GRAINE
What did you say?
OSCAR
I said that I know murder is wrong.
GRAINE
And is that true? Do you understand that murder is wrong?
OSCAR
Oh, sure.
GRAINE
Oscar, you understand that murder, killing another person, is wrong?
OSCAR
Of course. I don’t live in a cave. But ask yourself this: what does wrong mean?
ADAM
Okay, Oscar, so let’s leave this whole right and wrong thing for your psychiatrists to figure out. Now—
OSCAR
I’m not insane. Well, maybe I am. But no more so than any of you.
ADAM
Oscar, I’m not insane. Though I’m beginning to feel as if that might be a relief.
GRAINE
Let’s skip that for now. We’re not qualified to judge that, okay?
OSCAR
Dr. Hudson, he says I’m not crazy. So, you’ve got a problem, don’t you, Mr. Crawford? You need to find someone who says that I am. Preferably someone who sounds more credible than Dr. Hudson, right?
ADAM
Uh…that’s pretty much what it boils down to, but for now—
OSCAR
I’ll save you the trouble. I’m not insane. Dr. Hudson, in his own backwards way, understands that. But it’s not on the tape.
ADAM
Why don’t you tell us about it, then.
GRAINE
Oscar, how do you know Dr. Hudson thinks you’re sane?
OSCAR
He offered me a nacho chip.
ADAM
I quit.
GRAINE
Go on, Oscar. Explain.
OSCAR
He didn’t know me. He’d just met me. He didn’t offer it to me out of friendship. In fact, he had every reason to hate me. I wasn’t offering to pay him for it. I had nothing to offer in trade. From my point of view, this was a completely arbitrary act on his part. No cause apparent that would produce this effect, this action of offering me a chip.
GRAINE
But he must have had a reason for doing it.
OSCAR
Of course he did. Even he may not know exactly what it is, but the impulse to do it came from somewhere. Just like my reasons for doing what I did came from somewhere. You won’t understand them, or agree with my response, but I had reasons.
ADAM
Oscar! Maybe he was just being polite!
OSCAR
She understands, don’t you, Graine?
GRAINE
Ms. Goodwin, please. Yes, Oscar. I understand what you mean. It’s like a little parable. But there is a huge difference between hidden variables that prompt someone to offer a snack food and those that make a person kill another person.
OSCAR
No there isn’t. Size is relative.
GRAINE
Oscar—let’s start over. What were you doing in the bathroom the day you killed Daniel Leyland?
OSCAR
Washing my hands.
GRAINE
Were you waiting for someone in particular? Had you planned to kill someone that day?
OSCAR
What do you think happens when you die?
GRAINE
Let’s not talk about that now. We’re here to protect you from that, okay? I want you to tell us what happened.
OSCAR
He had to go to the bathroom.
ADAM
What happened after Daniel Leyland entered the restroom, Oscar?
OSCAR is silent
GRAINE
Then what happened?
OSCAR
He went into a stall and closed the door. I guess he was a shy kid. I was washing my hands. I heard him peeing.
GRAINE
Don’t talk about what he was like. Just refer to him by name.
OSCAR
Okay.
GRAINE
What happened after Daniel came out of the bathroom stall?
OSCAR
He came over to the sink to wash his hands. He didn’t use any soap. Just rinsed them off.
To GRAINE.
ADAM
Is that relevant?
GRAINE
No. Oscar, just stick to the story you told the police in your confession.
OSCAR
Alright.
GRAINE
What did you do then?
OSCAR
I said hello to him.
GRAINE
What did he do?
OSCAR
He said hello.
ADAM
Then?
GRAINE
Go on, Oscar.
OSCAR
I said: I like your baseball cap. The Braves are my favorite team, too.
GRAINE
Leave that out.
OSCAR
But you said to say it like I told it to the police.
GRAINE
I know, but we just want the facts of what happened. You’re ‘the accused’ and he’s ‘the victim.’ We don’t want the jury picturing a real person.
OSCAR
He was a real person.
GRAINE
Just keep to the relevant stuff from now on.
OSCAR
I have to tell it the way I remember it.
ADAM
Fine. Just tell it then. What did you do next?
OSCAR
I asked him if I could see his hat. And he said something like, ‘you see with your eyes, not your hands.’ And I said, yes, that was true and what I should have said was: can I hold your hat for a second. And he asked me why, so I said I wanted to feel if it was real canvass, like you get at the ballpark, or the cheap blend stuff you get on the website. And he gave the hat to me. And it was real canvass. It felt rough and stiff. He must have just gotten it.
GRAINE
What then?
OSCAR
I thought about how the hat was so rough and his skin seemed so smooth. I looked at his neck. He had this real little neck, and this big head, like Charlie Brown. I told him that his hat was the real thing and handed it back to him. He put the hat back on and smiled at me and said ‘cool.’ Cool. Like everything he ever needed in the world was in that hat. That hat was his love of playing ball and love for his parents who bought it for him and a symbol of his innocence and fun to touch and wear and it kept the sun out of his eyes and in that moment, it was all he needed. Cool. His world was perfect in that moment. And I knew nothing in his life would ever be as perfect as that hat was for him right then.
There is silence as they wait for OSCAR to continue.
OSCAR
Then I took the razor out of my pocket and opened it up. I moved behind him and I put my left hand on his shoulder, and with my right hand, I pulled the blade across his throat. Just like playing a violin. He didn’t make and noise. He just fell down. And his hat fell off.
ADAM is now looking out the window. THRINH looks down at the floor. GRAINE is the only one who can still look at OSCAR.
GRAINE
Why did you do that, Oscar?
OSCAR looks at GRAINE and smiles, but says nothing. OSCAR turns to look THRINH in the eye.
OSCAR
I did it on purpose.
GRAINE
Oscar? Were you in any way chemically incapacitated when you killed Daniel Leyland?
OSCAR
You mean, was I high?
ADAM
Yes.
OSCAR
No.
GRAINE
Did someone give you money in exchange for killing Daniel?
OSCAR
No.
GRAINE
Did Daniel attack you in any way? Did you feel he was a threat to you?
OSCAR
No.
GRAINE
Were you involved in some sort of cult or gang initiation?
OSCAR
No.
GRAINE
/>
So, the boy was evil? He wanted to implant transmitters in your brain? Or the Vulcans told you to do it?
OSCAR
No. Nothing like that. I told you, I’m not crazy.
GRAINE
How do you know? You’re not a medical professional.
OSCAR
And I’m not a priest, either, but then neither are the other five billion people on the planet who believe in an invisible being in the sky telling them what’s right and what’s not. But I—have you ever been to that truck stop on Route 45?
GRAINE
Where?
ADAM
Graine, that’s the one with the big arrow pointing at the roof. They have the Road Master breakfast special. My kids love it. We go there every Sunday. Hold it. (to Oscar) You’ve been there? When were you there?
OSCAR
Two Sundays ago.
ADAM
We were there. I took my daughter.
OSCAR
Oh, the girl with the pink dress? She was cute.
ADAM moves aggressively toward OSCAR, but GRAINE is able to restrain him.
ADAM
You little bastard.
OSCAR
Mr. Crawford, do you remember anything else about that day?
ADAM
Don’t speak to me right now.
GRAINE
What happened, Oscar?
OSCAR
There was a man. In a truck. He pulled into the parking lot real fast. He got out with the engine running and ran into the diner. Remember, Mr. Crawford?
ADAM turns around.
ADAM
He started screaming at the cashier to call an ambulance and then just ran out. Someone called 911 and a bunch of us followed him out. He was running around the parking lot, screaming and screaming. He’d hit a woman on the highway with his truck. Someone finally got him to explain—he’d hit her and lifted the body into the back of his pickup. I started to walk around the side of the truck, the driver was yelling how he was doing seventy and she’d just jumped out into the road. I knew she was dead. But I had to make sure…just in case. I came around to the back of the truck, closed my eyes, and took a breath…then I looked at her. Sitting up on the back of the truck, legs hanging over the side, swinging her feet. Not a scratch on her.
GRAINE
What did the truck driver say?
ADAM
Nothing. He was in shock.
GRAINE
Jesus. Thank God she was okay.
To OSCAR
ADAM
You were there. In the parking lot. Weren’t you?
OSCAR nods shyly.
OSCAR
Are you familiar with Okham’s Razor, Ms. Goodwin? It applies to miracles, too. You can create all kinds of convoluted explanations to account for an event, but at a certain point, the probability of any of those actually occurring reaches the miraculous. So, if something looks like a miracle, it probably is. The simplest explanation.
GRAINE
What is the simplest explanation for why you killed Daniel Leyland, Oscar?
OSCAR
Just between you and me?
OSCAR rises and leans in toward GRAINE, as if to whisper in her ear. She jerks back to avoid him. He looks wounded by her reaction.
A confession is supposed to be private.
OSCAR looks pointedly at ADAM. GRAINE nods to ADAM.
GRAINE
It’s all right.
ADAM
Graine, I can’t leave you alone with—
GRAINE
I said: it’s all right.
ADAM
We’ll be right outside.
ADAM and THRINH exit.
OSCAR
You don’t have to be afraid of me.
GRAINE
I’m not.
OSCAR
Yes, you are. But not for the reason you think. You know I won’t hurt you.
GRAINE
You hurt Daniel.
OSCAR
He’s okay. He was a good kid.
GRAINE
He’s dead, Oscar! Do you understand that? He’s gone.
OSCAR
Death isn’t the end of it. But He’ll be nice to Daniel.
GRAINE
Who will?
OSCAR
You know.
GRAINE
Is that why you did it? So that Daniel would be with God?
OSCAR
Hell no. Look. Your father believed that a person could hear the voice of God. Directly, not like that Father Stone with his ‘in the songs of my congregation’ crap. Your father knew that if you listened hard enough and long enough, you could hear God talking to you. Guiding you. And he also had reason to resent God, didn’t he Graine? He knew that God could be tricky and mean.
GRAINE
What do you know about my father?
OSCAR
And the voice which I heard from heaven spake unto me again and said, go take the little book which is open in the hand of the angel. And the angel said unto me, take it and eat it up. And it shall make thy belly bitter…but it shall be in thy mouth as sweet as honey.
GRAINE
What?
OSCAR
You learned that the week before your mother died. You wanted to say it at her funeral, but your father said it wasn’t appropriate. So, you stood there next to the open grave as they lowered your mother down. The wind was cold on the back of your knees in the space between your skirt and your socks. You were chewing on a lock of hair that had fallen out of the braid your father put in that morning. The air smelled like earth, and you could taste the cornflakes you’d eaten for breakfast. Your father was saying ‘ashes to ashes and dust to dust,’ but in your head, you were reciting the other passage. The one you’d wanted to say. Sweet as honey sweet as honey sweet as honey.
There is a long, quiet moment.
Sweet as honey. That’s what He says. But it’s not true. It’s all a lie, Grainey, it’s all a lie. But it’s not my fault. It wasn’t my idea!
GRAINE
What are you saying? That God told you to kill Daniel Leyland?
OSCAR
He’s mean and vengeful. He hurts people all the time for no reason.
GRAINE
You heard God tell you to kill Daniel? This is crazy.
OSCAR
No, it’s not! You know. God tells people to do things all the time. Take a wife. Get out of Egypt.
GRAINE
In the Bible, yeah, but—
OSCAR
If you believe it happened then, why not now? Can you prove I didn’t hear Him?
GRAINE
No, Oscar, I can’t. But why would—
OSCAR
How the hell should I know! That’s what I’m trying to tell you—I don’t know! Because He wanted it. Maybe He likes to see us suffer. Maybe He’s just a sadistic motherfucker!
GRAINE
Okay…okay. Maybe…we can claim there are mitigating circumstances here.
OSCAR
He’s the one you should be putting on trial! Not just for Daniel. For your father. For everyone.
GRAINE
Or coercion. Did…God…threaten you?
OSCAR
Prove once and for all that He’s cruel and selfish—that He doesn’t care about us. Then we can just all go on with our lives.
GRAINE
Oscar, I’m a defense lawyer. It’s my job to defend you, not prosecute God. Religion has to stay out of a court of law.
OSCAR
It’s not religion. Or, if so, it’s all of them. Any of them. What about those people? The ones who don’t take their kids to a doctor and then let them die because they believe God will heal them.
GRAINE
They are usually convicted of child endangerment.
OSCAR
But what if they aren’t guilty? What if it’s really God’s fault? They believe in Him and he lets their kids die. So, He’s the one you should put on trial!
>
GRAINE
Justification. That’s what the defense argues in those cases. That the defendants’ beliefs justify their actions. Their only crime was putting their faith in God.
OSCAR
Has anyone ever been acquitted that way?
GRAINE gives OSCAR a sly smile.
GRAINE
Not yet. Adam!
ADAM and THRINH come back in.
GRAINE
Thrinh, tell the sheriff Oscar is ready to go back to the jailhouse now.
The Neophyte_a play in three acts Page 7
