by Kat Mizera
“I’m not Jen,” I whispered. “I told you that. But you’re right, I should have mentioned it. We need to communicate better. If this thing between us is serious, we can’t do this kind of thing, where I feel like I have to tiptoe around the logistics. We’re all in or we keep it casual, like a once a week dinner and sex date or something. There’s nothing in between.”
“No.” He cleared his throat. “That’s not what I want. I walked in, and the Jen thing aside, I missed you. I was looking for Gracie’s stuff and for you. I went into the fridge wondering what we’d planned for dinner… Come back, Margot. I want you here.”
“Okay.” I swallowed. “But tomorrow. I’m tired after moving out today.”
“I’ll come over and help. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I need to read Gracie the next chapter in The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.”
“We’re cooking dinner already. Come over and eat with us and we’ll talk, okay?”
“Be there in ten.” He disconnected and I smiled to myself.
“What happened?” Everly asked.
I was in the kitchen helping with dinner, so she’d heard my side of the conversation. “He wants us to move in. Officially. I think. He’s eating with us and we’re going to talk.”
“I’ll try to entertain Gracie so you two can have some quiet time. Be direct, Margot. This is your life. And Gracie’s.”
“I know. Believe me, I know.”
We ate and the four of us cleaned up the kitchen. Everly took Gracie upstairs to give her a bath since she would need one regardless of where we slept, so Tore and I wandered outside onto the patio.
“I want you to move in,” he said the second we sat down. “Officially. No back and forth, unless you want to be with Everly when we’re on long road trips, so neither of you are alone, but otherwise, I want you with me. Both of you.”
“Are you sure?” I whispered. “This is a big, big step. For Gracie more than me. This is your last chance to back out, Tore. If we do this, you have to be prepared. She talks about you all the time. Tore’s gonna take me skating, Tore’s gonna play hockey tomorrow, Tore’s gonna read to me tonight… You’re already very much a part of her life and this is the last chance to put on the brakes.”
“I don’t want to put on any brakes,” he said, tugging me onto his lap. “I want the two of you in my life. I want to fall asleep with you every night, wake up to you every morning, have you waiting for me when I get home from a trip. I’m ready for this, Margot.”
I didn’t see this kind of sincerity on Tore’s face very often, but looking at it now was beautiful. Absolutely the hottest thing I’d ever seen and it had nothing to do with sex. Tore was ruggedly handsome, his face filled with strong lines and masculine angles. But this look, the one that spoke of promise and desire, made him more handsome than anyone I’d ever seen in my life. I couldn’t think of an appropriate response, so I kissed him instead, my lips seeking his almost desperately. The need to connect, to test out all these feelings, to be a couple, overwhelming me.
His mouth consumed mine in a deliciously innocent way, as if we now had all the time in the world for the more passionate stuff and could explore each other’s hearts more emotionally now.
“We should pack and go home,” he said against my mouth.
“I didn’t unpack my stuff, just some of Gracie’s, but we can do the basics tonight and I’ll come back tomorrow for the rest.”
“Leave it and I’ll meet you here after training camp, so we can do it together.”
“Okay.”
I slid off his lap and he stood up, wrapping his hand around mine.
“You think Ian and Everly are listening at the door?”
I chuckled. “No, because she knows I’ll tell her everything tomorrow.”
“Good to know.”
I spent the rest of the week slowly moving in. There were more than clothes and toiletries now that it was official. All of Gracie’s toys. My desktop computer in addition to my laptop. Books, photo albums, and some of the boxes I’d moved from Seattle but didn’t unpack because I didn’t have anywhere to put things. I had a few pieces of furniture as well, but again, Everly’s house wasn’t mine so we’d had them in the basement and they would stay there since there wasn’t much room at Tore’s. It took some work, but cohabitation was coming together nicely.
“The first preseason game is tomorrow,” he told me at dinner a week later. “It’s at night but would it be okay if Gracie went to this one? It almost definitely won’t go late and it’s a Friday anyway.”
“Okay,” I replied, nodding. “We can do that. She’ll be so excited.”
“How many jerseys does she have now?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes. “Four. I keep telling everyone to knock it off, because she’s growing so she’ll only be able to wear them for a little while, but they keep coming.”
He grinned. “Mine still fits, right? From last season?”
“Yes. Yours was a little big, so it’s good. But she also has hoodies and long-sleeve T-shirts, so I think we’re set for this season.”
“What about you?” he asked softly.
Our eyes met across the table. “I, um, have one of Ian’s.”
“That has to change.”
I forced myself to keep my tone serious, preparing to tease him a little. “Whose jersey do you suggest? Maybe Toli’s, since he’s probably retiring soon and it might be a collectible in a few years?” I had to work hard to keep a straight face.
“You know you’re going to get a spanking now, right?”
I burst out laughing.
“Not funny,” he said, trying to scowl, but his lips were twitching too.
“You should’ve seen your face,” I said, still laughing. “It was priceless.”
“Whatever. You’ll pay for that later.”
“Promises, promises.”
We’d morphed into an easy new lifestyle and I was falling more in love with him every day. We got up each morning and made breakfast together. Depending on his schedule, he would take Gracie to school on his way to training camp, unless he had to be there early, but so far that had only been one day. I worked until it was time to pick up Gracie and then we’d either run errands or I’d come home to work a little more until dinnertime. For now, Tore’s schedule was very nine-to-five-ish, so we were on a normal schedule. That would change now that they were starting to play games, and next week he would travel to L.A. for a couple of preseason games there.
Tore had put himself in charge of Gracie’s bedtime, reading to her until she fell asleep, and then we’d spend time together. And the sex. It had been years since I’d had regular sex, like at least once a day, if not more, and I loved it. My body hummed whenever he was close to me, and I couldn’t tell if it was love, arousal or sheer contentment. I was really and truly happy. He made both of us happy, because Gracie was probably more in love with him than I was.
Part of me still worried about that, but neither of us could help it. It hadn’t been long, but we’d been friends for over a year, so it felt comfortable and easy. As if this was really happening. Sometimes I felt the need to pinch myself because I’d truly never believed I would find something like this, where I wasn’t just settling for a guy who’d take care of us. Deep down, that had been one of my biggest fears, that I’d wind up with some random guy who was nice enough and provided the stability I needed for my daughter but wasn’t the love of my life. In Tore, I’d found much, much more than that.
I didn’t want to admit it or say the words out loud, but Tore was absolutely the love of my life. I’d never felt like this about anyone and though we hadn’t said the words, there was a connection that went deep. He wasn’t the best communicator, though we were working on it, but I sensed his need for me. Not just in his touch late at night, but in the way he looked at me. It was also in his easy acceptance of Gracie. No matter how many times she asked the same question or begged him to read her the same story, he had a smile on his face.
Even when I yelled at her for doing something wrong, he usually just smiled and winked, as if he would protect her from me. He didn’t undermine me in any way, just gave her the sweet, loving support you would expect. I was waiting for him to lose his patience, though. It was normal, after all, so it would be fun when the shoe was finally on the other foot and I could play good cop instead of bad cop all the time.
Everly and I had done a bit of that with Gracie because always being the disciplinarian was exhausting, so she hadn’t minded doing some of the admonishing. Now we had to get Tore comfortable with parenting, versus being the fun uncle all the time. We had time, for which I was grateful, and I hummed to myself as we got ready to go to the game the next night.
Everly was coming to pick me up and I’d take Gracie down to the glass so she could say hello. Most of the players’ kids were going to be there tonight since it was the first home game of the season and it was a weekend, so she would probably see J.J. and a few other kids she loved to play with. We were all sitting in the same section, which was nice, and would keep her from getting restless.
I slowly pulled on the jersey he’d given me after he got home from his morning skate. It was the royal blue home jersey that Gracie loved so much. Sidewinders blue, she called it, and most of her wardrobe was some shade close to that. Not everything, because I only had so much money and so much luck finding things, but she was persistent. And tonight we would be twins, so to speak, which was incredibly cute. I hadn’t been sure about wearing Tore’s jersey at this stage of our relationship, but it seemed important to him, so I was happy to do it.
“Mommy, when is Auntie Evie coming?” Gracie asked for what seemed like the twentieth time.
“A few more minutes,” I said, dabbing some gloss on my lips.
I looked nice tonight, with my hair down and the ends curled. My makeup was subtle but I’d put on an extra layer of mascara to accentuate my eyes, which I thought were my best feature. I had on my favorite jeans, which were a great combination of sexy and comfortable, since they were mostly hidden because of the large jersey. I didn’t feel as self-conscious as I had even a month ago, after the last four or five weeks of Tore’s attention. He made me feel beautiful and special, something I’d never experienced from a man before, and my happiness overshadowed all the negative voices that whispered in my subconscious.
We walked downstairs when Everly pulled up, and I put Gracie in the back since we’d both had car seats in our cars since Gracie was a newborn. It had been way too much hassle to move the car seat, so we’d just gotten two and still did it now.
Gracie was beyond excited, chattering the whole way, and I smiled to myself as we walked down to the ice during the warm-ups. I lifted her, holding her against the glass and she put both of her hands flat against it, searching the ice for Tore.
“There’s Uncle Ian,” she told me excitedly, pounding on the glass until I put my hand over hers.
“Don’t distract them, baby. They’re working.”
“But he has to say hi,” she protested.
“He will, but don’t pound.”
Ian waved, as did Zaan, but Gracie was oblivious, looking for Tore. “Where is he?” she demanded.
“He’ll be out in a minute,” I said, chuckling.
Sure enough, Tore skated out onto the ice a few seconds later and Gracie bounced excitedly. “There he is! My daddy!”
20
Tore
I spotted Gracie and Margot the second I got on the ice and I skated right over to where they were, putting the flat of my hand against Gracie’s. She squealed with delight, even as Margot tried to shush her, and I winked at them before skating off. It was a nice feeling, having family here. It had been years since I’d had anyone special waiting for me at the glass. My parents came to games a few times a year, but mostly my mom since she lived in the U.S. now and my dad was still in Sweden. My mother was American and we’d lived in Sweden until I was eleven, when she and my dad divorced. Then we came to the U.S., and at sixteen, I’d moved to Canada to play in the Major Juniors.
My mom worked in sales, so she traveled a lot and I didn’t see her much. She had a new husband I didn’t like at all, so even though I had time in the summer, I refused to spend any amount of time in their house. He was a loud, abusive prick and I didn’t have any idea what she saw in him. She was still young, just forty-five, and attractive for a mom, so I didn’t understand why she’d settled for someone like him. It wasn’t my business, but it had impacted our relationship. We didn’t discuss it and during the summer, I tried to meet her on one of her business trips so I wouldn’t have to deal with my dickhead of a stepfather.
Seeing Gracie’s excitement, I wondered what my mom would think of her. She’d be excited to have a grandchild, even if she wasn’t a biological one, but I’d have to think long and hard about letting my stepdad near her. Not that he’d hurt her physically, but he was verbally abusive and I didn’t even like to listen to it, so how could I allow Gracie to be subjected to it?
It sucked because my dad wasn’t my favorite person either. He’d cheated on my mom, openly and blatantly, so that our whole little town had been talking about it. I found out because one of the kids at my school told me. It had been a shitty time in my life and it occurred to me that it probably framed a lot of my maturity when it came to relationships. I didn’t trust in them much, so I’d gone in the opposite direction, sowing all the damn oats I could. I’d thought Jen and I could make it work, but in retrospect, she had all sorts of baggage of her own, much of which was centered around her drinking. She was probably an alcoholic, but I hadn’t recognized it when we’d been dating because we’d done a lot of partying together. The difference was that I didn’t need to drink all the time.
I felt kind of bad for her, but she wasn’t my problem anymore. I had this incredible woman and her adorable little girl in my life now, so that was my only focus beyond hockey. I’d have to deal with my dad in January during the dads’ trip, but that was the only time we really saw each other. When I went to Sweden in the summer, it was to see my grandmother, who was my father’s mother, and a few cousins. That’s why I only stayed a week. I’d see my dad once or twice, just to be polite, but we didn’t have a lot in common and he’d never forgiven me for leaving with my mom when they’d divorced. My parents had given me a choice and I’d gone with my mom because she was the better parent. She listened more and supported my love of hockey wholeheartedly while my dad had merely tolerated it.
I put all the dark thoughts out of my mind during the game, though I didn’t play much since Coach Wylde put more of the rookies in than the rest of us. Half of the veteran players hadn’t even dressed for the game, and I wouldn’t dress for the next one. Veterans like me would play a lot less the next two games, which would be on the road, before Coach made final cuts and the regular season would start.
I was looking forward to it, but it would also be the first real test for Margot and me as a couple. I wouldn’t have nearly the time for her and Gracie that I had now, and I didn’t know how I would fit Gracie into all that. At some point, I needed to talk to one of my teammates who had kids, because I really didn’t want to screw this up.
It was fairly late by the time Margot and I got to bed and instead of curling against me like she usually did, she was flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling. It was out of character for her, so I turned onto my side, resting a hand on her stomach.
“You okay?”
“Yeah.” She blew out a breath.
“Something happen at the game?”
“Yeah, but not to me.”
“Something with Gracie?”
She turned to me. “You didn’t hear what she called you?”
I frowned. “Babe, it’s really loud in there with the music and—”
“No, I know, but I wasn’t sure.”
“What, uh, what did she call me?” I had no idea where she was going with this.
“A bunch of the o
ther kids were there and calling out to their dads. Simone saw Viggo and told her friend that he was her papa, and then Gracie yelled out, ‘My daddy!’ when you got on the ice.”
Holy shit.
Daddy.
Daddy was a far cry from Uncle Tore, and this was huge. Much bigger than it should have been this soon. And yet, maybe not. Maybe it was just right, because at what point did a four-year-old adjust to the new man in her mother’s life? Was there a timeline? I doubted it, and I’d been in Gracie’s life for over a year, so she probably barely remembered life before I’d become her friend. What else was there in her very limited view of life?
“Are you mad?” Margot whispered.
“What?” I turned to her in surprise. I’d been so lost in my own thoughts that I’d forgotten to respond aloud. “No. God, no. She’s a baby and she loves me. What else would she call me?”
“You’ve always been Uncle Tore. For her to switch like this…”
“We live together now. We’re a family like the other families she sees, whether it’s J.J.’s parents or her friends at school. There are two adults and a kid, so you’re Mommy and I’m Daddy. She’s four, Margot. I don’t have any problem with this. I think we need to talk to her about it at some point, to make sure she understands the implications of that word, but—”
“But what if things don’t work out with us?” she interrupted. “What if things go sideways and we decide it’s not right?”
“Do you believe that’s going to happen?”
“No, but it could happen.”
“But we discussed it before you moved in. We’re ready to do this and moving forward. Apparently, Gracie is too.”
“So you’re not mad?” She wilted a little, as if she’d been expecting…a different reaction.
“Of course not. Like I said, she’s four. How do we explain to a kid that age the difference between dating, living together, and being married? I think we should let it go for now, see how she progresses with it.”
