Widow, Virgin, Whore - A Novel

by Deanna Lynn Sletten

  "Oh, I see." Katherine hesitated a moment. "There are some people I could talk to, but I'm not sure if they would agree to being interviewed for a newspaper article. Most people don't want to make it public that they have AIDS."

  "I understand. You don't have to use their real names. They can be completely anonymous. The point is to give the public a realistic understanding on how AIDS affects individuals."

  Katherine bit her lip as her mind swirled with indecision. She really wanted to tell the AIDS story, but she didn't know if she could pull off the personal side. It felt like prying.

  "Well, how about it? Can you do that for us?"

  Katherine decided to take the plunge. "I'll try. I'll talk to some people and see how they feel about it."

  "Great. We'd like to have each article at least a week in advance, so that will give you two weeks to update the fourth one. And the length needs to stay about the same as the others, around eight hundred words. Also, we pay one dollar a word for features. Is that acceptable to you?"

  Katherine practically laughed in Sanderson's ear. A dollar a word? She was used to being paid a dollar an inch. "Oh, yes, that will be fine," she answered with as much control as possible.

  "Good. We'll also be putting this over the wire service, so you will probably see some money from that. We think these articles will be of interest to people across the country."

  "That sounds fine," Katherine said, still dazed. "Will you be running only the six, or will you want more after that?"

  "Let's see how the first six go and how the public responds. If there is a great interest, we might want you to continue. It all depends upon our readers."

  Katherine was so excited, she felt like dancing.

  "I'll send out the paperwork for you to sign. I'm really excited about this series, Ms. Samuals. You're a good writer. I'm happy you contacted us."

  "Thank you," Katherine said, feeling as if she were dreaming. When she hung up the phone, her adrenaline was pumping so fast she could have driven to pick up Chris without the van. An editor of a major newspaper said she was a good writer. He was excited she'd be writing for them. Between that and the agent who liked her book, she didn't know how to contain the excitement of the last month. Of course, she still had to get interviews. That brought her back to reality. She'd talk to Darla and see what she could do.

  Chapter Thirteen

  "Everyone, this is Katherine," Darla announced to her AIDS group. "Katherine, this is Allison, Carl, Susie, and you know Craig.

  Everyone said hi, some tentatively. They all knew why Katherine had come, and Susie and Carl were less accepting than the others.

  "Katherine, tell us more about what you're doing," Allison said in her quiet voice, watching with bright, interested eyes.

  Katherine cleared her throat. "Okay. Basically, what I'm doing is writing a series of articles on AIDS for The Seattle Times. I've already submitted three to them, giving a background on AIDS and the programs available in our community. Now, they'd like to hear more about how it affects people who are actually living with AIDS."

  "You mean, you'd tell people all about us and our problems?" Susie asked, her eyes wide.

  "Actually, more about how you live and cope with the problems related to AIDS. Specifically, how you contracted AIDS, the illnesses you've had because of it, and the medications you take. And your personal feelings about the forced changes in your life, both physically and emotionally, due to AIDS."

  "I don't think I'd like telling everybody about my personal life," Susie said.

  Katherine smiled to ease the frightened expression on Susie's face. "You don't have to participate if you're not comfortable. I'll understand. And if any of you do want to share this information, I can use only your first name, or a false name, so you won't be identified."

  "I already told her she can use my name and tell everything about me," Darla announced proudly. "I'm not ashamed of having AIDS, and if I can make other people understand more about the disease, then I'm all for it."

  "Yes, that's a good point," Allison agreed. "This would be a wonderful opportunity to teach people about AIDS."

  "I agree," Craig piped up, excited by the chance to educate the public. "And we're the perfect group to talk about AIDS. We were all infected in different ways, so that would show the public that AIDS does not discriminate. That's important, because many people still believe that AIDS is a gay disease, or something only prostitutes pass around."

  Carl frowned from the corner of the sofa. "Then I'm not so different since I am gay."

  "But your story is important, Carl," Craig insisted. "You can prove that you're no different than the next person. You can be a representative of the gay community that many people write off as unimportant."

  The room fell silent for a moment and Katherine watched each face transform as each person struggled with their decision. Finally, she spoke up again. "You can reveal only what you want to. I really don't want to pry. But I do think that what all of you have to share is important."

  "I'll do it," Craig said. "And you can use my name, I don't mind." He smiled over at Darla, who clasped his hand in hers in appreciation.

  "I'm in, too," Allison said.

  "I do want people to understand," Susie said tentatively, "so I'll do it."

  All eyes fell on the last person in the room. Silently, they waited for his answer.

  "Could you not use my name?" Carl finally asked. "After all, there aren't too many gay guys named Carl around here and I don't want to lose my job."

  A great sigh of relief spread across the room.

  "How about I just call you "C"?"

  Carl nodded. The group cheered and celebrated with a round of Cokes.

  ***

  Katherine spent the next week talking to everyone in the group, both individually and together. She wanted to first get a background on them personally, and then concentrate on how their shared experiences as a group helped them. Since Allison was in the most advanced stages of AIDS, Katherine wanted to spend extra time with her. So, the next morning, she arrived at Allison's apartment the same time as Susie did to observe how she started her day.

  Allison cheerfully greeted the two women from her bed. She'd been awake, but being too weak to get up by herself, she'd laid there listening to an audiobook.

  "My eyes can no longer see the small print in books," she explained to Katherine. "So, Susie brings me audiobooks from the library. This one is really good. It's Danielle Steel's latest novel. Do you ever read her books?"

  "When I have the time, I like to," Katherine replied as she watched Susie turn off the CD player on the nightstand and pull back Allison's covers. Allison wasn't a tall woman, barely five feet, and there was so little left on her thin frame she seemed even smaller in her huge bed.

  "Let's get you into the shower," Susie said matter-of-factly, giving Allison a hand up out of bed and an arm to lean on to the bathroom.

  "How are you able to shower when standing takes so much effort?" Katherine asked.

  "Easy." Susie pulled back the shower curtain to reveal a small chair in the tub. "She can sit through it. I even wash her hair right there in the shower."

  Katherine nodded, impressed by their ingenuity.

  After Susie helped Allison shower and dress, she led her to a dining table chair where she gently blow-dried the little hair Allison had left, then plumped up her pillows on the sofa to make her comfortable. "I'll make your breakfast before I leave. Oatmeal today?"

  Allison nodded, the perennial soft smile on her face as Susie hustled off to the kitchen.

  "Susie comes here every day before going to work at the florist shop."

  "Does she work nearby?" Katherine asked.

  Allison shook her head slightly. "No. She drives all the way into Downtown Seattle to Pike's Market for work. That's where the store is. And she does such a beautiful job with the flowers. The ones on the table were done by her. She always brings me fresh flowers to brighten the apartment."

/>   Katherine glanced over at the flowers in the vase on the dining room table. They were a mixture of tulips, daffodils, and greenery that did add color to the mostly white and beige room.

  "I don't know what I'd do without her," Allison continued.

  "Now stop it," Susie said, blushing as she brought in a tray of steaming oatmeal, toast, and orange juice. "I don't do all that much, and I love doing it." She pulled the coffee table up to the sofa so Allison could reach the tray, then lifted the bowl of oatmeal to Allison's hands. The smell of brown sugar sweetened the room.

  "Don't forget to take your pills. They're in the cup on the tray. Carl said he'd be by on his lunch break to make you something. I have to take off now, okay?" Susie said.

  "Thank you, Susie," Allison said sweetly. "Will you be by tonight?"

  "Maybe. I'll call and let you know. I might get to see my kids tonight." Susie's eyes lit up at the thought of seeing her children. She glanced around the room, in search of something. "Do you have your phone on the table?"

  Allison turned her head slowly and noted the cordless phone on the end table, then nodded.

  "Good. See you both later. Bye." Susie was out the door in a blur.

  "Poor Susie," Allison said, sighing. "She's such a good person, yet she's had it so hard. She doesn't get to see her children much anymore, and she just adores them. It's so sad."

  "Why doesn't she get to see them?" Katherine asked.

  "Her husband got custody of the kids in the divorce because Susie was already full-blown. There was no way she could afford to support them on her tiny salary, or take care of them when she was sick. The irony is that he has AIDS too, but isn't full-blown yet. And just because he lives with his mother, he was able to assure the court that the children would be cared for when he does get sick."

  Katherine stared at Allison, surprised. "They both have AIDS?"

  "Oh, yes. Actually, he was the one who gave it to her. He wasn't exactly faithful in their marriage. That's why it's so sad. Not only did she get sick first, but she lost her children, too. All because he was so careless."

  Katherine shook her head. It was such a sad story.

  "What about you?" Katherine asked gently. "Would you mind telling me how you contracted the AIDS virus?"

  "My story isn't quite as dramatic." Allison spoke slowly. Talking so much was wearing her down. "I was in a car accident in years ago, before they were careful with blood, and had to have a blood transfusion. The blood was tainted, but I didn't find that out until four years ago when I was diagnosed." Allison began coughing, slowly at first, then as if she was choking. Katherine quickly came beside her on the sofa and rubbed her back. It felt bony under her sweatshirt, as if there was no layer of skin left. Katherine helped her take a sip of juice and continued rubbing until the coughing subsided.

  "I must be talking too much," Allison said, wiping the tears away that had formed in her eyes from the persistent coughing.

  Katherine helped her take her pills, then suggested Allison rest while she did the dishes. She turned the television on softly as Allison snuggled deeper into the sofa, then headed to the kitchen with the tray. By the time Katherine came back into the living room, Allison was sound asleep, so she covered her gently with a quilt and quietly made her way to the dining table with her notepad. Already, there was so much to write about.

  ***

  Later, when Carl came to make lunch, Katherine talked with him a bit but he wasn't as open as Allison had been. She found out that he was a photographer who worked at a nearby studio, so that enabled him to come over most afternoons and check on Allison. He'd contracted HIV from his former lover, whom he cared for until his death last year. Carl considered his story so typical that no one would really care to read about it.

  "Everyone blames the gay community for AIDS anyway," he told her bitterly. "They think it's God's revenge for our 'sinful' way of life."

  Katherine shook her head. "That's one of the myths I want to dispel with these articles. AIDS isn't exclusively a gay disease. Your story is just as important as the other's."

  He shrugged his shoulders and didn't say much more. She hoped she could get him to open up when the group was together.

  ***

  "One of the worst things about having AIDS is the loneliness," Darla said that evening as the group sat in Allison's living room. "As soon as they heard I had AIDS, all my so-called friends dropped me cold. Until I met all of you, no one but family would have anything to do with me."

  Everyone in the room nodded agreement, except for Susie, who sat in the rocker in the corner. Her plans to see her children that night had fallen through and the disappointment was etched on her face.

  "The worst part for me is worrying about what will happen to my kids when I'm gone," Susie said quietly. "And wondering how they'll think of me as a mother years from now."

  "You're a good mother," Allison insisted in her soft voice. "It's not your fault that your husband tries to keep the children away from you."

  Susie nodded, but didn't look convinced.

  Katherine sat across the room from Susie on the soft carpet. She didn't take notes. She didn't need to. The words and expressions on the faces of the people in the room were engraved in her mind.

  "The absolute worst part is watching your friends die," Carl spoke up from the sofa where he sat beside Allison. He glanced over at his frail friend, his eyes reflecting deep concern. "I've already watched my partner die. I'm not ready to see any of you go."

  The people in the room fell silent from his words. He had hit the biggest fear point blank. Eyes searched faces around the room. Katherine noticed that Darla's lingered the longest on Craig.

  Allison broke the silence with her wispy voice. "Do you know what the best part of having AIDS is?" Every eye in the room turned to her. "Knowing all of you."

  ***

  The first two articles on AIDS by Katherine appeared in The Seattle Times with good reviews from its readers. She sent in the fourth and was working on the fifth when Darla came into the turret room.

  "Cool room," Darla announced as she sauntered in. "I like all the windows."

  If her appearance in her office for the first time wasn't enough to shock Katherine, what she asked did.

  "Do you mind if I invite Craig over for Sunday dinner?"

  Katherine swiveled a half-turn in her chair to face Darla. She didn't hide the surprise on her face.

  "I want him to meet Chelsea," Darla explained hastily.

  Katherine's brows rose. Never had Darla invited a male friend over for dinner, and never had she wanted to introduce one to her daughter.

  Darla walked over to the desk and picked up the KOOSH ball that Katherine fiddled with when she needed inspiration. She rolled it around in her hand a few moments, waiting for a reply. When none came, she blurted out, "Well?"

  Katherine broke from her trance. "Oh, yeah, sure, that would be fine. We could make a roast or something."

  Darla threw the KOOSH ball in the air. "Great," she said, leaving Katherine to catch it as Darla left the room.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Sunday was a glorious June day with bright sunshine, white puffy clouds in the sky, and sparkling blue water in the Sound. Denise invited Gary over for dinner, too, and they all visited easily. Chelsea liked Craig immediately, and the afternoon soon found both men and the kids down on the stretch of beach throwing around a football as Darla sat bundled up on the steps, cheering them on. Although she still felt chilled, even on the hottest days, Darla looked healthier with a touch of color from the sun and some added weight. Craig looked great, too. One would never point them out in a crowd and say they had AIDS.

  They all ate with great appetite that evening, even polishing off the chocolate cake Denise had made. There was plenty of laughter and good-humored teasing to go around. Darla was behaving herself so well that it brought occasional glances and shrugs between Katherine and Denise. And when Darla rose from her seat and began clearing the table, both w
omen thought they'd have a heart attack.

  Two days later, for Chelsea's thirteenth birthday, Darla and Craig took her out to an expensive restaurant to celebrate. They finished the evening at the house with cake and presents. Darla managed to emit a blush from Chelsea when she opened one package and found a Hawaiian print, string bikini inside.

  "Well, you have the body girl, so flaunt it," Darla told her with her usual candor. Everyone laughed. This time they had to agree Darla was right.

  School let out for summer vacation and Katherine found herself busy running Chris to baseball practices and games, along with her usual work. Chelsea wasn't involved in any sports, so Katherine always encouraged her to come to Chris' games and help cheer for the team. Katherine sensed a quiet restlessness in Chelsea. Although the young girl had mended her relationship with her mother, Katherine knew she still felt left out of Darla's life because of the time her mother spent with Craig and the rest of the AIDS group. Chelsea spent many days alone, sunning on the beach. Other days she spent at a friend’s house, or at an occasional ball game with Katherine.

  There were times when Katherine felt overwhelmed by all that she was trying to balance. Besides the kids, she was still working for the King County Journal, editing her book, and working hard on the series of AIDS articles. Barry, the editor at The Seattle Times, was impressed with the fourth article and said he was looking forward to reading the rest. Already, the series had been picked up over the wire service and appeared in papers across the country bringing in more money than Katherine ever thought possible from newspaper writing.

  Amidst all the excitement over the articles, Katherine's book had practically come to a complete standstill. On page one-hundred the agent sent a note along stating that now that Katherine had a feel for the necessary changes, she could finish on her own. She was to send the completed manuscript back to the agent when it was ready. But finding time to work on the book was hard. It seemed ironic to Katherine that her lifetime goal of becoming a novelist was suddenly being pushed aside by her newspaper writing success. It also became frustrating for her as she tried to choose time between the two.