Apprehension and Desire: A Tale of Pride and Prejudice

by Ola Wegner

  She scooted to his side, rubbing her nose against his waistcoat. “Have we...?”

  “No, we have not.” He pulled her to him, kissing her head.

  “But I felt you,” she whispered.

  “No, I only rubbed against you.” He stretched lazily.“You will see how different it is when I enter you on our wedding night.”

  He wanted to cuddle with her, place his hand on her breast, her plump, warm thigh wrapped around him, and take a nap. It was hardly a place or time for such a pleasure. Gathering all his strength, his self discipline, he sat up and righted his breeches. Reaching to the pocket, he took out his handkerchief, and carefully wiped clean her soft, rounded belly.

  She was still groggy as he pulled her to her feet, adjusted her chemise and buttoned up her dress.

  “Was I... Have I done everything right?” she asked, as he helped her into the spencer.

  He cupped her face, making sure their eyes met. “Do you regret what we have done?”

  “No, but... I know so little. I do not wish to disappoint you.”

  He laughed, “Lizzy, I could swear you were born to be loved like that.”

  “I have never... no other man has ever,” she stuttered, her face red to the roots of her hair.

  “God, Elizabeth, I did not want to imply that...“ He shook his head. “I do not want to offend you, love. I feel that sometimes I should not speak and only keep my mouth shut. I am lucky that you responded to me in such a way.”

  She still looked troubled, so he wrapped her into his embrace, moulding her into his frame. “We have done nothing wrong,” he whispered, “You are mine, we are engaged and about to be married in less than three months. Promise you will not think less of yourself because of what happened here. Promise?” he prompted her.

  She nodded.

  “Yes?” he did not give up till he heard it.

  “I promise.”

  “Good.”

  He pulled away from her to collect his coat from the ground.

  They checked each other’s attire carefully, making sure it did not give hints as to their recent activities, and returned on the main path of the garden.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Darcy finished arranging the mail on his desk, as he intended to spend the rest of the day answering letters. His long absence from Pemberley had allowed several urgent matters to accumulate, and he needed to address them without further delay. After his wedding, he planned to spend most of the year at Pemberley, using the Darcy townhouse in London only occasionally. He had not yet spoken about this with Elizabeth, but he had little doubt that she shared his attitude, being raised in the country, enjoying long walks and fresh air.

  There was a knock on the door as he was in the middle of reading the first letter. He scowled at the disturbance, having specifically asked not to be interrupted.

  The knock repeated.

  “Enter,” he said in clipped voice.

  The butler walked in. “New mail has just arrived.”

  “Thank you. Leave it there.” He pointed to the small side table, without taking his eyes from the letter.

  He did not hear the servant leave, so he lifted his gaze. “Yes? Something else?”

  “A letter from Hertfordshire is on the top, Master. Miss Darcy suggested I bring it to you without delay.”

  Darcy nearly leaped from behind his desk. “Why did you not say so from the start?” He grabbed the first letter, recognising Elizabeth’s neat handwriting. “Remember to always notify me immediately whenever a letter from Miss Bennet comes.”

  The servant bowed, “Yes, Master.”

  “You may go now, and thank you,” he smiled at the older man, who had served his parents, before he had even been born.

  The servant hesitated for a moment before speaking again. “May I also add how we are all very glad that soon there will be a new Mistress at Pemberley.”

  Darcy’s smile grew wider. “I hope you will welcome her warmly. Miss Bennet is young and may feel apprehensive about her new role.”

  “Yes, Master. We will do everything to make her feel at home.” The man bowed again and left the room.

  Alone again, Darcy stretched in a chair next to the window and tore the seal. He was surprised to receive the letter so soon, and he hoped dearly that nothing bad had happened.

  He took a calming breath and began to scan a tightly written single page.

  Dear William,

  I imagine your surprise at receiving a letter from me only a few days after your departure. However, what has happened here today induces me to write it. I want to assure you that I am in good health, much as I hope you and Georgiana are.

  We had a most unexpected guest today. Your aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh of Rosings Park, paid us an unannounced visit. She came with her daughter and wanted to know whether the news of our engagement was true. When I confirmed it, showing her your mother’s ring, she became extremely vexed. She claimed that you had been engaged to Anne from your earliest years, and that our understanding could not be in such case respected or valid.

  She demanded I promise to break any relations with you and swear never to approach you again. When I refused, stating that you would have never proposed marriage to me while being engaged to someone else, she left Longbourn, extremely angry, and without saying goodbye to any of us. She also said that it was not the end and that she would not leave this matter alone, unfinished. I think it is probable that she may pay a visit to you as well.

  I must end now because the servant awaits to post this letter yet today. I fear only that I was not as polite towards your relative as I should have been. I think that I insulted her at some point of her visit, losing any sense of decorum when addressing her. You know only too well that I am capable of saying things in a manner which a proper lady should not practise.

  Yours,

  E. B.

  Darcy read the letter twice more. He could only imagine how his aunt had acted at Longbourn, and shame burned within him. What a hypocrite he was, criticizing Elizabeth’s family, when his own aunt was capable to behave in such a way. The situation was his own fault to a large degree. He had written to Matlock, informing his uncle, the earl, about his engagement, but he had purposely ignored Lady Catherine in this duty. He had feared her reaction, and he had been right. Now Elizabeth and the Bennets had paid the consequences, having been exposed to his aunt’s ire. Elizabeth was right that Catherine might come to Pemberley any day, demanding he call off his engagement to Elizabeth and marry Anne.

  He returned to his desk and pulled out a fresh sheet of paper. First he needed to write to Elizabeth, to assure her of his love and devotion and to apologize for this shameful incident.

  ***

  The following day, after long hours spent on horseback, monitoring the summer works on the estate, Darcy relaxed in the comfort of the smaller drawing room, nursing a glass of wine. Georgiana played a new song that she had learned recently, and the only thing he missed now, which would make this evening perfect, was Elizabeth, snuggled against his side. Just two months, he reminded himself. Nine weeks exactly, and he would have her here, next to him.

  The music stopped in the middle of the passage. “Cousin, Richard!” Georgiana exclaimed and ran towards a man who had just entered.

  Darcy stood up and walked to the guest who was hugging his sister and placing a brotherly kiss on the top of her head.

  “Richard, we did not expect to see you,” he smiled. “Welcome.”

  The men shook hands.

  “I was granted a short leave and decided to use it to visit my parents,” Colonel Fitzwilliam said as he sat down on the sofa.

  “Have you been to Matlock already?” Darcy wanted to know.

  “Yes, I have been visiting my parents for the last week or so.”

  Darcy patted his back. “We are glad you came to us. We have not yet sat to dinner. You must eat with us and stay as long as you can.” He turned to Georgiana, “Dearest, please tell Mrs. Reynolds to prepare
an additional setting at the table and make sure that Colonel Fitzwilliam’s usual room is ready.”

  “Yes, brother.” Georgiana dropped a curtsey and fled from the room.

  “I came with a purpose,” the colonel said when Georgiana left. “To warn you.”

  Darcy stood up to pour a drink for their guest. “Warn me?”

  “Lady Catherine paid an unexpected visit to my parents, arriving yesterday, quite late in the evening. I must say that she is quite put out with the news of your engagement to Miss Bennet.”

  Darcy returned to the sofa, handing his cousin a tall glass of brandy.

  The colonel raised an eyebrow as he took the drink. “You do not seem in the least surprised.”

  Darcy sat back into his chair. “I expected it. I received a letter from Elizabeth yesterday. She wrote that our aunt paid, let us say, her respects to her family.”

  “Ouch.” Colonel Fitzwilliam twisted his face as if in pain, “Miss Bennet’s parents must have thought that their daughter was about to enter a rather interesting family.”

  Darcy gave him a heavy look. “I prefer not to think how our dear aunt acted there. The tone of Elizabeth’s letter was very tactful, but there is no doubt that Lady Catherine made quite a scene at Longbourn. She insisted that I was engaged to Anne in front of Elizabeth’s parents. Can you imagine that?”

  The other man nodded. “Yes, she spoke the same to my parents.”

  Darcy leaned forward. “What was their reaction?”

  Fitzwilliam took a hearty sip. “Do not worry, Darcy, they have no intention of supporting her on this. Father told her that you were an adult, your own master and he would not interfere in your decision concerning the choice of a wife.”

  Darcy’s eyebrows raised. “I did not expect that.”

  “I think he learned something after Edward’s arranged marriage.”

  “And how is Edward?” Darcy changed the subject. “Has something changed in his situation?”

  “Oh, yes,” the colonel smiled. “He is very well, happy being a father.”

  “So soon? When did it happen?”

  “Ten days ago. The mother and the child feel well, and my brother is over the moon.”

  “And the earl? What was his reaction?”

  “He pretended not to acknowledge the news, not to hear it even, but I think that it is just a matter of time before he will wish to see the boy. My mother openly said she wanted to see her only grandchild. She bought out half the store with toys and children's clothes, and we went together to pay our respects.”

  “And?”

  “That woman... surprised me. She is very charming and pretty, not in the least resembling a harlot... Seems very sensible too.”

  “And the baby?”

  “My mother swears he looks exactly like Edward and me when we were born, but I failed to find any resemblance. The infant looks healthy and strong, to be sure, a rather big boy, like any other newborn baby, I imagine.”

  “Last time we saw each other, Edward mentioned they lived at Harwood Hall.”

  “Yes, the estate he inherited from our late aunt. You did not know her, I believe. Edward signed it over to the child’s mother, so if anything happened to him, they would be secured.”

  “That is very wise. What is the child’s surname?”

  “James Fitzwilliam.”

  “Indeed? I must say that I thought it would bear its mother’s name.”

  “No.” The colonel shook his head, “I think that Edward would not have it any different. He was very serious about it. ”

  “What about his wife?” Darcy asked. “Will she not try to do something against his new family?”

  “No, believe me, she will sit quietly in London. Edward has in his possession a letter compromising her in a way that... would ruin her family’s reputation. Perhaps you have heard that her brother, Lord X, is in politics, and they do not wish for any scandals.”

  “I know that she has had lovers, but is there something more...?” Darcy’s voice traced.

  His cousin hesitated. “You must keep it to yourself.”

  Darcy nodded. “Of course.”

  Colonel leaned forward. “She took part in... let us say, very private parties for the chosen ones. She all alone and some twenty men, each of them... having a special time with her. I think that I do not have to finish, you can imagine the rest.”

  The repulsion was obvious on Darcy’s face. “Good God... That is a blessing indeed she never became with child. Edward would have to give his name to no one knows whose son.”

  “My father does not know anything about it. My brother thought it would be too much for him. You remember how he pressed him into this marriage.”

  Darcy raked his hand through his hair. “It sounds like some nightmare, his own wife. I am speechless... poor Edward.”

  “You can see now why I do not blame him that he left her and started a new life with someone else.”

  “Neither do I,” Darcy agreed. “I should send something for the baby. I will wait for Elizabeth, and perhaps she would advise me on the right thing. She will be here in two weeks' time.”

  Colonel Fitzwilliam smiled. “I see that you are pleased with her visit.”

  Darcy tried not to grin like a fool. “She is travelling the country with her aunt and uncle, and they will stop here. The wedding is in Hertfordshire the last Saturday of September. You are invited.”

  “Thank you, but I will not be able to participate, I am afraid.”

  “You must visit us then on your next leave.”

  “I will, certainly. Thank you for the invitation. I will not miss the pleasure of talking again with the delectable Miss Bennet.”

  Darcy scowled. “She will be Mrs. Darcy by that time. Please remember it.”

  “Come now, Darcy!” Colonel Fitzwilliam laughed. “Do not glare at me like that. I will not try to sway her from you. I only acclaim your choice. I would do exactly the same in your position, could I afford to marry her.”

  ***

  Darcy woke to the sound of the rain drumming against the windows. Today was the day of Elizabeth and the Gardiners’ arrival. He dragged himself out of bed. A period of beautiful, balmy, weather had held for the past days, but this very morning, when he wanted everything to be perfect for her, dark, low clouds covered the sky completely, and strong winds tore at the trees. His strong wishes that she could see Pemberley in its all glory, unfortunately, were all in vain.

  The guests were expected in the early afternoon, around one o’clock. He had planned many tasks to occupy himself till midday, so the time would pass quickly for him.

  When no carriage arrived by two o’clock, he began to worry. In such weather, it was possible an accident had occurred. At last, at half past two, they came.

  There was no opportunity to welcome the guests outside, so they were rushed inside the great hall.

  From the first look at her, Darcy knew that Elizabeth was not at her best. She was polite and welcoming towards everyone, and she smiled at the servants who came to have a peek at their future Mistress. However, her complexion was unusually pale, lacking its usual healthy glow. Her eyes did not sparkle, but had a hollow look to them. Even her lips, usually a vivid pink, now almost matched the whiteness of her face.

  Concentrating on Elizabeth, he paid little attention to her relatives. Realizing his rudeness, he greeted them graciously, having in mind how Elizabeth favoured them and how sensitive she was about his polite performance in front of her friends, relatives and newly acquainted people in general. Immediately on seeing them, he was surprised with their age as he had expected a middle aged couple, not people just a few years his senior. He noticed that they spoke in low, pleasantly modulated voices, not at all similar to his future mother-in-law's shrieks. From what he remembered, Mr. Gardiner was Mrs. Bennet’s brother, which was surprising, because he seemed nothing like his sister, and even his facial features were different. He was still a young man in his middle thirties, while his wife w
as a pleasant looking, handsome blonde around thirty years old. The couple was dressed well, even in a refined way, especially Mrs. Gardiner, who carried herself with grace.

  Convinced that the Gardiners were worldly enough and should not cause any shame to Pemberley, he returned all his attention to his beloved.

  They sat in the drawing room, taking tea in small sips. Elizabeth smiled at Georgiana, who talked about the plans that had been made for their stay.

  “Mr. Darcy.” Mrs. Gardiner's voice made him look away from the only true object of his interest.

  He bowed his head, “Yes, madam.”

  “I think that my niece is tired.”

  Darcy’s eyes went to Elizabeth, “Are you well?”

  “Just a slight headache,” she admitted.

  “We had a taxing journey,” Mr. Gardiner noted, looking at his wife.

  “Yes, of course. I will ask Mrs. Reynolds to show you to your apartments.”

  Mr. Gardiner stood up and offered an arm to his wife. Before Elizabeth managed to lift herself, Darcy was beside her. She leaned against him heavily, and as he covered her small hand with his, he discovered it was icy cold. Had she caught a cold?

  He was not relieved when Elizabeth disappeared into her rooms. She looked ill. Perhaps she needed a physician.

  He managed to stay away for three quarters of an hour before storming the stairs. Seeing no one in the corridor, he knocked at her door. Silence. He knocked again.

  “Enter,” a hoarse voice was heard.

  He walked inside and closed the door quickly. He swallowed. She sat in the middle of the big bed, wearing what seemed to be only her robe and undergarments, a heavy looking mass of dark curls hanging down her back, her big eyes staring at him.

  “Forgive me,” he managed to say. “I was worried.”

  She held her hand out to him.