by Janet Eaves
She went pale. All at once Brad noticed the dark circles under her eyes. This was wearing on her a lot more than he’d realized. “Suzie, it’s okay. I know you are upset about the lodge. But do we have to let that come between us? And who said you’d have to give up the B&B?”
“No one said it, Brad,” she bit out. “But if you have this big monster hotel across the lake, who is going to want to stay here in my humble little house?”
“Lots of people! You will provide them an entirely different experience!”
She shook her head and then leaned against the kitchen island, rubbing her forehead. “Yeah, right.”
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.”
“It’s all just fine, Suzie, isn’t it?” He paced sharply around the kitchen island and spun on his heel back to her. His voice rose. “The hotel is as important to me as your damn B&B is to you. So get over it. It’s going to happen.”
Oh, that was likely not the best comeback.
“The damn B&B?” She shot off her chair. “This damn little B&B is my life. It’s all I have. I need it to survive!”
He gripped her upper arms. “Hold it. Is that all you need to survive? This old clapboard house on the lake? I sure was hoping you needed a helluva lot more than that, Suzie. I was hoping you needed me.”
She opened her mouth to say something then evidently thought better of it. All of a sudden, like the wind being yanked out of her sails, she sank onto a bar stool. He released her arms.
He cupped her chin in his hand. “Suzie, that’s all I need to know…do you want me in your life?”
Immediately, her eyes grew misty. “Brad, I…yeah, but….”
The rapid-fire crescendo ring of his cell phone suddenly split the air about the same time big fat tears rolled down her face. A deep throated sob echoed across the kitchen.
He ignored the phone.
“Talk to me, Suzie. Let’s get this all out.”
“There is just…so much…to sort out!” she blubbered.
“We’ll do it, sweetheart.”
The ringing again cut through their argument.
She turned away, sobbing. “Oh, hell, answer it!”
At a loss, he didn’t know what to do. He’d never seen her in this kind of emotional state before. What was going on?
He snapped open the phone and barked into it. “Yeah?”
Suzie took the moment to gather her wits about her. What the hell was going on with her? Why was she crying like a whimpering idiot? This wasn’t like her. She could usually handle this kind of stuff pretty easily. Why was she such a freaking mess?
“Sure,” Brad said into the phone. “If they can get the heavy equipment in there this weekend, we can start razing the lodge on Monday.”
Razing the lodge? On Monday!
Abruptly, something more than sobbing confusion welled up in her. It was more like anger. Rage even.
She whirled back about the same time Brad snapped his cell phone shut.
“You’re razing the lodge on Monday? Monday! That’s three days away.”
Brad took a step. “Suzie, look. It has to….”
She put her palms out. “No, Brad. I don’t want to hear it. This all makes me really, really sick. I don’t know….”
Suddenly, her tummy was making all kinds of lurching motions. Oh, God….
“Suzie, it has to happen sometime.”
“Well I don’t want it to happen at all, Brad! Oh….”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t. I don’t feel so well….”
“Suzie?”
Turning, she took a couple of steps toward her bedroom, faltered with her hand over her mouth, then raced toward her master bathroom.
Brad followed. “Suzie, sweetheart. Are you okay? What’s….”
She slammed the door in his face, wanting to preserve some shred of dignity while she puked her guts out.
Chapter Ten
On Sunday, Suzie felt a lot more alive than she had on Friday and Saturday. Convinced she had the flu, even though she believed she was sick at heart with all the stress, she stayed in bed for two days while Brad graciously took over in the kitchen. Why he would do that, she had no clue. Obviously the man was nuts or something. Or he loved her. Maybe it was one in the same.
He never gave up. He came in here with a plan and be damned if he’d stick to it.
Whether she liked it or not.
The smell of her cinnamon-hazelnut coffee blend brought her out of her bedroom and into the kitchen. The way Brad looked standing in a white t-shirt and jeans, reading the Sunday paper over the center island, made her want to melt onto the floor in a lukewarm puddle. God, what a body. That was a scene she wanted to preserve, forever. Waking up to Brad in her kitchen. Looking like home.
“Morning,” she squeaked.
Brad’s smile widened when he looked up. “Hi. How are you feeling?”
“Much better.”
“Good. Coffee?”
“Please.”
He moved to the coffee maker and poured her a cup. She settled onto a bar stool. “Here you go. Black with a little creamer and one package of sweetener. Just how you like it.”
She smiled. “Thank you.”
They stayed silent for a few minutes while she sipped her coffee and he continued reading. All this time, everything she’d put him through, and he’d never faltered. Not once. He was so steadfast, so determined to have her in his life. Would he still be once he knew her secret?
“Brad?”
“Hm?”
“Will you take me to the lodge today?”
He rose and looked at her. “If you want.”
She nodded. “I do. I want to look at it one last time. I’ve not been there in years, but I want to take one last walk through. For closure.”
She’d told herself a million times that this was the right thing to do, so she was trying very hard to hold back the tears. She’d thought it all through lying in bed the past couple of days. If she got through this, accepting that the lodge would be gone forever, then she could get through the next thing she had to tell him—that she couldn’t give him a baby. Then after that, the chips would lay were they would lie.
Perhaps, if she could give, he could too. Time would tell.
He moved around the bar toward her and took her into his arms. “I’ll do whatever makes you happy,” he whispered.
Funny, she thought. That was exactly what she wanted, too. But to make them both happy.
****
They took the bike up to the lodge. Snuggled behind him, Suzie loved the powerful feeling of him being in control as she held on tight. He felt so good as she pressed up against him.
Strong. Solid. Her rock.
She hoped so. Certainly didn’t want to see him come crumbling down when she broke the news to him.
The wind in her face, blowing through her hair was refreshing after being cooped in her bedroom for the past couple of days. They’d gone without helmets for the slow, lazy drive around the lake and up to the lodge. There was a hint of coolness in the air as they moved a little higher into the mountain, umbrellas of oak, pine and maple covering their trail.
Suzie cringed when they turned into the lodge property and saw the heavy equipment scattered about the lawn. Swallowing hard, she suppressed edgy emotion as he parked. She swung her leg over the bike and Brad followed. This was a good thing, to find closure today. To move on.
Brad took her in his arms, facing her fully. “Thank you for doing this.” Brushing a few stray hairs out of her face, he added, “This means a lot to me.”
Smiling weakly, she nodded. “It means a lot to me, too.” He went to turn away and she pulled him back. “Brad?”
“Yes?”
“I’m behind you. I want you to know that.”
Grinning from ear to ear, he took her hand and they mounted the steps toward the old lodge wrap-around porch.
Suzie soaked in every detail, preserving it in her mind for all time. She ran her
hands along the silky and time-worn weathered log posts that made up the rail around the porch. She breathed in a lingering scent of pine and cedar. The old wood, dark, rich and well-aged stood solid.
“I wonder if there is anything here we can preserve, to use in the hotel. Or at the B&B?”
She looked at Brad and he glanced around him. “Not a bad idea. We’ll have to check inside.”
“There used to be a magnificent stained-glass window on the second floor landing.”
He nodded. “It’s still there. I already thought about that. I wondered if you could find a place for it in your house. Might have to retrofit, maybe upstairs, or in your bedroom, but….”
She smiled and put two fingers on his lips. “You do think about me, don’t you?”
Placing his hands firmly on her hips he drew her closer to him. “I think of you all the time.” He moved both hands to her face, threaded his fingers in her long hair, playfully tugging at the ends. He let them go and then cradled her face in his big palms. He looked longingly in her eyes and Suzie felt so loved, wanted. A stiff, warm breeze enveloped them both, his lips gently brushed across hers. Warmth and heady excitement welled inside her as she returned Brad’s kiss, softly mingling her mouth and tongue with his.
He broke away and she sighed. She did love this man.
They moved toward the side of the lodge. “I can’t believe this thing is really falling apart,” she whispered, glancing around the corner toward the lake.
His arm draped around her, still holding her close, he replied, “I know. It doesn’t seem that way, does it?”
She turned to him. “Who told you the foundation was bad?”
He studied her for a moment. “The bank who took possession after the bankruptcy. They had it checked out.”
That bankruptcy was over thirty years ago. And it’s still standing. Suzie pulled away. “Let’s go inside.” She rushed back for the door. “Is it unlocked?”
“Should be.”
She fumbled only momentarily with the large oak door, then pushed inward and hurried inside. She sensed Brad close behind her. Suddenly, her heart beat a mile a minute. Maybe, just maybe this place could be saved? It looked so intact. Should she risk one last ditch effort to save it? Even at the expense of losing Brad? The thought niggled in the back of her brain but she pushed it away. Brad loved her. She wouldn’t lose him because of this. Would she?
The lobby was as she’d remembered. “Brad, look! It’s still beautiful.”
She ran from one thing to another. The huge reception desk. Massive. Solid. “Look at this wood. It’s gorgeous!”
She twirled toward the large, floor-to-ceiling windows, partly sheathed with years old tapestry drapes. “What a wonderful view. The windows are still good.” She ran her hand along the well-worn window casing. “They’re not rotted or anything.” She flew to the next one. “This one either.”
She loped toward the stairway, looked longingly up, and ran her hand along the bottom baluster. Twisting back and grabbing Brad’s hand, she pulled him toward the stair. “Let’s go look at the window.” Excited, she grinned at him.
“Slow down, girl.” He raced to try to keep up with her. “How do you move so fast on those short legs of yours?”
She ignored him. Suzie could see the window as they grew closer. Sunbeams streaked through dirty colored glass, bouncing off dust motes floating a few feet off the floor. Abruptly, she stopped. “Oh my. It’s beautiful.”
Brad wrapped his arms around her from behind and nuzzled her ear. “It will look great on your landing, too.”
Slowly, assuredly, she shook her head. “No,” she breathed. “Not my landing. It’s much better suited somewhere else.”
In a flash she ran down the stairs, leaving Brad behind. She raced through to the dining room. A vision of the past flew through her mind. Small and scattered square tables, white linens, crystal glasses, sparkling flatware.
Her heart beat strong against her chest. She could feel its pulse in her ear. They could fix this. They could! She and Brad. Together! She could work here. Not in the new hotel, but here.
Would he listen?
The kitchen. She flung open the hinged doors that separated the dining area and the kitchen. Large. Open and airy. Old, but could be renovated. Functional. Spacious. She could envision a modern gas range and grill against the west wall. Prep station over by the window.
Yes.
She didn’t know if it was her hope or if it really was possible. How could he tear this down? How could they make this a reality?
Brad watched Suzie run like a child from room to room. Oh boy, this was either a mistake or a blessing. He wasn’t quite sure yet. Looking at the lodge through her childlike eyes, however, he was seeing something different about the old place.
No. He had a plan. Saving the lodge wasn’t in the plan. No way he could change things now.
In the dining room, Suzie fumbled with a lock and opened a large set of French doors that led to the lakeside deck. The doors swung easily open and lay flat against the walls, opening the dining area with a breeze and a flurry of dust. A breathtaking view of a sparkling lake peeking between low-hanging pine boughs gave way over the deck.
In a flash, Suzie was gone.
When the dust settled, Brad could see the room was magnificent. He imagined another place, another time. The dining hall filled with people—laughing, eating, and enjoying themselves. Spending money.
Suddenly things seemed off kilter. Had she really come here for closure, or to convince him to change his mind?
It didn’t matter. Already he saw why she loved this place. And he was going to be hard-pressed to make her let it go, but he had to. Coming up here was a mistake.
Within seconds, she burst through the French doors. “Brad.” Her breathing was labored. “Come out here. You have to see this. We could put an outside eating area here on the deck. It’s a fabulous view over the lake. A cozy canopy of trees and shade. I know you are going to love it.”
Reaching for him, she took his hand and tugged him toward the door.
He stood fast.
She jerked again then glanced back. “Brad?”
“Suzie, stop. Just stop what you’re doing. We can’t keep the lodge.”
“But….”
God, he hated the look on her face. “The lodge is going. We can’t keep it.”
She paused. “Haven’t you been listening to me?” She thrust her arms out. “Look at all this. It’s wonderful. The kitchen. Did you see the kitchen?” She pulled his hand again. “Come, Brad, if you see the kitchen you’ll understand. We can renovate. It’s perfect, and….
“Brad. We can do this. Together, we can. I can work here. I would be your sous chef. We can do this!”
Brad let go the longest breath. “Suzie, I’ve seen the kitchen. As old kitchens go, it’s a fine one. Have you thought how much it would cost to bring that up to code? This whole place? It’s got 1930s everything—wiring, plumbing, appliances, roof, foundation. It won’t work. You have to give it up.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m not going to give it up.”
He chuckled. “What are you going to do? Chain yourself to a porch post come morning?”
Hands on hips, she glared at him. “Brad Matthews, don’t you laugh at me.” Then her face screwed up into a crazy sort of puzzle. Shit. Tears. “Don’t you dare make fun of me, or what I think is important. Do you understand?
“And yes, come tomorrow morning, you might just find me chained to that post out front and I’ll dare you to send those bulldozers at me!”
The rage in her voice was one thing, but the red creeping up her neck to her face and the tears begging to spill from her eyes were another. Dammit all to hell. Was this woman worth this much trouble?
He exhaled long and hard. Unfortunately, yes. She was.
She ran from the room and out to the deck again.
Holy shit. What the hell was he going to do with her?
He found her o
n the deck, at the opposite end. She looked toward the lake, leaning over the thick wooden railing. The early afternoon sun tickled at the highlights of her strawberry blond mane, which fell in a cascade toward her shoulders, hiding her face from view. It seemed she was contemplating, glancing from the lake and back across toward the B&B.
Her little home sat quaint and peaceful in the cove of trees. It really was a nice view from the deck of the old lodge. He looked around him, studying his surroundings. Large oaks hung heavy branches over the south end, making a natural awning. Pines and cedars flanked the old building to the north. As he stood still and closed his eyes, he noticed the quiet quality of life around him.
Waves gently lapped at the shore.
Leaves rustled.
Suddenly, the hustle and bustle of a big hotel and restaurant on the premises seemed out of place.
Could he make it work? As it was? Scrap his plans and take a different tack?
Then he heard her crying.
“Suzie?” He took the few steps to reach her and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Sweetheart, let’s settle down and talk about….”
She turned a red, tear-stained face toward him. “Why can’t you leave this like it is?” she cried. “Why can’t you fix this!”
Fix it. How in the hell was he going to fix it? “It’s too late, Suzie. The plans are already made. I’ve got men coming here in the morning.”
“Too late. Too late! Well, maybe it’s too late for everything.” Dumbfounded, she glared at him. “You could fix it if you want. You don’t want to.”
The tears rolled again and she looked away. Reaching in close, he turned her face back to him. He longed to look into those incredible blue eyes and see happy tears, not sad ones. “Suzette, listen to me. Will you just listen to me?”
She gave him a reluctant nod.
Taking a deep breath, he said, “Let’s call a truce here, okay? Maybe I can put the project on hold. Temporarily. I’ll get someone to look at the structure. I can’t promise anything, but….”
A blank look broke across her face. “Really?”
With both thumbs, he wiped the tears from beneath her eyes. “Really.”
Suddenly her eyes squinted again. “Brad, there is something I need to tell you…there’s something else.”
