Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice

by Ola Wegner

  Kitty sniffed as she walked inside. “Lydia is going to Brighton for the summer, and I am to stay at home.”

  “What are you saying, Kitty?” Elizabeth questioned. “There is no possibility she would go alone.”

  “Papa would never allow that.” Jane supported.

  Kitty plopped on the nearby chair. “She received an invitation from the wife of Colonel Forster to stay with them, as Mrs. Forster’s particular friend. They should have invited me as well! I am two years older! It is so unfair.”

  “Kitty, Papa will never agree to such a scheme.” Elizabeth assured in a calm voice.

  “He already has, Lizzy,” Kitty said, pouting.

  The older sisters glanced at each other.

  Elizabeth shook her head. “That cannot be.”

  Kitty lifted her handkerchief to her already red eyes. “Mama said that Lydia would get two new dresses and a new bonnet and...” she hiccupped, “...a spenser just for the occasion of this trip.”

  The last words slurred as she began to weep.

  Jane walked to the younger girl and wrapped an arm around Kitty’s shaking arms/body? in a compassionate gesture. “Now, now. It will not be that bad.”

  Kitty lifted her heart shaped face. “It is so unfair, Jane. Lizzy is going to the Lake country, Lydia to Brighton, and we will stay all summer at home with Mary!” She hid her face into her already completely soaked handkerchief and only quiet sobs were heard.

  Jane did her best to soothe the girl. She walked her to her room, promising to send a cup of strong tea and a piece of cake from the kitchen.

  When Jane returned to their room, she found Elizabeth staring intently out of the window, her needlework abandoned in the basket.

  “How is Kitty?” Elizabeth asked.

  “I think that a healthy chunk of chocolate cake and the promise I will give her my last year’s bonnet for remodelling has vastly improved her spirits,” Jane said and gave Elizabeth a long look. “I see that you are not pleased, sister.”

  Elizabeth turned to her, lifting from the chaise lounge (which for her comfort had been brought from Mrs. Bennet’s room) as far as her stabilized leg allowed. “Jane, you know very well that Papa should not allow it. I can hardly believe that he gave his consent to that. Lydia in Brighton, alone, with all the officers around? Such a trip can only be a complete disaster. She will compromise herself and all of us.”

  Jane hesitated, drawing her delicate eyebrows together. “She has always wanted so much to go to Brighton, and she will be under Mrs. Forster’s care, after all.”

  “Mrs. Forster!” Elizabeth cried in anger. “You know very well that she is the silliest woman of our acquaintance. Lydia’s behaviour is scandalous already. She will be forever lost to any sense after a few months’ stay in Brighton.”

  Jane bit on her pink lower lip, glancing at her sister uncertainly.

  “You know that I am right, Jane,” Elizabeth pressed further. “Our family is already looked down upon because of Lydia’s wild behaviour, her general lack of manners, and any kind of self restraint.”

  “Saying that our family is looked down upon, you mean by Mr. Darcy, do you not?” Jane asked quietly.

  “Yes.” Elizabeth answered after a moment, lowering her head, “It pains me to admit it, but he is right on that score.” She sighed, “Try to compare Lydia’s or even Kitty’s conduct and manners to those displayed by Georgiana Darcy, or even Maria Lucas. I know it is not yet too late to improve them, but sending Lydia alone to Brighton is certainly not a good way to accomplish that.”

  “Mama surely supports the idea,” Jane noted.

  “I must talk with Papa,” Elizabeth tried to move her stabilized leg to the floor. “He cannot allow Lydia to go. He must say no to her. I need to go downstairs.”

  Jane pushed her back on the chaise lounge as Elizabeth attempted to stand up. “No, you cannot, Lizzy. It has been barely a week since the doctor put the braces on; it is too early for you to walk. I will go to the library and ask Papa to come here.”

  Calmed, Elizabeth rested against the back of the chaise. “Thank you, Jane.”

  As Jane left, Elizabeth tried to return to her needlework, but she found it difficult to focus. Lydia in Brighton alone, without a family to look upon her was a catastrophe. Unguarded, she would only increasingly indulge in her open flirtations with men.

  Soon there was a knock on the door, and Mr. Bennet appeared in the doorway. “Jane told me you wanted to talk with me.”

  Elizabeth put a smile on her face. “Yes, Papa. Please, come in.”

  She looked up at the tall man with dark eyes. For the first time, it struck her how, in posture and bearing, he reminded her of Darcy. Her father was nearly as tall as William.

  “Are you feeling worse today?” Mr. Bennet asked as he sat on the chair closest to her.

  “No, Papa, I feel very well,” she assured.

  Mr. Bennet reached his hand to stroke her dark curls. “I was so worried when I found you injured on my return from London.” The scowl appeared on this face, “That Darcy...”

  “Papa,” she interrupted him quickly. “I told you that the fault was entirely mine. Did Mr. Darcy not bring me home promptly? And he immediately fetched the doctor; it could have been much worse.”

  “You should not have been alone with him in the first place, Elizabeth!” Mr. Bennet cried sharply. “Did he talk you into that? Meeting with him at dawn in a secluded place?”

  She shook her head. “No, it was I who asked him. We needed a private moment to talk.”

  “Lizzy, child,” Mr. Bennet leaned toward her, “You do not know what men think of when they are alone with women. You are so small and delicate that you would not be able to protect yourself if he had wanted to...” concerned, now almost black eyes bore sternly into her face. “You know what I mean, have his way with you, hurt you.”

  “Papa, Mr. Darcy is a gentleman!” Elizabeth exclaimed. “He would never do anything against my will. Do you really think that he agreed to all your conditions, agreed to a half year courtship period because he wanted to force himself on me during this time?”

  Mr. Bennet grunted something incomprehensible under his breath but said nothing.

  Elizabeth took a calming breath and touched her father’s arm to bring back his attention. “Papa, I asked you here because I wanted to talk with you about Lydia. I have heard that you have agreed to her trip to Brighton.”

  Mr. Bennet nodded. “Yes, I think that it is the cheapest way to give her the entertainment that she craves so much; and we all will gain a few months of peace and quiet in return,” he said, as a jest, smiling.

  “Papa, is this the only matter you can think of, peace?” she asked quietly. “She will be lost if she goes there, cannot you see that? You are perhaps not aware of what people think about our family precisely because of Lydia’s improper behaviour.”

  Instantly, all the merriness wiped out from Mr. Bennet’s face. “By people you mean Mr. Darcy?” he grunted.

  Elizabeth lowered her head and did not contradict him.

  Mr. Bennet stood up, walked to the window, standing there for a long minute, before he returned to his previous place. “Lizzy, child, there is something I want to tell you.”

  Elizabeth gave him a curious look. “Yes, Papa.”

  “You do not have to marry Darcy anymore.” Mr. Bennet announced proudly.

  She frowned. “I do not understand.”

  “While in London, I talked with my brother-in-law,” he said with unusual excitement in his tone “He listened to me, my concerns about your future, and advised me to invest a quarter of the income from Longbourn into one of his businesses. To be sure, we cannot expect profits for a while, but I am in good health, and I expect to live long years. Perhaps it is not too late to start saving after all. You and your sisters will be protected when my times comes.”

  Elizabeth stared at her father in astonishment before her face beamed in bright smile. “Papa, it is so thoughtful of y
ou! How wonderful! Have you told this to Mama?”

  “No.”

  “Why, Papa? She would be so pleased to hear what you did for us.”

  Mr. Bennet shrugged his shoulders with indifference. “I do not want to hear her raptures. I am tired of them,” he spoke flatly, without any feeling. “She will learn in due time.”

  Elizabeth lowered her head. She felt sorry for her mother. Mr. Bennet talked about his wife as if she were a complete stranger who accidentally lived with him under the same roof. She could not imagine William treating her like that ever, not now not in twenty years.

  “What about Lydia, Papa?” she pleaded. “I truly think it would be far better for our family to keep her home, forbid her this trip.”

  Mr. Bennet squared his shoulders, “Elizabeth, I made my decision about Lydia.” His voice gained an impatient note to it, “I have had quite enough of your lecturing. I know what is good for the family, contrary to what you or Mr. Darcy may think. Now, I ask you, daughter, will you dissolve your associations with that man?”

  “What do you have against him, Papa?” she questioned softly. “Why do you oppose him so?”

  “I told you once. I do not want you to be unhappy in a marriage, to regret your decision one day when it is too late to go back.”

  “I will not regret it, Papa,” she said with conviction. “I care for him, more and more every day. I truly do. He has his faults, to be sure, but he is a good man, and he loves me.”

  Mr. Bennet stood up. “Do as you wish then. Tell him you have my approval to announce the official engagement. You can settle the date, and your mother may start with preparations.”

  Elizabeth caught his hand, trying to stop him from walking away. “Papa, please do not be angry with me.” Her eyes pleaded him.

  Mr. Bennet freed his hand. “You made your decision, Elizabeth.” he said dryly and left the room hurriedly.

  When Jane walked in with tea a few minutes later, she found her sister in tears.

  “What happened?” she asked, as she put the tray on the small table.

  “Oh, Jane,” Elizabeth sighed and dried her cheeks with the back of her hands. In a few words she related the conversation with Mr. Bennet.

  “I think that Papa is having a difficult time parting with you, sister,” Jane said slowly, handling Elizabeth a cup of aromatic tea. “You have always been his favourite. I am sure that he will come to terms with the situation, but he just needs some time. You cannot expect him to be happy when you are about to leave us. We shall all miss you,” she sighed. “Derbyshire is so far away.”

  ***

  Later that day, the house grew quiet. Mr. Bennet closed himself in the library, announcing to the housekeeper that he was not to be disturbed until dinner time. Mrs. Bennet took the younger girls to Meryton, having bribed Kitty with the promise of getting a new bonnet. Elizabeth, after having tea with Jane, with determination began to work on her embroidery again, still sad about the situation with her father, but she decided not to weep any more over it. Jane told her that she needed some fresh air and excused herself for a stroll in the gardens. Elizabeth thought her elder sister would return soon, as Jane was not a great walker.

  She found it odd when Jane did not return within an hour, but she became even more astonished when, instead of her sister, Mr. Darcy appeared in the door to their room.

  “William?” she cried softly, hiding the unfinished handkerchief in the sewing basket.

  He seemed slightly out of breath. “Forgive me the intrusion, but Miss Bennet had just paid a visit to Georgiana. She told me that something had upset you and you needed me.”

  “Papa would not be happy at finding you here,” she said nervously.

  “Miss Bennet said that we should not be disturbed. I walked in through the back door, and nobody saw me.”

  Elizabeth reached out her hand to him. In a second, he was beside her.

  “You’ve been crying.” He touched her face as he sat on the edge of her chaise.

  “I had a serious conversation with my father.”

  Darcy frowned. “And?”

  She lowered her head and murmured. “He agreed to announce the official engagement and setting the wedding date.”

  “Good Lord, tell me it is not the reason you wept.”

  She looked at him in shock. She could not believe that such a thought could have come to his mind. “No, of course not! No! I am pleased he gave his permission at last. Still, he disapproves of me, and it is difficult for me to come to terms with the fact.”

  “You wanted to say he disapproves of me,” he said matter of factly.

  She shook her head. “No, not exactly, but... Mama said once that he was jealous of you, that I am leaving him for you. Every time we talk nowadays, Papa and I, we disagree. Today he was so cold and indifferent. It was not a pleasant conversation for me, to say the least. We understood each other well once; I was his favourite, and now...,” she sighed. “Perhaps it is I who has changed.”

  Darcy listened to her intently, and when she finished, he pulled her closer. “I wish I could do something to...,” he paused.

  She scooted closer. “Just hold me.”

  Not releasing her from his embrace, he shifted, supporting himself against the back of the chaise lounge. Then he pulled her to him, with her back to his chest.

  She stared out of the window as he cradled her, kissing her neck from time to time.

  “Did your parents love each other?” she asked unexpectedly.

  He seemed taken aback by the question, but soon answered, “Very much so; sometimes I think too much.”

  “How so?”

  “My mother died when I was twelve years old and Georgiana, just a babe. Father closed himself in with her body for two days and did not want to open the door.”

  Elizabeth turned in his arms to look up at him. “Good God. What happened next?”

  “They had to force the door to bury her. He went completely grey over a few days, looking ten years older.”

  She lacked the words, not knowing what to say, cold shivers running down her back.

  “From today’s perspective, I think that it was worse for Georgiana,” Darcy continued calmly, looking straight ahead. “I was at school most of the time, away from home, busy with my studies. Father became so indifferent to everything and everyone, including Pemberley and his own children. He saw Georgiana once a week at most and could not look at her for very long as she resembles my mother greatly. You will see my mother’s portrait when you visit. I think that it is the reason why Georgiana is so attached to me and why she believed Wickham last year. She craves for people to love her. When she was a child, she was so clingy; she was able to climb on the lap of a complete stranger just to be cuddled.”

  Elizabeth stared at him. Was he not aware how ‘’clingy’’ he was himself? “It is so sad. I cannot imagine how you survived this,” she whispered.

  He shrugged. “Everyone has their own hardship in life, it seems.” he smiled at her, “I swore to myself once I would not give myself so completely to any woman like my father had, that I would be more controlled and reasonable about these matters. But I failed completely when I met you.”

  She reached her hand to stroke his cheek.

  He squeezed her to him. “Now, good times have come for me at last. I have nothing to complain about because I have you.”

  Her arms locked around his neck and she held tightly. After a moment, she heard his soft laugh, and he gently disentangled herself from him. “Do you want to strangle me?”

  She shook her head, her eyes full of tears.

  He frowned. “Weeping again?”

  He dried the moisture from her cheeks with his fingers.

  She shook her head. “What about a wedding date?” she asked, blinking her tears away. “September or October, perhaps? Three months should be enough for my mother to see to all the preparations.”

  “Elizabeth,” he whispered with raw intensity.

  “You wish to
wait?”

  He pulled her back to him. “What do you think?” he kissed her neck, making her giggle, because he tickled her sensitive skin. “September sounds perfect, though I would wish we could be married at Pemberely when you will come there with your aunt and uncle, so you could stay with me forever.”

  “But...”

  “I know you want it here with your family.”

  She smiled, pleased that he understood.

  “I will go tomorrow to London to post an announcement to the newspaper about our engagement and bring you my mother’s ring. I know it is not always a custom, but I want you to wear it, so I know you are mine.”

  “I will be honoured.”

  “I gave it to the jeweller for refreshing when I was last time in London, and I think it should be ready by now.”

  There was a soft knock on the door, and Jane’s muffled voice was heard. “Lizzy, Mama should return soon.”

  “It is a sign for me to go.”

  He stood up from her and helped her to arrange herself comfortably, putting several pillows behind her back.

  He leaned for a kiss, and she hooked her arms around his neck again, pursing her lips. He smiled and kissed her, but chastely. She was disappointed but not surprised as since their last interlude when they had lost control sitting on her bed, he had visibly restrained himself in the short times when they were alone, allowing only short pecks on her lips,or kisses on the cheeks.

  “Do not stay long in London.”

  He kissed her again. “I will not.”

  He was about to walk away, when she whispered.

  “I have almost forgotten. Have you received a response from Mr. Bingley?”

  Darcy’s face clouded. “Not yet,” he let out a heavy sigh. “I pray he will wish to speak to me again after what I have confessed to him in my last letter.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Darcy was on his way to Longbourn, the same as every single day for the past three weeks. Elizabeth was to have the braces removed from her leg tomorrow, and as soon as he made sure that she was well, he would set off north. Pemberley needed his attention. He could hardly wait to have Elizabeth there, if only for a few days, on her way to the Lake District with her aunt and uncle.