At night, when all was dark except for the diamonds in the sky, and when all was silent except for the soft lapping of the ocean’s waves, she would think of him. He had become something godlike in her mind. She found it hard to imagine him without feeling warm, and safe, and loved. Their lovemaking had been glorious.She had felt massive Pleasure course through her: through every part of her. He had moaned loudly, a slave to his passion. They had both lost themselves in each other. Lollie thought it was the best thing that had ever happened to her, that morning.
She often wished that Elias would return, so that she may touch his face, feel his breath. But she was also glad that he did not. It would raise too many questions, bring her into a light into which she did not wish to be brought. It would drag her name thoroughly through the mud, and make the men in the village cast her aside; and the women look at her with unconcealed pity.
She envisioned her life from this point as being solely given to her son. She and Freddie would take long walks amongst the mountains, and he would climb upon her shoulders and look out over the sea and point into the great nothingness. “I will go there, Ma,” he said. “And bring you a shell the size of House. The biggest shell you ever saw, Ma.”
“I know, sweetness,” Lollie said. “I know.”
Her life trudged on quite comfortably. She was content, happy. She would not have regretted it if she died without ever seeing Freddie’s father again.
One night, Father and she sat before the fire. “Some English lord is going to build this place up,” he said, tapping his fingers on the chair. “They’re going to make a proper dock, and build a lighthouse. Oh, yes, things are going to change in Karankay.”
“Are you worried, Da?”
Father laughed. “Worried? No. What’s there to be worried about? They’ll want good fisherman. I’m a great fisherman. With their help we’ll be able to catch enough to live on, and to sell a little bit on. We might be able to buy a few trinkets here and there. Some presents for little Freddie. Plus, we can give him a little something. Save up some coin for him, aye? No, I’m not worried at all.”
It was good to see Father so optimistic, but the rest of the village didn’t share his optimism. The women spoke of dark omens, and some of the men spoke of the English with disgust. “Won’t learn out language—use us—make us out for fools—insult out ways.”
“It’s silly talk,” Father said one night. “They need us more than we need them. We’ve been fishing these waters for hundreds of years. They don’t know where the best fish are to be caught, at what times, aye? They don’t know how these waters can beat a man. They don’t know how these waters can break some men. What of the coves, and the secret places the ocean keeps to herself, aye? Do they know of them?”
Freddie jumped upon his grandfather’s lap. “Papa, was I good last time?”
He was referring to his short trip on the boat.
“Aye, lad,” Father said, ruffling Freddie’s mop of ginger hair. “Very good. You’ll make a good fisherman. If that’s what you want to be. If this situation turns out alright, you’ll have what I never did. Prospects.”
“Prospects.” The boy said the word like it was magic.
“Anyway,” Father said, rising. “I’ve got to meet this stone-mason they’ve sent up to England. He’s going to start work on the lighthouse. Figuring where it should go and the like. Think they’ve sent up a team of workers, too. But they’re coming after, when he’s made his measurements.”
Father pulled on his jacket against the autumn wind. Then there was a knock at the door. Father walked over and opened it slightly. “Aye?” he said, in thickly-accented English. “Who are you?”
“The stone-mason,” was the reply.
A cold chill went through Lollie. Her hands shook.
“Aye, alright,” Father said.
Elias sounded nervous. Lollie knew it was him. She had heard that voice enough times in her dreams. “Um, thank you,” he said. “Shall we get started?”
“Aye, sure,” Father said.
He turned to Lollie. “I’ll see you later, Lol—”
Her name! “Goodbye, Da,” she said quickly.
He looked at her oddly, and then shook his head. The door closed behind him.
He is here, Lollie thought in panic. My lover has returned.
Freddie jumped over to her. “Ma, you look funny. Ma, your face looks funny and red.”
Lollie made to talk, but all that came out was a tired sigh. “Sorry, sweet one,” she said. “Ma is tired, is all.”
Her breath came quickly; feelings long-buried rose to the surface. Love panged within her.
&
Elias had heard her voice. He was certain it was her voice. He would never forget it. Six years later, and she sounded like the day he met her. And there was another thing, a thing that shocked Elias to his core. She had a child. The child had peeked around the door, eager to see the visitor. In the child’s face he saw Lollie. His heart dragged downward in his chest. Lollie had found a man. She was married. She had a family. He had come all this way, and she had a family.
He knew he should’ve expected this. He couldn’t exactly expect her to wait for him. He had made no sign he was coming back. But it still cut him deeply. LollieMcArkam had a family. He was a married woman. He had outgrown most of his courtly training, but the sanctity of marriage still meant a great deal to him. He would never come between a husband and his wife, never. It simply was not in him.
Despite himself, he wanted to learn more about Lollie’s life. He knew it could serve no purpose but to harm him, but he wanted to assure himself that she was happy, that she had made it. “So, George,” he said, in the most casual voice he could at present muster. “That little one I saw, he’s your grandson, I assume?”
“Aye,” George said, as they walked across the island toward a natural pier-formation: a grouping of rocks that jutted out of the island like a horizontal Finger Rock. “Freddie, his name is. A fine rascal, if ever I met one.”
“Your son’s child, is he?” Elias said.
“No,” George said. “I have no son. He’s my daughter Lollie’s lad.”
“Oh.” Elias nodded his head.
“This is it,” George said, walking to the end of the rock. “You ken here? Where the rock pokes out like this. Aye, I think it’d make a mighty fine spot four your lighthouse. A mighty fine spot.”
Elias observed the rock, made some judgments, and then hastily agreed. He had to know who she was married to. He just had to. When they were walking back from the spot, Elias feigned a laugh to himself.
“Something funny?” George said, smiling in his friendly, open way.
“I saw a fellow lugging a bag of fish up the hill on my way here.” This was a complete fabrication. Elias was guilty of how easily the lie came. “I think I heard him say something about a lady McArkam. That your daughter, is it?”
“LadyMcArkam?” George laughed. “You must’ve heard wrong, lad.”
“Oh,” Elias said. “I thought perhaps it was her husband.”
“Oh, no,” George said quickly. “Lollie don’t have a husband.”
“But the child—”
“Lollie don’t have a husband,” George repeated stiffly. “It’s just the lad, her, and me.”He spoke with the tone of a man who wishes to say no more.
Elias didn’t press him. Lollie didn’t have a husband. Did that mean—No, it was too mad to think of. How old had the child looked? Could he have been just a little over five? Did he have something of the English in his ruddy Scottish features?
Elias left George as quickly as he could and sheltered in the lodgings the villagers had provided for him. He started a fire, and huddled near it. A child, he thought, in astonishment. My child.
*****
She had to see him. She had to
make sure that it was really him. No matter that Father had given her his name. Perhaps it was a different Elias Taylor. Perhaps the kelpie was playing a trick on her.
She waited until Father and Freddie were sleeping, and then crept out of the house and sneaked through the village. There was only one place the villagers would’ve housed a visitor. That was in the McGregor house. The McGregor’s had left the village two years ago, and their house stood abandoned. Lollie sneaked through the village, ducking under clotheslines, weaving between houses, until she came to the house. In the bottom window, a candle flickered.
She crept over to it and peered in. And there he was, looking a little older, a little rougher, but no less handsome. His held his hands over the candle, making broken shadows upon the wall, and gazed into the dark, as if under a spell. Lollie could barely believe what she was seeing. Hearing of him was one thing; actually seeing him, after all this time, was something else entirely. She pressed her palm against the window, and peered close. His muscles were tense, like a tough problem was working itself out upon his body.
He sighed, and then leaned back in the chair. He closed his eyes. Soon, he was snoring. Lollie watched him sleep for too long, and the retreated into the night.
When she was back in bed, panic came over her. That was him. There was no denying it. That was Elias Taylor, Freddie’s father. She had never believed in the kelpie, but here it was, workings its magic. It had pushed Elias all the way to Karankay, back into her life. He and Father had talked, and Father didn’t know that he was talking to his grandson’s father. It was a mess: a magical mess.
She curled into a ball and tried to breathe steadily. Feelings warred within her. She didn’t know whether to be ecstatic or terrified. She had dreamt of him returning many times, but she had never, for a moment, thought it might actually happen. In the morning, Father leaned over her.
“You okay?” he said.
“Yeah, Da,” Lollie said.
“You look like you’ve seen a spirit.”
I have, she thought. A spirit the kelpie sent me. A spirit from the past.
“No, Da,” she said. “Just a little tired.”
“Okay, then,” Father said. “I’m off to meet the English mason.”
Lollie lurched to her feet. “Da, can me and Freddie come with you?”
“I don’t see why not.”
Lollie woke Freddie, and then the three of them were walking toward the lighthouse spot, to meet the English mason, to meet the father of Lollie’s child.
*****
Lollie’s legs felt as though they might give way at any moment. Walking was an intolerable struggle when her heart was so full of anticipation and dread. Freddie hopped beside her, happy to be out of the house and in the chill autumn air, happy to be with his ma and papa. Lollie saw him after a moment, standing at the edge of the water, gazing into the distance. His back was turned, but then Father called out to him, and he turned.
His face dropped the moment he saw her. He looked away, at the ground, and color rose in his cheeks. Father patted him on the back. “The weather getting to you, aye?”
Elias managed a nod.
“Aye, alright. This is Lollie, my daughter. And Elias, my grandson.”
Elias held out his hand. Lollie offered hers, and they shook. Energy passed between their hands. Lollie felt a strong urge to hold onto him and never let him go. She wanted to hold onto that hand forever. But Father was there, and she couldn’t arouse suspicion. She withdrew her hand and Elias knelt down.
“Hello, little man,” he said.
Freddie, who had been learning English and his own language since he was a baby, beamed at the English man. “Hello, sir,” he said, in a poor imitation of a gentleman’s voice. “How are you today?”
“Wow!” Elias laughed. “He is quite the linguist!”
Freddie beamed, and Elias ruffled his hair.
Lollie watched in fascination. For the first time in her life, her son and his father were interacting. She wished this moment could stretch forever, but then Father was leading them to the rock where the lighthouse would go, talking about measurements with Elias. Freddie listened in rapt attention, but Lollie could barely take it.
They were about to leave when she touched Elias’ arm. “Shall I tell him, or shall you?” she said.
Father tilted his head. He had no clue what they were talking about. “I will do it,” Elias said, standing up straighter. “George, sir, I have something to tell you. I am sorry I did not do it sooner.”
&
He had expected the man to roar his outrage, or to hit him, or to walk off in stony silence. Instead, he leaned forward, and whispered intently: “Show the boy love, aye? He shouldn’t find out about it like this. Kneel down and show him love. Look at him, aye? He’s wondering what this all means. Your son is scared. Come on, lad.”
Elias looked down at the boy – Freddie – and saw that George was right. He peered up at Elias with open confusion in his little eyes. Elias signed and knelt down. “Freddie,” he said. “I know this is going to sound mighty strange, but I’m your father.”
“My pa?” the boy said in wonderment. “My real pa?”
Elias nodded. “Yes, your real pa.”
A wave of regret washed over him as he regarded the boy. Here was his child, and he had never spoken to him before now. Here was the product of that passionate night, and Elias was a complete stranger to him. The boy’s mouth slowly fell open, and then he reached out and touched Elias’ shoulder. “You’re real,” he said slowly. “You’re really real.”
“I am,” Elias said. “I’m sorry I wasn’t around before, young sir. Do you think we can be friends?”
Elias’ sanity hung on this question. If the boy denied him now, he would fall into a fit of despair. He felt as though he were standing before a king, waiting for his decision on some important matter. And that, he decided, was what he was doing: standing before his son, more important than any king, and waiting to be hated. After a pause, the boy smiled. “We can be friends,” he said. “I’ll show you the rock pools down the shore.”
Without waiting for a reply, Freddie sprinted down shore. He stopped a few feet away, looking over his shoulder. “Are you coming?” he said.
Elias looked to Lollie, who had been watching this scene in rapt fascination. “What do you think?” he said.
Lollie looked to George, who shrugged and nodded at the boy. “Go with your son and his father, Lollie, but only if ye want to.”
Lollie smiled. “I want to, Da.”
“Then go. I’ll not stand in your way.”
Lollie followed her son. Elias was about to follow when George touched his arm. “Be a good man to them, lad.”
“I will, sir,” Elias promised. He was not the sort of man to lie to his lover’s father. “I promise, I will.”
“Aye, I believe you. Go, then.”
Elias ran down the shore with Lollie and Freddie, heading toward the rock pools.
*****
Five weeks later, when the workmen had arrived and the lighthouse was half-built, Lollie peered at herself in the reflection of the water. She looked brighter, more alive; she looked as though the kelpie were living behind her eyes, infusing her with energy. She splashed water on her face, and grinned at herself. After a few moments, Elias knelt down beside her. “You are grinning at yourself,” he remarked.
“I am,” she said. “Does it scare you?”
“Everything about you scares me,” he jested, nudging her playfully. “I am terrified by your very presence.”
Elias often said things like these, thinking that he was joking. But Lollie knew the truth. He wasn’t joking at all. He really was terrified of her and Freddie. He wasn’t so terrified that he would leave them; his terror actually made him more likely to stay. He was terrified beca
use she and he had experienced one night of pure pleasure together, and he had never expected life to spring from it. He was terrified because he had missed six years of family.
“Why did you want to meet all the way out here?” Elias asked. “Is there something wrong?” His voice was tinged with panic. Lollie knew that he lived in the perpetual fear that she would cast him aside, and he would be forced to leave her and Freddie. “Lollie?”
“Nothing is wrong,” she laughed. “I am here to ask something of you, sweet Elias. I have spoken to Miss Colquhoun, the oldest and wisest lady in the village. For a long time she had married the people of Karankay. I have asked her if we may be married, upon Finger Rock. She has agreed. She doesn’t like it, mind you. She says that we should’ve been joined long ago. But she has agreed all the same. I just need to know if you—” Here her words ran out. She had expected him to ask this, but he had been busy with the lighthouse—and bonding with Freddie. Plus, these weren’t his lands. He was still getting used to their customs. She shrugged. “You know.”
He nodded. “I know, Lollie. Why do you look so nervous?” He kissed her upon the forehead. His lips were warm. “I have wandered for six years. I have been as a homeless vagrant, apart from my masonry. And all the while I thought of you, Lollie. Of that magical time upon the rock.I tried to imagine what you were doing, how you were feeling, how live was treating you. Imagine my surprise when I discovered we had a son together! Imagine my surprise when I was welcomed back here!”
He shook his head slowly, as though he could barely believe it. “And imagine my surprise when your father – bless the man – did not treat me as a brute. As he might’ve.As he had every right to.No, instead, he treated me with kindness, and he allowed me to court you.” He reached out and touched her hand. Their finger brushed, and then interlocked. “I will go there with you this moment,” he said. “Yes, Lollie, let us go there!”
Romance: Detective Romance: A Vicious Affair (Victorian Regency Intrigue 19th England Romance) (Historical Mystery Detective Romance) Page 36
