Chapter Ten
Letters from Home
As the weeks passed without the company of my family, my frame of mind deteriorated. Even though I had a few chores left to finish around the cabin, my heart just wasn't into it. I barely got out of bed in the mornings, some days all I did was tend to the horses. I chopped wood, cooked for myself maybe once a day, which probably wasn’t the best idea. Since I had become a werewolf I had an enormous appetite.
A week after I mailed my letter, I received one in return. I almost didn’t go to town. Unable to shake the loneliness I felt, it was difficult to pull myself off the creaky mattress. When Mrs. Matthews handed me the letter, my spirits soared, and I was thankful I had left the cabin.
I rushed home, wanting some privacy when I read my family's words. There was a letter from each of them. I opened my mother's first.
Dear Nathaniel,
I was so happy when we received your letter. I was driving the post master mad asking if there was a letter for me. I hate that they think it is from our cousin, but we must keep you hidden.
Is it so very lonely? You sounded homesick, although I know you tried to hide it, but I am your mother, you cannot fool me.
I laughed out loud, she was right, I couldn’t fool her. I would have to try harder the next time.
The girls miss you terribly, they cry for you almost every day. Rose say’s she will never forgive you for not saying good-bye. I don’t know how I will tell her, but I know I will have to soon. She doesn’t seem to believe that you went to school early. She is almost thirteen and she might be able to handle the truth. I just don’t know. I am a lot older and can barely handle it myself. If I could get my hands on that woman who did this to you, I would let her have it. I do not care what she is.
We had the funeral for Eva’s brother a few days after you left. The town is worried about the wolves attacking again. I wanted to tell them it was okay, she was gone, but how could I explain?
I hope you are doing well, and I can’t wait to visit you. We are hoping to come soon. Please let us know when you are up for it. I have wonderful news, I am pregnant and I hope it is a boy. If it is, I will call him William, Nathaniel Riley.
He will know you, Son. I don’t care what we have to do, but you will meet your little brother.
I must sign off,
I love you so much.
Your mother
My chest swelled with emotion after reading her letter three more times. I wasn't able to get to the rest for fear of breaking down completely. Instead, I set them aside to read at another time, and then went out to the stables to prepare Franklin for a run. My spirits were a bit higher, and I was in the mood to explore the property. Except once I put the saddle on him, he bucked it off. It was one thing for him to lead me in the carriage, another entirely for him to let me ride him. He had been my horse before I was bitten, and we had ridden well together, but now that I smelled differently he didn't trust me. After a few attempts to mount him, he finally stilled, obviously realizing that I wasn't going to give up. I had to lose my family for a time because of what I now was, I wasn't losing him too. "It's okay boy, it's just me. The same Nathaniel you've always known." I cooed at him, rubbing his fur softly. With my words, he started down the meadow at a slow trot. Eventually I prodded him to pick up his pace and before long, we were racing through the property.
If it was possible, over the next few weeks my mood darkened. The silence was unbearable and I missed home so much more then I ever thought I could. I was not meant for isolation.
Everything that needed to be done around the cabin was finished. I now found myself bored, and with nothing but books to occupy my thoughts, my mind often wandered to my parents, my sisters, and to Lucy. I relived that horrible night more times than I cared to admit, in my dreams, and in the brightness of the day when I should be trying to move on. I dwelled on the past and felt dreadfully sorry for myself. The only time I left the cabin was when I went to town to mail and receive letters. I was running out of food, but I didn’t care, I never had an appetite. Most days I spent inside lying on my bed, asking God why this happened to me.
One evening as usual, I was lying back on my mattress, feeling week with hunger and yet didn’t have the energy to move. Instead, I was reading Robinson Crusoe, hoping to change my dreary thoughts.
When the sun went down I started to feel tingling along my skin. I looked down and saw little hairs springing up all over my body. I should have paid more attention to the date. I forgot there was a full moon today, I wasn’t prepared. It came on a lot faster this time and I barely made it out of the cabin before my body transformed into a wolf. It was excruciating, but since it was so quick, I almost didn't register the pain.
As soon as the wolf took over, all it could think about was…FOOD! I should have eaten better while I was human.
I took off into the forest desperately hungry, in hunt for something to eat. I quickly devoured two rabbits, but it wasn’t enough. I raced through the forest, flying over tree stumps, thickets and fallen branches, in search of something bigger. I was hoping for a deer but when I found one, I couldn’t catch it on my own. I caught a few small animals, but they barely quenched my appetite, and I was still savagely hungry. I had been running for miles when I heard sounds of the town. Maddened with starvation, the wolf had fully taken over, and I couldn’t distinguish the different noises. I was so far gone, that human sounds meant nothing to me.
I came up to the edge of the woods when I smelled an enticing aroma. The heart was beating and the blood flowing through the veins of my prey was mouth watering. I acted on instinct, I was a wild animal, a hunter, and I needed to feed. All I focused on was that scent. I found my meal lying under a tree. I ate my fill, and once I was satisfied, I ran off to the deep cover of the forest to sleep.
Something was splashing my face. I winked and blinked as water dripped onto my eyelids. Was someone pouring water on me? As I slowly regained consciousness, I felt the hard ground under me. I opened my tired eyes and glanced around. I was lying in the middle of a thicket of thorn bushes, and it was sprinkling. The sky was a dull grey and clouds hovered above. How did I get here? I asked myself as I slowly sat up, digging a thorn into my scalp. I yelped and ducked down on all fours crawling out into the open.
My body was covered in fresh scratches, but I also noticed new scars that must have happened when I crawled into the thicket in the first place. How did I get here and why am I naked and covered in blood? The answer came right away, the full moon. And with that thought, I remembered how the wolf had overtaken me, but that was where my memory failed. I couldn't recall what I did last night or how I came to be lying in the middle of the forest.
I didn’t know where I was, but with my heightened sense of smell I was able to find my way back to the cabin. Walking barefoot through the thick brush left scratches on my already dirty and bloodied body.
After I washed up and dressed, I made myself the last of the eggs for breakfast, realizing that my lack of nutrition was surely the cause of the wolf taking over last night. The only thing I had to go on was the last full moon, and since I was lucid then, it had to mean I needed to eat. That was the only difference between the two days. I wasn't hungry the first time, and I remembered everything. I couldn’t recall what happened last night, and the thought that I had no control over my own body frightened me immensely.
I went to town that afternoon to mail some letters to my family and pick up more supplies. My father had sent more funds, and with them I was able to get all the food I needed. I was standing in line to pay for my goods when I overheard a few people talking.
“Can you believe it? He was killed by an animal. The sheriff says it was most likely a wolf.” I tensed, clenching my hands into fists, shattering the glass jar in my hand, blood dripped onto the wooden floor. Thankfully everyone was too interested in the gossip to notice.
&nbs
p; As I bent down to clean up my mess, I listened carefully to the rest of the conversation. “Yes, Thomas said he left the tavern and could barely stand. The last anyone saw of him, he was lying under a pine tree just outside of town.”
I gulped, my mouth suddenly went dry. As soon as I heard the words, the events of last night played out in my mind. The wolf that killed that man…was me.
I paid for my things quickly, rushing out of the store. People gaped at me as I bumped into them, not caring who I brushed up against as I made my escape. The prominent thought in my mind as I made my journey back to the cabin was that I had become a monster--exactly like my maker.
When I arrived home, I was upset and disgusted with myself. I couldn’t believe what I had done. To take another life was what I had feared would happen. How could I do such a thing? Was I turning into Charlotte? I had been sure that living in isolation would have prevented this.
Something had to change. I knew that if I continued to kill, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. The thought of taking my own life entered my mind again, but the memory of what happened last time quickly erased the idea. I was a monster and I would just have to live with it.
I dumped the supplies onto the table before heading back outside to split wood. It was a good way to clear my head. My mind started to wander as I chopped, throwing the pieces of oak in a pile close to the cabin. I contemplated my options. Option one: give into the monster, become like Charlotte. It seemed inevitable anyway. If I let the wolf take over I could just excuse my behavior. I was a werewolf, I couldn’t help myself. I tried to picture myself killing someone on purpose and I almost vomited at the thought. My parents had taught me to treat others well, respect my fellow man. It was engrained in my being, and one bite could not change that.
I'm not a murderer. I'd just have to come up with a plan to be a werewolf and be able to control the urges. What was it that Charlotte had said the last night I saw her.? "If you fight your wild side, the wolf wins. If you embrace it, you control the wolf." Yes, I had lost control once, but that had to be because I had starved myself, therefore starving the wolf. I fought my wild side and the wolf won this time. Now if I embrace it, by eating twice the amount I usually do, and changing more than just once a month, I might be able to control it. Charlotte had said that I could, and it wouldn't hurt as much the more I changed. I liked that idea, because the two times I had turned, the pain was unbearable. I wasn’t sure if my idea would work, but it was all I had, and I wasn’t willing to accept option one. The wolf may be a killer, but I wasn’t.
That afternoon, I set my plan in motion. I ate an enormous lunch of stuffed chicken, and a loaf of Clara's baked bread. Afterward, I set out for the woods to try and change on command. I didn't know if I could do it since Charlotte had never shown me, but I had to try. I got down on my hands and knees, my fingers digging into the soft dirt, and my knees resting in a patch of thistles, and willed the wolf to come out. I focused on memory, trying to feel the wolf in my mind, visualizing hairs growing on my body, my limbs snapping and reforming. Besides a slight tingle, nothing happened. I stayed in the position for about an hour without any results. Finally, I gave up.
Since that wasn't going to work out, I needed something to do. I had decided not to dwell on my problems and try to be happy with what I had. I didn't have any family or friends, but I had the horses and they were slowly warming up to me. I had been taking them each for runs, and letting them loose in the meadow.
Today, since I had given up my quest to change into a wolf, I decided to play with the horses. We were frolicking in the pen--well they were doing the frolicking, I was watching-- when I had an idea. I opened the gate, and stood by Franklin, holding his bit. I started to run with him, and eventually let him go, and quickened my pace. When I first realized my unusual abilities, my parents thought I had outrun the horses. I wanted to see if I could, by racing them. When I let him go, he slowed. I turned around. "Come on Franklin, are you chicken?" I taunted. He slowed even more, and huffed at me. "Fine, you give up, but I won't." I turned around and again accelerated my pace. I was halfway to my marker when I heard hoof beats coming up behind me. I titled my head to see Franklin on my heels. This only made me run faster and I pulled away from him. I made it to the edge of the fence seconds before Franklin. So the answer to my question was--yes, I could outrun a horse.
By the time I went in for the night, I was in a good mood, nothing like exercise to lift your spirits.
The next day I tried to turn into a wolf again, this time using my anger, remembering what Charlotte did, not only to me, but to the town of Creekford. She had taken away Lucy, Samuel, and me. Then I pictured what I would do to her if I saw her again, and suddenly I was seething. I was so angry, I lifted up my chin and let out a howl, it started out human, and then clearly became wild. My body tingled and I exploded into a wolf. It was much faster using my anger, and even though it was still excruciating, it happened so fast, the pain was forgotten instantly. And thankfully with all the food I had been eating, I was in control. I was Nathaniel, only in a different form. With my small victory, I took off into the forest to practice hunting. I was alone so I needed to find a way to take down bigger animals.
Over the next few weeks, I ate a lot, and frequently. I became more active, finding projects around the cabin, and taking the horses out for a run, sometimes I rode them, other times, we raced. And when I turned into the wolf, I practiced hunting, hiding behind bushes watching the deer, learning their habits. My goal was to one day take one down by myself. It was a challenge, and it took a lot of my time, but that was something I had plenty of.
During the next rise of the full moon, I was in complete control, staying close to the cabin. After a few months I even enjoyed these nights. I felt liberated, like nobody could harm me. I was a wolf, king of the forest and nothing could touch me.
Riley's Curse, A Moon's Glow Prequel Page 10
