by Mia Carson
“Ella, please! I’m sorry! I swear, I didn’t mean for this to happen!”
“Well it did! I was raped, and you helped Steve do it!”
I turned on my toe and stomped away. I was going straight to the cops.
“Ella, please!” she cried to my back, but I wasn’t listening.
4
Levi
I stood at parade rest, one among many, all of us in our dress blues as the graduation ceremonies proceeded.
When I’d boarded the bus eight weeks ago I made myself a promise: I wouldn’t have to learn everything the hard way. I was going to watch and learn from other’s mistakes. That attitude had served me well.
I was in decent shape from working on the farm, so I didn’t have Sergeant Masterbaugh, or ‘Masturbate’ as some in my flight called him, always crawling up my ass over PT—physical training—like some of the others. The only person who could compete with me was Ramirez. He ran in the distance events in high school track, so running was no problem for him. In all other aspects, though, I was the guy at the front in PT, and I made it a point of pride that I was going to beat that little bastard at least once in the run before we graduated.
I learned on the first day to call Sergeant Masterbaugh ‘Sergeant’ and not ‘sir,’ as another member of my flight found out the hard way. I kept my head down, didn’t complain, and did what I was told to the best of my ability, which seemed to satisfy Masterbaugh enough that he wasn’t in my face all the time. Air Force BMT was supposed to be a cakewalk compared to the Army and Marines, so if we were being yelled at this much in the Air Force, I was glad I hadn’t joined one of the other branches.
I’d learned to salute, march, and dress properly, as well as what it meant to be a member of the United States Air Force. My best moment came during our third week when I’d done something right. I couldn’t even remember what it was, but Masterbaugh was in my face, demanding to know why I’d done what I’d done. I’d apparently answered him in a way he liked, because from that moment on, he demonstrated his newfound belief in me by getting in my face only half as often as some of the others. I threw myself into training, and on our last independent run before graduation, I’d beat that asshole Ramirez, though it was only by a few yards and I thought I was going to die.
Now, I was standing in a sea of blue, about to become part of those who were aiming high. I might be kidding myself, but I felt like I’d arrived a boy and was leaving a man. I’d done things I didn’t think I could, learned to conquer my fears and doubts, came to believe in myself and those around me, and had a confidence in myself I hadn’t felt before. I was ready to face the world in a way I hadn’t been just eight weeks ago.
I hadn’t seen my parents as my flight marched in, but that was okay. I knew they were there, along with Ella. As soon as the ceremonies were over, I had the weekend off before I returned to Lackland to begin my two months of Security Forces Specialist training.
As much as I wanted to see Mom and Dad, I wanted to see Ella more. We probably wouldn’t have time to slip away for some private time since I had to be back on base each evening, but just getting to hold her in my arms again would be a balm on the emptiness I felt with her absence.
As we completed our oath I felt a profound sense of accomplishment. When we were dismissed, we began filing out, each of us eager to meet our families, none more so than me, but I had one other thing to do first.
“Sergeant Masterbaugh!” I said, firing off my best, most crisp, salute.
“Airman,” Masterbaugh said, returning my salute.
I offered my hand. “I wanted to thank you.”
He took it, but I could tell I wasn’t the first raw recruit who wanted to shake his hand. “For what, Airman?”
“For making me who I am today.”
For the first time, I saw Masterbaugh smile. “Spice, you aren’t the worst piece of shit I’ve had the honor to train. You’re going to go far in my Air Force.”
“Thank you, Sergeant!” I said with a smile before giving him another crisp salute, just like he’d taught me. I pivoted on my toe in my most formal manner, my back ramrod straight, and marched away until I’d put enough distance between us I felt I could relax.
The families were told where to wait based on what flight their son or daughter was on so we could find each other. As I shuffled forward, I wondered what Ella would think of the egg that used to be my head. She’d always enjoyed playing with my hair, but she was going to have a hard time doing that now since all I had was a fuzzy stubble.
I saw Mom, an instant later, Dad, but I still hadn’t picked Ella out of the crowd. My heart swelled at seeing them. “Mom!” I cried as I took her into my arms. “You’re squishing me,” I teased as she held me tight.
“I so glad to see you,” she said, her eyes wet.
I turned to Dad, offering my hand. He took it, gave it a firm shake, and pulled me into a back-slapping hug. “We’re so proud of you, son,” he said.
When he released me, I looked around. “Where’s Ella?”
“She couldn’t make it,” Mom mumbled, her lips turning down and a profound sadness clouding her face as she held my gaze.
I was crushed with disappointment. “What happened? Is she okay?”
She took me by my arm and began pulling me away from the crowds, talking about other things. She was avoiding the subject of Ella. We made it all the way to the parking lot before I couldn’t contain my curiosity any longer. I gently pulled Mom to a stop.
“Ella?” I asked again.
“Something’s happened,” Mom said, her voice flat and devoid of emotion.
She was hiding something and a cold hand of impending doom squeezed my heart. “What? Is she okay?”
“She’s pregnant, son,” Dad said, his jaws tight in contained anger.
The cold hand squeezed tighter. It had to have been the first night, when I’d taken her in my truck. I hadn’t pulled out soon enough and the condom must have leaked. I’d tried to be careful, tried to be sure the condom hadn’t spilled, but obviously it had.
This was a disaster! All our plans were in shambles because I couldn’t keep my cock in my pants. She must hate me. Her parents must hate me. That’s why she wasn’t here, and I felt sick with guilt.
I’d ruined her plans to attend college, but I’d make it up to her somehow. As soon as I was out of specialist training, she could come to me. We’d get married and I’d send her to school, maybe night or online classes. Maybe she’d have to wait a little while, but I made myself the promise that no matter what it took, no matter what I had to do, I’d make sure she could follow her dream of becoming an RN. We’d make it work, if she’d still have me.
All the thoughts jumbled together as I looked from Mom to Dad and back. “Does she hate me?”
They both looked at me strangely. “Why would she hate you? It’s not your fault she got drunk and got herself pregnant,” Dad said, his voice hard.
“What? Got drunk and got herself pregnant? When? What are you talking about?”
Dad looked around. We were in a sea of fresh graduates and their families. “Come on. We’ll talk more at the motel.”
I followed them to Mom’s Taurus almost as if I were sleep walking. I was trying to wrap my head around what Dad had said, but as soon as he started the car, I twisted to look at Mom sitting in the back seat.
“Just tell me what’s going on. I don’t understand.”
“Not a lot to tell, Levi,” Dad said. I glanced at him before I looked back at Mom. She looked like she was trying not to cry. “She went with Catherine Meyer to the old Caswell barn. She had too much to drink and had unprotected sex with Steve Calhoun. She—”
“Steve Calhoun!” I interrupted. “She can’t stand him. Why would she fuck him?” I cringed. “Sorry, Mom.”
Dad shook his head as we crept along in a queue of cars, waiting our turn to exit the parking lot. “I don’t know. She said it was rape, but everyone who was there said he was hanging all over
her just before they left, and she didn’t seem to mind. He claims it was consensual. The police questioned everyone, but I don’t think the rape charge is going anywhere. She claims she was drugged and passed out, but again, everyone saw her walk to his truck.”
I leaned against the head rest, my eyes closed as I tried to absorb the information. I had a hard time believing she would do something like that, but the old fears that she would realize she didn’t want some Air Force grunt roared back to the surface. She hadn’t even waited until she got to college.
Mom reached between the seats to touch me on the shoulder. “I’m so sorry, Levi. I know what she meant to you, but maybe this is a blessing.”
“A blessing! How?”
“Better to find out now, before you married her, that she can’t be trusted.”
I said nothing for a long moment. “I don’t believe it. Something else is going on, there has to be!”
Dad shook his head again. “The police investigated her claims. She’s spinning this wild story about her friend, Catherine, drugging her beer. Cat, of course, denies it, and they found no trace of the drug in Ella’s system. She’s blaming everyone but herself. She made a mistake, and now she has to pay the price. This is why your mother and I cautioned you about having sex before you were old enough.”
I wanted to tell them I’d already slept with her, but I was afraid that would make the situation even worse. How could she do this to me? We’d agreed to wait for each other. And with Steve Calhoun? I wanted to hate her, but I couldn’t.
“Why didn’t she come and tell me this herself?” I asked, but I knew the reason. If I’d done to her what she’d done to me, I wouldn’t be able to face her either.
“We asked her if she still wanted to come, but she didn’t want to,” Mom said from the back seat. “I feel bad for the poor girl. She feels terrible about what’s happened. She asked me to tell you she was sorry.”
I nodded, my lips clamped tight. “Is she going to have the baby?”
Both Mom and Dad looked at me like I was crazy. “Why wouldn’t she?” Mom asked. I shrugged. “The rumor around town is Steve wanted her to have an abortion, but she refused. First smart thing she’s done in this whole sordid mess. I also hear they’re talking about getting married.”
My stomach rolled over. Until that moment I was still holding out hope that we could work something out between us, or there’d been some mistake, but if she was going to marry the guy…
“At least that sorry ass will make an honest woman out of her,” Dad growled.
“I guess that’s it, then,” I muttered.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Mom said softly, her voice barely above a whisper, again touching my shoulder in support. I reached across with my right hand and placed it on hers.
I didn’t want to be there, and I didn’t want Mom or Dad around. I wanted to crawl into a hole and lick my wounds, but it wasn’t their fault Ella had carved my heart out with dull spoon. I gave Mom’s hand a pat. Time to put on my big boy pants and take a dose of man up.
“How’s the crop looking?” I asked Dad.
For the next four hours, we sat in their motel and talked about everything except Ella and what happened before we went to an early dinner to make sure I would be back on base by eight. Talking about my time in BMT helped, but Ella was never far from my thoughts. Thinking of Ella and her betrayal was like probing a sore tooth with my tongue. Even though it caused more pain, I couldn’t stop.
I was a guy, and though inside I was alternating between rage at her betrayal, grief at my loss, and denial that it had happened, I kept it bottled up and shoved deep, forcing myself to be engaged. Mom and Dad had driven all the way from Hamlinton to see me. The least I could do was be pleasant, and it helped to have family close. I could see in their faces they felt for me.
Dinner over, we returned to the motel before they took me back to the base. I’d be free again tomorrow and we were going to take in a few sights around town, and because I’d excelled in PT and was a member of an honor flight, I also had a town pass for Sunday between nine and six.
There was a new person at the desk when we arrived. She was older than me, perhaps in her early thirties, but she had a pleasant smile, a pretty face, and big tits. If Ella could fuck around on me, then I could fuck around on her. Except I wouldn’t be fucking around on her, would I? She’d made her choice and had cut me free in the most brutal manner possible.
I wondered if the desk clerk had any plans for her Sunday afternoon since Mom and Dad were leaving right after lunch. “I’ll be up in a couple of minutes,” I said, slowing. “I’m going to grab a soda.”
“Okay. When do we need to leave to make sure you’re back on time?”
I glanced at the clock behind the check-in desk. “A couple of hours.”
They nodded just as the elevator doors opened. As soon as they closed, I approached the woman behind the desk. I revised her age upwards to her late thirties, but I didn’t care.
Ten minutes later I rapped on Mom and Dad’s door. Nicole, the clerk, got off at noon on Sunday, which was perfect. She would join me in room 318, Mom and Dad’s room, as soon as they left. I was going to give her a ride on my cock as we tried to break the bed, and when we were done or my pass ended, she was going to give me a ride back to the base. So fuck you, Mary Ella!
As I thought it, I knew I didn’t mean it. Despite what Ella had done, I still cared for her…dammit.
5
Levi
Present day
I cruised through Hamlinton in my truck. I’d arrived home yesterday and was here to stay.
I’d returned home twice in my five-year stint with the Air Force. The first time I’d picked up my truck, the second I’d caught a ride in the back of a Globemaster going from Tyndall AFB in Panama City, Florida, my current duty station, to Dyess AFB in Abilene. That was one of the nice perks of the Air Force. Free flights anyplace the Air Force flew, so long as you didn’t mind riding on their schedule and in the back.
The place hadn’t changed much while I was gone. It was the same sleepy little town with the John Deere dealership, two gas stations, grain silo, café, and grocery store. As I puttered along, I had conflicted feelings. There were a lot of good memories here, but there were some painful ones as well. I thought I’d moved past Ella, but now that I was back to stay, I wasn’t so sure.
It had taken some fancy talking to get Mom and Dad on the road while leaving me at the motel that day five years ago when they came to San Antonio. After they’d left, I’d taken Nicole to their room and hate fucked her for hours. I wasn’t proud of what I did, even as I was doing it, but she seemed to thrive on it. She made the mistake of challenging me to tame her, and because of my mood at the time, I’d taken her brutally hard time and time again without care for her wants or needs, throwing her around in the bed and the room as I tried to burn out the pain with passion.
Finally, sweaty, exhausted, and spent, we slept for a couple of hours before she took me back to the base. For the next seventy days, as I trained for my specialty, I fucked Nicole every chance I got. She was almost old enough to be my mother, but I didn’t care. She was a wild bitch, willing to do anything I wanted, any time I wanted, and I’d taken advantage of that. Nothing was off limits. Anal, role play, rough sex, it was all available, but there was no love, no compassion between us, only physical need. Every time our schedules aligned, I’d be waiting for her when her shift ended. We’d go to a room, fuck our brains out for a couple of hours, and she’d take me back to the base before she went home to her kids.
In hindsight, we were using each other, trying to find that something that was missing from our lives with our wild, energetic fucking. For Nicole, I’d decided she enjoyed having a young man want her as she tried to prove, if only to herself, she was still young and desirable. For me, I was looking for a woman to want me, as I thought Ella had wanted me. For a while I’d confused fucking with making love, and I was substituting sex for affection.
It was almost lunch time and the streets were busy, or at least as busy as they ever got in Hamlinton. I was taking a few days off to reconnect with friends, but then I would be in the thick of it with Dad. I’d arrived home just in time for harvest. In three or four weeks it would be all hands on deck to get the crop in, and he’d need all the help I could give him. I was living at home and would continue to do so at least through the harvest. Then I would have to decide what I was going to do. Maybe I would carve a little plot out of one of our fields and build a house, or maybe I would just rent a place in town. I hadn’t decided. So much of my future was still up in the air.
What wasn’t in doubt was my hunger. Mom had stuffed me last night, preparing all my favorites. I’d called home when I’d reached Abilene, and when I pulled to a stop in front of the house, dinner was waiting. Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, pinto beans, three-cheese macaroni and cheese, biscuits, and of course, apple pie. When I’d pushed back from the table, unable to take another bite, I didn’t think I’d ever be hungry again, but I had a sudden craving for one of the open-faced pot-roast sandwiches from Dolly’s café.
I turned around and growled back through town, raising two fingers from the steering wheel as people recognized first my truck, and then me, before they waved and smiled in greeting. I was sure everyone in town knew I was home to stay. Mom had seen to that. I couldn’t help but smile. It was good to be back.
