by K. A. Trent
“Most recognizable face on Ereen,” she said in a lightly mocking, rhetorical tone. “Better keep that under wraps.”
After I was sufficiently disguised, she took the fork down the left tunnel and followed the dull gray lights. Each of the light strips was comprised off hundreds of smaller lights; the tint over the strip was worn in places so I could see some of the individual lights shining through like tiny suns, each one piercing my vision as I passed, each one presenting a colorful rainbow halo as my body tried to fight back the pain, surrendering to the waning painkillers. The floodgates were open; the fatigue was winning out.
“We have to keep moving.”
Her voice was becoming distant. I stumbled.
“We’re almost there.”
Where? Where were we ‘almost’ to?
“You can’t run on that ankle,” I heard The Sand’s voice in my head once again. I focused on his burned out eye, seared, singed, sight long lost. “You’ll make it a lot worse, and then you ain’t be running no more.”
“I can’t sit still.”
“What can’t you, where you runnin’ to that fast?”
“Running from myself, old Sand.”
“T’ain’t a race you’re gonna win kid.”
“Come on, there’s light up ahead; we’re here.” The Sand had turned into Layla again. I felt a slight tinge of irritation. The Sand was a better person than Layla would ever be.
I wanted to ask ‘where’ we were, but it became clear soon enough.
The tunnel ended and we emerged into an even larger atrium, this one at least three stories in height and three times the size of Kerra’s training room. I guess I should have been surprised by the sheer size, but spaces this large were nothing to me. The Factorum had many large areas, but it was the contents and the atmosphere of the room here that really captured my imagination.
There were people, hundreds of people wandering the space, and there were booths set up, people shouting, people selling, neon lights lining the walls. People were dressed differently here than up above, over in the city. Everyone I had encountered in Luna had dressed so formally, so cleanly. Here I could see pants with torn leggings, jumpsuits not unlike the ones Kerra and I had worn for our exercise sessions. Hats of all kinds, outrageous hairstyles. In the center, I could see a lit platform composed of multiple squares; each square lit and pulsating with a different color while women contorted their bodies atop it. No one paid us any attention; I peeked out from beneath my hood and hoped that my anonymity would last the duration.
Layla’s voice cut through my thoughts, her lips close to my ear, and I would have been startled if there hadn’t been so much stimulation already.
“This is... The Nocht.”
Chapter 22
I wanted to ask her where we were going and what we were doing, but there was no way my voice would be heard over the noise in the atrium. Layla clutched my arm tightly and dragged me through a winding maze of bodies, past shops, a woman selling colorful vials of a fluid I could only guess at if I had known what kind of fluids even existed. I could feel my forehead breaking out into a cold sweat; could sense the perspiration seeping into the pink cotton hood sewn into the denim jacket. My stomach felt twisted, my head light. I had to stop. I had to stop.
“Here.” Layla placed her hands on my shoulders and guided me to a hardcrete bench jutting out of the wall. I dropped onto it, landing upright but just barely. I rested my back against the wall but maintained the slump; the scene in front of me was fading rapidly in and out. My eyes came to rest on a spot of neon light somewhere off in the distance. “Hold on. I’m going to get help.”
She was gone in an instant, and I was left to concentrate on the spot of light. It stayed steady; only my vision swayed. The world came back into focus as the lit-up platform was evacuated and a new group of people stepped up, this crowd carrying various types of what looked like musical instruments.
The girl in the lead was a pale blonde in a sleeveless leather dress, a stringed instrument strapped to her front. It occurred to me that I’d never really heard music. I’d read about it, a little, but no one sang in the Factorum and music hadn’t been on Kerra’s educational itinerary. This was just great-- my first encounter with music would be as I sat dying on a hardcrete bench in a room full of Ereen’s undesirables.
I watched the girl lift the stringed instrument and play with it a bit before clearing her throat and speaking. Her voice carried; she must have had a sound amplifier attached to her, or maybe it was built into the stage. For all I knew, it could have been built into her face.
“This one goes out to Astra, wherever she is,” the girl announced, then strummed her instrument and grinned a bit into the crowd. “The girl who defied the odds-- the girl that crawled out of the pit of male stench to become one of us!”
I was paying attention now; the crowd cheered. They all cheered. Every single one of them. For me.
“Astra,” I watch her raise a fist into the air. “I don’t know if you can hear this, but this is for you, Astra!”
They knew my name. Of course they knew my name, but they were talking to me. They were cheering for me. They believed in me. The group launched into what I understood was called a “song,” and I couldn’t believe my ears. The notes, the lyrics, they came together to form the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard. I wanted to... I almost…
“Astra, come on.” She was shaking me again. I came back to reality and gazed up at her.
Layla was accompanied now by three other women, none of whom I recognized. I allowed them to wrap their arms around mine and lift me off the bench; I let out an audible yelp as I put the slightest amount of weight on my leg.
No. No- I wanted to stay there, why were they doing this to me?
“Come on Astra, you have to help us here,” Layla encouraged as they pulled me along the wall, past the crowd and away from the music. I wanted to stand, to walk on my own but the feeling in my legs was beginning to wane. The pain was evaporating, but my ability to function was gone. The world was fading in and out, quickly replaced by the sweet embrace of unconsciousness.
I was disconnected from the world and I was grateful for it.
I allowed the blackness to sweep over me and I was happy. There were people who believed in me. They believed that I was Astra and not some disgusting male from the Factorum. They could see me, maybe better than even I could, even though I had never met them.
Thank you. I said silently as I slipped away.
I had a dream as I floated in the blackness.
A dream of Donna, and Carrie, and Ashley. We were there together in her kitchen. We were cooking together. We were talking, laughing together. I could feel the warmth from the oven, the happiness, the contentment. I had been there once and I had wasted it worrying about what they thought of me, when they so clearly, really loved me. I would never be there again. For the moment, though-- for right now-- it was real. It was so much like being wrapped in a warm blanket, brought into the arms of someone who truly loved me for who I’d never been able to be before-- Me. With Donna, I had nothing to prove.
I wanted so badly to stay there, and for a while I was able to. I was able to bask in the light of the past and forget the newfound troubles that had been thrust upon me. How long had it been since I’d been with her? A few days? A month? Years? It was hard for me to tell. Finally, the dream was ripped away, I could feel myself coming to. The warmth of Donna’s home was quickly replaced by the cold air of the Nocht. I could feel it coming back. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to will myself back into the sweet embrace of sleep. I tried so hard, but the inevitable was unavoidable.
“She won’t have any more pain, but she’ll need to take it easy for a while,” I heard a new voice say.
No. No. Stop talking, let me go back.
“Can she walk?” Layla was speaking.
“Well enough,” the first voice said. “She’s awake, though.”
“How do you know?”
“Her breathing’s changed.” I opened my eyes. The voice was coming from Kerra. “Astra, hey. I patched you up. You’re safe here.”
Oh. It wasn’t Kerra at all.
I opened my eyes slowly and reluctantly; I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want any of this. She was a girl about Kerra’s age, but with my wits about me, she looked so much different. Her skin was nearly pale white, her lips were painted in a blood red, and her hair was split between black and white. It hung in tendrils across her back and over her shoulders as she leaned over me, black-lined eyes examining every inch of me.
“Hello Astra,” she smiled widely. “It’s so very nice to meet you. At last. My name is Brea.”
I stayed silent; I didn’t know what to say to her. She turned to Layla, who was standing directly behind her.
“We patched her up. The best I can do is give you food and new bracelets. Then you need to be on your way, both of you.”
“Come on,” Layla argued. “You have room here, just put us up in one of your-”
“No!” Brea jabbed a finger in Layla’s face. “You’re out of favors with us. The only reason we helped you this time is because of her. But now look at you, dragging along the most recognizable girl on the whole of Ereen. We’ve kept her under wraps while we’ve treated her but someone’s gonna see her, one time or another, and then we have the government and the Black Swan to worry about. Yeah, that’s what we need here, you idiots and those idiots storming the castle.”
“Then what do we do?”
“Like I said, I’ll give you some food, I’ll give you new bracelets with new identities, and you can go live your life.”
“That’s not even going to work!” Layla objected. “Like you said, she’s the most- the most recognizable person on all of Ereen. We’ll be made in a second!”
“You starting to wish you’d just killed her?”
My eyes darted from left to right as I sat up on the metallic bed. The room was a doctor’s office... Sort of. It was more like the ones that I had seen in the Factorum, save for the lack of correction rods and bed restraints.
“I didn’t say that-”
“Fine, I’ll tell you what’s going to happen,” Brea looked me over again. “We’ll give you a new identity bracelet, Layla. You can go live a brand new life, and in the meantime we’ll give Astra back.”
“I’m sorry, what?” Layla shook her head. “You’re just going to march her up to the Proctorum Elicate and hand her back? Are you insane? They’ll kill you.”
“If you really think that, then you haven’t been paying attention,” Brea looked at her with condescension and then looked back to me. “I don’t suppose you’ve been watching the media nets. Everyone is torn up about her disappearance. It’s been like what, forty-eight hours and people are already holding vigils. I’ll drop her off and I’ll be a hero, easy peasy. You on the other hand…”
“Me what- What is that supposed to mean?” Layla’s tone was becoming more indignant and hostile by the second.
Brea bit her bottom lip and studied Layla for a brief moment before tapping her wristband and speaking into it.
“Marietta, love, I need to reprogram a bracelet. Make it a job level 8, sector seventeen.”
As she spoke, I could see the look of horror growing on Layla’s face.
“H-hold on,” her voice and head shook at the same time. “Level 8 is Desh. You can’t make me Desh, I’m a systems engineer-”
“No, you’re a Desh,” Brea said pointedly. “Like I said, we don’t owe you any more favors, you’re lucky we’re doing this for you. It’s either this or, I don’t know, let the Black Swan catch up to you for killing one of their operatives. Or wait, no, let the Proctorum Elicate throw you in a cell for kidnapping Astra of all people. Not to mention-- I don’t like you, so why would I give you anything better?” Her eyes glowed with a feisty energy, fearless in the face of a terrorist.
“Now go out, get your bracelet from Marietta, and go enjoy your new life. You’re going to love sector seventeen. You know the greatest part about being Desh is that you can’t leave your sector. I hope you didn’t have too much of a life going on back home?”
“You can’t do this!” Layla screamed, her eyes practically bugging out of her head. “This isn’t right!”
“You brought Astra into my house,” Brea’s voice had a sense of finality to it. “You could have brought so many things down on us and you’re lucky that you didn’t. Now guess what? You get to reap the benefits of your actions... Unfortunately for you, the only benefits of your actions are consequences. Maybe it’s time you learned about those. Go enjoy your new life, or I can have you dragged out and left in the city without ID and without any credits. That would not go well for you.”
“Okay look, please,” Layla was begging now. I think she was about to cry. “I have a whole life-”
“And Astra was finding hers, too. Marietta, send Stack in here please.”
“Okay, wait no, I’ll go!” Layla raised her hands in the air, palms out as if she was trying to diffuse the situation, and began to back up toward the door. “Good luck, Astra.”
Layla was gone, leaving no one but Brea, who looked me over again and nodded.
“We have to get you cleaned up.” She thumbed the collar of my dress and shook her head. “What did she do to you?”
For the first time, I realized that my dress was drenched and covered in sweat stains; the skirt was spotted with blood where Greta had slammed the screwdriver into my leg.
“I won’t lie,” she told me as she picked up a tablet from a nearby counter and began to tap the screen. “You’re in a weird position, Astra. There are a lot of people who want to see you stay. People love you. You’ve been a perfect young lady, exactly what people want to see. On the other hand, there are a lot of people that want to see you shipped back to the Factorum. Or maybe off-world, I don’t know. It’s a fifty-fifty chance at this point. Wish I could give you a new identity like I gave to Layla, but there are way too many people looking for you. You’re kind of a bit famous. You would be found, it would be traced back to me, and I think you can make more of a difference back there, and I’d be in a world of- Well, it wouldn’t be good for me.”
“It’s okay,” I lowered my head and sighed. “I’m too tired to run.”
“That’s a statement. A mood, even.” She laid a hand on my shoulder briefly and then tapped her wristband. “Marietta, get Astra cleaned up. Get her whatever she wants to eat.”
I felt a bit of excitement at those last words. At this point I’d eat anything, except for maybe an egg roll.
Chapter 23
The garage selled like oil. Hydraulic fluid, really. It didn’t belong to any of the vehicles lined up across the space, each one positioned in front of a bay door; those relied on lev technology. Brea was traipsing across the hardcrete bay holding a green backpack over her shoulder; I watched as she tossed it almost haphazardly into the rear of one of the vehicles.
“Where are we going?” I had trouble forcing the question past my lips; old habits die hard.
“There’s an abandoned highway thirty miles outside of the Nocht. We treat it as neutral territory. The Proctorum Elicate does the same. I’ve made contact; we’re going to drop you off, let you walk across.”
“I- Brea, can I ask a question?”
“No one’s stopping you.”
She slammed the hatch shut and walked around to the driver’s side of the vehicle.
“She- I mean Layla. She told me that everyone on Ereen is tracked, so how do you live here without getting in trouble? Couldn’t I do that?”
“There are exceptions to every rule,” Brea told me without slowing down to look at me. “And no, you can’t. Astra, they will find you, no matter what you or any others do. I don’t think you understand who you are.”
I understood; I really did, I just wanted to be rid of all this. Donna was going to hate me anyway. If I went back, I’d just be in that room again with nothing
but Kerra to greet me every single morning. No more pancakes, no more celda wraps. Why was I even focusing on that right now?
“Look, Astra,” Brea sighed and walked toward me, stopping just short of the vehicle’s edge and a few feet in front of me. She placed a hand on her hip and smiled sadly as she looked me over.
“Astra, do you know what destiny is?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“It’s not something that many people have. We all like to pretend that we were made for something greater, but let’s face it: for most people, destiny has to be made. You have to be willing to push yourself to greater heights and accomplish your goals. You, though... Astra, you have a destiny. It might have been made by Ereen rather than some cosmic force, but you have a chance to make a real difference.”
“I don’t want to make a difference.”
“Most people don’t. It’s a lot of work. Get in the car, we’re leaving.”
The ‘car’ was a little bit different than the ones I was used to. Donna’s car was lower to the ground and a shade of soft plum, and made of soft, smooth curves; this one was a rusty gray, angular, and much higher up. It took me a moment to work my way onto the seat, at which point I noticed that the interior was also far different from Donna’s car. The seats were bulkier, there was more equipment between them, and the back was separated from the front by a black cargo net. This wasn’t a normal car.
“Strap in,” she instructed, pointing to a set of canvas straps hanging from the seat. This was a stark contrast to Donna’s car or even the one Kerra and I had ridden in; those had used a sort of repulsor field to keep the rider securely in the seat; these straps were reminiscent of the machinery used in the Factorum.
She watched me as I snapped the straps into place and properly tightened them. She gave me a brief nod of approval and then pressed a series of physical keys and turning round knobs on the dashboard. This was nearly ancient technology, but the vehicle didn’t seem to be ancient. I didn’t understand, but I didn’t have the energy to think about it too deeply.
