by K. A. Trent
“Wait until I come around to step out, please.” She opened her door and walked around. I heard a soft tone as she pressed her finger to the biometric reader outside. The door clicked and retreated into the frame. As I stepped out I immediately noticed two people standing on the other side of the street; they were staring directly at me. Was I really that recognizable? Ashley and Carrie walked ahead of us, I could feel the two police women trailing us from behind. Donna kept her arm squarely around my shoulder, ushering me toward a set of hardcrete steps before a huge building supported by several pillars. We made our way up the steps, a few people watched us, and some drew close, studying me. I felt like I was under a microscope, people analyzing my every atom. I heard her voice in my ear as we approached the glass and steel doors. “Come on love, we’re almost there.”
By the time we began our ascent in earnest, there were dozens of people gathering: women staring at us, some snapping photos with their tablets. I leaned my head downard, trying to avoid eye contact as much as possible. No one approached us, no one spoke to us; we were simply escorted through the doors and into an atrium filled with assorted greenery, seats, white marble floors, and a plate glass ceiling high above.
“That’s Astra,” I heard a hushed voice from the nearby crowd exclaim.
“It looks like a real girl,” another voice remarked.
I felt Donna’s hand slip into mine as the hush fell over the entire crowd. Again, we weren’t approached-- but I could feel the eyes upon me and sense dozens of people paying close attention to my every move. I squeezed Donna’s hand and felt a brief squeeze in return. I wanted to smile, but was it appropriate?
We stopped walking the moment we reached the center of the atrium, surrounded by curved, padded benches and two holo-screens displaying a map of the museum’s first floor. I stared at the green lines, the text labeling each area, the scene beyond the transparent display. My eyes traveled upward, resting momentarily upon the colossal sign reading ‘Luna Historical Archive’.
Finally, I looked back to Donna, perhaps a little too expectantly. My questions were answered when a black-haired woman in a tan pantsuit approached us. She looked to me and smiled widely.
“Astra,” she said to me. “My name is Ananya, the director here at the Luna Historical Archive. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you for some time!”
I looked to Donna nervously for a moment and then forced a smile toward the woman named Ananya. I performed the standard curtsy and greeted her.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ma’am,” I replied. My words garnered murmurs of approval from the crowds around us. Some of them were taking pictures, others seemed to be recording footage. I was the most popular person in the room, or so it seemed.
“We were informed by the Prime Minister’s daughter that you would be making a visit today,” she explained, telling me plans that I had never even been aware of. “I just want you to know that you are absolutely welcome here, and if you have any, and I mean any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
“I-- Thank you Ma’am,” I said, still incredibly nervous.
“There are a lot of smaller museums around Luna, but we’ve combined natural history and Luna history. If you walk to your left you can look at the natural history section; it contains information about the planet, evolution, the surrounding star system, and a lot more if that’s the kind of thing you’re interested in. To the right, we have societal and political history; it’s all very detailed, lots of great exhibits.”
From the corner of my eye I could see Ashley fidgeting; she was bored. She didn’t want to be here.
“Hold up, hold up,” I heard a familiar voice call out from behind us. I turned to see Charlotte, the girl from Aeristas rushing to meet us. “Sorry I’m late, there was…an issue. Astra, it’s good to see you again.”
“Charlotte is here to accompany us on our visit today,” Donna informed me. I suddenly wondered why this visit was so formal; was this place that important?
“You did really well at Aeristas,” Charlotte explained to me. “When classes start next semester, I really want to have you in our house.”
“Me-- in your house? At- at Aeristas?” I hadn’t spent much time there, but from what I’d been able to gather Charlotte was a big deal. Why did she want me? It didn’t make any sense to me.
“You did well in every single area-- except for English, I don’t know what’s up with that. You’re humble and you have a drive to succeed, and we need more of that at Aeristas. Come on, let’s put on a good show for the cameras.”
“Why do we need to do that?” I was still confused.
“Come on,” Donna placed her hand on my back, guiding me toward the historical section.
“Ereen doesn’t want to see a male from the Factorum,” Charlotte explained to me. “They want to see a little girl learning about Ereen, so let’s go learn about Ereen, girl.”
I followed her slowly and carefully, trying to keep my pace even. People were still watching; no one was trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t help but feel as if they wanted to-- that they really wanted to. Donna and I accompanied Charlotte into a brief hallway that led into an open area, a circular chamber made almost entirely of glass save for the exhibits behind the panels. I looked down and nearly gasped; the floor was made of glass, and it was transparent all the way to the next exhibit maybe twenty yards below us. I stumbled, nearly dropping to my knees, but Donna intercepted me just before I hit the floor.
“Whoa, whoa, afraid of heights?” she asked gently. I wasn’t afraid of heights-- just the opposite actually-- but I did have an objection to being suspended in the air without warning. I just nodded; I didn’t want to explain it. Charlotte giggled a little and helped to straighten me out.
“Okay, over here,” Charlotte pointed to the nearest exhibit tucked away behind a glass panel. It was a three-dimensional representation of a spaceship, as solid as the obstacle course that Kerra had me run so long ago. Where was Kerra? Did she still exist? Was she somewhere thinking of more ways to harass and torture me? My thoughts wandered to her for a moment and then back to the exhibit in front of me.
“This is the Luna Colony ship,” Donna explained to me. “The first ship to land on Ereen, the first to establish a colony, and the most important part of our history.”
“Look,” Charlotte placed her hand against the glass, pulling up a transparent control panel. With the press of a button, part of the ship’s shell plating vanished, revealing a cutaway model. I looked at the decks, then my eyes moved along the hull of the ship back to the engine section.
“They used fusion,” I muttered.
“What?” Charlotte looked at me, leaning in a bit. “What do you mean?”
“Fusion is an old method of powering a propulsion system. It would have taken them a long time to get here.”
“It-it did,” Charlotte stammered and nodded. It says here it took them... Two hundred years after setting out from Earth. The roots of the patriarchal system were laid out on the journey. By the time they reached Ereen, an entirely new culture had been developed.”
“What was it like before?” I asked her.
“Before?”
“I mean like...on Earth, where they came from?”
“I don’t know much about Earth,” she admitted. “But if Ereen turned into such a horrible place right after they landed, I can’t imagine that Earth is too much better.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Come on,” Donna said. “Let’s check out the exhibit over there-- it’s about the six colonies.”
“Oh you’ll like this one,” Charlotte assured me. I followed her to the next display, where a set of holographic letters read, ‘The Building of Ereen’. “See how they brought in the pylons with the dropships?”
“They wouldn’t use cables now, would they?” I pointed to the cables that had been used to hoist the beams and lower them into place.
“I like how you’re paying such close
attention to this,” Charlotte nodded with approval. “No, they use mag-lifts now.”
“Come on,” Donna patted my shoulder. “It would be a good idea to move down to the lower platform.”
“Oh yes,” Charlotte agreed. “The agricultural section is really quite interesting. One of the things we learned from Earth agriculture was how to measure atmospheric responses to elevation in order to avoid destabilizing the ecology.”
“You guys are way too smart,” I heard Ashley sigh from behind us. “I don’t know anything about this stuff.”
“You know what, you’re right,” Charlotte laughed. “It is kind of boring. Maybe we should go to the first floor and play with the plasma globe.”
“I love the plasma globe!” Carrie said excitedly. “Mom, can we go play with it?”
“Good grief,” Donna laughed. “Okay, let’s go downstairs. Do you two want to play in the sandbox while we’re at it?”
“I’m not getting sand in my shoes,” Ashley shook her head. “That’s for little kids anyway.”
Donna disappeared onto what looked like a ramp, but the moment they stepped on, I saw them begin to move. The floor moved, but I couldn’t see a belt or any sort of mechanical apparatus. The technology up here was so advanced compared to what we’d had down in the Factorum.
“And then there were two,” Charlotte laughed. “Okay, so, while we’re here, I really want to apologize for the way Allie and Issa acted while you were there. That’s...not how we treat new people.”
“It’s okay,” I shook my head. “I-”
“It’s not okay,” she interrupted me, taking both of my hands in hers. “You can’t let people--”
“I have to,” I interjected quickly. My face fell-- had I really just said that?
“I guess you do,” she said quietly, nodding. “Well, stick with me at Aeristas, I’ll-I’ll help you get through it.”
“What-what about the others?”
“I’m the house leader, Astra.” She dropped my hands and turned toward the ramp. “They listen to me. So for now, let’s just go look at agriculture.”
Chapter 20
“Did you like the museum?” Donna asked me. We were walking down the street now, late in the afternoon. The officers were still behind us, and I was pretty sure that I could spot a few others across the street. I was being closely watched and I wasn’t upset about it. It felt like home. Clutching her hand a little tighter, I smiled and responded.
“Yes Ma’am, I did,” I said, looking around the street. It was filled with shops
selling lots of things that I recognized, though a lot that I didn’t. I slowed slightly to look at a computer tablet on display - it was last year’s model. A smile began to form as I remembered assembling these. Then the smile began to fade as I realized I never wanted to assemble them again. I could feel the cuts and blisters on my fingers returning again, the soreness in my wrists, the hum of the conveyor lines. The silence of the other workers around me. I cringed; I could hear their voices, the masked women walking the lines, a step above us, draped in black, the correction rods ever in their hands.
“The quota is eight hundred units a day,” I remembered the voice shouting. “You’re behind, every single one of you!”
The crack of the rod, the screams of the workers. I couldn’t get them out of my mind. Down there it was normal; there was nothing odd about it at all. People screwed up, people underperformed, and so people were hurt. The screams were so common. Up here I didn’t hear any screams. People were kind to each other, for the most part. I didn’t understand it. The way Donna spoke to me was so soft, the way her daughters treated me filled me with emotions I couldn’t describe. I didn’t want to leave, ever.
“Astra, are you okay?” Donna asked me. “Astra?”
“Woah, Astra-- What’s up?” Ashley was standing in front of me, staring into my eyes. I gulped a bit as I snapped back to reality.
“I...nothing,” I shook my head and tried to move past the store display. I didn’t want to explain it. Donna tightened her grip and pulled me aside. We sat down on a chrome-colored bench before a hexagonal table, and Ashley began to toy with the control panel situated in the center; I watched as a holographic menu appeared, displaying numbered meal options.
“I’m not going to force you to talk about what’s going on inside your head,” she told me. “I know there’s a lot, and I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to talk sometime or it’s just going to hurt you.”
“Mom, can we eat here?” Carrie and Ashley were looking intently at the menu. Donna nodded.
“I- It’s just- The Factorum isn’t what they say it is. I know they say it’s this place where Males can come from offworld and... work. It sounds like a good thing. Like, they say it’s this campus down in the south and- and I guess it’s there, it is really there, but…”
“Astra, love, I know what the Factorum is,” Donna took my hands in hers the way Charlotte had in the museum. “There are very few on Ereen who do, but yes, I know what’s going on. I want you to talk to me, I want you to get it all out. I want you to cry, scream, whatever you need to do, but I’m going to advise you to live your life.
“Astra, there’s a lot of injustice in this world and I want so much for you to be happy. Talk to me, but don’t talk to anyone else about the Factorum. Please, just adopt whatever truth they give you. It’s enough to be happy, Astra. You don’t need revenge.”
“What if... What if revenge and happiness are the same thing?”
“That’s profound, Astra, but don’t. Go to Aeristas, live with us, grow up, be happy. I promise you, you’re going to be the happiest Desh on Ereen. Now look at this: you can get some celda wraps, or-- Look at this, ice cream! Enjoy some food. Then you can tell me, or not. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready, but I want you to know that I’m here for you; I’m ready to listen whenever you’re ready to talk.”
I sat there in silence for a while, listening to Ashley and Carrie chatter about things going on at their school. Eventually their conversation shifted to a popular singer that I’d never heard of. I couldn’t imagine talking so casually about those things. Was that just life here? They seemed to be so free of worry; their pain was nonexistent. What was it like to live so lightly? What would it feel like to not worry about how people looked at you, or about making a huge mistake that people would judge you for? Most importantly, what was it like to know that your life would stay perfect-- or at least okay-- and that the next waking moment might not bring you closer to inevitable tragedy?
A crushing weight hung over me at all times, this feeling that no matter how much happiness I experienced, no matter how much I built here, it could all be crushed at any moment, and it was that reality and that realization that kept me at the edge of happiness, never quite crossing the line, because as long as I kept myself from being happy, it could never be taken away.
The food came, the food went, and finally Donna announced that it was time to leave. We stood, and I couldn’t help but wonder if she was disappointed in me. I felt as if she’d wanted me to talk-- she’d wanted something out of me, right? Was she mad? Had I made a mistake? My questions were answered when she leaned in and hugged me.
“Come on,” she said. “We need to head down to the toy store. You girls can pick out something from the bottom floor, and Astra... I want to take you on the Torsion Wheel. You’ve never been on a ride, right?”
I’d heard about ‘rides’. Especially at the ‘amusement parks’ that supposedly existed around Ereen. I was reminded of some of the equipment down in the Factorum: lifts that brought us from one place to the next, some of them safer than others. I couldn’t imagine why anyone would do it for fun, but it wasn’t my place to question, was it?
I nodded and smiled as Donna led us further down the street. I noticed a few people watching us, taking careful note of our every move. Eventually, she led us to a ramp that led us beneath the sidewalk. Traffic was separated between incoming and outgoing by
a transparent divider, just about waist high, flanked by tubular railing that we could hang onto if needed. I opted for Donna’s hand as we brushed past several people, eventually ending up on a tram platform. As with anywhere else, holo-screens blasted the latest news: another female news anchor, hair tied back, rose-colored lips, serious stare.
“Terrorist group ‘Black Swan’ has announced that there will be no tolerance for transgender females in Luna society, and has unveiled plans to-”
“Come on,” Donna turned my attention away from the screen. “The tram is here.”
The tram came to a halt in front of us, nearly silent apart from the sound of the sliding doors and the bustle of the exiting crowd. The people flooded around us like waters from a fractured dam. They merged with us seamlessly as Donna urged me through the doors of the tram, directing me to sit on one of the blue plastic seats. Above, I could see more holo-ads: a staple of the tram system, or so it seemed. Some were advertising products while others were displaying news snippets. I caught one, displaying a dull yellow background and blue lettering reading: Astra - Little Girl or Dangerous Imposter?
Outside, beyond the transparent aluminum windows, I could see the buildings rushing by, the heavy, dull gray clouds whisked away every time I dared to look in a different direction. The scene around us was the usual; other passengers, most of them stealing glimpses at me, but none really approaching to speak to me. I was glad for that.
“Next stop, Luna I-5,” an automated voice called out. My body tensed and I prepared to stand, but Donna placed her hand on my shoulder.
“Not yet,” she said softly. I leaned back into the seat and looked around again, getting a feel for the crowd around us. A blonde girl with her mother, staring at me wide eyed, a brunette in a form-fitting trench coat reading her tablet. Another girl, this one with black hair, blonde highlights, and a bird pin on her lapel. She stared at me hard, a look of anger in her eyes. She made me uneasy. I placed my hands in my lap, folding them together, tucking down my chin, and doing my best to be invisible. I didn’t want to be seen or heard-- I didn’t want to be here-- but Donna loved these trips, or at least she seemed to think they were important. Then there were the officers. Black uniforms, hair pulled back into tight buns, firearms on their hips. Their clothes were tight, form-fitting, unmistakable; not unlike the guards in the Factorum-- only here they showed their faces. Here they were accountable for their actions.
