“I lost count in between my episodes.”
I swiftly made it to Allie’s side. I pushed away what looked like clean pots and knelt next to her. I stroked her clammy forehead. “Hi, baby doll.”
She opened her eyes. “I don’t feel good,” she moaned.
I kissed her forehead. “I’m here now and I’m going to take care of you.” I turned to a thankful looking Chris who stood ten feet away. “I got things covered here. Why don’t you go to bed?”
He tilted his head and pursed his lips. “I feel bad.”
“I can handle it. You’re still recovering from your accident. You should rest.” He was still getting headaches from time to time and physical therapy was wearing him out.
“I’m going to take a shower, then I’ll be back out to help.”
“Go to bed, Chris. I don’t want to have to clean up after both of you.”
“I just need a half hour.”
I let him believe his fairytale while I got up to find some lemon lime soda and the heating pad to lay on Allie’s stomach.
Chris caught me on my way by him. “Thanks for coming.”
“You’re welcome.”
He leaned down and kissed the nape of my neck, my favorite spot.
“Hit the shower, McKay.” I pushed him away.
He smiled and it seemed to give him some color back in his cheeks.
Allie was exhausted and didn’t move when I placed the warm pad on her tummy. I watched her sleep from the couch and hoped she had gotten it out of her. I’d heard it wasn’t a long lasting virus. Chris took the longest showers, so I laid my head on the armrest and watched and waited. Chris took so long, I figured he went to bed. He really needed to.
Allie didn’t stir, so I closed my eyes. It had been a long week. For the most part, it was a good week. I liked the other teachers I associated with, and I enjoyed the kids, even the drama addicts. I felt like my lesson plans were effective, but that I would learn more tricks of the trade as I went. I loved being able to play a real piano each day. Definite perk.
My mind couldn’t help but wander back to the last few months. That couch had been my sanctuary. I grieved into it every night. It was such a lonely time. Chris and I had talked more the past few weeks than we had in the last several months. It eased the loneliness, but part of myself was missing. I didn’t need Chris to complete me, but there was a part of me that was born out of loving him. I wouldn’t be who I was without that piece.
With those thoughts, I drifted off to sleep. For how long, I didn’t know, but I woke up with a start. My stomach churned and I felt like someone was twisting my insides. A wave of nausea hit me. I sat up and threw off a blanket that I hadn’t placed on me. Chris must have. I knew I would be tossing my cookies soon. I went to stand up, but felt flesh under my feet.
Chris yelped in pain.
“Why are you sleeping on the floor?” I managed to say through my discomfort.
He sat up and rubbed his gut where I had stepped. “I wanted to be close to you.”
I wanted to tell him how sweet that was, but my biological functions overruled me. I ran as fast as I could to the master bath.
For some reason, Chris followed. He had to have known it wasn’t in his best interest. “Jaimes, are you okay?”
“Don’t come in here,” I warned before I expunged the contents of my stomach into the porcelain god. I lost count of how many times I heaved. Perks of being a professional child wrangler, I guess. I felt zapped once everything was out and flushed down the toilet. Not minding how gross it was, I closed the toilet lid and rested my head on it. I wasn’t sure I could stand. And honestly, the cool plastic felt good. I was going to need a major shower, but for the time being, I went with it.
“Jaime,” I heard Chris call faintly from the door.
“Yes,” I muttered.
“Can I get you anything?”
“A drink of water.” The taste inside my mouth was horrendous.
“I’ll be right back.”
I closed my eyes and wished for the nausea to subside.
Chris was back in record time.
It took all that I had to lift my head and take the water. I only took a few sips before handing the glass back. He set it down on the cabinet that held our towels, I meant his towels. He lowered himself to the ground and pulled me to him. I rested my head in his lap. It was far and above better than the toilet lid.
He stroked my hair. Even in the state I was in, I reveled in the touch and closeness.
Minutes went by in serene silence until he asked, “Remember that night we played Fugitive and the cops caught us?” Our friend Jack had a truck and several of us would pile into it. He would drop us off at the park and the object was for us to make it back to Chris’ house without being caught by Jack or his girlfriend who would drive around with flashlights. If they caught you with a flashlight, you had to get back into the truck. Chris and I were the champs of that game.
I wished I could laugh, but I was spent. “Yes.”
“I was so scared sitting in the back of that cop car, but you took it all in stride. I couldn’t believe when you made up that story that old lady Barnes asked us to patrol her yard for stray cats. And even more unbelievable was when the officer asked her and she vouched for us.”
“She liked me. I used to weed her flower beds for her because she wasn’t able to anymore.”
“You’re the best person I know. And quick witted. All I could think was this was going on my record and I wouldn’t get into college, but you looked at it as an adventure. It was the first night I wanted to kiss you. You looked beautiful under the glow of the red and blue cop car lights.”
“I always thought patrol car lights worked for me.”
He laughed and continued to stroke my hair.
“So why didn’t you kiss me?” I asked.
“Besides being scared out of my mind I was going to get arrested, I was afraid of losing what we had.”
We sat in silence for another moment.
“Jaimes?”
“Yeah?”
“The night before I got married, why didn’t you tell me how you felt about me?”
The nausea was back, but not out of illness. I still regretted that choice. “I wanted to, but the thought of being rejected by you was too much for me to handle. As long as I kept my feelings hidden, I would always have you in my life, even if it wasn’t the way I wanted. And look where we are now.” I felt emotion welling up in my eyes.
His hand caressed my cheek. “I know.”
“I know, too. I know you gave away my piano and that you invested in the Addison building and that you loved Bianca more than me because she was successful and got all the right degrees, even though she was a cheating wench.” I felt better getting that out of my system. At least I did for a second.
“Did you read my journal?”
Oops. Busted. “Yes,” I quietly admitted.
“So you figured out what my favorite day was.”
“I don’t know how it could be.”
“Did you read the whole thing?”
“No. I mainly skimmed. I know I shouldn’t have.”
“Jaimes, I have nothing to hide from you. I would have let you read it if you’d asked. But if you had read the whole thing, you would know who the main character was, who consumed my thoughts. It was you. I know I’ve made mistakes, colossal ones, but we aren’t supposed to end this way. Not us. I’m sorry I sold Gran’s piano and believe me, I regret that I ever married Bianca, except that she gave me Allie. And I realize I took you for granted the past couple of years, that I wasn’t the husband I promised I would be. The possibility of losing you eats at me day and night, but I deserve to be divorced and you . . . you . . . I owe it to you to win your heart, to show you how much I love you. To date you and give you reasons to be in love with me.”
The emotion was too much. Tears were shed, mine and his, as we lay there on the bathroom floor. I cried into his lap as I felt his tears drop on
my head. I curled snugly against him and he held me tight. I didn’t know what our future held at that moment. The only thing I did know was this.
“Chris?”
“Yeah, Jaimes?”
“I love you.”
Chapter Fifteen
“I’ll pick you up at six. We’ll drop Allie off at the Ingram’s on the way.”
“Sounds good.”
“I can’t wait.” He said that every time.
Dating him was better than I ever imagined. We really should have done it a long time ago. I had butterflies in my stomach as I got ready. This past month had come out of nowhere for me. I had really thought it was the end of the road for us, but there was a detour sign neither of us saw coming. We were still getting divorced, though. It would be final next week. I still wasn’t sure how to feel about it. On one hand, I loved being courted by Chris. We’d had the most fun together we’d had in forever. He had taken me to see The Piano Guys in concert, dinner on a riverboat cruise, candle lit dinners at his place, we toured the Jack Daniels distillery, and lots of just hanging out with Allie, playing games or watching movies.
Tonight we were meeting Beck and his date at the Escape Room. It’s one of those places where they lock you in a room and you have sixty minutes to find the clues you need to make it out.
I looked in my bathroom mirror. Did I really want to divorce him? I kept asking myself that every time I looked at my reflection. The long term answer was that I wanted to be with him. This him, the real him. The Chris that came home every night on time and that made Allie and me his priority. The guy that kissed me until my toes curled, did my dishes, and built a swing set in the backyard for our daughter. Could it last?
I think that’s why he wanted to divorce me. He wanted to prove himself.
Everyone around us thought we had lost our minds. My parents wanted me to divorce him and move on. Beck thought we needed to . . . well, we won’t say exactly what he thought we should do, but he thought getting divorced at this point was bonkers. Caleb and Bree had their own issues to worry about, but I could tell they thought we were a little off. And then there was our little one. She was happy that she saw daddy every day, whether at his place or mine, but she wanted him to live with us.
I pushed away from the bathroom counter and went to Allie, who was playing the piano in the living room. I sat down next to her and helped her with her finger positioning. I kissed her on the head. “Daddy will be here soon. Why don’t you go put your shoes on?”
That news excited her and she obeyed without delay.
I slid to the middle of the piano bench and played, “October: Autumn Song” by Tchaikovsky. I always found it to be romantic. It fit my mood. Chris made me feel more so when he walked in, sat next to me, and kissed my neck.
“I love watching you play. Tuesdays used to be my favorite day.”
That had been my designated piano lesson day.
He began to play some silly tune on top of mine. I nudged him and tried to push him off the bench. He threw his arms around me while capturing my lips. I gave up playing the piano and leaned into his kiss. We had barely gotten into our groove when Allie rounded the corner.
“Mommy.”
Chris meant business when he kissed me and I involuntarily gasped for air when we separated. Chris was pleased by my reaction to him and smirked.
I took another deep breath before I could answer our daughter, who was now staring at us with wonder.
Chris stepped in. He jumped up, grabbed Allie, and swung her around until she squealed with delight at the top of her lungs. It was my favorite sound. The two of them together and happy was my favorite sight. It didn’t last too long. His shoulder was still bothering him.
We held hands on the drive over to Allie’s grandparents. It was what we did.
“I want Daddy to take me in,” Allie announced when we arrived.
I could see the smile creep up on Chris’ face. I wanted to whisper, “See, she likes you, too.” All he needed was to hold her close, just like when she was a baby.
I hugged and kissed her goodbye. I watched them hold hands and walk up to the door together. Allie ran right into the house while Chris and the Ingrams exchanged pleasantries. They waved at me before they closed the door. I always wondered if Bianca was adopted. She was nothing like her parents.
Chris was back to me in no time. He kissed me once on the lips before he pulled out onto the street. “Ruth and Wayne say hello.”
“They’re great.”
Chris didn’t say anything for a moment. He stared off into the traffic. “I wish I would have figured that out sooner.”
“What did you have against them?”
His hold tightened on my hand. “Bianca painted them as uneducated and trying to hold her back. Looking back, I think they just didn’t agree with how she went about getting what she wanted.”
“How about you?” I asked.
He glanced my way at the red light. “I played the fool, didn’t I?”
“Do you really want me to answer that?” I smiled.
“Let’s not talk about her.”
“I’m on board with that plan. So tell me about Beck’s new woman.”
“Dr. Denise Hoyt.”
“Ooo a doctor.”
“She’s one of the dentists that leases office space in the Addison building.”
“So she’s your tenant?”
“Technically, I guess.”
“Is she pretty?”
“Not as pretty as you. I think Beck is waiting to make his move when our divorce is finalized.” He laughed at his own joke.
There was the “D” word again. I let out a deep breath.
“Hey,” Chris tugged on my hand. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you really want to divorce me?”
His brow furrowed. “Jaimes,” he paused. “Do you remember what my grandpa told me when he gave me my journal?”
I nodded.
“I read the whole thing recently. I looked back and noted all of my successes and failures, and you know what? The biggest failures in my life came when I didn’t choose you.” He brought our clasped hands up and kissed mine. “I’m only divorcing you because I want you to know that you are my choice.”
Chapter Sixteen
I couldn’t sleep. I had tossed and turned all night. In a few short hours I would no longer be married to Chris. I kept looking at my ring finger that had been empty for months. Its absence left its mark on my heart and soul. Now I was adding another mark, a big, permanent one. I wasn’t worried that it was the end for us. Chris was more attentive than ever. He was even talking about home shopping this weekend and where we would honeymoon when the time came. I didn’t need a piece of paper to tell me where I belonged, but I wasn’t sure how to feel about a piece of paper telling me that our marriage no longer existed.
Last night, even Chris seemed on edge about it. He was antsy, like he wanted to tell me something, but he played it off, saying it had been a long day at work. He left early. His excuse was that he had to prepare for some showings today but he would meet me at the courthouse at nine.
It was weird to take a personal day to get divorced, but in Tennessee at least one of the parties had to show up for the divorce to be final. We figured we would do it together, even though that sounded wrong. Were we doing the wrong thing?
I got ready before I got Allie up for school. The mirror became my sounding board again. I was going through my list of why it was a good idea to go through with it. My reasons included my parents would see how serious Chris was about our relationship when we got married the next go around, and Chris, for some reason, needed us to. It was like this was his penance and he could forgive himself if we went through with it. And perhaps I also wanted a redo.
In the midst of my contemplation, my phone rang. I walked into my room to pick it up. I assumed it was Chris since it was early. I was correct.
“Hello.”
“I have a proposal for you.”
> “Already? I thought we were undoing the proposal today.”
“Jaimes.” He blew out a large breath. “I don’t want to divorce you.”
“But . . .”
He wouldn’t let me get a word in. “Please let me finish. One of us has to show up today. If you want to go through with it, I’ll support that one hundred percent and I’ll do my best to win you back, but if . . . if you want to stay married to my sorry self, meet me at the time of our hearing at the address I’m texting you. You’re my choice.”
“What?”
“I love you, Jaimes.” He hung up.
I sat on my bed and stared at the phone in my hand. The text showed up immediately. The address was a good way outside of Nashville. I leaned back to lay on the bed. I watched the ceiling fan spin around and around. It was kind of how I felt these last couple of years, like I was on a ride that kept going in circles. But we had made a lot of progress in the last several weeks. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but I never expected it to be. The only thing we hadn’t settled was more children. Being the father Allie deserved was his priority. I respected that. He wasn’t slamming the door on it like before, but he wasn’t committing to it either.
I could divorce him and give him time to explore his feelings. But did I really want to do that? Didn’t I love him just for him? Would I ever be as happy with someone else? I had tried, and in the process I hurt two men I deeply cared about. Good men, the kind of men you bring home to meet your parents and make lifelong plans with. The kind that write songs for you, and rub your feet, and remember all the big and small details about your time together. But neither of them ever made me feel like Chris. When they held my hand it was nice, but when Chris took my hand, it enlivened me. Our connection produced this unseen energy. It went beyond a physical connection.
So, could I live without Chris? Yes. But there wasn’t a part of me that wanted to. Divorcing him, though, didn’t mean losing him. It meant we were reevaluating and starting over. And maybe that’s what we needed.
I burned Allie’s breakfast trying to decide what to do. The smell of burnt cinnamon muffins filled our small home. Then I over poured the milk in her cereal bowl. How we made it out the door on time, I had no idea.
Christopher and Jaime (Pianos and Promises #1) Page 11
