by Mia Carson
“Ella? What are you doing here?” Judy’s voice was coolly pleasant. She was using the same tone Mom used when she was holding her tongue and being agreeable for appearances.
I thought I was going to die and wanted to flee back to my car, but as weak as my legs felt, I wasn’t sure I could make it.
“She got me out of jail. Would you rather I still be there?”
“No, of course not. We’d have come to get you when they released you, but you brought this all on yourself,” Judy said as she glared at me.
“Yeah, I know, but what if it was Rebecca or Kamron being groped like that? Would you have wanted me to just sit there?”
“That’s different.”
“Why? Because Steve hasn’t raped them?”
Judy looked like she’d been slapped, but she quickly recovered. “I can see there’s no talking to you right now.”
Levi nodded. “Yeah, I can see that too. Come on,” he said, tugging my hand.
He pulled me to his bedroom. The last time I was in this room we’d made sweet, tender love, but that seemed like a lifetime ago. He began roughly stripping out of his shirt as he walked into his bathroom. I sat on the bed, staring at my feet, afraid to move, afraid Judy or Will would come in and confront me as he bathed, listening to the water running in the adjacent room. No matter what I did, it always seemed to bite me in the ass.
The water stopped, and a moment later he appeared wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. My mouth instantly went dry. When I’d first seen him after he’d returned from the Air Force, I could tell he’d put on some weight. His arms were better developed and he’d filled out his shirt better, but I could tell every ounce of weight he added must have gone to muscle. He’d always been good looking, but now he looked like an athlete, every muscle and sinew perfectly toned and proportioned.
“Forgot to get some clothes,” he muttered as he opened his closet and pulled out a shirt and pants before retrieving underwear and socks from a drawer.
He acted like me seeing a perfect male specimen was just another everyday event for me. How could he not know I was dying to feel his body against mine? I’d hoped he’d dress in front of me, but he returned to the bathroom and stepped out again a moment later dressed. He pulled a small duffle from the top of his closet and stuffed in a few changes of clothes.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“Getting away for a couple of days.”
“Where?” I asked, working to keep the sound of panic out of my voice.
He looked at me, perhaps detecting my fear that he was leaving. “Just to the Hamlinton Inn. Things are too tense here. I’m snapping at my mother, and you can bet Dad and I are going to have words if I stay. We need a little space.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to become between you and your family.”
“What did I tell you? You’ve done nothing wrong. It’ll be okay. We just need a little breathing room, that’s all.” He finished stuffing items into the bag and zipped it. “Let’s go,” he said, holding his hand out.
I took his hand and meekly followed him out. “Where are you going?” Judy asked as we appeared, staring at the bag. She’d been waiting on us. Will stepped up behind his wife and placed his hands on her shoulders. They both looked angry, hurt, and terrified.
“I’m going to spend a couple of nights in town,” he said, his hand never leaving mine.
Their eyes flicked to me and back to him. “Are you going to come back?” Judy asked, a slight tremble in her voice.
“I think we could use a little distance at the moment.” He softened, released my hand, and went to his mother to kiss her on the cheek. “Don’t worry. I’ll see you in a few days.” He returned to me and took my hand again. “I’m still willing to help with the contract work, if you want it,” he said, talking to his dad.
“Of course. You’re our son. Nothing will change that, and you don’t have to do this.”
“Yeah, I think I do.”
I thought Judy was going to cry as she pursed her lips. “You know you always have a home here,” she said, her voice thick and full of emotion.
He nodded. “I know.”
“Where will you stay?” she asked.
“The Hamlinton Inn. It’s just for a few days.” He looked at his father. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow, if it’s dry enough.”
Will nodded. “Okay, son. We love you.”
“I love you too,” he said. We stood in an awkward silence for a moment before he nodded in parting, opened the door, and pulled me outside.
15
Levi
The moment the door closed, I sagged.
“Are you okay?” Ella asked, her concern clear in her voice. “I’m sorry, Levi. I’ve ruined everything. You should just forget about me and—”
“Don’t!” I snapped. “Don’t tell me how I should feel or how I should treat you. I get enough of that from them,” I said with a jerk of my head toward the door.
“But your family!”
“We’ll get past this or we won’t, but I’m not going to let them run my life. I’m going to date who I want to date, be with who I want to be with. If they don’t like it, they have a choice to make. They can either accept me as who I am, and accept whoever I make part of my life, or we can go our separate ways.” I hurried to my truck, opened the door, and tossed the duffle into the seat. “I need to go. The longer I stand here, the worse it is.”
“Wait. Come to the house first. Mom and Dad will want to see you. Stay and have dinner with us. Please don’t go away mad.”
“I’m not mad. Well, not mad at you.”
“Upset then. Just have dinner with us before you go. I’m worried about you.”
I watched her a moment. The hope and concern on her face convinced me. “You’re sure your mom won’t mind? They’re not expecting me.”
“I’ll call them on the way. She won’t care.”
I blew out a long breath, trying to regain some balance. “Okay. Thanks.” I smiled at her, trying to lighten the mood. “I am a little hungry. I didn’t finish my lunch.”
She seemed to relax a bit. “I’ll see you there,” she said and hurried to her car.
I glanced at the house. Mom and Dad were standing in the living room, watching me through the window. I was too far away to make out their expressions, but I gave them a solemn wave in parting. They returned the wave before I walked around the front of my truck and sat down behind the wheel.
As I followed Ella, the weight of my actions began to press in on me. As I sat alone in the eight by twelve concrete room at the police station, I had time to reflect on my actions. I’d nearly started a brawl in Dolly’s. I should feel guilty, did for creating a scene, but I didn’t regret for a moment the fact I’d called Steve out for his actions. He wanted to get a rise out of me? Well, he’d gotten one.
But putting Mom and Dad on notice, that was a big step. I’d have preferred to steadily win them over to Ella, gradually reminding them how much they’d once adored her. Unfortunately, I could tell from talking to Mom when we arrived, their minds were made up. Mom, at least, saw what happened today as Ella’s fault. So long as they insisted on blaming Ella for the ill-advised actions of others, including those of myself, there would be no changing their minds.
If I’d stayed, I’d eventually say something I’d later regret. I’d seen the look on Mom’s face when I threw the rape at her, and that was mild compared some of the things I felt like saying. I’d hurt Mom’s feelings, and maybe Dad’s too, by walking out, but right now our house was a powder keg and Ella was the match.
I pulled to a stop behind her car and stepped out of the truck. I wasn’t sure this was a good idea. My relationship with the Johnsons had improved immensely, but that was before I tried to start a fight in Dolly’s. I took Ella’s arm and pulled her to a stop before she opened the door.
“Are you sure about this?” I asked.
She smiled and opened the door. “Come in and see for yo
urself. Mom? Dad? Levi’s here!”
Abby was the first to arrive, running down the hall to Ella, but Helen and Ken weren’t far behind. As Ella swept Abby up in her arms, Helen pulled me into hers and gave me a long hug.
“Thank you, Levi,” she said softly.
She stepped back and drew a finger under her eyes as if wiping away tears. Before I could recover from that enthusiastic and unexpected greeting, Ken had my hand in his, his free hand on my shoulder, as he gave my hand a firm shake.
“Yes, thank you. I’m glad you’re not in trouble with the law, but if something like this happens again, you call me. I’ll have you bailed out before your chair gets warm.”
I glanced at Ella as she whispered in Abby’s ear. As Ken released my hand, Abby reached for me. I took her.
“Thank you for helping my mommy,” Abby said and kissed me on the cheek.
That hit me hard, hard enough that I felt my own eyes tear up. “You’re welcome, Abby. I’ll always be there to help your mommy.”
“Come in, come in,” Helen said, motioning me deeper into the house. “I haven’t started dinner, but make yourself at home. You still remember where everything is, right?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“That reminds me,” Ella began, motioning me to the dinner table that shared space with the kitchen. While Helen moved about in the kitchen, the rest of us sat down at the table so we could all be together. “You need to avoid Dolly’s for a little while.”
I winced. “I’m really sorry that—”
“Oh, you hush,” Ella said. “She actually kind of supported what you did, but she doesn’t want people to think they can start breaking the dishes and get away with it.”
“I can understand that.”
“Don’t you mind that none,” Helen said as she hurried around in the kitchen. “You come here and I’ll feed you.” She became more serious. “Ella told me you had a falling out with Will and Judy. Is there anything Ken or I can do?”
I shook my head. “No, thank you, Mrs. Johnson. I’m sure we’ll work it out.”
“Well, until you do, you have a home here,” Ken said, and Helen nodded.
“Thank you, but I’ll be okay. It’s only for a couple of days.”
“Would you consider staying with us?” Helen offered. “We’ve got the room.”
I smiled at the offer. So many good memories were flooding back. Ken and Helen had been like a second set of parents once. They were working hard to make me feel that way again.
“Thank you for the offer, but I don’t want to be underfoot. The Hamlinton Inn will do for a couple of days.”
Helen nodded. “Okay, but if you change your mind, know that you’re welcome.”
For the next six hours we talked, had dinner, and talked some more. Ella and I recounted our versions of what happened at Dolly’s in exacting detail, much to the delight of Ken and Helen. They enthusiastically supported what I’d done and expressed disappointment they hadn’t been there to see it themselves. After they’d squeezed every detail out of us, the conversation turned to happier times past. There were plenty of stories swapped, lots of laughter, and more of those good memories bubbled to the top.
“Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Johnson—” I began.
“What did we tell you about that?” Ken warned me playfully.
I grinned and tried again. “Thank you, Helen, Ken, for dinner and the company, but I should go.”
“You’re sure you won’t consider staying with us?” Ken asked.
“Thank you for the offer, but no.”
“Well, okay then. Will you at least join us for dinner tomorrow? I can do better than McDonalds, and since you can’t go to Dolly’s…” Helen suggested, letting the offer dangle.
“Okay, sure. Thank you.” That seemed to satisfy her, and I rose from my place at the table.
“Levi, wait just a second,” Ella said.
I sauntered to the front door and paused. I thought she was going to gather Abby, but she appeared without her, her purse slung over her shoulder.
“Where’s Abby?”
“She’s spending the night with her grandma.” I felt a tingling rush of excitement but said nothing. She had to make the first move. I wasn’t going to pressure her after what she’d been through. “If you’re not willing to stay with Mom and Dad, would you consider staying with me?”
The rush of excitement grew. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. Are you?”
Ken and Helen were giving us some privacy, so I pulled her into a quick kiss. “I’ve been waiting for the right time,” I whispered into her ear.
“This is it.”
I nodded. “Then I’m sure.”
She smiled in that way I remembered so well. “We have a lot of catching up to do.”
We stepped outside and she hurried to her car, pausing to smile at me over the hood before she disappeared into the vehicle. On the drive to her house, millions of thoughts raced through my mind. I wanted her. I wanted her like no woman since her, but I worried we were rushing into something. She was scarred by her experience, as any woman would be, and I didn’t want to damage her further.
The changes I’d seen in her in the last couple of weeks were remarkable. There was a vibrancy in her voice again, a vibrancy that had been missing when I spoke to her the first time after my return. But more than that, she was starting to hold her head up. No so much physically, but emotionally. She was starting to believe in herself again and it showed in hundreds of little ways. The way she walked, the way she talked, the way she smiled or looked at me. She was again becoming the woman I’d loved once, the woman I was falling hard for…all over again.
I was feeling the excitement of new love, but it was even better than the first time. I was older, more mature, and better able to understand what I was feeling and why. If Ella felt the same as I did, I could appreciate the gift she was giving me, not just her body, but her soul and spirit as well. Maybe because of that maturity, this time the feelings for her were richer and more nuanced. It was the difference between a melody played by an orchestra and one played on a kazoo. We already had history together, and we were rapidly falling into our old patterns. Tonight, sitting around the table at Ken and Helen’s, it was like I’d never left, and Ella hadn’t endured the humility and shame from Steve’s actions.
My concern was she thought she had to do this because it was expected. I’d wait until she was ready, no matter how long it took. I only wanted her if she truly wanted me in return, not if she was acting out of some self-destructive impulse, fear, or guilt. I’d only been home a couple of months. I wanted to see the improvements in her continue and didn’t want to dredge up painful memories, memories I was working hard to help her forget.
During my time as an MP, I’d once seen a rape victim right after the assault. The woman, an airman only a year or two older than I was at the time, had flinched and cowered anytime a man came near her, clearly devastated by her experience. She’d been beaten in the attack, and while I didn’t know what eventually happened to her, I still remembered the fear in her eyes as she watched me, as if she expected me to pick up where her attacker had left off. Her eyes had haunted me for weeks. That was about the time I began to settle down, and I have long believed it was the distrust in her eyes that tipped me over the edge and started me on the path to giving up my feral ways.
Ella hadn’t been beaten in her assault, as far as I knew, but I wanted her to trust me, to know I’d never force myself on her, and that she didn’t have to do this if she wasn’t ready. It might be a mood killer, but I had to be sure she understood that I’d wait, however long she needed until she was certain.
I pulled to a stop beside her Escape. She was smiling and bubbling over as she took my hand and pulled me to her door. The moment we were inside she moved in close, pressed herself against me, and drew me into a torrid kiss. I returned it for a moment but then detached. She looked a
t me in confusion.
“Ella, are you sure? After all that you’ve been—”
“Shhh…” she murmured as she placed two fingers against my lips. “I want this. I don’t want to talk about or think about the past. I have you again, and that’s all I care about right now.” She slowly removed her fingers, allowing them to softly stroke my lips with their removal. “I want you. I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my life.”
I held her gaze a moment. “You’ve got me,” I murmured as I drew the back of my hand gently along her cheek.
Her eyes closed as she took my hand, interlacing her fingers with mine. She held my hand to her cheek as she tipped her head slightly to the side, her face relaxed and so achingly beautiful. I slowly pulled my hand away, drawing it unhurriedly down her arm as my other hand did the same on her other side. Her eyes slowly opened. I fell into the pools of blue and became lost in their infinite depths. I slowly lifted my hands to her face, holding her gently as I lowered my lips to hers in a long, soft, caress.
I gradually pulled back. That had been the best kiss of my life. Her eyes opened lazily to hold my gaze, her lips slightly opened and begging to be kissed again as she gave me the smallest of nods. I wanted to swoop her into my arms and carry her to bed, but the hall to the back was narrow and I didn’t want to bump her trying to squeeze through. Instead, I took her hand and slowly led her past the smaller bedroom decorated for a little girl, then the bath, to the larger of the two bedrooms at the back of the trailer.
I steered her into the bed, and as she worked herself to the center, she pulled me down with her. I draped myself over her, drinking in the face of the woman I’d loved once, and now again.
“What?” she whispered.
“I love you.” The words came to my lips easily, naturally, as if I’d never stopped saying them. I saw her eyes well with tears. “What?”
“Do you mean it? How can you love me after—”
I stilled her voice by taking her lips again, showing her with touch when she didn’t believe my words. As I ended the kiss, I caressed her face with gossamer strokes of my fingertips.
