by Kat Mizera
“I sentence you to an incredible ass pounding,” he said, standing up and sliding off his pants. “And then—”
“Mommy?”
24
Tore
Gracie’s voice drifted into the room from the other side of the door and Margot and I stared at each other in horror. I grimaced, putting my finger to my lips.
“What’s wrong, honey?” I called out.
“I want Mommy.”
“Mommy’s sleeping,” I said, looking around wildly for the key to the handcuffs. Where the fuck had I put it?!
“Take these off!” Margot hissed in a barely discernable whisper.
I made a helpless motion as I spun in a circle, trying to remember where the fuck I’d put the key.
“Honey, I just got out of the shower,” I called to Gracie. “Let me get dressed, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Are you okay?”
“I had a bad dream.”
Margot looked panicked as we searched for the key to the handcuffs. I thought I’d put it on the dresser but it wasn’t there.
“Mommy?!”
“Shit.” I muttered under my breath but grabbed one of my T-shirts. It would be huge on Margot and I quickly pulled it over her head. “Get in bed like you’re asleep and I’ll take her back to bed.”
She opened her mouth but then kicked off her shoes and got on the bed. I covered her with the blanket and pulled on a T-shirt of my own, tossing the badge and water gun into the closet on my way to open the door.
“Shh.” I put my finger on my lips when I opened the door to Gracie. “Mommy’s tired and has a tummy ache, so we’re going to let her sleep, okay? How about I lie with you until you fall asleep?”
“Okay.”
I reached down to lift her up and she put her head on my shoulder, nestling against me. I’d been annoyed at the interruption, but now that she was shivering against my chest, I felt bad. I carried her back to bed and tucked her in, sitting on the edge of the bed and brushing her soft hair out of her eyes.
“Do you want to tell me about it?” I asked quietly.
She bit her lip.
“There was a man chasing me with a worm.”
“Well, I know they might seem scary in a dream, but worms can’t really hurt you.”
“But the man had big red eyes and he said he was my daddy.” She turned tearful eyes to me. “How come I don’t have a daddy like J.J. and Simone?”
Oh, sweet fucking hell. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d cried, but I wanted to now. And the worst part was, I didn’t know how to answer her. I had no idea what Margot had told her about her biological father, and the way she was looking at me hurt my heart. The daddy thing hadn’t come up again after the game that night, so we’d left it alone, but now it was staring me in the face and I couldn’t even ask Margot because she was still handcuffed in our bed.
“I don’t know why you haven’t had a daddy until now,” I said, stroking her hair. “But you know, I was thinking maybe I could try to fill that position.”
“But J.J. said you have to be born with a daddy.”
“J.J.’s just a little kid who doesn’t know any better,” I said gently. “This is between you, me, and your mommy.”
“I get sad when I see J.J.’s daddies. He has three and I don’t even have one. It’s not fair.”
“I know, sweetie, but you and I could try this daddy thing out, see how it goes. I don’t know much about being a daddy but I’m willing to try.”
“You will?” Her eyes lit up and she wrapped her little arms around me, hugging me pretty tight for someone so small. And I hugged her back because it had become increasingly apparent that this tiny human was as important to me as her mother was. I was drowning in unfamiliar feelings and emotions, but the only options were to keep swimming or get the hell out of the pool.
“I want you to go to sleep now, okay? And if anyone with red eyes visits you in your dreams, you tell him to come see me.”
She nestled deeper into her pillow and within a few minutes, her breathing evened out. I got up slowly, watching to make sure she didn’t move, and then ran back to the master bedroom.
“What happened?” Margot whispered, sitting up.
“She had a bad dream.” I closed and locked the door, turning the lights up. “And I have no idea where the fucking key is.”
“I’m going to kill you,” she muttered, looking around. “But I think Ian and Everly have generic handcuffs, so they’ll probably have a key that works if we can’t find it.”
“I will never live this down if the guys find out,” I grumbled, dropping to the ground and searching the floor around the dresser. “Got it!” I announced, reaching out to grab it from where it had drifted. I went over and unlocked the cuffs, taking them off and wincing as she rubbed her red wrists.
“Ugh. Those hurt.”
“Sorry, babe.” I kissed the side of her face. “We’ll get some lined ones for next time.”
“Next time, we can’t use any kind of restraints unless she’s at a sleepover somewhere.”
“That’s a bummer,” I muttered. “But probably the best idea.”
“Is she asleep now?” she asked. “I should go check on her.”
“She’s fine, but go ahead. I’ll wait for you in bed.”
She gave me a quick smile before hurrying out of the room.
I sighed, getting undressed again and picking up the discarded plastic badge and toy gun. My options at the dollar store had been minimal, but it had worked. Margot had been super into it until we’d been interrupted. I was going to have to get used to it, but it really sucked sometimes.
“She’s out,” Margot said, coming back in the bedroom and closing the door behind her again. She peeled off my T-shirt and the little skirt she’d been wearing before climbing into bed and draping herself over my chest. “Sorry we got interrupted. I was loving it.”
“I know. Me too.” I rubbed my hand down the long, sexy expanse of her back and the soft globes of her ass. “Does your ass hurt?”
“Not anymore.” She shook her head.
“Next time I’ll have to go harder.”
“Thanks.” She chuckled.
“Good thing we just have the one kid,” I mumbled. “Can you imagine having a handful of them interrupting?”
“Eventually they sleep through the night, and Gracie’s normally pretty good, but it’s been just the two of us for so long, she doesn’t think twice about coming to me in the middle of the night.”
“What about when she was a newborn?”
“It was hard,” she admitted. “Everly and I took turns. She was up every few hours, so neither of us got more than five hours sleep at a time. Newborns are a ton of work.”
I shuddered. “I can barely take care of myself sometimes, so I don’t even want to think about one of those.”
“No argument from me.” She nestled deeper into my arms.
“She and I had the daddy talk.”
“What?” She looked up at me. “What did she say?”
“Apparently, J.J. has a lot of opinions about how you get daddies, and she finds it pretty unfair that he has three and she has none.”
“Oh, no.”
Margot seemed to wilt against me and I sensed the now-familiar aura of guilt that she carried with her like a shield when it came to Gracie. It protected her kid but it did a hell of a lot of damage to Margot, which made me hate it. And while I’d never been one of those guys who felt the need to protect a woman, beyond a general concern for their physical well-being, should the need arise, I wanted to protect Margot more than I wanted almost anything.
“I told her I didn’t know much about being a daddy but I wanted to try, and she was pretty happy about that.”
“I know I keep asking you this, but are you sure? Like sure-sure, so positive there is zero doubt in your mind? Because Gracie isn’t going anywhere, and if I ever had to choose, I would choose her.” Her eyes met mine in the darkness, so
much vulnerability in hers that it hurt me a little, to know I had that much power over her.
“I know that, and yes, I’m sure-sure. And there is never going to be a reason you’d have to choose. To be honest, though, I don’t know how interested I am in having more. Newborns scare the fuck out of me and I have a lot to learn with just Gracie, but let me be a thousand percent clear: I’m in. You and her. You and me. We, us, long haul, good to go.”
“I’m going to trust you, Tore. I’m giving myself to you—myself and my daughter—and I’m going to trust you not to hurt us.”
“I’m not perfect and I’ll undoubtedly fuck up, but I will never, ever hurt you intentionally. And if I do, you have to talk to me, because I’m new at this.”
“We both are. Believe me. I’m sure I’ll fuck up too.”
“I was thinking the other day that we should get you on birth control. I know you don’t have insurance, but I can pay for it out of pocket. I’d like to stop using condoms at some point.”
“The pill makes me sick,” she said. “But I could ask about an IUD.”
“I mean, no pressure or anything, and we can both get tested before we stop using condoms, but are you okay with this?”
“Absolutely. I’m also looking into an inexpensive health insurance plan. Renee will give me an extra two hundred dollars a month to go towards it if I find something, so I’m doing the research. And I’ll make an appointment to talk to someone about an IUD.”
“Perfect.” I leaned in to kiss her. “So…at the risk of fucking up already, you still in the mood or you just want to go to sleep?”
She tipped her head up to frown at me. “You have to ask? I mean, I think the role-play ship has sailed for tonight, but I’m always in the mood when you touch me. You left me all hot and bothered and that’s totally uncool.”
Hot damn!
She didn’t have to ask me twice and I spent the next couple of hours pounding her ass, just like I’d promised her I would. I was going to be tired in the morning, but she was worth it. Anal sex seemed like the perfect way to celebrate becoming a father.
25
Margot
I gave two weeks’ notice at my job in Seattle and was surprised when they asked me to stay on part-time. There were two weekly columns I’d been editing for a long time, and both writers preferred my editing style, so I’d edit two pieces a week at a higher hourly rate than they’d been paying me before, which was amazing. In the meantime, I’d already started working with Renee and loved it. There was a lot to learn about the world of self-publishing, since Renee no longer had a traditional publisher, but it was all fascinating.
Late in October, I dropped Gracie off at school and headed to Renee’s house. In the beginning, I was going to work at her house so I had the opportunity to learn the ropes and we could upload all the things I needed on my laptop as we thought of them. There were so many terms I wasn’t familiar with in regard to a publishing business, so
I had to keep a running list to make sure I remembered everything.
“What’s Gracie going to be for Halloween?” Renee asked me as we sorted through a dozen or so boxes of printed copies of her books. She was getting ready to run a sale and we needed to take inventory.
I chuckled at her question. “What else? A Sidewinders player. Last year she was Tore, this year she’s going to be Ian.”
Renee grinned. “That’s cute.”
“It’s annoying. She likes them way better than me.” I was joking but not entirely.
“That’s how it will always be. My daughter, Daisy, who’s in college, loves Jared even though she’s only known him around eighteen months. Much more than the mom who sacrificed everything to raise her on her own.”
I glanced up. “Are you divorced?”
“My first husband died when Daisy was three. Car accident. So it was just the two of us for most of her life.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It was a long time ago, and Jared is absolutely the love of my life. I had no idea there was someone like him out there for me.”
I smiled shyly. “That’s kind of how I feel about Tore. I never dreamed I’d meet a guy like him, so strong and sexy and rich and successful, that would be interested in not just me, but my daughter too.” I told her about the daddy conversation he and Gracie had.
“Tore’s a good kid—man. Sorry, most of them are kids to me. But he’s one of those bad boys with a heart of gold. I adore him and think you two are wonderful together. I’m sure you’ll have some growing pains as a couple, we all do, but deep down I see a gentle, caring man. He might need to grow up a little, but don’t they all? Those frontal lobes on men don’t finish maturing until they’re like twenty-six.”
I grimaced. “That means we could have a rough two years ahead of us, but I’m crazy in love with him. I haven’t told him that, of course, because he has to say the words first, but—”
“How come?”
“How come what?”
“Why does he have to say it first?”
I chewed my lip. “I guess there’s a part of me that needs it to be that way. I’ve been burned enough to need him to step up, to show me who he is.”
“But what if he feels that way too? You made him chase you for a long time, so what if he’s thinking you need to say it first because it took so long for you to give him a chance?”
I wrinkled my nose. “Well, that would suck, because I really need him to say it first.”
“Either you’re in or you’re out, girlfriend. Don’t put that kind of pressure on the relationship. Just let things happen naturally and if the right moment presents itself, take it.”
“You’re probably right.” I picked up a copy of Petra and Her Phantom and hugged it to my chest, ready to change the subject. “My all-time favorite book. I can’t tell you how many nights I dreamed of my own personal Phantom.”
Renee laughed and shook her head. “Well, you have a Swedish hockey god instead, and I think he’s pretty awesome.”
“He really is.” I grinned. “Did you know his real name is Thor and he hates it, which is why he goes by Tore?”
“I can imagine a name like that presented a lot of pressure,” she said, taking the book out of my hands, opening it and starting to write something.
“What are you doing?” I asked her.
“Autographing this book for you now that you’ve drooled all over it.”
“I’m eventually going to have the whole collection,” I told her.
“I believe it.” She handed me the book.
“Yay! Thank you. My first autographed book.”
“Really?” She seemed surprised.
“Well, I could never really afford to go to book signings and stuff, so yeah. And now I have to figure out where to display it.”
Renee laughed. “You’re gonna make my head swell.”
“I think that’s what I’ll tell Tore I want for Christmas—a nice book shelf for my favorite books.”
“That’s a good idea.” She started opening boxes again. “Are you two house-hunting or anything? This is a great neighborhood and there are houses for sale.”
I shook my head. “We’re trying to pay off some of his credit card debt and save up. He’s terrible with money.”
“A lot of young athletes are. I don’t know the number off the top of my head, but a huge percentage of professional basketball players retire broke, so he’s not the only one.”
“Well, I think we can get it under control.” I started stacking the books by title. “He was horrified when I told him he’s not allowed to use his credit cards for a while.”
“It’s smart, though. That’s the quickest way to get into trouble.”
We worked and talked and took inventory until it was time for me to leave to get Gracie.
“Why don’t you come back with her and we can finish this up?” Renee suggested. “Then, since the guys are out of town, we can eat together? I’m sure Braden will be glad to have another kid around, ev
en if she’s so much younger.”
“Is that your stepson?”
She nodded. “Jared didn’t even know he had a kid until his ex-wife died and a lawyer contacted him. Braden was nine. He’s ten now and even though Jared and I absolutely didn’t want kids together, it’s impossible not to love Braden. I thought I was done being that kind of mom, doing homework and going to sports events and PTA meetings, but now I can’t imagine my life without him. Without either of them. And Daisy adores having a little brother, so even though it’s not the life I thought I was going to have at this stage of my life, it’s a thousand times better.”
“I hope Tore feels that way,” I admitted. “He says he’s ready to be a dad, but I’m scared. Not for me as much as for her.”
“I think that’s bull,” Renee said quietly. “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but Gracie’s four. And even though she’d whine and pout for a few weeks, maybe even a few months, a year from now? She wouldn’t even remember his name. Kids are strong and resilient. The one who’s in danger of being terribly hurt is you, and we both know it. And you have every right, after your experiences, but Tore isn’t those other guys, and this relationship is special. Don’t second-guess yourself to the point you subconsciously push him away. He’ll sense that you’re holding back, and the first time you’re tested as a couple—and I promise you, even the best relationships have issues sometimes—everything is going to fall apart.”
Ugh. That sounded horrible. Especially since she was right about me holding back. “I’ve been better. I really have. We’re living together and he’s even given me access to his checking account, so I’m invested.”
“Then let go of the negativity and allow yourself to fall in love. Remember, love is my specialty and there’s nothing better than that feeling.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “You got that right. I am absolutely having a blast. Especially when we get naked.”
Renee fanned herself. “Girlfriend, you don’t have to tell me. You know I married a younger man and he keeps me on my toes.”
