Someone pounded on the door. “Are you almost done?” a girl yelled. “I’m like a water balloon out here.”
“Do you mind? I’m in the middle of something.”
“What kind of something? You got some kind of craft project going on in there?”
“Yes. I’m crocheting my own toilet paper,” Suzanne snapped. “It takes time.”
The girl outside started cracking up. “That’s funny. So funny you’re making me pee my pants, for real. Come on!”
“Hang on,” Suzanne grumbled, although the exchange had actually lifted her mood from despairing to battle-ready. She gathered together all the tests, wrapped them in a wad of toilet paper and stuffed them in her bag. Maybe it was a little gross, but she was not going to leave the first official evidence of her pregnancy in the trash can in a random rest stop.
Outside, she took a moment to glare at the girl outside, who was hopping from one foot to the other. “Sorry for the delay,” she said, sweeping past her.
“It’s all right, you made me laugh.”
Great. At least her life crisis was making strangers at rest stops laugh.
In her car, she rifled through her mental rolodex. She didn’t want to dump this situation on Evie. She was too happy these days. Brianna—she loved Brianna, but she could be kind of blunt and outspoken. She would have strong opinions about the situation and she wouldn’t mind sharing them. She needed to talk this through with someone she could trust, someone who cared about her, who wouldn’t be too judgmental.
If only she could tell Josh. Josh would be the perfect person. He never judged. He would be comforting, irreverent. He’d make her laugh. He’d make her worries seem less daunting. Yes, he’d be the perfect person to tell—if she weren’t in love with him. And sleeping with him.
But he could never, ever know.
Silly. Of course he’ll know. Eventually everyone in Jupiter Point would know.
She thought about calling her mother, but she wasn’t ready for that conversation yet. She had to sort out how she was going to handle this. She needed support and common sense, two things Desiree Finnegan knew nothing about.
In the end, she called Merry, who promised to meet her at Stargazer Beach. On her way to the beach, Suzanne stopped at her condo and picked up Snowball. Josh had left her a note on the coffee table. At the base hanging out with the crew.
She breathed a sigh of relief that she didn’t have to pretend everything was normal in front of Josh. He had a way of sneaking behind her defenses and she might end up spilling everything before she was ready. As soon as she told him, they’d be through. She could already picture that conversation.
“So, yeah, just thought you should know there’s going to be a baby here in a few months, and…relax, it’s not yours, and…okay, bye! It’s been great. See you around.”
At Stargazer Beach, she let Snowball off the leash so she could bark at the waves and told Merry what was going on. The reporter listened in that attentive way she had. No wonder she was such a good journalist. She really knew how to hold back and let someone tell their story.
“So basically what you’re telling me is, you don’t want Logan, but you do want his baby—”
“Not because it’s his,” Suzanne added hastily. “Because it’s mine.”
Merry continued. “And you do want Josh, but you think he doesn’t want you.”
“He wants me, but not me-with-a-baby me.”
“Are you sure about that?”
A seagull swooped past them on its way to a sandwich someone had unwisely left on their picnic blanket.
“Have you met Josh? What do you think?”
“I think you know him better than I do. But he sure seems to like you a lot.”
Suzanne bent down to pick up a stone shaped like a heart. It was perfect for her collection of pebbles from this beach. “He likes me fine. But he doesn’t want a family. I’ve heard him say it about a million times. It’s not even a question in his mind. And I can’t blame him. His parents are crazy. They fight all the time. I don’t know how he came out as nice as he did. Anyway, Josh isn’t the point here. What should I do about Logan?”
Merry pushed a chunk of curly hair from her face. “Lay it out for me. What are the options?”
“I knew you’d be the right person to tell. You’re always so logical. Okay, I’ve thought a lot about this part. Here are the options. A. Don’t tell Logan. B. Get back together with Logan. C. Inform Logan, but tell him I don’t want child support and I don’t want him in the baby’s life. D. Inform him, and ask for child support and let him be part of the baby’s life. E. Join the Witness Protection Program. Am I leaving anything out?”
Merry burst out laughing. “Please tell me you have all this in a PowerPoint somewhere.”
Suzanne actually found herself smiling, something she hadn’t done much since the fateful moment in the rest stop bathroom. “Haven’t had time. It’s a good idea, though. PowerPoints are so soothing. So what should I do?”
“You want my take?”
“Yes. I do.”
“A is off the table. You gotta tell the dude he’s having a child. It’s only fair. In my opinion, B is off the table, too. But that’s just me. You might want to think about that one a little more. E might be nice, but you have to actually be a witness to a major crime committed by someone who wants you dead. So you have C and you have D. As for which one is better, you’re going to have to work it out with Logan. If he wants to co-parent with you, then he kind of has that right. And he is a lawyer. They know their rights.”
Suzanne stopped in her tracks as fear shot through her. “Do you mean he might have the right to take the baby?”
“No, of course not. Not unless you do drugs or some other heinous thing. But here’s something to think about, Suzanne. Every kid wants to know who their parents are. It’s just natural. So if he wants to know his child, that might be the best thing. No matter what, you gotta tell him.”
Suzanne kicked at a log that had washed up on the beach. Maybe she should have called Brianna after all. Merry was entirely too intelligent and cool-headed. Maybe logic wasn’t everything it was cracked up to be. The last thing she wanted to do was call Logan.
And damn it all, she couldn’t even have a margarita first.
Suzanne believed in getting unpleasant tasks out of the way first, so she called Logan as soon as she got back to her condo. The conversation was even more awful than she’d expected.
“If this is about Casa di Stella, you can forget it. I already have a contractor over there working up a bid for the renovations. You missed your chance, babe.”
“It’s not about that,” she said through gritted teeth. “This is more important. But it’s better if I tell you in person. I can get a flight out tomorrow morning if you’re available.”
“Suz, if you’re thinking about getting back together, I’ve moved on.” He lowered his voice, as if he didn’t want someone to hear. “And she wouldn’t like you showing up here. Just tell me what it is. And make it quick, we’re late for tapas.”
“Moved on? Weren’t you buying a house for me a few weeks ago?”
“If you’re calling to dig up ancient history, I’m hanging up.”
Pain throbbed in her temples. What was the point of even telling him? Logan had moved on. He already had a new girlfriend. This news would just interfere with his plans.
But this wasn’t about him—or her. This was about a baby who deserved to come into the world with a clean slate. No secrets. No bullshit. “Okay, Logan, you forced me into doing this on the phone. I hope you’re sitting down.”
Uncomfortable silence on his end. Maybe he was starting to guess what she was going to say.
“I’m pregnant.”
Was that a gulp she heard from his end of the line? A choke? A shout of joy?
“And I suppose you’re going to claim it’s mine?”
Oh. My. God. The weasel. “I’m not claiming anything. There’s no doubt.”
After another drawn-out silence, he gave a snide laugh. “I always knew you’d change your mind and beg me to take you back. I didn’t think you’d go this far.”
She stomped across the room, brandishing her phone in the air with a silent primal scream. Snowball watched her, ears perking up. Logan Rossi. Was. Such. A. Dick. And she was an idiot for not seeing the full extent of his dick-ness before now.
“Let’s be honest, you jerk. Do you want to help raise this baby?”
“Suz, I have a new girlfriend. Come on, don’t do this to me.”
Again, she held herself back from screaming into the phone. Keep it logical. Option D was evaporating. Option C was looking better and better. She would raise the baby on her own. So be it.
“So…just a crazy thought, Logan. If I send you something that says I’ll never ask you for child support—”
“Child support? I’m warning you, babe—”
“Never ask you for child support,” she continued relentlessly. “If I sign that, will you sign something that says you give up all custody rights?”
“Sign?” She heard doubt in his voice. She got it; signing was such a permanent thing. Then again, so were babies.
“I just want things to be clear, Logan. It’s only fair. But if you want a different arrangement—”
“No, no. I don’t. Fine, whatever.”
Suzanne’s stomach cratered as the full reality of Logan’s response sank in. Her baby was going to grow up without a father.
“Logan, think about this,” she said, deadly serious now. “Think hard. I’m not trying to get back together with you. You’ve moved on, I’ve moved on. We were never right for each other. But there’s a baby, and that changes things. I’m willing to work things out so you can see him or her. I wouldn’t want to stand in the way of my baby having a father.”
In the background, a door opened and a lightly accented female voice called out, “Logan, caro, I need you, darling! I’ve been counting the minutes. Where are you, mi amore?”
“Wait.” A horrible realization struck Suzanne. “Is that Monica? Your cousin from Italy?”
“Second cousin,” he muttered. “Actually, more like third cousin.”
“The one you’ve known forever. The one your parents always wanted you to marry. She was your free pass, wasn’t she?”
Uncomfortable silence. Suzanne felt as if she was in a boat pushing away from shore, as everything familiar got smaller and smaller. She’d never really known Logan, had she?
“I’ll draw up the agreement,” he said, and hung up.
Now she was truly on her own.
24
Since Josh couldn’t participate in the crew’s PT, he volunteered to lead—Josh-style. Bullhorn in hand, he patrolled up and down the line of hotshots doing pushups. “Faster,” he yelled, voice booming. “Call that a pushup? I’ve seen better pushups on a bra!”
Jessica, one of the female crew members, cracked up and nearly lost her rhythm.
Josh kept crutching up and down the line of firefighters. “Get it together, people. This is serious business. Fires don’t wait for you to finish your pushups, do they? They don’t say, ‘Oh, are you feeling okay today? Are your muscles sore? Would you like some tiger balm for that? Maybe a bubble bath?’”
Other crew members were starting to snicker, even Rollo, who took his pushups very seriously. His bulging deltoids twitched as he lowered himself rapidly up and down. Josh grinned to himself. He’d missed this. Missed the camaraderie and brotherly bonds. Sorting through footage was fun, and he was finding lots of great stuff and already had several videos edited. But this—this was what he loved.
“No, we gotta be ready for that fire. Feel that burn. Cop that feel. Burn that bra.”
Jessica collapsed onto her front, laughing too hard to keep her pushups going. She propped her elbows on the ground and rested her chin in her hands. “Would you get out of here, Marsh? I call interference.”
“I’m not interfering. I’m inspiring. Right, guys?”
A chorus of boos answered that. Josh caught Sean’s eye. The leader of the hotshots was standing with his arms folded across his chest, clearly trying to keep a straight face. “You heard them, Josh. Take a hike.”
“Take a hike. Is that an appropriate thing to say to a man on crutches?” He put a hand over his heart. “I’m wounded. Inside and out.”
A new arrival caught his eye, someone strolling from the parking lot toward the crew assembled on the grass.
Tim Peavy. Looking shaky as hell.
Josh immediately stopped his joking around. Sean followed his glance and went to greet the newcomer. Josh watched them share a chest bump, a forearm grip, and a low-voiced conversation. Finally Sean looked his way and gestured him over.
He stumped toward the two of them. Peavy seemed embarrassed and kept his gaze fixed on the ground. Sean put a hand on the rookie’s shoulder as Josh approached.
“Peavy here has been wanting to talk to you, Marsh. I’m going to leave you two alone now. Gotta get this PT back on track.”
Josh nodded, then turned his attention to Peavy. “Good to see you, dude.”
Tim’s Adam’s apple worked up and down. “Listen, man. I just gotta say this. When I first got back from overseas, I had a few flashbacks. Then they stopped. I thought it was over. I didn’t know it was going to come back like that. I’m real sorry. I wouldn’t have—”
“Hey.” Josh put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “You went over there and put your life on the line. You still have the scars from that. You don’t need to say one word of apology.”
“But I should have told you guys it might happen. Rosario told me I should, but I thought I could handle it. I thought it was over. I was wrong and I could have died. You could have died.”
“We didn’t. It ain’t exactly a risk-free profession, bro. We’re always taking that chance. Let me ask you this, though. Are you getting some help now? You shouldn’t be in this alone.”
“Yeah.” He lowered his head. “Rosario made me. She said she’d have the baby by herself if I didn’t work on this. It’s good. It helps. I wish I didn’t need it, but I guess sometimes you just do.”
“True. Look, you’re a good man, Peavy. I hope we both get back out there soon. Sitting at home is for the birds, you know?”
Finally Tim’s expression lifted. “You said it. Rosario has me working through a to-do list a mile long. Makes cutting chain look easy. You ever put together an Ikea bookcase?”
“Nope. It’s on my bucket list though.”
At Peavy’s skeptical expression, he laughed. “Not hardly. I’ll leave that sort of thing to you married guys. How Rosario?”
“Well, she’s only got a few weeks to go and she’s getting antsy. She’s hungry all the time, but then she gets full right away. We go to the Milky Way just about every night because all she wants is those Big Dipper sundaes with extra pralines. Can’t be walnuts. Has to be pralines. And God forbid they put a maraschino cherry on there. She will flip out. She says even the smell of those little red toxic bombs makes her lose it.”
“Okay then.”
Tim shoved his hands in his pockets. “I bet you’re wondering why I’m telling you all this.”
“Well…” Sort of, yes. Wasn’t exactly a typical firefighter convo, that was for sure.
“We want to name the baby after you. Because you saved me.”
Josh’s jaw dropped open. A baby named after him…honestly, he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “You guys don’t have to do that.”
“It was Rosario’s idea, and she’s eight months pregnant and hormonal as fuck, so you try talking her out of it.”
Josh stopped his flow of words with an uplifted hand. “Say no more. I’m honored.”
“Her first choice was Edgerton, so believe me, Josh is a big step up.”
“Edgerton?” Josh grinned. “Damn, bro. No wonder you freaked out at that wildfire. It was all about the baby names, wasn’t it?”
After a moment of astonished silence, during which Josh wondered if he’d gone too far, Tim burst into laughter. It was a rusty, out-of-practice laugh, but better than nothing.
A baby. Named after him. Josh couldn’t wait to tell Suzanne. She’d probably get a huge laugh out of that one.
But Suzanne didn’t seem to find it as funny as he did.
“See, it’s perfect,” he explained. “Tim does all the actual work of being a parent, and I don’t have to lift a finger but I get a kid named after me.”
“Do you ever get tired of making a joke about every single thing?” she snapped as she thrust a water bottle into a small backpack. She was preparing for the Rekindle Your Fire trip with his parents. They were both excited about Suzanne’s offer, which he’d presented as more of a group tour than a relationship-builder.
“It’s a coping mechanism. Tried and true. You may find yourself turning to it frequently when you’re with my parents.”
“Maybe. Or maybe I’ll just enjoy the ocean and the sunshine like a normal person.” She jammed a sun visor on her head and pulled her ponytail through the gap in the back. From her movements, he could tell she was irritated, though he had no idea why. She’d been acting very strange the past couple of days. Distracted, jumpy, edgy. No interest in sex.
But every time he asked if something was wrong, she said no.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?” she asked. “The weather’s perfect.”
“If we capsized, I’d sink like a stone.” He indicated his heavy cast. “And if we didn’t capsize, I might have to jump. Same outcome.”
“You’re kind of ridiculous, you know that? Your parents are just people.”
Josh kept his mouth shut about that one. Of course they were just people. People who drove him crazy.
At that moment, someone knocked on the door. When Suzanne opened it, his parents came bolting through like racehorses out of a gate.
Burn So Bright Page 20
