I took a deep breath as I entered the shop, the scents of wood and metal filling my lungs. I let their comfort wash over me and tried desperately to fuse it to myself, to hold it close so that it could carry me through the next ten minutes. I grabbed the dolly from the corner and opened the large double doors. When I got back to the truck, Ford had already untied the credenza. “Thanks.”
“No problem.”
Slowly and carefully, we lifted the piece out of the truck and placed it on the dolly. Guiding it towards the shed wasn’t too hard, we just had to avoid the potholes in the parking lot. Placing it in the center of the shop had me breathing a sigh of relief. We were done.
Ford looked around the space. “This place hasn’t changed at all.”
Memories of Ford and me watching his dad work on various projects filled my mind. We’d sit on the bench against the wall and hand Frank tools as he asked for them. I bent and picked up the dolly, placing it in the corner. “I’ve been keeping it tidy so it’s ready for him when he’s up to his projects again.”
Ford was suddenly close, placing a hand on my shoulder. His touch froze me to the spot, searing my skin. I wanted so badly to lean into the touch, to silently ask for more. “Thank you, Bell. For everything.” He let out a sound of frustration, his hand falling away, leaving me cold. “Thank you isn’t even close to enough. I wish there were words that fit, but everything I come up with is so damn lacking.”
My chest squeezed. “You don’t have to thank me, Ford. I love them. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
He nodded. “Come on, I’ll drive you back to your car.”
“Thanks.” I shrugged out of the coat I’d been wearing. The sun was out in full force, and moving furniture had only made me warmer. “Let me just throw my jacket upstairs, and I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll lock up while you do that.”
I tossed Ford my keys. “The pink one is for the shed.”
His brow arched. “Pink for a tool shed?”
I laughed as I jogged away. “Girls can build stuff, too, Ford.”
I took the outside stairs two at a time until I reached the landing outside my apartment. I slowed and looked down. There was a package there, wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine, a slip of paper under the string. I lifted it up, pulling the note free. Don’t forget her.
My overheated skin turned cold as I took in the sloppily scrawled words. What the hell? My hands trembled ever so slightly as I pulled off the twine and tore the paper. As the wrapping fell away, I sucked in a sharp breath. It was a scarf I hadn’t seen in at least a dozen years. Pale pink and blue plaid. One of Violet’s favorites.
My gaze darted from the scarf down to the parking lot and back again. I turned on my heel and jogged back down the stairs, forgetting all about putting my jacket in my apartment. I crossed the parking lot in long strides as Ford headed for his dad’s truck.
“Were you at the bar today?” My question came out a bit harsher than intended, but I couldn’t seem to hold back the anger that simmered under my skin.
Ford’s brow furrowed. “Yeah for about ten minutes before I went to my parents’. Why?”
I held up the scarf. “Is this your sick idea of a gift? Like I would ever forget Vi!”
Ford’s body seemed to lock as he zeroed in on the scarf. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, looking away from the fabric and back to me. “I didn’t leave anything for you. That was on your doorstep?”
I took a minute to take him in, study his features for any sign of a lie. I saw nothing but the truth staring back at me. “Yeah. With a note that said, ‘Don’t forget her.’”
Ford took a step closer, taking inventory of the items in my hands. “I think we should call the cops. That’s not normal, Bell. For someone to come to your home and leave that? And how did they get it? It’s Vi’s, right?”
My stomach twisted in a painful squeeze. “Her favorite.”
“That’s sick. We need to call someone.”
It was sick. Sick and cruel. My jaw hardened, flashing back to my run-in with my mother that morning. She wouldn’t pull something like that, would she? I gave my head a little shake. “It’s just someone who has zero common sense. Probably thought they were doing something nice and didn’t realize how creepy it would come across.”
“Bell…”
I held up a hand. “It’s fine, Ford. Let’s go get my car.”
A muscle in his cheek ticked. “I don’t like this. Promise me you’ll at least tell the staff to keep an eye out for anyone lurking around.”
“Sure. Now, let’s go.” I couldn’t seem to help the shiver as I climbed into the truck, my gaze sweeping the street and the beach, looking for anything out of place. But everything was just as it should be.
13
Ford
I bit back a curse as Bell emerged from the hallway of The Catch. The music and din of customers eating and drinking seemed to create a fuzzy, tunnel-like effect as my eyes zeroed in on her. The woman was trying to kill me, one outfit at a time.
Every day for the past week, there was something I wasn’t able to take my eyes off of, but it was never what I expected. She didn’t doll herself up in the typical bar gear or outfits that were screaming for attention. She was simply herself, a mishmash of styles with a hint of something that was uniquely Bell.
Tonight was the worst, though. And the best. The thoughts circling around in my brain were going to send me straight to hell. She wore a black knit dress that clung to her curves in a way that had my eyes tracing every dip and bend. Necklace after necklace looped around her neck, dipping in and out of her cleavage, and seeming to interweave with the tattoos peeking out from under the dress. But it was all balanced out with a pair of Chucks on her feet, as if she were saying she didn’t care about what was expected, she was going to be comfortable.
I loved it. It was the Isabelle I remembered but come to life in a new way. It made me feel like the cavern between us wasn’t so big, after all. But I also hated it because the desire that erupted every time I looked at Bell was quickly followed by guilt that ate away at every part of me. This was Vi’s little sister. I couldn’t be looking at her this way.
“Dude, you’ve got a little drool.”
Crosby’s voice jolted me out of my perusal. I cleared my throat. “You need another beer?”
He chuckled. “I’m good with this one. You should come to the bonfire after closing.”
“Bonfire?” Those get-togethers used to be regular occurrences for us locals, but I hadn’t seen evidence of one since returning.
“Yeah, Sunday nights are perfect because you guys close early, and the tourist crowd is already on their way back to the mainland.”
I’d gone to so many over the years, almost always with Violet on my arm, loving the feel of her cuddled close as the fire burned against the backdrop of a dark ocean. I tried to touch that feeling, to grab hold of how it had felt to love her, but I couldn’t. Hadn’t been able to in years. It was like a photograph now, one that I could take out and look at, be so damned glad I had it, but I couldn’t submerge myself in it.
Maybe time had dulled it all, the good and the bad. Perhaps it was that I wasn’t the same boy who had loved her. One of the things that was hardest when I thought about it all was the what-if. If I would’ve swerved thirty seconds earlier, would Vi and I still be together? Or would college have eventually torn us apart? It was like looking at a choose-your-own-adventure book. I could see infinite possibilities for how it could’ve gone down, from married with five kids to broken up freshman year. But none of them felt real. They all felt like someone else’s life.
“Ford, are you having a stroke, man? It’s just a bonfire, I’m not asking you to build me a jet-propulsion engine.”
I grinned at Crosby and rubbed a hand over my stubbled jaw. “Sorry. It’s just been one of those weeks.”
Crosby returned my smile. “Having the hots for your dead girlfriend’s little sister will do tha
t to a man.” My body gave a small jolt at his words, and Crosby grimaced. “Sorry, that came out a little more honest than maybe it should’ve.”
“It’s not like that.” It was totally like that. But I needed to bury that shit and do it fast, because the last thing I needed on the road to winning Bell’s forgiveness was me drooling over her like a pathetic hound dog. She was beautiful, and I’d always loved her as a friend. It was understandable that my body and brain were going a little haywire getting to know this new and grown-up Isabelle. I just needed to put her firmly back in the little-sister category.
Crosby popped a French fry into his mouth. “She looks at you the same way.”
My eyes narrowed on him. “Don’t go stirring shit.” Bell didn’t look at me that way. She looked at me with a mix of longing and anger, as though she wanted what we used to have but knew it was impossible. And that broke my damn heart.
Crosby held up his hands. “Okay, okay. You guys figure out who left that shit on her doorstep?”
My jaw hardened. We hadn’t. And Bell was taking it all too lightly. I’d put Caelyn, Darlene, and Hank on alert, and they were keeping an eye out for any customers lurking where they shouldn’t be. So far, nothing. “Not a damn thing.”
“Maybe Bell’s right, and it was just someone who thought they were doing something nice and didn’t realize how creepy it was.” Crosby didn’t sound like he believed a word that was coming out of his mouth.
I reached for a glass and poured two more beers, handing them to customers at the bar. “We’re all keeping an extra eye out so, hopefully, whoever this is gets the picture that they can’t keep that shit up.”
“Then you better go to this bonfire.”
“Why?” All my muscles seemed to get a bit tighter.
Crosby grinned and took the final swig of his beer. “Because Bell and her girls are going.”
My jaw worked back and forth. “I’ll be there as soon as we close up.”
Rocks crunched under my feet as I made my way from the back patio towards the beach. The fire was blazing high, and about two dozen people milled around it. Kenna and Caelyn were laughing with Darlene. Ethan was shooting the shit with Crosby. And plenty of other familiar faces were crowded around the flames.
But my eyes searched for one figure in particular, and when they locked on her, my whole body tightened. She was standing away from the bonfire, arms wrapped around her middle, in what appeared to be an intense discussion with my brother.
Hunter reached out, his hands gripping her upper arms as he seemed to implore her to listen to him. I took two steps forward before stopping myself, the urge to rip his hands from her body so strong. But why? He wasn’t hurting her. They obviously had shit they needed to work out, but seeing him touch her…it burned low in my gut.
They both seemed to freeze as Hunter said something I couldn’t hear to Bell. After a moment, her head dropped to his chest, and he wrapped his arms around her. I wanted to look away, but I couldn’t. I’d never been an overly jealous person. But there was no denying that’s exactly what thrummed through my veins right now.
I forced myself to turn away, to head towards the fire. Crosby lifted a hand in a wave and beckoned me over. I gave a chin jerk to him and Ethan. “Hey, guys.”
Ethan held up a beer. “You want one?”
I shook my head. “Naw, I’m good.” A beer would only sour in my stomach at this point.
“Ford, you do any paddleboarding?” Crosby asked.
“It’s been years, but I used to.”
“You wanna go tomorrow morning? I’d ask this knucklehead, too, but he starts work too early for me.”
Ethan chuckled. “Some of us have to work regular hours.”
Crosby grinned. “Perks of running my own firm.”
Ethan tipped his beer in Crosby’s direction. “I don’t think a cottage behind The General Store and one lawyer counts as a firm, buddy.”
“Hey, now,” Crosby groused, “I have an assistant, so technically, there are two employees. Therefore, firm.”
I kicked at a rock by my feet. “Good to know I have someone who can bail me out if I get in trouble.”
“Anytime.”
My gaze caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. It was as if my brain was already trained to seek her out. Bell appeared by the fire again, Hunter at her side, not touching but close. Bell took a step towards the flames, holding her hands out to warm them. She needed a damn jacket. We were almost into summer now, but it was still freezing at night.
I started to move nearer, to give her my coat, when something in the way the firelight danced across her skin caught my eye. It was the tattoos, but it wasn’t. Something under them, maybe? As though the skin almost had a silvery hue in places. It looked raised. My brain put the pieces together in fits and starts, both quickly and too slowly. “Scars.” The word seemed to be pulled from my throat, raw and jagged. “She has scars.”
I looked at Crosby and the guys for answers, as if they would know why, how.
“You didn’t know?” Ethan asked.
“Know what?” I growled.
Ethan’s jaw ticked as he looked at Bell and then back at me. “She has a bunch of scars from the accident. Got those tattoos to cover them.”
“I—I have to go.” The world seemed to close in around me as I rounded the fire, only one thought pounding through my mind on repeat. I hurt her. Not only had I stolen Bell’s sister, I’d marked her for the rest of her life.
Blood roared in my ears as I reached Bell. I couldn’t see anyone but her, couldn’t see anything but those tattoos. Ethan was wrong, they didn’t cover the scars, they seemed to wind around them as though the marred skin and ink combined to form a single image. I reached out and grabbed her shoulder. “Bell—” Her name was strangled by the emotion trying to escape my throat.
Bell’s eyes flared. “What’s wrong?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“Okay—”
She couldn’t get out another word before I was dragging her back towards the patio. The parking lot lights cast enough of a glow that I could see my way, and when I came to a stop, I saw the concern written all over Bell’s face, too. She was too good. Too pure. After everything I’d put her through, she was still worried about me. “Bell…”
She gripped my hands, her skin so smooth and delicate against my own, flesh that I had torn and broken. “What’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry—”
Her eyebrows pulled together, clearly not following. “For what?”
“God, Bell. For so damn much. For driving too fast in the rain. For joking around with you and Vi instead of watching the road carefully enough. For not reacting quicker.” My voice hitched. “I didn’t know. I didn’t know you got hurt.” I reached up, unable to stop myself, laying my palm over her heart, right where her tattoos and scars peeked out from her dress. “Your scars. They’re my fault. Of course you can’t forgive me. You have to live with the reminder that I left you with every damn day.”
Bell ripped herself away from me, eyes blinking rapidly before the green seemed to spark with fire. “You think I’m angry with you because of my scars?”
My mouth opened and closed, but I couldn’t seem to find words. Of course she was angry with me because of the scars.
Bell leaned forward and placed a hand over her chest. “These scars don’t make me ugly, Ford. They tell the world I’m a survivor.”
14
Bell
I couldn’t breathe. It was as if there were so many emotions thrumming through me, they were crowding my very muscle and sinew and overtaking my organs. I couldn’t seem to suck in any air. I stormed towards the bar. I had to get away from Ford, needed distance so I could breathe.
I yanked open the back door and headed for the stairs. Just as I was about to reach the bottom step, a hand caught my elbow. “Bell, wait—”
I whirled on Ford, the anger and grief and every other messy, ugly, raw emotion flowing off me
in waves of heat. “You left me!” Ford’s hand dropped from my elbow as he staggered back a step. “You knew what my parents were like, how cold that house was. You knew I’d just lost my sister. No one would’ve understood my grief like you. Not a single person. Because you lost her, too. But instead of being there for me, letting me be there for you, you ran. And never once did you look back until Hunter forced your hand.”
My chest heaved, and with each inhale, the air seemed to force my anger and hurt through my body in a staccato beat. “I needed you.” The sentence came out as a whisper. It held all of my pain in its words. “I needed you, and you just left. Like it was the easiest thing in the world.”
My gaze traveled over Ford’s face. There was only one word to describe it. Ravaged. His chest rose and fell in a rhythm that matched my own. I hated his pain, wanted to reach out and pull him to me, but I couldn’t. Because as much as I didn’t want him to hurt, I couldn’t let him close enough to cause me more pain.
“I never blamed you for the accident, Ford.” It was crazy to me that he would ever think such a thing. “No one is to blame. For so long, I wished there was. Anyone or anything to focus my anger and hurt on. But it’s not you. It’s not the deer. It’s not the rain.”
Tears filled my eyes. “But you didn’t give me a chance to tell you any of that.” Just saying the words aloud had a hot poker piercing the cavity of my chest. Was that really the kind of person Ford thought I was? Growing up, I’d always thought he knew me better than anyone. I loved my sister, but Violet didn’t understand me, my need to be my own person, to go against our parents’ wishes. Kenna and Caelyn knew me, but I’d always shared a piece of myself with Ford that I’d held back from everyone else.
To have the one person you trusted with your whole self think so little of you, believe that you would blame him for an accident simply because he was the one behind the wheel… My muscles seized at the thought. I opened and closed my fists, trying to get the rest of myself to release. I couldn’t take it anymore, it hurt too much.
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