by K. A. Trent
I fell asleep in Kerra’s arms. I dreamed of Ereen, I dreamed of Donna. I dreamed of those last few moments we’d had in the courthouse, just before I’d been dragged away from her.
“I want you to remain as you are. You're friendly, you're trusting, you're loving. I don't want you to lose that. You probably understand better than anyone that love...love isn't something that is ordained, or something that just happens. It's...made, it's forged in the heart from the leftover pieces of a shattered life, it's a shelter from the storm. It's what saves you when you're at the lowest point in your life.”
Her words echoed in my head as Kerra roused me from my sleep.
“Need you to move out of the way,” She said as she gently moved me from her lap and over to the co-pilot’s seat. She pressed the comm button again and glanced up at the overhead display. “Calling ship at 3-7 Bravo, we have you on our radar, I’m calling for assistance, over.”
Silence again.
“Come on,” she hissed under her breath. “I know they can hear us. I didn’t bring you all the way out here just so we could die in a mining rig.”
“Kerra, what about Donna?”
“Donna will be fine,” she told me. “She’s been fighting for longer than…well, she’s been fighting for her entire life.”
“But what about you?”
“Not so much,” she admitted. “It took you for me to change my mind. I came up with a plan a while back in failed else failed. As it turns out, all else failed. I honestly started to consider this when you showed me that you weren’t just a stupid male. You know, when you showed me that you could read. Then, as things got worse behind the scenes I started to formulate this backup plan. I never thought I would actually use it. Don’t worry about Donna, Ereen will need her in the days to come.”
“The days to come?”
Before she could answer me, the comm came to life. A voice, a male voice filled the cockpit. I saw Kerra visibly cringe.
“This is the UF Vertech Forge outbound from Jupiter Station, please state your identity again.”
“My name is Constable Kerra Smythe, inbound from Ereen,” Kerra replied. “I’m uploading a DNA sample to you, I think you’ll find it to be of interest.”
Kerra pressed a few controls on a lower panel, and a file progress bar appeared. A moment later, it said ‘Uploaded’.
“Can you explain what we’re looking at?”
“This is a DNA sample belonging to Jonathan Mulgrew, birthdate three, eight, twenty-one ninety-seven.”
There was a long pause, the comms were dead for what seemed like an eternity leaving just Kerra, myself, and the stars.
“This DNA sample is dated three months ago,” The male voice stated. “Jonathan Mulgrew has been missing for over a decade, can you explain what’s going on here?”
“I am carrying Jonathan Mulgrew, a freed slave of Ereen’s Factorum. Jonathan would like you to refer to her as Astra, if you don’t mind.”
“UF Vertech Forge on intercept route. If this is true, you and your people have a lot to answer for, Constable Erth.”
“Over and out,” Kerra turned away from the comms and smiled at me. “You’re about to become the most famous girl in the Federation. How does it feel?”
“Terrifying,” I admitted.
“Yeah,” she nodded. “If they don’t execute me, I’ll be there for you. Put in a good word for me, okay?”
“Yeah,” I smiled back. Outside, I could see the massive Federation ship growing larger and larger. Soon, I would be off to a new life, and while I was glad the ordeal was over, I was terrified at what was coming next.
“You okay?” I asked Kerra.
“Terrified,” she admitted. “You’re right, I lost everything. My home, my friends, I don’t even know where I’m going.”
“You know, someone once told me that you don’t get stronger when you succeed, you get stronger when you fail, when you’re torn down, when there’s nothing left, and it’s up to you to put yourself back together.”
“She sounds like a bitch,” she laughed. I grinned back at her. “Well, here we go.”
Epilogue
“I thought I’d find you here,” Kerra approached me from behind, I didn’t bother to look; I was too enthralled by the scene in front of me. She joined me at the observation window, it wrapped around us, stars visible from all sides, glowing dots in a sea of black. I jumped a little bit as I realized she was there, my cheeks flushed and my body stiffened.
“I- I’m sorry I didn’t ask you before...I mean I’m sorry-”
“I told you, you’re not a slave, Astra,” Kerra stood beside me and crossed her arms as she peered out into the sea of black. There are some things we need to talk about. On this ship you’re safe, but when we get to Deshima Station you’re going to stay where you are until I tell you to move, and you’re going to do every single thing I say.”
“I thought I wasn’t a slave,” my heart had sunk a little in that moment; here on this ship I’d been enjoying being able to move around freely even if it had felt a little bit strange. To be honest, wandering around the corridors on my own without an escort or without Kerra shouting at me had left me feeling naked and apprehensive. I wanted to see what was around every single corner but at the same time I was apprehensive.
“Think of me as your big sister,” she said decidedly. “And little sisters listen to their big sisters.”
“I’ve never had a sister,” I stated the obvious; I think my voice was beginning to tremble.
“I have two, back on Ereen,”I could sense the sadness in her voice, I was getting better at that now. Sensing people’s emotions.
“Kerra, why did you help me? Why did you give up your entire life? Was I worth it?”
“That’s kind of a grownup question but...maybe you are a grown up now. I don’t know. Astra I’ve always followed the rules. Always. It’s why I joined the military. I’ve always been top of my class, in everything. I believed that if you followed the rules everything would be fine. I had this sense of honor, duty, the whole thing. Astra, you did what they told you. You obeyed, you exceeded all expectations and you were so much more than anyone thought you would be. I’m surprised, really, I am given how much pressure I put on you. But, in the end, they were just going to kill you and for petty reasons at that. That’s not the Luna I pledged my loyalty to. Maybe we can go back and turn it into the Luna I thought it was. Maybe my idealism can become a reality. I don’t know. I hope so.”
“What do we do until then?”
“Live.”
“It’s beautiful,” I said it for probably the millionth time. “I just...there’s so many of them. And they’re all suns, like on Ereen?”
“Every star is a sun,” She confirmed. “And around most of them, planets. Some of them you could live on, some you can’t. Universe is full of mysteries.”
“Kerra, what’s going to happen to us?”
“I’ve been talking to the captain, he says there’s been a lot of communication between them and Deshima Station. They want to debrief us, they want you to talk to a child psychologist, and they’re going to talk to you about your personal goals. You have a lot of decisions ahead of you. Especially about your gender transition.”
“There’s...more to it?” I was confused, on Ereen they had acted as if dressing and wearing makeup was enough. What more could there be?
“You’re in for a shock,” she sighed.
“But Kerra,” I said again. I didn’t want to. “I mean, what’s going to happen to us, after Deshima Station? Where are we going to go?”
“I don’t know, Astra, you’re asking the wrong person. Maybe you’ll go to school, meet some new friends, forget all about this. You should. You should just concentrate on being a little girl. That only happens once. You’ve got a chance to make some huge mistakes, meet some great people, be something great. Don’t waste it, Astra.”
I returned my attention to the observation window. The stars were still, our progre
ss forward was nearly a crawl, even though I knew we were moving at thousands of miles per hour. Kerra and I stood in silence as we took in the scene and I wondered what she was thinking about. Our futures, two threads of fate intertwined as we moved further and further away from home. Would we ever see it again? I hoped so. I hoped that one day I would reconcile the sadness that I was feeling right now, for the people left behind. Donna. Carrie. Ashley. The woman who had worked tirelessly to show me that not everything was horrible. My mother. Maybe the only mother I had. I longed to feel her arms around me, to hear her whisper that it would be okay. I longed for things that would never happen again. Her image was still seared into my mind, that day in the courtroom. The last time I would see her. I felt a tear roll down my cheek, Kerra noticed but quickly returned her attention to the view in front of us. Something had appeared, just a blip in the vacuum of space at first, but gradually it became larger. I gasped as the details became clear; it was a city in space, a series of interconnecting tubes, multiple decks, jutting buildings with yellow-lit windows just like the view from Callie’s apartment. I could see other ships like ours coming and going, blinking lights, an oasis in a desert of black. Finally, Kerra spoke.
“I give you, Deshima Station.”
