by Bella Andre
He shot her a warning glance. "It's long past time for you to drop it."
"For now, big brother," she agreed. "How are you doing without Gordon? Personally, I'm still having a hard time believing he's gone."
"It sucks." He wasn't going to sugarcoat it--didn't need to with Suz.
"Anything you need, you know I'm here for you. We all are." She paused before adding, "Including Dad." When Alec simply grunted, she went on, "He's really worried about you. He wanted to come here himself this morning. But he wasn't sure how that would go--none of us were, actually--so I came instead."
While neither of them believed in beating around the bush, their reticence to talk about their father was something else entirely. There was so much history, so much darkness. Too much for easy words and simple answers.
"I'm glad you're here, Suz." Alec finally smiled at her. "Did the rest of Gordon's reception go okay?"
Though he hadn't answered her unspoken questions about whether it would have been okay for his father to come comfort him, she let it go. And as he began to plate their food--putting a third plate in the warming drawer for Cordelia, just in case she had the stomach for it when she woke up--his sister regaled him with stories of celebrities behaving badly.
*
Cordelia woke with her head pounding and her mouth feeling like she'd been sucking on cardboard. She made the mistake of opening her eyes and sitting up too fast, before slowly sliding back down into the pillows and sheets.
Alec's pillows and sheets.
Even feeling as rotten as she did--she swore she'd never, ever drink again, not even one drop of gin or champagne--every part of her started to tingle just from knowing she was in his bed. She lifted the sheets and saw that she was fully covered, with the extra layer of his shirt no less.
Why would he have put her in his shirt? Oh God...had she been sick all over her dress last night?
Humiliation washed over her at the thought of barfing in front of him. Seriously, there was no other man in front of whom she'd ever managed to look this consistently awful. She needed to get into a shower, gargle with some toothpaste, and then get out of here before she embarrassed herself any further.
As long as she made sure to move slowly, her legs remained fairly steady. Aspirin for her headache, a hot shower, and a big cup of black coffee would hopefully set her to rights. Hoping Alec wouldn't mind that she was using his shower without asking, she turned on the water, then began unbuttoning the shirt he'd lent her.
The state of her dress beneath the shirt--ripped open to her waist--momentarily shocked her, until the memory of how it had gotten that way suddenly tore through her brain.
How could she have forgotten?
She scrunched her eyes shut. "No. No. No. No. No." But all the wishing in the world couldn't rewind time to the hours before she'd showed up at the funeral. She couldn't not see Gordon in the casket. Couldn't refuse the gin.
And she definitely couldn't forget throwing herself at Alec and begging him to have sex with her.
She dreaded making the walk of shame into his kitchen this morning. How was she going to face him?
Alec had been nothing but nice to her from the start. He'd understood that she was a mess over the revelations from her birth father, and he'd tried to make it easy on her in any way he could--from his buyout offer to his help at the funeral to letting her kiss him when she was drunk.
She was just toweling off when the rest of it came back to her--the shocking things he'd said about his father, his mother, and about how he'd been in charge of caring for his siblings from such a young age. Cordelia might not have known her birth father or mother, but she'd had parents who loved her, cared for her, watched out for her every single second. Whereas Alec had lost his mother in the worst possible way--and then hadn't even been able to wallow in grief. Because he'd been a child carrying the burden of keeping the family together when his father had fallen apart.
Cordelia's heart ached for him. He obviously hadn't meant to let the information about his past spill out, but he'd been pushed too far by a day that must have been just as hard for him as it was for her.
As mixed up as her feelings were about her birth father, Cordelia understood that Gordon Whitley had been as good as a father to Alec. And it wasn't fair of her to try to take that away from him out of misguided jealousy that she hadn't been given the same love, the same attention from Gordon.
She'd been in Alec's way all week--not only keeping him from running his business and from his family, but also from processing his own grief over losing Gordon. It was long past time for her to make her apologies for everything she'd put Alec through, say her thank-yous for all of his help, and then get out of his life. Completely.
Her chest squeezed at the thought of never seeing his handsome face again, of never feeling the warmth of his arms around her, of never sharing another breathtakingly sensual kiss.
Her heart heavier than ever, Cordelia carefully hung up the wet towel and picked up her clothes and his shirt from the floor. She'd have it cleaned and pressed and sent back to him, along with the clothes that she would have to borrow this morning.
She didn't want to snoop through his things--she already felt bad enough about using his bed and shower, not to mention the horrifyingly embarrassing please-have-sex-with-me part of her stay in his home--but she needed to find something to wear. A sweatshirt and sweatpants, maybe? In the third drawer she tried, she found a stack of Tshirts. Putting her bra and panties back on, she slipped the navy blue shirt over her head and found that it came to her knees. With the belt from her dress, she cinched the T-shirt around her waist. Honestly, she liked the look of it better than the dress she'd had on for the funeral. Tshirts and jeans were her comfort zone, whereas she always felt as though she was playing dress-up in skirts and heels.
Her heart was pounding like crazy as she gathered up her dress and his shirt, then opened the bedroom door, her cheeks flushing all over again at the memory of what they'd done on his couch. At what she'd begged him to do. It was thanks only to his honor that he'd stopped them from going even further. She already felt bad enough about how she'd behaved--she would never have forgiven herself for using him to blot out her grief had they continued.
But when she stepped into the hallway, she realized he wasn't alone. A woman was with him, laughing.
Jealousy seized Cordelia before she could stop it. Even though she knew she had no hold on him. Even though she'd already decided to leave him alone from here on out, rather than continuing to be some sort of weird piece of Gordon's legacy that just kept hanging on to him.
She recognized the woman's long dark hair first, and then her slightly husky voice. Suzanne, his sister. She must have stopped by this morning to check on her brother. Because she knew he was hurting from the loss of his friend.
Shame swamped Cordelia all over again at the fact that she'd been so busy thinking about herself, about her confusion, about her pain, she hadn't tried to help soothe Alec's grief. Why couldn't she have dealt better with everything that had happened, instead of dissolving into a mess every other second?
A mess that Alec kept having to clean up.
Well, she wouldn't lose it again this morning. She'd apologize for ruining Gordon's service, make it clear to Alec that he was safe from her throwing herself at him again, and then she'd get out of his hair.
Last night, she'd been too tipsy to really notice her surroundings. But in the light of morning, she took in the sleek contemporary lines and the furniture and sparse decorations that made his apartment look like something straight out of a magazine. And yet, this place made of glass and steel and concrete, while fancy and impressive, didn't feel quite right for him, not when he'd fit so well in her flowery cottage.
It struck her that Alec, more than anyone, needed a warm, loved-up home. Maybe that was why he loved cooking so much--because it was the only way for him to get those home-cooked meals he must have longed for after his mother's death and the splintering o
f his family.
"Cordelia." He pushed out of his chair at the kitchen table where he and Suzanne were sitting. "How are you feeling this morning?"
"Okay." The word croaked out of her throat. She was desperate for a cup of coffee. "I hope it's all right," she said as she gestured to what she was wearing. "I borrowed one of your shirts."
"Borrow anything you need." He handed her a steaming cup and she put down the bundle of clothes to take it gratefully. "I've got breakfast ready, if you think you can handle it."
She hadn't thought she would, but he was such a brilliant cook that the smell in the kitchen had her mouth watering. "I could maybe eat a little."
He smiled at her then, that beautiful smile that made her heart dance inside her chest. "Sit--I'll bring it out."
Suzanne was standing now too, arms open. "I'm so happy to see you again."
Cordelia couldn't resist falling into the hug from Alec's sister, even though she felt like a fool, remembering everything she'd said to her at the service. "I don't mean to interrupt your breakfast together."
"You're not interrupting anything." Alec put a loaded plate of food in front of her, along with what looked like freshly squeezed orange juice. "Suz stopped by to let me know which clients behaved badly at the service after we left last night."
"And to see if I could convince Alec to make breakfast for me." Suzanne stole some potatoes and sausage from Alec's plate. "He's the best cook in the world."
Cordelia's mouth was already so full that all she could do was nod. When she'd finally washed down her way-too-big bite, she said, "This is amazing, Alec. As good as the dinner you whipped up from my garden."
Suzanne's eyebrows went up as she looked between the two of them. "You cooked Cordelia dinner?" she asked Alec. And then to Cordelia, "From vegetables in your garden?"
Thinking it would help if she explained, Cordelia said, "One of my part-time staff at the garden center had to leave early, and when a rush came in, Alec saved me by pitching in. My customers keep asking about that lovely young man who was in last week." She smiled as she forked up more eggs. "I don't have the heart to break it to them that you don't actually work for me."
"Lovely young man? Someone actually called you a lovely young man?" Suzanne gaped at Alec. "Who are you? And what have you done with my brother?"
"Roman's probably wondering where you are," he said in lieu of a reply as he reached over to take his sister's plate.
"He's busy at the gym this morning, teaching a group of kids how to box." She batted Alec's hand away from her plate. "And I'm not done eating yet. Besides, I can't leave until we discuss Dad's seventy-fifth. It's long past time to figure out where we're throwing his party. I was thinking it would be fun to surprise him this year. If we have the party at Summer Lake, someone in town is bound to tell him." She looked expectantly at Alec. "Got any ideas for alternate locations?"
He shoved away from the table, taking his plate over to the sink. "I don't know yet if I'll be there."
"What are you talking about?" Suzanne frowned. "Of course you have to be there."
"With Gordon gone, I've got twice the load at work. And you know he was always the one who did the bulk of the interfacing with our clients. Now that's on my shoulders."
Clearly, Alec wasn't thrilled about the new work he was having to pick up in Gordon's absence. Nor did he seem at all happy about attending his father's party.
"You can't miss Dad's birthday," Suzanne snapped. "It will break his heart if you do."
Alec stood with his back to them at the sink, and without thinking, Cordelia got up and went over to him. She took the plate out of his hands. "You know our deal--you cook, I clean."
"Thanks." In a low voice, he added, "I'm glad you seem to be feeling better this morning."
She smiled at him, wishing he would do the same. Wishing everything wasn't so confusing. So difficult. "I do, actually." Now that she was fed and caffeinated, she was surprised to realize that she felt quite a bit better. Even hearing Suzanne and Alec talk about Gordon didn't hurt quite so badly anymore. And she knew the reason why.
Because Alec had been there for her. He'd helped her deal with her emotions over Gordon's passing and her surprise inheritance in a way that no one else could have--not her girlfriends, not her parents.
Suddenly, it hit Cordelia that leaving Alec alone wasn't the answer. Just the opposite, in fact. She needed to stay by Alec's side so that she could help him with his father. She needed to be there for him in exactly the way he'd been there for her--by showing up, holding on, and not letting him deal with everything on his own, even if he swore that was what he wanted to do.
"I'll see what I can do to fit his birthday party into my schedule," Alec said grudgingly to Suzanne.
"Good," Suzanne said with obvious relief. "And don't forget to let me know if you think of anywhere that would work. It's got to be able to fit at least a hundred people." Suzanne got up from the table and brought her empty plate over to the sink. To Cordelia, she said with a smile, "I don't know if Alec told you, but our family is enormous, and growing by leaps and bounds every year as our cousins get married and have kids."
Cordelia wasn't normally impulsive. She didn't usually choose to walk head first into conflict. And she'd never in her life known a force of nature like Alec Sullivan--or his sister, for that matter. But she knew exactly what she had to do... even though Alec wasn't going to like the idea she was about to toss their way. In fact, he was sure to fight her with every step.
But Cordelia needed to help him, darn it. The same way he'd helped her. Whether he liked it or not.
"I know a place that could work." Drying her hands on the towel by the sink, Cordelia gave Alec and Suzanne what she hoped was a calm and reassuring smile. "I have a barn on my property. Alec, you must have seen it when you were helping out the other day. I've hosted a few events in it this past year--a baby shower, an engagement party. I was actually thinking of trying to put on one of those farm-to-table dinners that are so popular now, but I don't know any chefs who could pull it off."
"Alec could," Suzanne put in, while he remained dangerously silent.
Cordelia's heart was thumping fast--too fast, given the lingering hangover--but she vowed to see this through. Best case, this birthday party would help Alec to be not only a part of his father's birthday celebration, but also one of the most important parts of it as the chef. She blocked out all thought of a worst case.
"My barn could fit up to a hundred and fifty people," she continued, "so depending on how you wanted to set it up, we could have a stage at one end for music and dancing and have tables at the other for a meal."
"A farm-to-table dinner for Dad?" Suzanne said. "He would love that! And Alec, if you were the chef, it would be even more amazing!" Alec still hadn't said a word as Suz went on, "I've got to get going now. We're working on a new software release, and it's spilled over into the weekend. I can't wait to spend more time with you, Cordelia. And thanks for breakfast, Alec." Despite the fact that he looked like he was about to erupt, Suzanne gave her brother a peck on the cheek. "Bye!"
CHAPTER NINE
The door had only just closed behind Suzanne, and Alec's head was still spinning even though he wasn't the hungover one, when Cordelia said, "Before we talk more about having your father's birthday party in my barn, I need to tell you how sorry I am for the way I behaved yesterday. I was tempted to crawl out your bedroom window this morning, actually, so I wouldn't have to face you."
"You don't need to apologize for anything you said or did yesterday." Despite the fact that Alec wasn't at all happy with her offering her barn for his dad's party, he refused to take it out on her by making her feel bad about her reaction to Gordon's funeral. "I'm the one who should be apologizing."
"I can't believe you think you need to say sorry to me for anything," she said with obvious surprise. "I'm the one who's horribly embarrassed by how I behaved, both at the service, and then after, when you brought me back here to sobe
r up." Her cheeks were a deep pink as she added, "You should never have had to leave Gordon's service early to take care of me. And you really shouldn't have had to fend off my--" She winced. "My amorous attack."
"First of all, I was all for your amorous attack. Which I'm sure you remember, given that your dress is unwearable today. You didn't rip it to shreds--I did. I never say things I don't mean, so when I told you that I want you, I wasn't lying, even though I am sorry for being so rough." He moved closer, put his hand on her cheek. They'd been completely honest with one another from the start, so it didn't feel right to be anything but honest now. "But I'm not a forever kind of guy, so if that's what you're looking for, we need to call me-and-you done right now."
Her eyes seemed bigger than ever, her face even more beautiful, as she looked up at him from beside his kitchen sink. "I grew up with parents who loved each other," she said softly. "I've always believed in forever, always wanted happily-ever-after for myself, just like they found." But she didn't move away from him, didn't shake off his touch as she spoke. And though he should have stopped touching her, he couldn't. "Your parents are the reason you don't believe in those things, aren't they?"
Bringing up his parents was the one surefire way to get him to drop his hand. And to remind him that it was long past time to shut down her idea about throwing his father's party in her garden. "I know Suz was excited about having the party in your barn, but it's not a good idea." Just as it wasn't a good idea for the two of them to be alone for much longer, when he could barely control himself around her.
Cordelia obviously wanted a fairy-tale relationship to go along with her fairy-tale cottage. But when she was this close, when she was wearing one of his T-shirts and her bare, tanned legs were tempting him like crazy, he could barely think for wanting her.
"I disagree," she said, then licked her lips, making them so shiny and kissable that he had to shove his hands deep into his pockets to keep from yanking her against him. "You've gone above and beyond to help me deal with things. It's my turn to help you now."
"Help me with what?" If he could only get his mind away from all the things he wanted to do with her, things that went way beyond ripping off her dress, he might be able to follow what she was saying.
