by Taylor Hart
“Talk.” He said, his arms still crossed and she thought of how he did look the military commander type.
She shook her head. “What?”
“Why did you scamper off yesterday?”
“Scamper?” She rolled her eyes at the word.
He reached out and took her hand. “Kira, what is going on with you?”
It unsettled her that he could read her so easily. No words would come.
He pulled back his hand. “I wanted to tell you, that even though Spence offered to pay for Julliard, I know that you’re not the kind of girl who would want that.”
It actually did make her feel better that he believed this, but it kind of ticked her off he thought she needed his validation. “I guess I don’t have to explain anything.” She wanted to leave. She didn’t know why any of this mattered anyway.
“Kira.” His voice was low. “Why are you wanting to run from me?”
Bam. Exactly. Why did she? How did he know that?
The side of his lip turned up. “Moonwater, don’t you know that I kinda dig you.”
Nerves assaulted her. It amazed her he was talking so frankly.
“Do you know that I don’t care if you’re not perfect or your life’s not perfect or the…” he threw his hand into the air. “The freaking boyfriend you had was an idiot.” He let out a derisive laugh. “It might actually kinda make a guy like me,” He pointed to himself. “Who’s totally screwed up, by the way, feel better.”
She was confused. “So basically what you’re saying is my messed up life makes you feel better.”
He nodded, completely owning it. “Pretty much.” A full smile spread across his face. “What I’m really saying is, I don’t want to live in a superficial world anymore.”
“Explain.” She demanded.
He sighed. “I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and I think part of the reason drugs became such an easy thing for me is because I haven’t dealt with my problems; my mom, the pain I’ve carried around from serving in the military, the pain from losing my dad so young. I just kept pushing forward, doing the next thing, the next thing. And, especially in my profession, I could just be a different character. I don’t want that anymore. I want to be me. I want…you to be you.”
She felt herself relax a bit and she thought about how cool it was he had realized all of this. Maybe it did make her feel better to know he didn’t expect her to be perfect.
He took another step closer to her. “Listen, I’ve been psychoanalyzed my whole life, I actually am pretty good at it. I thought a lot about you last night and I came to a conclusion.”
She frowned. “What, oh therapist, please tell me.”
He shrugged. “You have mom issues. You said your mom left, went to Hollywood, and never came back.”
It took her off guard how he was kind of hitting on an issue.
“You don’t want people to leave. So you do things to make them happy, hoping they’ll stay and the relationship won’t end.”
She didn’t know if what he was saying was true or not, but … it kinda sounded true. She thought about pictures of her mom at the ranch. When she’d been young. She thought of the fact it’d hurt Nana so much that she never heard from her own daughter. Sudden pain hit the center of her, making her almost feel like she couldn’t breathe. She coughed.
B.C. took her by the shoulders. “Kira?”
She coughed again. “Oh my gosh.” She sucked in a breath, but felt this immense pressure on her chest.
“Breathe.” B.C. ordered.
She took in a breath.
He breathed with her in slow, deep breaths. “It’s okay.” He held her, steadying her. “You’re okay.”
Immediately, she thought of the fact she shouldn’t even be with him.
Seeming to read her thoughts, he picked up her bag and took her hand, pulling her down the deserted path to the hot spring. “Let’s go somewhere we can talk.”
They got to the part of the path right before the cave and he turned to her. “Are you okay?”
She sucked in another breath, starting to feel a bit better. “Yeah.”
He looked at the entrance. “Do you want to go in there?”
Oh my, she would be so fired. “Oh no,” she said, shaking her head back and forth. “Dr. Schneider would not approve.”
B.C. was too fast, grabbing her hand and pulling her with him. “Pish posh, we gotta live a little.”
It felt so…exhilarating. It all happened in a flash and before she knew it they had ducked through the entrance and B.C. was pulling his shirt off and kicking off his shoes.
Unable to stop herself, she laughed. It felt so good to just be here with him. She wore a unitard and a long shirt over it, which she promptly pulled off after slipping off her flip flops. He took her hand and even in the dim light she could tell he was smiling that movie star smile at her.
“On three.”
She laughed again and couldn’t believe she was doing this.
“One, two, three!”
Suddenly they were jumping into the darkness, hot water engulfing them.
She felt his arms pull her up and he was there, holding her.
She jerked and thrashed and got away, sputtering. “Oh my gosh.” Coming here with him was one thing, but cuddling in the pool was another.
"You’re crazy."
He was laughing and reaching for her hand. “Come here.”
She allowed him to take her hand, even though she shouldn’t. Everything felt so … out of control. He mind was spinning with the realization that B.C. was right, she was afraid of losing people. She had held on to Spence for too long without realizing why.
His eyes grew serious. “I like you, Moonwater.”
She let out a light sigh and really couldn’t figure out why, but knew she liked being with him, too.
He frowned. "The first night I met you was the most real night of my life.”
She laughed. “You were drunk and high.”
Shaking his head back and forth, he scrunched his face up. “Oh, but I was functional.” He sighed. “That’s the sad part is that the stuff I’d had that night wasn’t even bad compared to what I could have had and handled.” His face suddenly went sad.
Her heart quickened. “You really weren’t that bad that night?”
He snorted, then let out a long breath. “Nope.” He turned and their eyes met and there was this whole time slowed down kind of thing.
It all felt so complicated between them. “B.C. I can't. We can't and…”
“Do you still love Spence?” His look was speculative.
“No. I mean, no…that ship sailed a long time ago. Even before I knew it. I realized yesterday that the fact Spence would think he could buy me back makes it even more obvious that he never really knew me.”
“True.” B.C. said, squeezing her hand gently. He clicked his mouth. “You do not like people offering to buy you stuff.”
Now she did laugh.
The tension from earlier felt like it cleared between them.
B.C. frowned. “I hope I didn’t hurt you, talking about the mom thing.”
She swallowed and thought of how it had hurt. “I’m fine. You’re right.” She let out a breath.
“Hey, I only recognize the garbage because I have the garbage.” He grinned.
There would be no way not to laugh at that statement.
“Dark humor.” He offered.
“What?”
“It’s how we dealt with tragedy in the military.”
She understood.
He searched her eyes. “I think I like using it to deal with parent issues more and more.”
Butterflies were back in her stomach and she felt this intense attraction to B.C. again. It was even more then before, now she felt like she was actually falling for him a little bit. “B.C., I still shouldn’t be here.”
Gently, he reached up and brushed a hair out of her face. “You keep saying that, Moonwater, but you’re still here.” He
closed the gap between them and it was as if his lips were there, just waiting to be touched.
The breath caught in her chest and she could hardly think anything besides how she wanted to kiss him.
He held his ground, not pushing her. “Your call, Moonwater.” His voice was breathy.
She shivered but she didn’t move. Didn’t pull away, didn’t lean in. She should pull away.
Lifting his hand, he softly caressed her neck and lightly trailed it down her arm.
Shivers fell through her. She still didn’t move, torn and unable to believe she was really staring into these beautiful blue eyes. The blue eyes she’d thought had been fake when she’d seen him in movies. Staring at his beautiful face and feeling all kinds of things she never thought she’d feel for this man.
He inhaled deeply. “Man, I don’t know what potion you have on at the moment, but…you are irresistible.” He trailed his hand down her shoulder and arm again. He sniffed her again. “What’s the name of this one?”
Melting, that’s what she was doing. She closed her eyes for a moment, then flashed them back open. She thought of Kevin and him dousing her this morning at breakfast. “I’m not telling you the name.”
He laughed, but still didn’t move, only found her hand and laced his fingers with hers. “How can I extract this information from you?” He’d taken on a Russian accent and she thought of the Russian spy he’d played in one of his first movies.
She smiled reluctantly, not wanting to admit he was funny.
“Ah, she likes my Russian accent better than Brooklyn.” He pushed out the last word with that accent.
She giggled.
His grin widened. “What’s the potion?”
She sighed. “Safe with You.”
He smiled and gently kissed her cheek. “You are, you know.”
Chills washed through her and she did feel safe with him. More safe and more on edge then she’d ever felt with Spence.
Sudden insecurity pulsed through her. “Are you just doing this…because you’re bored?”
He quit playing with her hand. “What?”
“Because you’re here? At a rehab place? With no other distractions?” It sounded so lame and insecure.
Letting out a long breath, he grasped her hand tighter, then he let it go and stepped back a step. “No.”
The loss of his closeness was like losing her breath underwater.
“If you think that, Kira, then, I’ve…” he trailed and he pushed a hand through his hair. “I’ve totally messed it up.”
Her heart raced. “I don’t want to be your replacement for pills and alcohol.”
He choked a little.
“I mean it.” She’d thought about this for the past couple of days. “I like you, too. And, that scares the crap out of me.” She hesitated. “More then anything, it scares me that what’s between us, might just be a substitute for your addictive tendencies.”
He blinked. “It’s not.” He said quickly.
“How do you know?” She demanded.
Taking her hand softly, he looked into her eyes. “I can’t tell you that I’m not still an addict. This, I can tell you…that I’ve never felt like this for another woman before.”
Again, her heart sped up a notch.
He frowned. “I’m working on my stuff. I … have been. Doctor Schneider has pressed me to dig deep and find the reasons why I want to change. I’m not gonna lie, it’s been tough. I’ve had to really look at myself. Before, I knew I didn’t want to and I knew I hated the fact I was weak. Now, I’m finding it almost easier to find all the reason I don’t want to be like I was.”
She was quiet for a minute, then asked. “Why don’t you?”
“I don’t want to be like my mother,” he said quietly. “She uses people, me. She isn’t grateful for anything. She…” he blinked and swallowed.
Kira wanted to reach out to him, to take some of his pain, but she waited.
“I don’t want to believe that I am not enough anymore. Just for being me. B.C. Just for being alive.” He teared up. “I’ve actually been reading the bible, about the creation of the world.”
This took her by surprise.
He smiled. “And I love how Genesis talks about the creation of the world so plainly. After it goes through what was created it says, “And God saw it, and it was good.” He blinked even more. “And it just got me wondering if God sees me. Just B.C. Not the movie star. Not the messed up druggie. Just the kid that lost his dad and tried hard. Not always succeeding, but tried to do right. And, I just wonder…if he thinks … if maybe he could think…I was good.” He broke off and tears fell down his face.
Taking a tentative step to him, she couldn’t help but gently press her hand to his face. She’d wanted to touch his face. “I think He thinks you’re good.” She said, tears in her own eyes.
B.C. wiped his eyes and let out a light laugh. “Ya think?”
There was so much vulnerability in his question.
She nodded and it was amazing how much his quest to find himself touched her. How much she had kind of wondered the very same thing he was talking about, but had never vocalized like that before. She thought about how good this man was. How good he wanted to be. It touched her.
He took her hand and gently kissed her palm. “I would be lying if I didn’t say if one of my reasons to stay drug free was that … I want to have a life with a good woman, too.” He stared into her eyes. “But, I want you to know that you’re not a distraction or a new drug. You…are a life. You symbolize what I hope to have one day. And I’m sorry if that scares you and I don’t know if that’s right or not, but—”
All these feelings were about to burst inside of her. “Are we going to kiss or not, Movie Star?”
He broke off into a laugh. “It’s your call, Moonwater.”
It felt like she could barely breathe, she leaned in.
He stopped her.
“Wait.” He laughed.
She scowled, feeling teased.
He laughed harder and took both of her hands into his. “I just, first, before we kiss I wanted to ask you something.”
Her heart raced. “Okay,” she said uncertainly.
“I get out next Friday. I have a premiere the next day, Saturday. Will you come to one of my horrible Raced and Wrecked movie premieres? It’s number nine, but I’m sure you’ve been keeping count.”
She grinned. “I don’t know.”
She wanted to. It was crazy that she was actually thinking about it. Then she got muddled. “I don’t even have anything to wear.” Funny, this would be on her mind.
He flashed a smile.
“And don’t say you’ll buy me a dress.” She pushed him.
He took her hands back into his. “Hey, it’s not really buying you off when it’s advantageous to me, is it?” He stuck his lower lip out. “You’re getting under my skin, Moonwater.” His voice was husky.
“You need Oregano.”
“Why?”
“Because you need to get over thinking you have to buy me things. And Oregano would help.” She found herself falling into him.
He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her flush against him. He let out a breath. “You won’t let me do that. It’s because when I’m with you, even just near you…I feel this goodness in you.” He let out a slight laugh and then his eyes misted. “Dang it woman, if I haven’t wanted to feel this way my whole life.”
Whatever acting job he was doing at the moment was hitting her—straight in the heart.
“I’ve watched you the past couple of weeks and wondered how some asinine jerk in Africa got you.”
His words were plain, barbaric, possessive and caveman-ish, but she knew they were sincere.
“I wonder about all the things you’re telling me. That I shouldn’t want people to want me just because I can buy them things, about how I can and should reach to…God.” He broke off and shook his head as he smiled. “Who tells that to people anymore?”
She let out a soft laugh.
He blinked. “The truth is that I won’t kiss you if you don’t want to because of this job.” He shrugged. “I can wait.”
She laughed and felt tears bubbling up, humbled by how much B.C. had thought all of this out.
Taking the plunge, she pushed her lips to his.
It was gentle and sweet as he switched back and forth from trailing kisses on her jaw then back to her lips. He tasted like mint mouthwash and the salt on her skin.
All the attraction she had felt every time she’d seen him reacted and she put her arms around his neck, pulling him closer, soaring higher than she had ever been. She’d watched the first one of his super hero movies the other night and she’d found herself practically drooling over him. Now here he was.
He pulled back and kept her close, searching her eyes.
She felt like her heart would burst at the way he looked at her.
“What are you thinking?" he whispered.
This took her by surprise. "What?”
He pushed her away a little more. “I have to know, what were you thinking just now?”
She pulled her arms back so she wasn’t touching him. “So many things. I’m not this girl.”
“What?” Now he was confused.
“The girl who breaks up with her boyfriend and then finds herself kissing a guy…she shouldn’t be kissing.”
“Oh,” he said, blowing it off. “I know you’re not.”
She had to tell him. “No, like…I don’t take intimacy lightly. I…I’ve been waiting until marriage.” It was stupid to tell him this, but he needed to know she wasn’t a Hollywood hussy. Had she just thought hussy?
“I know,” he said quickly.
She could see him thinking about this.
“So I haven’t slept around.” She let out a breath. “Not even with Spence.” She nodded. “I told him right off I was waiting until marriage.”
He looked doubtful. “I’m sorry, I’m just trying to process this.”
She felt exposed. She tried to push past him. “Never mind.”
Taking her hand, he stopped her. “Wait. Wait a sec. I think it’s cool.” He shrugged. “I have been reading the Bible.”
She met his eyes and saw…truth.
“Whatever.” How would someone like him even understand? “Do you really think it’s cool?”
