I pulled her closer, and I lost all self-control when she opened up to my kiss. My hands explored, untying her top and finding her breasts. I was touching her everywhere, leaving a trail of goosebumps in my wake. She seemed to enjoy it as my lips moved down, tasting her jawline, her neck. My heart pounded, sending a rush of blood to where it would make my craving even more evident. I was working my way further down her body, savoring everything as I went, driving my need for her even higher. She straddled me and started moving sensually. Oh God, my Lainie. I’d waited so long for this. No one else had ever come close to making me feel this way.
My body pulsed to the rhythm of our movement as I brought my mouth down, teasing her breast with my tongue before sucking her nipple deep into my mouth. Our bodies were in sync as my hands roamed, finding her hips as they started to move, seeking release. I just wanted to bury myself inside her and make everything else fall away. All of a sudden she tensed when my hands started moving down her legs… and then she was gone… just like that. It felt like I was going to explode. She said she was sorry that she couldn’t do this and then jumped into the pool.
I sat there for a while catching my breath and giving my heart, and other body parts, a chance to settle down. God, what she did to me. She was swimming laps, trying to escape her demons. I wanted to scream in frustration for everything she has had to and was still dealing with.
When I got out of the hot tub, I headed into the house for a drink. Opening the freezer, I saw a lone pack of smokes and my hands itched for the feel of one between my fingers and the rush of nicotine. I pulled it out and opened it. While fixing dinner, I’d noticed a lighter in the drawer so I got that too. With a drink in one hand and the smokes in the other, I headed back outside. Lainie was still swimming laps as if her life depended on it.
It had been five years since I smoked a cigarette, but it felt like yesterday. I let most of it burn away, only taking an occasional drag to help settle my nerves. It would be way too easy to pick this nasty habit up again with all the stress in my life right now. Lainie was watching me, but her silence remained.
When she finally got out of the pool, she turned away and walked toward the house. My chest tightened as I watched her limp away from me. The hatred I had for Keith rose every time I saw the sadness overtake her. The ice melted in my glass as my mind raced. What if? What if…
I followed Lainie into the house to talk, needing to find out why she had pulled away. She sat at the table with a bottle of water in front of her, the label peeled off and shredded.
“What happened, Lainie?” I selected a chair and sat down across the table from her. “Why did you pull away? I thought you wanted me that way too.”
She looked up at me, anguish on her face. It was hard to breathe. “I couldn’t let you go any further down my…” She stopped and looked down at the floor again.
“Why, Lainie? Is it because of your leg scars?”
“Every guy who has touched or even seen my scars turned away disgusted. I couldn’t deal with it if you looked at me that way.”
She stood up and started to walk away, making sure her left leg was hidden from view by the towel.
“Then they weren’t worth your time. You are so much more than the scars on your leg.”
As I waited for a response, I got up and took my glass to the sink, turning when I heard Lainie sob my name.
“Jax, I… can’t… Jax, I…”
I hurried to her and pulled her into my arms, kissing her temple, hoping I was conveying all the feelings running through me. “I’m not those other guys.” I pulled back and looked straight into those beautiful eyes. “I want to show you something, Lainie.” I pulled the towel from around my shoulders, letting her see the tattoo over my heart. “I had this done so I would always have you next to my heart.” She brought her hand up, tracing the L and the date directly below it. The date that changed both of our lives forever.
She stepped closer and kissed the tattoo, almost bringing me to my knees before she turned and limped away.
“Thank you, Jax. Goodnight.”
Chapter 9
Lainie
The next morning, I watched the house grow smaller in the side mirror, wondering if I made the right decision last night. Should I have gone to Jax? My heart told me yes, but I just didn’t want to do anything that would make it harder to say goodbye. This time, goodbye would have to be forever.
Once we were out on the highway, I started thinking about the questions Jax was sure to ask. How bad was my leg? Was there anything they could do to make it look better? I’d heard it all before. The scenery outside started to blur as I went back…
10 Years Ago
It had been a week since that night, and I had no idea what hospital I was in or what city for that matter. When I told Agent Johnson what I knew about Keith, I thought it would fix everything. The authorities would put him away immediately, and I would never have to worry about him again. Wrong. Agent Johnson said I had to stay hidden until they could find the evidence to back up what I told him. Keith wouldn’t be convicted on my testimony alone; they needed physical evidence.
I guess it didn’t really matter; I wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. There was another surgery scheduled for tomorrow to replace my knee. The operation to fix my ankle didn’t go as well as they had hoped, and now there was more metal in my ankle than bone. I really didn’t care. They put me on some really great pain meds, and I was lucky I could think at all. Even as loopy as I was most of the time, there was an ache in the empty place in my heart where Jax used to be.
When the door opened, I hoped it was an actual visitor and not another nurse coming to adjust my pillows or something. I saw the pity in their eyes when they looked at me—poor girl who never had any visitors and would probably never walk without crutches.
“Hi, Elaine. How are you feeling today?” asked Agent Johnson.
He set the bag he was carrying on the chair by the window. Pulling the other seat closer to the bed, he sat next to me.
“Okay, I guess. Any news on when this will be over?” I always hoped today was the day he would tell me they found everything they needed and I could go home to Jax.
“No, no change, but I do have some good news,” he said with a smile. “Your mom is doing much better, and they are moving her to a regular room—this room.”
I hugged him and cried. This was the first good news I’d had since that night a week ago.
“Thank you so much,” I said smiling through my tears.
Soon I heard the door open, and a nurse wheeled my Mom in and parked her wheelchair next to my bed. Another one fussed with her IV and made sure she was comfortable.
“Now you let us know when she gets tired so we can get her into bed.” I was extremely happy and all I could do was nod my head. I couldn’t seem to find my voice.
“I’ll let you two have some time alone.” Agent Johnson squeezed Mom’s shoulder and left the room, pulling the door closed behind him.
Mom grabbed my hand. “I’m so sorry, baby,” she said with a sniffle. “I had no idea.” I saw the tears in her eyes as she looked at the metal cage surrounding all the pins that were holding my ankle together. “I should have been stronger, maybe then your dad wouldn’t have left me.” She managed to get herself under control, and we talked for the first time in three years.
Mom blamed herself for everything that happened. I told her it was my fault, not hers. I’m the one who taunted Keith about what I had overheard. “I shouldn’t have hit him with the bat, either; it just pissed him off more. I was just tired of hiding.” I reached for the Kleenex on the table, now crying tears of anger. “I was so mad I forgot to be afraid. Being afraid kept me out of his way for two years, but it only took one fight with Jax to make me forget.”
“Tell me about Jax. You went out on a date with him?”
I saw that Mom was getting tired, so I tried to make it quick. “Jax is…” I searched for the right words to describe how he made me f
eel wanted and cherished. “He saw through the hair and the glasses and the baggy clothes, Mom. He saw me,” I said with a smile as I remembered how he could make me laugh. “He lets me see a side of him that I don’t think many people get to witness. He’s sweet and funny…” I started crying again. “He’s probably so worried about me. They wouldn’t even let me say goodbye.” I saw that Mom was tired, and I was exhausted so I pressed the call button.
“I’m sure you’ll get to see him soon, baby.”
Two of the nurses came in and got Mom settled into bed. After we had both been dosed with our nightly round of pain meds, they left us alone to get some sleep. Agent Johnson came back in and pulled something out of the bag he had carried in earlier.
“I brought you something to help pass the time.” He handed me a notebook and some pens. “I thought you could write to Jackson. I’ll see what I can do to make sure he gets your letters.”
“Thank you, Agent Johnson.” I smiled at him as I stifled a yawn. If I’d been alert, the idea of writing to him should have told me that this ordeal would take a long time to resolve. In the back of my medicated mind, I knew I’d never see him again, and it made me sadder than I’d ever been in my life.
“Get some sleep so you can start writing tomorrow. Goodnight, Elaine.”
I fell asleep hugging the notebook, writing letters to Jax in my dreams.
Jax
It’d been three weeks and still nothing from Lainie. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw the bat swinging over and over and hitting her. It made me physically sick. When I did sleep, I awoke in a cold sweat after reliving that night in my dreams.
I told my sister, Jordan, about Lainie. How she saw through my “act” and made me want to be better than “Jackson the jock.” At least I could still lose myself in basketball. It was the only thing that kept me sane. I avoided walking past the library whenever possible. If I had no choice, I looked in every time, praying that I would see her waiting for me in the back corner at our table.
She would be happy to know I was still studying every night, not wanting all her hard work to go to waste. I had decided I was actually going to do something with my life other than play basketball. What I really wanted was to go to the police academy and become a cop, but I promised Dad I would go to college so all the basketball would be good for something.
We won the state tournament two weeks ago, and I didn’t even care. The school went nuts treating us like heroes. They didn’t realize that the real heroes were the ones who risked their lives every day to keep people safe. Now that the basketball season was over, I needed something else to keep my mind occupied. Since I turned eighteen, I got a job at the police station answering phones and doing whatever they needed. Who would have thought that I would be happy answering phones? It wasn’t glamorous, but I was able to hang around and talk to the officers about what they do every day.
I signed up to play basketball in the summer league. That and restoring the Mustang with Dad, plus my job at the police station kept me busy until it was time to leave for college that next fall. Until then, I had to keep walking around this school trying not to think of Lainie.
Last week I went downtown and got a tattoo. It wasn’t a big one and most of the time it was hidden, but I knew it was there. Mom didn’t know yet; she’d have a cow if she saw it. I got an “L” and the date that Lainie was hurt tattooed on my chest just as a physical reminder of what I knew I could never forget.
Present Day
Lainie
Jax and I talked about what happened after that night, how we coped with the pain and the loss. When he told me he graduated from college summa cum laude, I was so impressed. I cried as he said it was all because of me. He was accepted to Harvard Law but decided he wanted to go to the police academy instead. That night changed him forever. He didn’t even think about going into the NBA. For him, basketball became a way to pay for college instead of being his whole life. Jax was at the top of his class at the police academy and was quick to work his way up the ranks, passing his detective exam after only three years on the force.
Much of my first year I spent in a rehabilitation hospital, alone. After Mom had gone into drug treatment, Matt told me that they could not find any proof that Keith was the head of the drug operation, so I had to stay hidden. As time went by and the FBI was able to collect the evidence to put him away, there were a couple of attempts on my life. So yet again, I couldn’t go home. Then when Matt told me he had not been able to give my letters to Jax, I was devastated and cried nonstop for two days.
He was so helpful in taking me through the process of erasing myself from existence. I had gone to court to change my name—becoming Elizabeth Parker. He destroyed all the records related to the name change so that Keith couldn’t use it to find me. Online classes helped me pass the time while I did my rehab, and they were instrumental in me finishing my degree at Stanford. I changed my mind about going to medical school, though. The therapist who helped me through my emotional trauma had impressed me so much that I decided I wanted to be a psychologist instead of an M.D.
As my thoughts brought me back to our present situation, Jax pulled off the highway. We had just crossed the state line into Washington. It was time for lunch, and we were almost to the cabin. We stopped at a little “mom and pop” store in a small town that I had never heard of and picked up supplies for a couple of weeks. Jax told me this was the closest town to the cabin and probably the last place where we would have reliable cell phone service, so I called Matt on one of the disposable phones to let him know we were okay and that we were almost to our destination. He gave me a new phone number to reach him at. Keith had been threatening Mom, so he was going to disappear with her until he thought it was safe to resurface. They were going to head west, coming to the cabin if they could get there without being noticed.
Jax started loading bags into the car so I said goodbye, hoping that Matt could keep Keith away from Mom. I told Jax about the conversation I had with him. We pulled out of town and headed into the wilderness, driving towards the place that would hopefully keep us safe.
The road got narrow with a lot of curves, so I didn’t want to distract Jax from his driving. We still hadn’t talked about my leg. I’d been putting it off, knowing how emotional it would make me when we did. Finally, we arrived at the cabin around two in the afternoon. It was small just like Jax had said, but it looked sturdy and well insulated. A cozy cabin in the middle of nowhere should be the perfect place to hide out for a while.
Jax made me sit and rest my knee after it started to swell again with all the trips back and forth unloading supplies and suitcases from the car. After changing into a pair of sweats, I made my way out onto the porch and watched the river while Jax finished putting everything away. It was beautiful, and so quiet compared to Indianapolis. I tried to figure out how to talk to Jax about my leg. With just the two of us out here in the woods, he’s had plenty of time to think of questions for me. I knew the inevitable ones about my leg would be at the top of his list.
Once everything was settled in the cabin, he sat next to me on the porch glider. “You’ve been avoiding talking about your leg, Lainie. It’s time you told me why you froze up and shut me out when I touched it.” He reached for my hand and felt it shaking. “It’s okay. Please tell me.”
I saw the sincerity in his eyes, how he thought he would be able to handle the sight of my leg. “I’ve dated a few guys over the last ten years, guys that seemed to be caring and understanding. It was really hard not being able to tell them about the real me.” I got up and stood at the railing, facing the river. “A couple of them wanted to take our relationship to the next level. The first one, Justin, was really sweet, and we went back to my apartment one night.” I straightened my shoulders. Just remembering what happened made me want to burst into tears. “We were on the couch and enjoying ourselves.” I cleared my throat and turned around to look at Jax. My face was turning red. “I’m sure I don’t
have to go into detail. Anyway, the lights were low, and he was touching me much like you did last night. I didn’t stop him, and his hand ran down my leg feeling all the scars.” A single tear ran down my cheek as I remembered what happened next.
“Suddenly, he stopped and said this was a mistake. I saw on his face how repulsed he was by what he felt. He made up some excuse about how he just remembered he needed to be somewhere.” I couldn’t stop the tears. “He got dressed and left. I never saw him again.”
I took in the anger on Jax’s face. “How could he do that? Selfish bastard.” He reached for my hand, but I pulled away, knowing if I let him hold me now I’d never tell him the rest.
“The next guy was Ethan, and I had shown him my scars before we got any closer. He left without saying a word and never came back.”
“Are you telling me what I think you’re telling me?” He looked at me with a strange expression on his face. “You’re still a virgin?”
I wished I had my long hair back to hide behind because the blush immediately rose and my face was hot to the touch. My voice had deserted me so I just nodded. Jax pulled me down onto his lap and held me close. I leaned against his chest and let the beating of his heart calm my soul. I felt something drop on the top of my head, so light I almost didn’t notice it. I looked up and saw tears running silently down his cheek.
Jax
It was difficult to control my emotions after hearing the hurt in Lainie’s voice. How could those guys treat her that way? They couldn’t see past the scars to the wonderful woman screaming for them to love her. I pulled Lainie into my lap so she wouldn’t see me cry, but that backfired when she noticed my tears in her hair. One bright spot, I will be the first one to show her what it means to have unconditional love.
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