The Wolf Within

by Sondrae Bennett

  Her stillness alerted him to her discomfort. Her hand stopped stroking his hair, and he felt her posture stiffen.

  Looking into her eyes, he saw curiosity but not fear—another reminder of how adept she was at hiding her emotions.

  Something he intended to remedy soon. She shouldn’t feel the need to hide anything from him.

  At least he had more of a clue than her family. He couldn’t believe how blind they were. During brunch, her father had launched into the story about meeting Julie’s mother. He’d smiled as her father began the familiar tale that demonstrated the love between the couple. But as Charles had expressed his unending love for his mate, Brendan’s gaze had drifted to his mate. She would be the mother to his future children, the one he’d grow old with. It hadn’t taken long to realize something was wrong. Very wrong.

  That fake smile had been fixed on her face. He hated that smile. And the pain in her eyes had nearly brought him to his feet, needing to defend her from whatever had caused her pain. She’d pushed around the food on her plate and gazed down at the pattern she’d made with her fork.

  “And that’s when I realized, why would I want normal when I could have special?” Julie’s smile had slipped a little at the word “special.” It had been subtle, and if Brendan hadn’t been staring, he probably would have missed it. But he had been staring.

  “Julie, you know how special you are, right?” He hadn’t cared if he appeared rude, interrupting his host in the middle of a sentence. All that had mattered was Julie and replacing her fake smile with a real one.

  The look she gave him had been filled with wide-eyed panic as everyone’s gaze shot to her. She’d glanced at the others and bit her lip.

  “Sure. I mean not like you guys, but yeah.” The hollow laugh that followed was one he never wanted to hear again.

  Her shrug displayed more discomfort than the assurance she’d strived for.

  The ensuing silence had said it all. Everyone had heard the pain she’d tried to hide. Taking his gaze off his mate, Brendan had looked around the table and seen utter shock on the faces of her family. It was clear they’d never realized before how different Julie felt. Twenty-three years and none of them had seen the pain the story caused, even though it had to have been told a hundred times.

  “Honey? What do you mean, ‘not like you guys?’” her mother had questioned. All gazes had remained glued on Julie.

  She’d shrugged again. “You guys are wolf shifters. I’m just human. Ordinary.”

  No one had spoken. Desperately, he had wracked his brains for the right words to say. He was her mate, and until recently he hadn’t realized anything was wrong.

  “Julie.” He’d waited until her gaze met his before continuing. “There is nothing ‘ordinary’ about you. You are the most unique and special woman I have ever, and I do mean ever, met.” He’d found her blush endearing, and her smile, her real smile, had broken the tension around them.

  Conversation had resumed almost as if the event had never happened. But every now and then he’d seen one of her siblings or her parents glance at Julie with concern and regret.

  At least now they knew. Everything was out in the open, and he would heal whatever emotional pain she harbored with love and patience.

  “Okay,” she said, dragging him back to the present. “Am I going to like this talk or not?”

  One thing at a time. Her emotional pain could wait. Her safety couldn’t. And if she agreed with his plans, maybe he could work on both at once.

  “I hope so. The thing is, I think it would be better if you stayed here. At least until we fix your lock.”

  He’d managed to sneak into the living room with her siblings while Julie had helped to clean up the dishes. The broken lock provided them with a perfect excuse to keep Julie with one of them. No one wanted to frighten her if they didn’t have to, especially knowing she could take off if she thought a shifter from town held some unknown grudge. They would figure out who meant her harm and take care of it. Until then, she’d be with Laurie at the bookstore during the day and with him at night. Her brothers were scheduling shifts to watch her as well.

  “And when will that be?” Julie asked. He breathed a sigh of relief. The question wasn’t filled with the anger or frustration he’d anticipated, just curiosity. This might be easier than he thought. She made no move to put distance between them, so he left his head on her lap.

  “Well, we have to fix the doorframe. And that lock is specially made. It might take a couple of weeks to get a new one. If you don’t want to stay with me, you can stay at one of your brothers’ places or at Laurie’s. But I don’t want you there alone with just the top door.”

  She stared down at him in silence. He wished he knew what was going through her mind. With most people, he could sense some of their emotions, but Julie shielded her thoughts too well for him to break through.

  “Of course—” He reached up to tug on a lock of her hair,

  “—it’ll be much easier to get you alone if you’re here. I can’t exactly sneak into your bed while you’re staying with one of your brothers. I don’t think I’d live to see morning if I tried.

  Although it would be worth it.” He smirked, grateful to see a shadow of a smile curl the corners of her lips. He’d never get tired of making her smile.

  “Are you sure I won’t be an imposition?” The words brought him up, and he pulled her toward him, gazing deep into her eyes.

  “Never. I mean that, Julie. I don’t want to hear you talk like that again. Don’t you know I would do absolutely anything for you?”

  “Anything?” she asked, a wicked gleam entering her eyes.

  “Anything.” No hesitation. Whatever she needed, wanted, was hers. All she had to do was ask.

  “You know what would make me really happy?” Judging by the mysterious smirk on her face, whatever would make her happy was going to make him happy too.

  “What’s that, beautiful?”

  “Take off your pants.” He stood and unbuttoned his jeans, shoving his briefs off with the pants in his haste.

  “Don’t have to tell you twice, do I?” She laughed. He paused to throw her a disbelieving look before finishing his task. He was as eager now as last night, the raw need for her returning stronger than before. Last night hadn’t been enough to quench his need for her. Nothing would ever be enough.

  Julie’s impish smile told him she was just as eager. Her eyes were hungry as she sat forward on the couch. Without waiting another moment, she took him into her mouth. He stiffened, feeling the wet heat of her mouth encase him. His head fell back with a groan, and all conscious thought fled. He gripped her hair as she moved forward, taking him deeper.

  Even his most vivid fantasies paled in comparison to the realities of Julie’s mouth wrapped around him.

  Needing to see, to watch, he opened his eyes and gazed down at the woman he loved. Any doubt he might have once harbored had vanished after last night. She was perfect for him.

  She gripped him in her hand as she moved back, paying special attention to the head. Her gaze met his as her tongue came out to circle the tip. The desire in their depths, the pleasure she gained from pleasing him, was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

  Without a word, he reached down and pulled her to her feet. Keeping eye contact, he unbuttoned her pants and sank to his knees. His hands ran down her legs, dragging her pants to the floor along the way.

  He switched positions with her, pushing her onto the couch and spreading her thighs, opening her to his gaze. Giving no more than a moment’s pause to appreciate the sights before him, Brendan dove in.

  * * * *

  Dear God…

  Julie gripped Brendan’s hair in her hands as sparks of pleasure robbed her of thought. There was only Brendan, the feel of his hair beneath her fingers, his tongue plunging inside her.

  This wasn’t what she’d wanted—she’d wanted to taste him as he came. She’d never done that for George, or anyone.

  An
d she’d wanted to give it to Brendan.

  That had been her plan. But Brendan had never been one to stick to plans. Groaning as his tongue did something wicked, she really couldn’t complain.

  His mouth continued to plunder, bringing her higher and higher. Without warning, a wave of pleasure crashed over her, leaving her gasping for air as her body jerked.

  Her cries echoed throughout the room, subsiding as Brendan finished feasting.

  “You are incredible,” he whispered, his hands caressing her inner thighs. “Absolutely perfect.” The look in his eyes made her feel every ounce the incredible woman he seemed to think her. When she was with him, she felt like a different person. She felt “special.”

  The word crashed through her brain. She’d spent years believing she wasn’t as good as her siblings. Believing she would never feel the depth of love her parents felt.

  But … she felt it now. Felt it for Brendan. And gazing into his eyes, she believed he felt it too. Brendan’s words from brunch came back to her. He thought she was special. He wanted her exactly as she was. And if she let him, he could give her a future she’d never dared dream about.

  “I bet you tell all the women that,” she teased, closing her eyes as she tried to lighten the mood. She kept them closed as Brendan pulled her into his arms, his fingers caressing her cheek as he brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

  “No. Only my mate. Only you.”

  Julie’s eyes flew open. Mate? Had she heard him correctly?

  Gazing into his eyes, she knew she hadn’t imagined it.

  “Are you sure? Please be sure,” she continued before he could answer. “Because I love you so much. I wouldn’t survive it if you’re playing around or—”

  Brendan’s mouth crashed down on hers, cutting her off.

  This wasn’t a kiss of passion or love. It was a kiss about possession. Julie gripped his shoulders, unable to do anything but hold on. The fierceness thrilled her and terrified her in equal parts.

  Mate. She’d never dared to dream. But this kiss … this kiss embodied everything she’d sat up at night longing for.

  Heat and love mingled together, bringing utter contentment with them. Her heart swelled and Brendan, already so much a part of it, flooded every inch. Years of loving him from afar hadn’t prepared her for this all-consuming joy.

  They were both panting when he released her. He swung her into his arms and carried her to the bedroom, sitting against the headboard with her on his lap.

  “I love you more than words can express, and I am going to take care of you the rest of our lives.” His lips brushed against hers. The gentle caress was such an extreme contrast to the last kiss, it made her breath hitch. He adjusted their positions so he sat behind her, surrounding her with his body.

  The rest of their lives. It sounded wonderful. Permanent.

  To feel like this—knowing she was loved, cherished—filled her with pleasure she couldn’t begin to describe. Without a doubt, she was the luckiest woman alive.

  “You’re perfect for me.” The breath of his words caressed the skin behind her ear, causing her to gasp in surprised delight. He froze. At least she thought he had, until his lips touched the spot again. His curled lips tickled against her skin.

  “Hmm, I think I found a secret pleasure spot.” Her body arched, thrusting her breasts upward as his lips stroked the sensitive area with every word. His chuckle rumbled from his chest.

  The sharp scrape of his teeth caused her to shiver. His arms tightened around her, reassuring her she was safe. She breathed deeply, inhaling his scent—sweat and man. It was more enticing than any high-priced cologne.

  Instinct took over as he nibbled a trail lower, reaching the juncture of her neck. As if a dam had broken inside her, she pulled away long enough to remove her shirt. Then she attacked, her lips taking his, trying to fuel his desire until he was consumed along with her. She ripped at his shirt, desperate to see his bare chest.

  A button hit her arm, flying off his shirt as she yanked too hard. She barely felt it. All she felt was need. Need to have Brendan inside her, filling her as only he ever would.

  “Slow down.” He caught her hands as they ripped at the last pesky buttons. “We have forever ahead of us—”

  “No. Now. I need you right now.” She shrugged out of her bra and threw it across the room. She rubbed against him, eager to feel his skin against hers.

  She shoved him onto his back, her focus captured by Brendan’s erection. As she stared, a drop of liquid seeped out.

  Unable to resist, she leaned down and took him into her mouth, closing her eyes as the salty taste hit her tongue.

  She wanted to continue. To bring him the same devastating pleasure with her mouth that he had done earlier for her, but her body protested. Her own needs soared to the surface.

  Unable to wait anymore, Julie rose, lining Brendan with her opening. As she sank on top of him, she braced her hands against his chest.

  Bliss filled her as she moved against him. A sense of rightness, of belonging, surrounded her, bringing deeper pleasure with it.

  Her breath caught as she fell into a speedy rhythm. His hands shifted her body, and she cried out in surprised pleasure as she felt him penetrate deeper.

  One hand reached up and pinched her nipple. It was the last sensation she needed to send her flying over the edge into ecstasy.

  On some level she was aware of him rolling her, lifting her legs. Of his furious thrusts as he groaned out his own pleasure, but her mind still grappled with the intensity of her release.

  She lay there, cuddling against him, waiting for her wits to return. She felt as though she would have flown away if not for his body surrounding her, grounding her.

  She placed her lips against his shoulder, content to remain as they were for the rest of the night.

  Lost in her thoughts, she became aware of a strange wetness against her leg. For a moment she couldn’t breathe as memories collided around her, shattering her calm.

  They hadn’t used a condom.

  The feel of him inside her, unsheathed, was wonderful. But the potential consequences overshadowed her joy.

  She wasn’t on the pill. Had stopped taking contraceptives after breaking up with her last boyfriend. There had been no need since she’d planned to remain single.

  Brendan claimed she was his mate, but what if he didn’t want children? Would he change his mind? Could he? Please let her not have ruined things already.

  Having grown up in a family of wolves, she knew some details about mates. They weren’t “official” until he bit her, injecting her with an enzyme to mark her as his. It wouldn’t turn her, nothing would. But even though there was no outward change, she knew she remained unmarked.

  She’d heard whispered conversations about the incredible pleasure of mating. How mates were connected in a way not visible to others, but that was felt as clearly as if they were tied together. By not marking her, did he have the option to choose someone else? Apprehension and worry warred inside her, forming a ball in the pit of her stomach.

  His weight lifted, and he gazed down at her, his confusion evident.

  “What’s wrong?” The desire to snuggle into the hand caressing her cheek and ignore reality pulled at her, but she knew she had to face this. It would be easier to face rejection sooner if he decided to turn away. She braced herself.

  “No condom.” No other words were needed. His eyes widened as he realized what she had moments before. He glanced between their bodies as if to double check, but she knew as well as he did they’d forgotten in their haste.

  He sat up, pulling her with him until she straddled his hips.

  “Is there a reason you’re so panicked about it?”

  Whatever response she’d expected, that wasn’t it. She tried to formulate a proper reply, but all that came out was,

  “I’m not on the pill.”

  “And…” His eyes narrowed.

  “We haven’t discussed whether or not
you want children.”

  Silence. His gaze locked on her face until she looked away and bit her lip in discomfort. Here it comes, she thought, steeling her heart. Whatever happened, she had to stay calm.

  She would not break down in front of him. That could wait until she got home.

  “I assumed we’d wait a while, but whatever happens, we’ll deal with it. And don’t think I can’t see you preparing for, I don’t know … rejection, or scorn. Don’t you understand what it means when I say you’re my mate? It means we’re a team now. No matter what life throws at you or me, we’re in this together. You never have to face anything alone ever again.”

  She held his words to her heart, letting them warm her.

  Was it any wonder she loved the man? But there were other worries she needed to address, things he probably hadn’t considered. Things she’d worried about since she’d been young.

  He needed to know what he might be resigning himself to.

  She loved him too much to trick him.

  “What if—” Her voice broke, and she took a calming breath, forcing herself to continue. “What if I can’t have shifter children?”

  “Why wouldn’t you be able to?”

  “I’m one of the only shifter-born full humans, ever. What if there’s something in my makeup preventing it? Some kind of

  … shifter gene suppressor. I might pass it on to my children.

  They might all be human like me.” She whispered the last, knowing she had to get it out but terrified of his reaction.

  “I’d love every single one of them as much as I love you.

  Human or wolf, they’ll all be precious, because they’re a part of our love.” She read the sincerity in his eyes and almost broke down. How had she gotten so lucky?

  “Now can we stop all this nonsense, and go take a shower?” he suggested. “I’ll let you wash my back.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

  She smiled, staring into his hopeful face. She should’ve known Brendan would say the right thing to ease her fears.

  Her giggles filled the room as he pulled her to her feet and chased her into the bathroom.