He didn’t wait for her reply, reaching for the remote on the nightstand and pressing a few buttons. An old black and white movie came on and captured Arden’s attention from the noises outside. The Thin Man was one of her favorite films and it was a perfect distraction.
“William Powell and Myrna Loy, huh?” Shane chuckled and set the remote back down on the table. “Good choice. Can I make her ladyship a cup of tea or get her a soda to enjoy while she watches?”
Grabbing a pillow and hugging it to her chest, Arden pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs. If Shane wanted to play the commoner to her royalty she was going to let him. “If there’s a ginger ale in that mini-bar I’d love one.”
The suite had a wet bar in one corner with a small refrigerator to the side that had been fully stocked, according to the woman at the front desk. Sitting back and watching the story unfold, she heard two cans pop open and then Shane rejoined her, sliding her soda on the table next to her.
“Here you go.”
He headed toward the stairs, presumably to go back to bed and that little voice inside of her told her to keep quiet and let him go.
She didn’t listen.
Arden hated storms and she didn’t want to be alone. The fact was now that she was used to seeing Shane she liked having him around. She’d missed him, honestly. They’d been more than lovers, they’d been friends too. He could make her laugh and make her feel safe all at the same time. It had been a long time since she’d felt that way and she craved it whether it was right or not.
“You don’t have to go upstairs. I mean, if you don’t want to. You can watch the movie with me. I know you like this one.”
His steps paused and she waited, holding her breath and questioning her own sanity. Being his friend – just his friend – was harder than she’d ever imagined it would be but she was determined to make it so.
“I guess I could watch it again, at least until the storm dies down.”
For a moment she thought he was going to hop into bed with her and stretch his long frame out on the mattress, but instead he settled onto the loveseat and propped his bare feet on the coffee table. They sat in silence for a long time and Arden was surprised at how comfortable the entire situation felt. There was no awkwardness or wishing she was somewhere else. It was just her and Shane doing something they’d done dozens of times in the past.
“Another?”
A commercial was on and Shane was pointing to her now empty can of soda.
“No, if I drink any more I’ll be up all night for a completely different reason.”
He tossed both of their empties in the trash can and then came to stand by the bed. “I’m going to head up. Are you going to be okay if I do?”
The storm had died down and now there was just rain and wind against the windows. Her fingers played with the corner of the pillow as she fought down the urge to ask him all sorts of questions that were none of her business.
She wanted to know if he’d missed her.
If he ever thought about her.
But she didn’t ask him any of those things. Instead she smiled up at him as if her heart wasn’t twisted in her chest until she almost couldn’t breathe.
“Thank you,” she said simply. “It helped having you here.”
He pulled the drapes closed again, shutting out the lights from the city below. “You should get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow.”
Tears pricked the back of her eyes and she dragged her gaze away so he wouldn’t see. She could never let him know how he still affected her. And if she wasn’t over him after all this time, he probably always would.
“Good night, Shane.”
“Night, Arden. Call me if you need me.”
She didn’t hear his bare feet on the carpeted stairs but she knew that he was in the loft. His scent, clean and citrusy, was fading and she took in a lungful of air to try and hold on to it. She didn’t have much left of him and this was one thing she could have and he’d never know.
Sliding down under the covers, Arden left the television on, its sound soothing to her overwrought nerves. Her lids fluttered closed and she let thoughts of meeting a family she’d never known lull her to sleep and crowd out visions of the man who slept so peacefully upstairs.
So close, but he might as well be on the other side of the planet.
* * *
Arden was trying to fucking kill him.
Shane moved restlessly in bed, throwing the covers off of his overheated body. He was trying so hard to be just a friend to Arden but it wasn’t easy. Even tonight, it had taken all the willpower he had not to slide in bed next to her and pull her into his arms. He wanted to protect her, care for her, and love her. He wanted to be the man she turned to when she needed…anything…everything. But that was never going to happen.
This was what he could have. He could be the friend that she desperately needed right now and help her through what was from all appearances going to be a rough ride. The visit tomorrow to the cemetery was going to be tough and he would have to find a way to be there for her without letting her know how much he still wanted her. That would be a burden she couldn’t deal with right now, or ever really. She’d left him and she showed no signs of regret about that action.
She didn’t love him anymore and this wasn’t a Disney movie.
He needed to figure out how to help her without pouring out all the feelings and emotions he’d bottled up for so long. She wouldn’t be interested and it would only make her feel guilty while making him look like a loser.
Making a silent vow to himself, he promised to keep his distance, if only for his own peace of mind.
And heart.
Chapter Eleven
‡
Arden’s fingers tightly gripped Shane’s bicep as they walked over the green lawns of the Hemingdale Memorial Gardens. They’d stopped at a flower shop after breakfast and picked up a small wreath of flowers to place on the grave, but now that they were almost there he could feel Arden’s pace slowing markedly. She was biting her lip and her skin was quite pale with what was probably fear and maybe anger too. She had every right to be upset with her family. They’d kept important details about her life secret even when she became an adult and Shane was glad that he was here to help her get through what would be a difficult few days.
He stopped walking and captured her hand in his. “We don’t have to do this if you’ve changed your mind.”
“I haven’t. It’s just emotional.” Her voice was thick with tears and Shane had to remind himself that his comfort wouldn’t be welcome. He longed to pull her into his arms and stroke her hair but instead he patted her shoulder in what he hoped was a tender manner.
“I’ll be right beside you.”
They walked to the middle of the row and Arden knelt down to trace the engraving on the marble stone. “Beloved wife and mother. I wish I remembered her, Shane. Father and Grandmother told me about her but how can I trust anything they’ve said now? Maybe every single thing they’ve said about her was a lie.”
There were tears sliding down her cheeks and he knelt as well to help her secure the floral wreath into the earth, his fingers brushing her skin. “You’ll have a chance to talk to her best friend. I imagine she knows a great deal about your mother. I bet you’ll hear some great stories from when they were kids.”
They both stood and Arden wrapped her arms around her torso as she sniffled. He dug a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabbed at her cheeks before pressing it into her hand.
“Thank you,” she murmured. “I guess I should start carrying around tissues or something. I seem to be blubbering like a baby every other minute these days. I know tears make men uncomfortable, so I’m really sorry about this. I’m trying to get myself under control here.”
“Who the hell told you that? Tears are fine. You cry all you want to and don’t worry about me.”
Had her husband told her that she shouldn’t cry? Or maybe her asshole father? It sounde
d like something Ben Cavendish would say in that infuriating pompous tone he liked to use so he sounded superior.
Arden scrubbed at her face, a sob catching in her throat. “It feels like I’ve lost her all over again. Isn’t that weird? Shouldn’t I be over this by now? I mean, I never really knew her, after all. How can I mourn a stranger?”
“She’s not a stranger. You see her every time you look in the mirror, honey. I’ve seen a picture of her and you look just like her.”
The resemblance had been uncanny except that her mother’s hair was a darker shade of blonde and slightly shorter.
“That doesn’t mean I know her.”
He couldn’t take this bullshit any longer. If she didn’t want him she could push him away but he simply couldn’t stand to hear the pain in her voice any longer. He reached out and placed his hands on her arms, pulling her close. “I think it’s actually normal that you’re going through this right now. Finding out that your mother died a violent death and then that she’s buried here. You want answers and we’re going to get them for you.”
“I am afraid, Shane.” Her voice quivered and more tears fell down her face. “What if she’s nothing like what Daddy told me? What if she’s not a good person? If I look like her am I going to become like her?”
Crushing her small frame to his much bigger body, he rocked her in his arms and whispered soothing words in her ear. She shook with sobs for a long time and then finally quieted, her head lying on his chest. He didn’t stop himself from stroking her golden curls and then down her spine before wiping her damp cheeks. “You are not a bad person and I’d lay odds your mother wasn’t either. But even if she was that doesn’t mean you’re going to be just like her. I look like my dad but he and I are very different people.”
She gave him a watery smile. “You both like to fish and eat super hot wings.”
“But he likes Hemingway and I prefer Fitzgerald. We have things in common but we’re not exactly the same. I don’t want you to let this worry consume you, baby girl. Let yourself mourn and don’t put a timetable on it. Your hopes and fears are natural and I’d be feeling the same way if I were in your shoes.”
She stepped back and placed her hands on his chest and he was sure she could feel the thump of his heart under her palms. “I don’t think I could have done this without you.”
Throwing caution to the wind, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and breathed in her heady scent. “You’ll never have to know because I’ll always be there if you need me.”
Because he was a fool and an idiot who loved Arden way too much. He’d thought nothing could be worse than to be this close to her and not have her love, but he was wrong. The worst thing was not being near her at all.
* * *
“Do you want to get some lunch then?”
They’d knocked on Susannah’s best friend’s door but there was no answer, so now they were sitting in the rental car on the main drag of the little town after visiting the gravesite. Arden was paging through a few messages on her own phone and was feeling much better than she had at the cemetery. It was amazing how cathartic a good cry could be but she felt a hundred percent better.
She’d been too nervous to eat this morning and now found herself with a ravenous appetite. “Actually I’m starving, so that sounds good. Are we going to stay here and eat or go back into Indianapolis?”
Shane sighed and rubbed his chin, which only drew her attention to his square jaw covered in dark stubble. He’d always hated to shave and it looked like he’d skipped it this morning.
“That’s an excellent question. Lydia Tate wasn’t home and we don’t really know where she is. Do you want to try again today or come back tomorrow?”
“I’d like to try again today but we can do anything you want.”
Shane had already gone above and beyond the call of duty finding out the truth about her mother and father and then bringing her here. He’d been a tower of strength at the cemetery and she’d allowed herself to lean on him for a few minutes but all the while warning herself not to get too used to it.
“I’m at your command on this trip so we’ll stay here in Hemingdale and kill some time before trying again. First, we eat and then we’ll find something to do.” He pointed to a restaurant on the corner of the block. “How about that little Italian place? Is that okay?”
It turned out to be perfect.
The hostess gave them a quiet table off to the side where they enjoyed a peaceful and delicious lunch. Shane had the spaghetti and meatballs while Arden ate every single bite of her baked ziti. She sat back and patted her stomach with a sigh.
“I shouldn’t have eaten all that but it was so good.”
Shane’s own plate was clean and he was working on emptying the bread basket.
“It is good and there’s no reason why you shouldn’t have eaten it all. You didn’t have any breakfast.”
She’d love to be a size six again but that wasn’t happening anytime in the near future. “I can’t eat anything I want like I used to be able to. Women age and things change.”
His hot gaze swept her from head to toe and she felt an answering warmth low in her abdomen. Damn, he was sexy as sin.
“You can’t be worried about your figure. You look terrific.”
His admiring regard had butterfly wings beating in her chest. It had been too long since anyone had looked at her like that and she’d missed it. She hadn’t realized how much she needed it.
“Thank you, but I’m aware that is half a sentence. The other half is ‘for a woman your age.’ Men look at the twenty-somethings and pretty much ignore a female in her mid-thirties.”
“You look good, period,” he said bluntly. “You’re a beautiful woman, Arden.”
Funny how she didn’t care if others thought she was beautiful but when this man said it…
“I’m older, so much older than you could possible know.”
He frowned and she had to quell the urge to reach across the table and smooth the lines from his forehead. “I can count to fifteen.”
He had no idea. She’d changed more than simply a few extra pounds and some lines around her eyes. When she’d left him that summer she’d been irrevocably changed.
“Men age so much better than women.”
“That’s one of the stupidest things I’ve ever heard and you ought to know better,” he declared, not bothering to keep his voice down. “The only difference between men and women is that society allows men to age gracefully but society is full of shit. There’s nothing more beautiful than a woman who has seen life and has learned to embrace it. Older women know what’s important, and smooth skin and perky boobs aren’t it, baby.”
She stared at the table and traced patterns on the smooth surface with her fingertip. “So the women you date are older?”
Her heart lurched at the thought of all the beautiful females he must have dated and made love to over the years. Had he been in love with any of them? Was there someone now that he cared about and wanted a future with?
“I haven’t dated a woman under thirty in several years. I like being the immature one in the relationship.”
Her lips quirked up at his joke. “Are you…dating someone? Is someone upset that you’ve come on this trip with me?”
Stupid. Stupid. Stop talking. He’s going to figure out how I feel if I don’t shut up.
“There’s no need to worry about that. I’m a free agent and intend to stay that way.”
“The original lone wolf?” she teased, relieved that there wasn’t a woman waiting in the wings. “You always could charm the birds out of the trees, but then all the Anderson boys could too. Where’s Leann these days?”
Leann was sister to Jason, West, and Travis and cousin to Shane. She was also the only female offspring in a bucketload of testosterone. She’d been in high school when Arden and Shane were dating.
Shane signaled for an ice tea refill for both of them. “She’s living in Florida right now and from what I can tel
l she has no plans to come back any time soon. She sounds happy and that’s the important thing, although her mom talks about wanting her married. Personally I think Leann saw the best and worst in her brothers and cousins and isn’t in a big hurry to tie herself down.”
“Like all the Andersons.”
“I wouldn’t say that. It just takes the right woman.”
Biting her tongue, Arden managed to keep from asking if he’d ever found that woman and if he’d ever thought she might fit that description. He certainly had been “the one” for her and that hadn’t changed no matter how hard she’d tried.
“I’m not sure I believe in soulmates,” Arden said instead. “That’s a tall order to ask one person to be everything. That seems like a lot of pressure.”
Shane’s smile fell and he suddenly seemed a million miles away from this booth in this restaurant. “If it’s the right person then it’s easy because they naturally are everything. They don’t have to do anything special.”
She didn’t reply but turned her attention to her refilled glass. Taking a big gulp of ice tea, she choked slightly as an older woman leaned down over the table to stare at Arden.
Patting her chest, Arden coughed to clear her throat. “Um, can I help you?”
The well-dressed woman appeared to be in her late fifties or early sixties, with gray shot through her light brown hair and a few crinkles around her bright blue eyes.
“Arden?” the woman whispered as if she was afraid to speak up. “Is that you?”
Reaching across the table, Arden grabbed for Shane’s hand, suddenly desperate for his calm strength. Her heart accelerated in her chest and it took all her effort to answer.
“Yes, I’m Arden. Do I know you?”
The woman’s eyes filled with tears and her hand flew up to her mouth as a sob escaped her throat. “No, but I know you. You’re the very picture of your mother.”
Embracing Danger Page 7
