“Yeah, you drive safe too, Sela,” Ryan said, unlocking the door to his shiny new Audi A8. “Assumin’ you make it home, that is.”
“Good night, Ry,” Aiden said between clenched teeth. “Thanks for all your help tonight.”
Lexi and Josh gave Sela a quick hug and said goodnight before climbing into their SUV and following Evan out of the driveway.
“Give me a call sometime, Sela,” Brianna said, climbing into her late model compact. “I’d love to get together for lunch when you have the time.”
“I’d like that, Bri. Take care.”
“Thanks for your help tonight, kid,” Aiden said.
“Hey, what’re sisters for?”
They watched her pull away, riding Ryan’s bumper, before Aiden finally turned toward Sela. “Since you were nice enough to bring the wine, the least I can do is offer you a glass.”
“Um, I really should get home. I still have a lot of unpacking to do.”
“That’s why my sister rallied the troops tonight, to help me get settled. She said she was getting tired of trippin’ over boxes when she came to visit.” He led her inside. “Truth is, I haven’t been all that motivated to get settled in.”
“I know what you mean. I just moved into a new place, and I can’t seem to get my act together. I didn’t bring a lot of stuff with me from the house, but still…” She licked her dry lips and his eyes followed the action. “I, uh, should get to it sooner or later.” She looked at the rooms she could see from the entrance. “The house looks great. You guys must have worked hard today.”
“Yeah, we got a lot done. There’s still some pizza left over in the kitchen. You want some?”
“Uh, no, that’s okay, thanks.”
He grinned. “It’s your favorite, meat lover’s.”
“That’s not fair.” She pouted, trying to hide her smile. “You know that’s my weakness.”
“I know all of your weaknesses. Just like you know mine.”
She knew he was trying to bait her, but she had to pretend his words missed their target if she had a prayer of leaving his home with her dignity intact. Part of her wanted to tell him she hadn’t stopped thinking about him since he walked out of her office, but she knew baring her soul to him was an exercise in futility. Nothing had changed, except for the ring on her left hand. She was still the same girl who’d broken his heart, a fact neither one of them seemed able to forget.
“My parents told me you stopped by.”
“I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, of course not. They were thrilled to see you again.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about your dad’s illness?” he asked quietly, leading her into the kitchen.
She knew this was the time for full disclosure. Besides, she had nothing left to lose. “At the time, I wanted you to stay focused on the game. If you’d known, you would have wasted time and energy worrying about me and my dad.”
“Why didn’t you tell me the other day in your office?”
She claimed a stool at the breakfast bar. “I don’t know. I guess I thought you had enough to deal with…”
He reached for a corkscrew in one of the drawers. “Did that figure into your decision to marry Neil?”
“He was so supportive when I told him.” It was difficult to relive that time, especially knowing how much it hurt Aiden, but he deserved to know the whole truth. “He let me cry on his shoulder.” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “I was so scared, watching my father waste away.”
Aiden grimaced. “God, I can’t even imagine what that must have been like for you.”
“Neil offered to help with the medical bills. My parents still don’t know that. He didn’t want them to know.”
“As much as I hate to admit it, Neil is a good guy.”
They shared a smile before Sela said, “Yeah, he is.”
Aiden reached into an overheard cabinet to retrieve two glasses, and Sela took advantage of the opportunity to ogle his very fine backside. Before he caught her, she said, “Danny tells me you’re looking good out there. Ever since you came back, he and Daddy have even started watching the exhibition games.”
“What about you? You’re not a hockey fan anymore?”
“I catch a game when I can.” She still loved the sport, but watching Aiden play had brought back too many painful memories of the hours she spent in the stands cheering his team to victory. She watched him open the bottle of wine, trying to ignore the flutter of excitement in her stomach when she remembered his rough hands brushing against her skin.
“Tell me about your new place,” he said, handing her a glass.
“There’s not much to tell. It’s small, but I spend most of my time at the office, so I don’t need anything bigger.”
“Does that mean the divorce is underway?” he asked, taking a plate from the cupboard.
She knew he was trying to act nonchalant, but she could still read the subtle signs that told her this was as difficult for him as it was for her. “It is. I’ve spoken to Neil a couple of times to iron out a few things. He seems to be settling in nicely in L.A.”
“I know. I’ve spoken to him too.”
She couldn’t hide her shock. She never expected her ex-boyfriend and her soon-to-be ex-husband could repair their damaged relationship. “You have?”
“Yeah.” He swirled the wine around in the bottom of his glass as he watched her carefully. “I realized a few things when I left your office that day.”
She was almost afraid to ask. “What kind of things?”
“I need to let go of the past. It’s been holdin’ me hostage way too long.”
“I see.” She could only assume that meant he’d decided to let her go as well. She couldn’t blame him since she was the one insisting they didn’t have a future together, but acknowledging this was the end of the road for them still hurt. “I’m glad you’re moving on, Aiden.”
He raised his wineglass with a hint of a smile. “Here’s to movin’ on.”
Her hand trembled as she touched her glass to his. She prayed her voice wouldn’t betray her when she said “To moving on,” but of course, it did. She cleared her throat. “I’m glad you’ve found your way.”
“I haven’t yet,” he said quietly before taking a sip of wine. “But I’m gettin’ there. Every day gets a little bit easier.”
Too bad she couldn’t say the same. She kept hoping the dull ache in her chest would subside, but it was still there, every minute of every day. “I’m glad.” She glanced at a box of framed photographs in the corner and couldn’t help but notice the one on top. “Oh my God, is that…”
He smiled. “It sure is.”
“Do you mind?”
He gestured toward the box. “Sure, have at it.”
“Oh wow,” she said, picking up the image of the two of them standing by his parents’ pool the day of his going away party. She stroked the cool glass mounted inside the frame as she wrestled with her emotions. “We were so young. We looked so happy.”
“I know.” He came up behind her, close enough to touch her, but he refrained. “That picture is one of my favorites.” He chuckled. “I kept it by my bed in the old place. I have to say, it didn’t go over too well with any of my girlfriends.”
Sela looked up at him, feeling a level of pain she didn’t think another person could possibly understand until she saw it reflected in his eyes. “Why did you keep it?” When he didn’t respond right away, she asked, “Didn’t it hurt to look at it every day… to remember?”
His voice was rough when he finally responded. “With or without the pictures to remind me, I thought of you every day. If I was gonna think about you, about us, I wanted to remember the good times, not the bad.”
“There were a lot of good times, weren’t there?” she whispered, looking down at their smiling faces.
“More good than bad. Even then, I knew we had something special. Time has only reinforced that for me, Sela. You don’t get what we have twice in a lifetime.
You’re damn lucky if you get it once.”
“I know,” she said, closing her eyes. “That’s what scares me. I keep trying to tell myself that I have to let go, so I can find that again, but I think I know in my heart that it’s too much to hope for.”
He took the picture from her hand and set it back in the box. “You wanna have a look at those together?”
Would facing their past finally help them to put it to rest? Nothing else had helped, and she knew she couldn’t hurt any more than she already was. “Sure, why not?”
“You grab the pizza and wine. I’ll get the box.”
“Sounds good.”
Chapter Sixteen
Aiden didn’t know if this was the best or worst idea he’d ever had. Since he opened the door to find her standing there, he had tried to figure out why she came. Was she going to propose a platonic friendship or was she finally ready for something more?
It had killed him to give her the freedom she claimed to need, but he hoped that time and space would bring her back to him eventually. He knew he needed to process their history, now that he had all the facts, and he spent every free moment doing just that. One thing was for certain: he loved her more now than ever because he finally appreciated what he had and lost.
Sela sat down beside him on the couch and reached into the box. She smiled when she found a small photo album tucked between two framed photographs. “I’d almost forgotten what these look like. Who can remember life before we went digital?”
“Sometimes progress isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.” They both knew he wasn’t talking about technology when he said, “Sometimes I’d give anything to go back to the way things were.”
With her fingertip, she stroked an image of her smiling face. She was wearing a black prom dress, in the midst of a crowd of her girlfriends. “I know what you mean. I wonder what happened to some of the old gang. The only person I keep in touch with is Sharon.”
“Did she tell you I stopped by to see her again?” He didn’t know if she’d be angry that he insinuated himself into every area of her life since his return, but going back was the only way he knew how to move forward. “I met her husband and kids. They’re great.”
“Yeah, they are.” She continued to turn the pages in the album. There were pictures of them at parties, proms, bonfires, pool parties, football and hockey games. “I’m sure James was thrilled. He’s a huge fan.”
“You guys should come to the season opener on Saturday night. Invite your parents too. My family will be there. It’ll be nice for them to catch up.” He hesitated, not wanting her to know how much having her there would mean to him. That was one of the things he’d missed the most, having her at his games, knowing she was in the stands cheering him on, that she’d always be there to celebrate his victories or console him after a big loss.
“That’d be great, thanks.”
It was such a relief just to be able to think beyond today, to know that she wanted to see him again. “And, of course, bring Danny along. I’d love to see him again.”
“He’d love to see you too.”
Her older brother had been a couple of years ahead of them in school, but their shared passion for hockey meant they always had something to talk about when they got together. “I love that one,” he said, leaning over to point to a picture he’d taken of her at the lake they loved.
“That reminds me, I have something for you in the car. Would you mind helping me with it?”
“Of course not.” He got up to follow her outside and was curious when the trunk revealed a large flat panel wrapped in brown paper. “What’s this?” he asked, reaching for it. It was heavier than he expected, and unless he missed his guess, he could have sworn he felt the outline of an ornate frame.
She led him up the stairs without giving him a hint as to what the package contained.
Aiden leaned the package against one of the chairs in the living room and waited for her to invite him to open it. He wanted nothing more than to tear into it like a kid at Christmas. She hadn’t given him a gift in a long time, and he couldn’t wait to see what she had in store for him.
“You made a comment about the painting hanging above my desk the last time you were at my office.”
Claiming the seat beside her on the sofa, he could only hope she wasn’t offering to give him that particular piece. He didn’t think he could look at it every day without thinking about the innocent life they’d lost. “Sweetheart, I—”
She touched his hand gently, rendering him speechless. “I spent a lot of time looking at that piece after you left, and I realized something. I left it hanging there almost as a reminder that I’d done something terrible. I didn’t think I deserved to be happy.”
He hated that she’d spent so many years punishing herself for the mistakes she’d made. “Honey, you’re only human. We all make mistakes.”
She held his hand tighter and smiled. “I think I’m starting to believe that… finally. I gave the painting to Sharon. Since it was a profile of a pregnant woman, it could just have easily been her. And unlike me, she has wonderful memories of being pregnant.” She drew a deep breath. “In fact, she came to my office just last week to tell me they’re expecting again. That’s when I decided to give her the painting. She’s always admired it…” She shrugged. “It’ll look perfect in their new nursery.”
“Parting with that must have been difficult for you,” he said quietly, wishing he had the nerve to pull her into his arms without fearing rejection. It used to be so natural, but he knew he couldn’t take anything for granted anymore.
“Not as hard as I thought it would be.” She smiled. “I think it was time to let it go.” She looked up at him. “It’s time to let go of a lot of things, Aiden.”
He wasn’t sure if he was ready to hear what she had to say. In spite of what she’d told him the last time they were together, he pinned all of his hopes on a reconciliation, and without that hope, he didn’t know how he could go on. He had his career, but that wasn’t enough, not anymore.
“I didn’t think we could hold on to the good memories and let go of the bad ones.” She released his hand and sat back on the couch, shifting her body so they were facing each other.
“How do you feel now?”
“I’m never going to forget that time of our lives. Whether we’re together or not, it’s always going to be in the back of my mind.”
“I feel the same way.”
“I think I can learn to forgive myself… eventually. The question is whether you can forgive me and learn to trust me again?”
He’d had a lot of time to think about that since their last conversation, and he knew that Sela was the one person he would trust with his life. She would never intentionally hurt him. As misguided as she was as a teen, she tried to protect him and give him the freedom she thought he needed to pursue his dream.
“I hate that we weren’t strong enough to get through that together,” he said, bracing his arm along the back of the couch behind her head. She was close enough to touch, yet he knew once he started, he wouldn’t want to stop. They had too many issues to work through before they decided whether a physical relationship was in the cards for them. He’d lost her once and barely survived. He didn’t think he would be as lucky if it happened a second time. This time, he had to know without a doubt that she would be with him for the duration.
“I do, too.” She let her eyes drift closed as she leaned against his arm. “I wish I’d had more faith in us.”
“We were so young,” he whispered, inching closer. “Too young to know that what we had was the real deal.” His breath was a whisper above her lips when he said, “Now I have the life experience to know that you were the one, Sela. The only one for me.”
Her breath hitched as he moved in closer, settling his face in the crook of her neck. “I never stopped loving you.” The admission sounded harsh, almost as though she’d lost the internal battle and felt forced to tell him the truth. “I know I never w
ill.”
Those were the sweetest words he’d ever heard, because for the past eight years, he lived with the fear of never hearing them again. At least a dozen times women had claimed to be in love with him, but he never reciprocated because he wasn’t the type of man who would pretend in order to spare a woman’s feelings. He could only say those words to one woman.
He cupped Sela’s face in his hands and smiled, hoping to see the panic in her eyes recede. How could she question whether he felt the same way when he felt like his love for her was tattooed across his forehead, in plain view for her and the rest of the world to see? It was a part of him and it always would be. She completed him in a way no one else ever had.
“You’re the only person who’s ever got me,” he murmured, mesmerized by the lush lips he couldn’t wait to taste again. “You know what makes me laugh, what scares me. My hopes and dreams… You’re the only person I’ve ever been able to share that with.”
“I feel the same way,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I’ve really missed my best friend, Aiden.”
He closed his eyes and tipped his forehead against hers. “That’s why it hurt so much when I lost you, baby. I wasn’t just breakin’ up with a girlfriend. I was losin’ my best friend, my… everything.”
She whimpered as though she couldn’t contain the anguish another minute. “I was so stupid to let you go.”
“I was stupid to let you let me go.” He grinned when he coaxed a smile from her. Nothing in the world, not scoring the game winning goal or hoisting the Cup over his head, had ever made him feel the way her smile did. It gave him a sense of peace, knowing that as long as she was happy and safe in his arms, all was right in his world. “Hockey’s not gonna last forever, I know that. But you and me, we could.”
She glided her hands over his face, as though she was trying to memorize the changes that had turned him from the boy she loved into the man she still loved. “Forever is a long time.”
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