebbed, I would be ramping up for a lifetime of nagging disappointment from Mother.
Finally, the moment had arrived as we greeted our guest at the door. Both the Cadwells were as warm and friendly as ever. I never let my eyes leave Gaffton’s though. He was his starch, stiff, formal self as he greeted my parents.
Julia leaned over to me and whispered, “I have to admit, I didn’t like him much in the beginning. The man is so cold. But it’s all worth it with a face like that.”
I nudged her in the ribs. I was about to give her a very strong-worded reprimand, and a reminder for probably the fifth time that day alone, that I didn’t have feelings for Gaffton. I was halted in my words when the Duke himself stood before me.
I politely curtsied before him. He was smiling down at me, but not in the way I had seen before. Though to anyone else he seemed happy and pleased to see me, his emerald eyes told a different story. He took my hand in his and affectionately kissed it. I could hear my mother’s whispers to my father. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the cold green ones looking back at me. I knew in that moment that I would soon feel the wrath of His Grace Jacob Fitzroy, Duke of Gaffton.
We were seated across from each other at the dinner table. Gaffton was more sociable than he had been at other parties. Though my mother was jumping for joy, mostly inwardly, at her matchmaking skills, I couldn’t help but notice the fact that Gaffton’s eyes landed on everyone but me. I knew he was probably too disgusted by my deceit even to gaze upon me. I thought it would have been worse for him to come out and call me on my lies, but seeing him play along, the charming gentleman coming to have dinner with an interest’s family, was much worse.
If a hole could have formed in the floor and swallowed me up, I would have been all too happy to fall into it. Dinner dragged on endlessly. Gaffton happily chatted with the whole family. Occasionally, he would slip in sly comments about his ‘affection’ for me. He even winked in my direction once. To all the others his act was pristine, but I knew him well enough now to understand that what he was saying and doing didn’t reflect the particular emotion he was presently feeling toward me.
Dinner was finally coming to an end. We were all to go to the large sitting room. The men would smoke their cigars with brandy, and a game of cards was to be brought out. I wasn’t going to bear the guilt of his glare any longer.
“I think I shall retire to my room,” I said to Mother as quietly as possible. “I am not feeling well. A headache, I think.”
“You will do no such thing!” she snapped back at me. “After all my hard work, and everything going so well,” she said and huffed. “I won’t let you foil me again. Not this time, Mary. You ruined your chances with William. I refuse to let you do this again.” She sighed. “I am sure it is just too much wine or something. It will pass.”
“Is everything alright?” Gaffton asked from behind us.
“Quite fine, Your Grace. Mary was feeling a bit dizzy is all. She is fine now.” Mother made sure to say that last part poignantly in my direction.
“Ah, wonderful,” Gaffton said.
He took my hand and nestled it in into the crook of his arm to escort me out of the dining room. I don't think he really meant anything by it. It was just a usual habit for him to take my arm and escort me after all the months we had spent paired off with Dunlop and Elisabeth. Of course, my mother didn’t see his comfort with me the way it truly was. I settled into the fact that at least it had its purpose in the presence of her ladyship.
He tilted his head ever so slightly and whispered down to me, “It would seem that even with a little effort it is not hard to convince your family of your lies. Then again, with a title like a Duke, and all that comes with it, I am sure they care little of much else. It’s entirely too easy to convince them that I am your beau when it is so obvious that I could never…”
I filled in when he paused, “Have feelings for someone like me.” I added this mournfully. It had been stupid what I had done. I had wanted an easy fix, and it had blown up in my face.
He tugged me with his arm and pulled me off to an alcove before entering the sitting room. The space was small and we were nearly touching chest to chest. He looked down at me. I was preparing for the full of his wrath. I don't know why, but the thought that I had disappointed and shamed him this way was more then I could bear. In a way, I was happy to get it over with, to end my suffering. I looked down, closing my eyes, preparing for the onslaught.
I felt both of his hands cup around my chin. He slowly lifted my head. I opened my eyes to see sorrow in his. I knew I must have hurt him more than I could imagine. Acting the beau must have brought up memories of a time that he did love, of Abigail. It tore knots inside to know that I had not only enraged him with my conniving, but made him relive heartache and sorrow.
“Why would you say such a thing?” he asked me softly.
My eyes filled with tears. The emotion of the last two days began to spill out suddenly. I did my best not to cry, but once one tear made its escape, I couldn’t seem to make it stop. He sighed deeply and wrapped his arms around me. I melted into his embrace. I soaked in his sweet lemongrass smell as I buried my head into his strong chest.
“Shhh, Mary. My sweet Mary,” he cooed to me as he held me tight against him. He waited patiently for my fit to subside.
Reluctantly, I pulled back from him and he handed me a cream-colored handkerchief from his coat pocket. He brushed a stray lock that had fallen, and tipped my chin to look at him again. “I only meant that I am the last person in the world for you. I am incapable of love. I have lost all faith in it. You know this. How your family could ever think that someone as alive and energetic as you would want someone like me is un
fathomable.” He sighed heavily. “I am not angry with you. Granted, I was when Dunlop told me, but now meeting your family, well your mother, I understand your motives.” He was still speaking to me in cooing tones, gently brushing my cheek with his thumb. “You are so…you could do so much better than me.”
I simply nodded my head in understanding. He was being kinder than I deserved.
“Just because there is no love doesn’t mean you can’t find happiness, contentment, with,” he paused for a moment. “With another man.”
I looked up at him again. He was struggling to get the words out, as if the thought of me with another man sickened him.
I put my hands on his chest. “But you know that love is real. You have felt it, Your Grace. Dunlop told me about Abigail.”
I immediately regretted what I said. I had promised Dunlop secrecy. It had just come out. I wanted him to know that he could find it again. That there was still hope yet for him to find his one true love somewhere. He didn’t need to give up and shut himself off to the world. I had this desire for him to see that he could be happy again.
He tensed under my touch and took a step back. There wasn’t much room in the alcove. He must have decided it didn't put sufficient space between us. He quickly looked around the corner, and seeing that everyone had already gone into the drawing room, grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hall.
CHAPTER 10
Proving You Wrong
* * *
He was practically dragging me. I could feel the heated anger radiating up from his touch. Finally, he stopped in front of the library. Opening both mahogany doors, he shoved me in and shut the doors promptly behind us.
Thawing A Duke's Heart (Faces of Love Series #1) Page 5
