Widow, Virgin, Whore - A Novel

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  "Great, then that's where we're going. Bingo."

  "We?" Katherine asked, surprised.

  "Of course. You don't expect me to go there alone, do you?"

  "But I hadn't planned on going."

  "Well, now you can plan it. You were the one who said I needed to do something, right?"

  Katherine closed her eyes and sighed. Me and my big mouth.

  ***

  "Katherine, I'm so happy you could make it." Jeffrey Lindstrom greeted the two women as if he'd been expecting them. He was about Katherine's height, and had sandy blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes that instantly made you feel welcome.

  "Hi, Jeffrey. We thought we'd come check out your Bingo night. This is Darla."

  "Hello, Darla. It's nice to meet you. Please, call me Jeff." He offered a warm hand in greeting, and Darla nervously wiped her palm on her pant leg before shaking it. Despite her earlier bravado, she was very nervous about coming here. She'd taken extra care in choosing her outfit, wondering how these people would react to a pale, thin, bald woman with AIDS. But as she shook Jeff's hand, and looked into his smiling face, she realized her worries had been unfounded.

  "We could really use the help tonight," Jeff continued. "With the flu bug going around, many of our regular volunteers have been too sick to come." He looked around the room as if he'd lost someone, then returned his attention back to Darla.

  "Darla, I have the perfect job for you." He led her by the elbow over to a tall man standing by a table at the door. Katherine followed.

  "Craig, I have a helper for you. Craig Lamont, this is Darla. She can help take the money and pass out cards."

  "Nice to meet you, Darla." Craig extended a hand. As their hands touched, she looked up at its owner. He had rich brown hair and brown eyes, both speckled with gray. His face was thin, with very few lines, and his slightly crooked smile showed perfect teeth. He had a rugged, comfortable look about him that reminded her a little of Harrison Ford.

  "Hey, I like your hair," Craig said, grinning. "It looks buff."

  Darla smiled, giving a smug, sideways glance at Katherine, who only rolled her eyes in response. "Thanks, Craig. I thought the same thing myself."

  ***

  "Come on, Katherine. I have a job for you, too." Jeff led Katherine to the other side of the room where long tables were pushed up against the wall. Together, they moved the tables to the center of the room onto the wooden dance floor.

  "They let us use this room twice a month for free," Jeff explained. "We usually fill it up. It's a good moneymaker."

  Katherine nodded, making mental notes of the scenery and the people, thinking about incorporating it all into her series of articles. She glanced over at Darla, who looked comfortable talking with Craig. Bald or not, she hadn't lost her touch with men.

  "Is Darla the friend with AIDS you were telling me about?" Jeff asked, interrupting Katherine's thoughts.

  She nodded.

  "I thought so, that's why I teamed her up with Craig. He's really good with people. He makes them feel comfortable. And he knows where she's coming from. He has AIDS, too."

  Surprised, Katherine looked again at the tall man talking with Darla. "He looks really good. Healthy, I mean."

  Jeff nodded. "He's on an AZT Cocktail right now. Seems to be working well for him, but he's been really sick in the past, too. He understands exactly what Darla is going through."

  Katherine looked curiously at Jeff, catching his smile of satisfaction at pairing the couple across the room. It seemed his art of giving didn't end with fundraisers.

  "Thank you," she said quietly across the table they were moving. Jeff simply winked and smiled.

  ***

  "So, how long have you known you have AIDS?" Craig asked Darla casually as they waited for the first of the Bingo players to arrive.

  Darla looked up in surprise, then realized that there was no way to hide the fact. Her thin body, pale skin, and shaved head told it all. "I've known for about five months."

  "Full blown?"

  Darla nodded.

  "Me, too."

  Shock spread across her face. He looked too healthy to have AIDS. His brown hair was thick, and his eyes were clear and bright. He was slender, but not overly thin. To her, he looked really good. Too good, in fact. But there was more to him than just good looks, she'd never seen a kinder face.

  "What's the matter, did I grow horns?" he teased. When Darla realized she'd been staring, she actually blushed in embarrassment.

  "I didn't mean to stare. It's just that you look so good," she said. At his upraised eyebrows, she stumbled over her words. "I mean, you look healthy. I would have never guessed you have AIDS."

  Craig smiled wide. "Thanks. I feel really good, too. I'm doing an AZT Cocktail and it's raised my T-cell count considerably. Before I took that, though, I looked and felt awful. I almost died twice of PCP."

  Darla nodded, completely understanding.

  "What about you? Are you taking anything?" Craig asked.

  "I've been on a Cocktail, too. But then I got cancer and I'm doing chemo for it."

  Craig frowned. "That's tough. Is the chemo helping?"

  "The doctor says it is. Personally, I don't understand all this crap. I just do what he says. Katherine is the one who understands it all. She even takes care of my pills for me."

  Craig glanced across the room at Katherine helping Jeff slide tables across the floor, then back at Darla, a confused expression on his face. "Oh, are you and Katherine a couple?"

  Darla's eyes widened. "No, nothing like that. We're just friends. I mean, we're not even friends, really, she's my sister's friend and we all live together and she sort of got stuck helping me," she said, stumbling over her words again. "Geez, I'm not gay," she blurted out. Her face turned red for the second time that evening.

  Craig chuckled and shrugged his shoulders apologetically. "Sorry, I didn't mean anything by it. It's cool if you are or if you aren't."

  Darla cocked her head and stared at him, considering what he'd said. She liked how he didn't feel the need to judge people. "You're right, it doesn't matter one way or the other. But for the record, I'm straight."

  Craig just winked and smiled.

  The first of the Bingo players arrived and Darla and Craig became busy selling cards. Darla was glad for the distraction as she tried to figure out what it was about Craig that made her nervous. No guy had ever made her blush. But somehow, he had to power to make her self-conscious about what she said and did.

  The three hours went by quickly, and even though Darla was beginning to tire out, she had fun. She and Craig talked a little more about AIDS, family and friends. But most of the evening, they were busy selling cards. Katherine helped Jeff pick and call out the Bingo numbers and confirm the winners. There were a lot of happy winners leaving as they closed up the room, and the organization earned over six hundred dollars profit.

  As the volunteers packed up to leave, Craig invited Darla to attend a support group of AIDS patients that he was a part of. "There are only four of us, so we'd enjoy having a new member. We usually meet at Allison's apartment, since she has trouble getting out. I could pick you up and bring you there." Darla agreed and they made arrangements for him to pick her up at the house Thursday night.

  "Craig seems nice," Katherine commented casually on the drive home.

  Darla simply nodded. She was thinking the very same thing herself.

  Chapter Twelve

  "Hi everyone," Craig greeted the group as they entered the apartment. "I brought a new friend. This is Darla."

  Three pairs of eyes stared back at Darla from the living room. Darla stood nervously and tried to smile. For an instant, she wished she hadn't agreed to come after all.

  "Hi, Darla. Welcome. I'm Allison." A thin woman propped up with pillows on the sofa raised her hand in welcome. Her skin was so pale, it looked like parchment stretched over her bony fingers, making Darla afraid of crushing her hand on contact. She had thin, mousy, brown hai
r and liquid blue eyes, but her smile was genuine and it drew Darla over to shake her hand.

  "This is Carl," Craig said, pointing to the man in the other corner of the sofa who nodded at her. "And Susie here is our trivia expert." Susie looked up from the Trivial Pursuit game the three had been playing and said a soft hello.

  Darla studied the group as Craig went to throw their coats on the bed in the other room. Carl was tall and thin, but looked healthy. And he was young, probably mid-twenties. She could tell by the smoothness of his face. Susie looked closer to her own age, and except for the dark circles under her blue eyes, she looked good, too. She had a full head of curly, golden hair that Darla would have loved to get her hands on and style.

  "Do you like trivia games?" Susie asked Darla from her spot on the floor by the coffee table. "We were just going to play another round."

  "I play sometimes with my daughter and friends. But I'm not very good."

  Susie's eyes lit up. "You have a daughter? Me, too. She's six. And my son is eight. How old is your daughter?"

  "Twelve. She'll be thirteen next month." Darla sat on the floor beside Susie, all the time feeling the watchful eyes of Allison upon her.

  "Uh, oh. She's going to be a teenager," Carl piped up smugly. "Think you can handle that, Darla?"

  "Of course she can," Susie answered for her. "Kids are a blessing, no matter what their age. Right, Darla?"

  Darla nodded. She'd never really thought about it one way or another.

  "I don't know what I'd do without my kids right now," Susie said joyfully. "They are the most important people in my life."

  "Yeah, too bad your ex-husband has them," Carl put in. "One more round won by males in a male dominated world."

  Susie lost her enthusiasm at his words and returned her attention back to the game.

  "Carl is our resident pessimist," Craig said, sitting down beside Darla on the floor. "If you are ever feeling happy and don't want to be, he'll pop your bubble right away."

  "Someone has to be realistic," Carl said.

  "What's your daughter's name?" Allison changed the subject in her small voice.

  "Chelsea Marie," Darla answered.

  "That's a beautiful name." Allison's voice sounded wistful. She kept her deep set eyes locked on Darla. "And is your daughter as strong willed as her mother?"

  Darla's brow furrowed. "What makes you think I'm strong willed?"

  "Only a person with a powerful personality would have the courage to wear her hair so short," she said, not unkindly. "I like it on you."

  Darla self-consciously ran her hand over the fuzz of hair on her head. "It was falling out anyway. I just helped it along."

  "Was it because of AIDS?" Susie asked, her eyes wide and fearful.

  "I have cancer. Chemotherapy has been a rough ride."

  "Oh, I'm sorry," Susie responded, but relief washed over her face.

  "I wish I had the nerve to do that with my hair," Allison said in her dreamy, breathless voice. "It would be so much easier."

  Susie reached up and touched her blonde hair lovingly. "I could never shave my head. I just couldn't." Then, realizing what she'd said, she looked up sheepishly at Darla. "Oh, no offense, Darla. But it wouldn't be right for me."

  "Hair, hair, hair. Listen to all of you. You're dying of AIDS and all you can do is talk about hair." Carl sounded disgusted.

  "Well, what would you rather talk about, Carl? Funerals?" Craig teased.

  "At least that would be more realistic."

  "Easy for you to say," Susie said grudgingly. "You're not full-blown yet. It gets harder thinking about death the closer you are to it."

  "Carl's HIV positive," Craig explained to Darla. "AIDS hasn't struck him yet like the rest of us."

  "I'm still going to die, so what difference does it make?" Carl said angrily.

  "Craig, why don't you offer Darla something to drink," Allison said, changing the subject once more. She seemed to be the peacekeeper of the group. "I would really like some more iced tea, too, please."

  Craig smiled over at the near-helpless woman on the sofa and nodded, tenderly patting her arm as he picked up the empty glass beside her. Darla followed him through the small, neat apartment to the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door, revealing its expansive contents.

  "What would you like? Soda? Tea? We even have beer."

  Darla noted the contents. "Wow, what a stockpile."

  "Since we usually meet here, we all pitch in to fill the fridge," Craig explained as he pulled out the jug of tea and refilled Allison's glass. "She's been on disability for a long time and doesn't have much money."

  "How can she afford this nice apartment?"

  "This is low-income housing. She only pays a percentage of her income. Help yourself." He waived toward the fridge.

  Darla took out a Coke and followed Craig back into the living room where he pulled out two chairs from the dining table for them to sit on.

  "How was your last check-up?" he asked Allison as he set her glass down beside her.

  She smiled appreciatively. "Good. My T-cell count is below eighty. The doctor says I'm doing well for such a low count."

  "How are your eyes?"

  "Still fuzzy, but holding."

  "What's wrong with your eyes?" Darla asked.

  "I have a viral disease that's making my sight blurry. The optometrist has me on an IV anti-viral drug and it seems to be helping a little."

  Darla nodded. There were so many diseases that attacked people with AIDS. It seemed like she heard of new ones every day.

  "Are you over your sinus infection, Susie?" Craig asked, shifting the conversation.

  "I'm still taking an antibiotic. I pretty much live on them."

  "You look so good, Susie," Darla commented. The difference between her pale, thin body and Susie's healthy, robust one made it hard to believe that they both had the same disease. "How long have you been full-blown?"

  "Almost a year. I was really sick at first, but now I only get sinus infections and colds. I'm really lucky."

  Darla sighed. "Maybe there's hope for me, too."

  "How long have you been infected, Darla," Allison asked, her eyes landing kindly on her face.

  As Darla looked up to reply, she saw sincere concern in Allison's eyes. At that instant, she knew she really liked Allison.

  "I've known for about six months. I've been full-blown the entire time."

  "Do you have someone to help you when you're sick?"

  Darla nodded. "I live with my sister and her friend, so they help a lot. With me, and Chelsea," she said quietly, admitting this fact for the first time, even to herself. Up until now, she'd taken them for granted. Suddenly, she felt very lucky.

  "It's good to have someone around," Allison said. "I don't know what I'd do without this group of people here. They do everything for me."

  "Oh, it's not so much," Susie said, brushing her words aside.

  "Yes, it is. It's everything."

  ***

  Darla attended gatherings of the group several times a week after that first meeting. She learned more about each person, how they each were infected by AIDS, and how they coped both mentally and financially. For the first time since she'd been diagnosed with AIDS, she felt as if she belonged somewhere. They weren't like the people she thought had been her friends, they actually cared and stuck by each other. Through them, she learned how to cope better herself.

  The cancer treatments and AZT Cocktails were taking effect and she began to feel stronger. She gained some weight that stayed on, and her skin held color again. Darla felt truly alive for the first time since she'd been diagnosed. And she knew that how she felt had as much to do with her new friends as it did with the medication she was taking.

  Darla and Craig spent a lot of time together. She helped him when he did things for Allison. They'd shop, do household chores, and cook. Susie came over every morning to help Allison shower and dress. In the evenings, Carl kept her company and fixed her dinner. Crai
g did everything in-between. Darla liked the way Craig treated Allison, so gentle and kind. He was the first man she'd ever met who wasn't afraid to show kindness. And he treated her like a lady, which was also new to Darla. She was used to being used by men, and using them herself. But with Craig it was different, and she liked that. Craig and the rest of the group helped change her way of thinking about life. And after meeting Allison, Darla no longer felt sorry for herself. She realized just how lucky she still was.

  ***

  Katherine was on her way out the door to pick up Chris from baseball practice when the phone rang. She hesitated a moment, then decided to pick it up.

  "Is this Katherine Samuals?" a male voice asked.

  "Yes."

  "This is Barry Sanderson, Assistant Feature Editor at The Seattle Times."

  Katherine's heart skipped a beat.

  "I received your articles on AIDS, and I liked them very much."

  "Really?" was all she could manage.

  "Yes. I'd like to use them as a six-part weekly series on AIDS in our community."

  Katherine was silent a moment, absorbing his words. She had sent the articles off to them fully believing they would be rejected. This was a complete shock.

  "Ms. Samuals, are you still there?"

  "Oh, yes, I'm sorry. I'm just so happy to hear you can use them."

  "Good. There is one thing I'd like to have you do, though. We can start by using the first three of the six you sent. But if you could add a more personal touch to the other three, I think it would increase the impact of the articles."

  Katherine frowned. "How do you mean?"

  "Well, from the content of the articles, it sounds like you've met several people who have AIDS. If you could talk with some of these people, write about what they are personally going through, it would give our readers a better idea why it's so important to have fundraising groups such as the one you mentioned."