I inched toward her, anticipating the taste of her fucking lips.
I stopped myself with a second to spare. I reached into my pocket and got the keys. I broke away from Willow and put the keys into her hand.
As I walked out of the restaurant, I felt everyone still staring at me.
Fuck them.
Outside, I lit up a smoke and looked up to the sky.
Of course it wasn’t dark enough to see stars. But they were up there. They never went away. There were just times when we couldn’t see them.
Reminded me of other things.
I sucked hard on the smoke and flicked it to the ground. I stomped on it like the memories I wish I could crush forever.
I exhaled and walked into my own cloud of smoke.
The smoke danced around me, and I swore I could hear it talking.
… what the fuck did you do?! What the fuck did you fucking do?! Ohmygod, are you fucking kidding me?! What the fuck… did… you fucking do… to yourself…
“Travis?”
I turned and felt my eyes go super wide.
It was Willow.
I stared down at her. My head was mushy. The sidewalk was moving, even though I wasn’t. I had never really got drunk off beer before. I forgot how heavy it made me feel.
“It’s okay,” Willow said. She touched my arm. “I’m here for you, Travis. Whatever you need.”
I stepped toward her and put my arm around her and hugged her.
I didn’t want her to see me be as vulnerable as I felt.
21
A Sexy Joke of a Hat
WILLOW
I deserved a damn trophy after dragging Travis’s drunk ass to the SUV and getting him inside. Then I had to find a hotel, which wasn’t that hard. There was one twenty minutes away. I called, and they had rooms available. I booked a room and drove there. I managed to get my bag and Travis’s bag, then I had to drag him to the front of the hotel. He pounded those massive draft beers, so it was no surprise that he was feeling the way he did.
Not that I could blame him.
Not after what he told me about his mother.
At the check-in desk, I gave the young woman my credit card and kept a close eye on Travis as he walked toward the breakfast area.
After I got checked in and got the room key, I went for Travis.
“Come on, idiot,” I said to him as I grabbed his shirt and pulled.
He looked at me and smiled. “You’re fucking beautiful, Willow. You know that? The way you act. The way you talk. Everything you do. I could stare at you for the rest of my life and never have a bad day again.”
I froze in place and slowly let my grip on him go.
It reminded me too much of what happened last time. Getting my hopes up and getting my heart crushed. Even if we were too young at that time.
“We need to get to the elevator,” I said. “And take your bag.”
I swung it off my shoulder and threw it at his chest.
He caught it and laughed. “Oh, shit. She’s pissed at me. You wanted me to open up a little.”
“Not like this, Travis,” I said. “I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake right now with you.”
I walked away from him, my heart racing. The teenage version of myself was inside my heart, eyes wide, drawing hearts with my name and Travis’s name in the middle. But the adult version knew better.
I punched the up arrow and the elevator dinged and the doors opened.
I stepped inside and turned, hitting the number four.
Travis stood outside the elevator. “Tell me I’m wrong.”
“Doors are going to shut,” I said.
“Fine.”
“You don’t know what room we’re in.”
“I’ll sleep down here.”
The doors started to shut. “Travis…”
“Sweet dreams, bunny,” he said.
He didn’t know the room number. And if he started wandering around half-drunk…
I jumped forward and got my hand between the doors at the last second.
They opened back up.
Travis laughed again.
He stepped forward and came right at me. He threw his bag to the floor as the doors started to shut again. His hands touched my hips and he drove me back against the back of the elevator. I had a fear of elevators. I feared any movement would snap the cable and I’d fall to my death.
I started to shake as Travis pinned me.
“You don’t know what’s real and what’s fake? Anything I say or do is real. I’m not fucking dead drunk, Willow. I’m numbing the young heart that still hides inside of me, waiting for the rain to stop. But that version drowned years ago in the flood. So, don’t talk to me about real and fake. Not when you’re hiding so much from me.”
“And here I thought you were going to kiss me or something,” I said.
The elevator came to a jumpy stop and the doors opened.
Travis didn’t say a word. He stepped off and started to go the wrong way. I had to chase him down and take him in the right direction.
The second I opened the hotel door, I realized I’d messed up.
I never asked about the bed situation.
Travis walked to the large single bed and looked right at me.
It wasn’t that big of a deal. We had shared a bed before.
That was supposed to be one night, Willow. One night to let it all out. Get it out of your system. Finally have that fantasy and move on.
Except I wasn’t ready to move on from Travis.
Especially not when he grabbed the bottom of his shirt and tore it off, exposing his beautifully muscled, cut body. He climbed on the bed and kicked off his shoes, collapsing right down to the pillows.
I sighed with relief and maybe some annoyance. I’d totally take on drunk Travis. We were alone in a hotel with nobody we knew and no care in the world, because by morning, we’d be back on the road driving.
Instead, his eyes shut, and I put our bags against the wall. I went into the bathroom and it was super small and crammed. I didn’t even feel like showering. I was hoping for a big bathtub to relax in.
So, I got changed into something more comfortable and settled for TV.
I slipped under the covers and wrestled to get some more because Travis was on top of them.
I flicked through the channels, not knowing what channel was what.
“Sorry about that,” Travis’s voice said.
“What?”
He lifted his head and opened his eyes. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to get a little out of hand.”
“You did fine,” I said. I patted his back. “You didn’t punch anyone. And we’re safe in a hotel room.”
“Willow, it fucked me up,” Travis said.
“The beer? I thought you were tougher than beer.”
“Be quiet,” he said. “I’m not talking about fucking beer. I’m good. Just a little off balance. I’m talking about what we were talking about.”
“Your mother?”
“What she did right before… you know…”
“Oh,” I said. “The pregnancy thing?”
“Yeah. I let it get to me. I had this vision of us as a family. That the baby would be the thing to fix it all. That we’d all grow closer together because of this new life. I lied to myself that it didn’t bother me when she said she’d lost the baby and took off. It fucking hurt badly. And I was distracted. I looked away long enough that…”
“It’s okay,” I said. I dropped the remote and sank down to the bed and turned to face Travis. I touched his face. “You can be upset, Travis. About everything. Nobody will judge you.”
“Fuck nobody,” he said with a smile. “I hate nobody.”
“You hate everybody, Travis,” I said.
“And everybody is nobody to me.”
“Ah, here comes the drunk rockstar, huh? You going to write some lyrics now? Want to break out the guitar?”
“I’m telling you I’m in pain and you’re making fun of m
e.”
“Only because I care,” I whispered.
Travis blinked and our eyes locked.
I caught myself starting to slide across the pillow toward him. It was more out of need than want, which was scary.
My lips gently touched his when he pulled back. “I warned you, bunny.”
“This isn’t love,” I whispered.
I curled my fingers into his face, digging at him.
He grinned. “That’s the problem with you, Willow.”
“What?”
“You won’t lie to anyone but yourself. That’s only going to get you into trouble.”
“That’s my problem, not yours,” I said.
Travis inched toward me and stole a quick kiss. “You coming on this trip with me was a bad idea.”
He shut his eyes and put his head back down to the bed.
My hand eased down to his back and I stared at him as he slept.
My heart and body were on fire.
I swallowed hard.
I nodded.
“Yeah, you’re right, Travis… this was a bad idea…”
I was up long before Travis. I went down to the breakfast area and loaded up two plates with food. There was a family of four there with two young kids - a boy and a girl - running wild through the breakfast place. Their parents looked tired, probably traveling on vacation or something, as they sat there, sipping coffee, each taking turns trying to wrangle the kids.
It made me smile.
Somewhere in my heart, I thought my life would be something similar by now. I did everything right. I did good in school. I worked. I saved. I paid my way through college and nursing school. I got a good job, saved some more, and then…
I looked down at the tray of food and coffee and I sighed.
I was on the road, on the run, with Travis.
And I really had no clue what was going to happen next. This wasn’t like me. But this was a chance to be near him, no matter what.
Back in the hotel room, I found the bed empty. There was a split second of pure terror when I thought he’d taken off on me. He’d taken the keys to the SUV and was gone for good.
Travis was outside on the balcony. Standing there, shirtless, smoking. The smoking thing was a double-edged sword for me. I had seen what happens to people after decades of smoking and I didn’t want the same fate for someone I cared about. Then again, I couldn’t imagine not seeing Travis smoke. Or smelling that lingering stench on his clothes and in the air in his bedroom and around him.
I stood there holding the tray of food and coffee, eye humping him as though I hadn’t seen him before. Or better yet, as though I hadn’t tasted his skin… or felt him inside me…
Travis turned his head and gave a nod.
I lifted the tray of food a little.
He waved for me to go outside.
He opened the door for me and I stepped out onto the balcony. It was about the same size as the balcony at his apartment. Except the railing here was nice and secure. There wasn’t much to look at from the balcony. Just a bunch of trees, and beyond that, I could hear the faint rumble of the busy highway.
“Was wondering where you were,” Travis said. “Thought you’d left me.”
“I thought the same about you,” I said as I started to make a cup of coffee.
More sugar than cream, almost turning it into a warm and gooey syrup.
I hugged the plastic to-go cup with both hands and took a deep breath to smell the sweetness of the coffee.
“You know, it’s been a long time since a woman’s made me breakfast,” Travis said with a cocky grin.
He took a drag on his smoke and looked terribly cool as he gently exhaled. The morning breeze ripped the smoke away from us, so I was spared the tangy smell.
“I didn’t make a thing,” I said. “I just carried it up here.”
“Still. That counts. Thanks for the breakfast.”
“Yeah, sure.” I shook my head. “So, a woman sleeps with you and you just kick her out the next morning, right? But I make sure you get into a comfortable bed before you make a total ass of yourself, and I’m the one making breakfast the next morning?”
Travis stared at me. Defiant eyes. Angry eyes. Maybe I had touched a nerve.
I kept cool and sipped my coffee, doing my best not to show any emotion.
He reached down and peeled the lid off his orange juice and quickly dropped his smoke into it. It sizzled and floated on top, ruining the drink.
He stepped toward me and reached out, touching my face.
“Thanks for the breakfast, bunny. Sorry I didn’t fuck you last night. Didn’t realize that was on our list during this little adventure of ours. But now I’ve noted it. Which means I have even more incentive to get lost, take my time, and draw this trip out for days and days…” Travis inched his way down, bending his knees until he was eye level with me. “And days…”
He came forward.
I smelled sleep and smoke on his breath. He gently kissed me and stood right back up.
I felt the coffee cup starting to slide out of my hands. I hurried to grip it tightly, so I didn’t make a mess.
His chest was so beautifully wide, built hard, tattoos that told stories I hoped to someday hear.
“You’re fucking adorable in the morning, Willow,” Travis said. “Glad I’m able to see this side of you.”
“What side is that?”
“The way you do your coffee,” he said. “Your messy bed head. Your clothes. The smell of your breath. The taste of your lips. The smell of the sheets on your skin.”
I took a shuddering breath.
“Wait. You’ve seen me in the morning before, Travis. Don’t try this flirty stuff with me right now.”
“Oh, I’m not flirting, bunny. And, yeah, I’ve seen you in the morning before. But not like this. This is you being normal. Comfortable. Which proves to me that you need this adventure as much as I do.”
Travis’s thumb stroked my cheek again.
He leaned forward and planted a kiss to the top of my head.
For a quick second I smelled his skin. Sweat, soap, smoke, sleep, everything attacking my nose at once, sending a straight line of chills down my body. Not even trying to get to my brain to convince me this was a bad idea. Skipping by my heart, because face it, it was already racing and that had nothing to do with the coffee. The tingling attack went right down between my thighs where I shivered.
“We should hit the road soon,” Travis said as he moved toward the balcony door. “See where this adventure takes us today.”
I bit my lip as he went into the hotel room.
I turned to face the railing and promised myself I would calm down.
That’s when I realized that Travis was right.
I was lying to myself.
It looked like the kind of gas station where they’d have no gas, no food, no electricity, but the guy behind the counter would draw you a map to someone who did have all of the above, only to have you go missing.
Too many scary movies, Willow?
Maybe.
It didn’t bother Travis though. He opened the door to the old gas station and waved me inside.
It was kind of my fault.
I had to go and pee.
And I was getting hungry. Our lunch consisted of shooting through a fast food drive-thru, which really wasn’t a good meal. The goal now was to stock up on some snacks and keep driving south until we found somewhere to eat, drink, and sleep for the night. We could have easily busted our butts and gotten back to Travis’s place later tonight, or very early tomorrow morning, but neither of us were in a hurry. We played a game where I would point to a random road and he’d turn down it. We turned off the GPS on my phone and did what we could to get lost.
We drove through neighborhoods, looking at houses, cars, trying to figure out who lived in what house, if they were happy, how many kids they had, and who was secretly having an affair with the neighbor. For a good two hours straight, I saw a differen
t Travis. The kind of Travis who told goofy stories, laughed at his own jokes, and who went on a tirade about developments where the same house was built fifty times and people bought the houses in a hurry.
We ended up on a long stretch of road that was winding, sometimes bumpy, and nothing but land. There were a few stray barns that looked like they were one rough thunderstorm away from falling. There were dips in the road that made me lose my belly. I made the mistake one time of letting out a oooh sound over one and Travis then took it as his new personal obsession to make me have that same sensation again and again.
What he didn’t know was that I lost my belly every time I looked at him.
I ended up with my hands pressed to the roof of the SUV as he sped up to go over a bump. We’d dip down, I’d scream, get that sensation in my stomach like the first drop of a roller coaster, and he’d burst into laughter.
That came to a sudden halt when a cop pulled us over.
I was terrified, but Travis wasn’t. He told the short and round officer exactly what we were doing. That we were a little lost but not worried about it. That we were just enjoying the open road.
And that’s when I realized I had to use the bathroom.
“This place is creeping me out,” I whispered as I entered the gas station.
“You’re the one who can’t control herself,” he said.
“Yeah, yeah. For the record, you’re buying snacks.”
“I’m the one who got pulled over,” he said.
“You didn’t get a ticket. You flirted with the cop to get out of it.”
“Seriously? That guy looked way more interested in you.”
“Maybe I flashed him when you weren’t looking,” I teased. “Or maybe I nibbled on my finger… just to play with him…”
“Stop,” Travis said, his nostrils flaring.
I smirked, sensing the jealousy coming off him.
“Make sure you get lots of barbecue chips,” I said.
“Lots of salt and vinegar,” Travis said.
“You do that, and I’ll walk.”
“You don’t know where you are, bunny.”
“I have my phone,” I said.
“Right.”
The gas station was deceivingly cool. The outside was rundown, but the inside was half a gas station and the other half some kind of touristy shop. There were mugs, hats, keychains, all kinds of dumb knick-knacks, along with road trip supplies like blankets, socks, a pile of sleeping masks, earbuds, off brand MP3 players that were so cheap that you knew they didn’t really work. A mix of junk that would make any kid in the world go crazy.
What You Don't Know (True Hearts Book 6) Page 20
