by Black, C. E.
I felt the tears staining my cheeks and I wiped them off half-heartedly. It still hurt so badly to think of the accusations Jordan had hurled at me. Ironically, it turned out that I was exactly who they thought I was. I was a conniving bitch for lying to them about terminating my pregnancy.
“I am so sorry.” It was Liz’s turn to pull me into a hug.
I held onto her tightly and closed my eyes, soaking in the comfort she was offering. Only for a moment, though. I pulled away, wiping away more tears.
“The three of us will be just fine, Sam.”
“You’re not going to yell at me, demand that I tell them the truth?”
Liz shook her head. “No, but I do think you should tell them. It’s not my decision though. Whatever you decided, I will be there for you, no matter what.”
I gave her a small smile and squeezed her hand in mine.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Now, let’s get started on our future. First up is getting you a job and I have the perfect one.”
Tilting my head, I asked,”Really? Where?”
“There is an opening at work. I guess I can speak to Mr. Wolford about it when I see him about the house hunting.
Liz bit her lip and looked off into space. I wondered what she was thinking. Probably another brilliant idea, I mused. I shrugged. She would tell me what she was cooking up when she was ready.
A job at Wolford sounded great. The pay would be phenomenal, especially compared to my last job, but I did not want any special treatment.
“Alright, Liz, but I want a proper interview and if I am not right for the job then that’s that. No pulling strings for me.”
Liz blinked at me. “Of course, Sam.”
I didn’t believe her wide smile for a minute. Go with it, I told myself. It was time to move on. By myself, I would have been fine, but with Liz’s help, things would be a lot easier and we, the baby and I, would not be alone.
~ 5 ~
Alex
Three weeks later and we still had not found her. I paced the office floor as Jordan typed furiously on his computer.
"Anything?" I asked.
"No."
Jordan's tone was clipped as usual. His temper had only escalated since I told him about Sam's empty apartment. I couldn’t blame him. My patience was thinning as well.
"Tell me you found something. She could not have just vanished into thin air," I growled.
Jordan turned sharply, waves of anger pouring off him and slamming into me. His power flared hot against my skin and only my own strength kept me from staggering back.
"I have been searching non-stop for three weeks! I can't find a damn thing. It is like she just vanished." He shook his head. "She left no forwarding address when she moved. The secretary at the law firm said she quit and they had no idea she wasn't still living here. I can't find any trace of her."
“What about her friend Liz? Sam would have contacted her.”
Jordan shook his head again. “She seems to have moved as well and the company she works for is built like Fort Knox. No one will tell anything and no matter how hard I try, I can’t break into their system.
"There has got to be something we can do!"
“No, I don't think there is." Jordan looked away; his shoulder's slumping, all his anger evaporating in a single exhale. "I think it's time to give up."
Give up? Never! Jordan knew exactly which buttons to push and it was my turn to explode.
"Of course you do! You don't give a damn about finding Sam! She was never anything to you!"
I squeezed my fist together so hard I could feel my fingernails digging into my skin. God, I wanted to punch something, someone.
“And she’s pregnant, for God’s sake! If we take too long finding her...” I let the sentence trail off, feeling the agony of what could possibly be done.
We took too long before going to her. I thought for sure if I gave her time, she would be ready to talk. I did not want her to terminate the pregnancy. After our argument, I had thought it would be best for us all to cool down for a while. What a colossal mistake that had been!
"This is your fault, you know? Treating her like shit, telling me that was the way it had to be."
I turned away. I couldn't look at him. I was too disgusted...with him...with myself. My shoulders slumped.
"No, it wasn't just your fault. It was mine too. I should have never listened to you."
With that last scathing remark, I headed for the door, but stopped when I heard him move. I turned quickly, blocking the razor sharp claws Jordan threw out. His swipe was so fast it was only a blur of golden fur, but he knew better than to sneak up on me. Our enhanced senses would not have let that happen often.
Gritting my teeth, I willed the shift. An electric shiver raced up my shoulder as I changed only my right arm and hand. In a lightening quick move, my now black, fur clad paw connected with his jaw. His head jerked back harshly. Not wanting to hurt him too seriously, I had retracted my claws at the last minute, but the hit was still solid.
Jordan stood still as stone, his face turned away and his chest heaving. I prepared myself for a repeat attack, but quickly realized Jordan hadn’t wanted to fight. He wanted me to hit him.
"What in the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted.
Haunted eyes turned towards me. "I deserved it."
His voice was low and hoarse, defeated. Both of our arms had reverted to human form as our tempers cooled. Our fights had never lasted long. Our friendship had always been more important.
"Talk to me, Jordan."
He sat boneless in his desk chair; his head falling into his hands. He looked miserable and disheartened. Hell, we both were.
"You are so right. I fucked up. I thought...."
He paused and looked up at me, his eyes dark with some unknown yet intense emotion.
"I still think having a relationship with Sam is not a good idea, but we...I,” he corrected, “should not have even started anything to begin with. Our world is not for her."
I made a frustrated sound in the back of my throat. "Are we back to that now? We are not the first to have a human lover. We grew up around mixed couples."
"Yeah, and look how most were treated. Name one couple that was truly happy." Jordan challenged.
"The community made them miserable, not their spouses."
Jordan growled, obviously irritated, but he didn't say anything, only looked down at his hands in thought.
After a moment he said quietly, "Maybe, Alex...maybe." Without another word, Jordan got up and left the room
I didn't know what to think of his sudden change in attitude. There really wasn't anything else to say. We would have to agree to disagree...on everything.
It was going to be another long night. I grabbed my keys and left to get some more damn coffee.
~ 6 ~
Sam
After smoothing the plush yellow blanket with white trim, I stood back to take in the whole room. Everything looked just right. The walls were painted soft lavender with a border of multiple shades of purple and yellow butterflies. Against the far wall, near the small closet, there was a changing table full of necessary supplies. A matching white crib complete with yellow and white bedding stood in the corner ready for its new occupant, complete with a butterfly mobile hanging above.
Walking towards the window, I sat in my favorite piece of furniture. Placing a hand on my rounded belly, I rocked slowly and stared outside at park across the street. I watched little boys and girls race around the playground, swing high, and slide down slides with big smiles on their faces.
My lips twitched into a grin. I had to admit it was a great place to raise a child. The neighborhood was quiet and the schools were highly recommended. The park across the street from our quaint, three bedroom home was just a bonus.
'We'll be happy here,' I thought to the baby as I rubbed circles across my swollen belly. I smiled when I felt a flutter against my palm.
Moving in wit
h Liz had been the best decision. As much as I tried to dissuade her, she insisted on helping with the baby. We put together our savings and bought the small brick home. Not only was it in a great location, it was also not far from work.
A small noise brought my attention to the open doorway of the nursery. Liz stood watching me with sad eyes that she quickly masked with a grin.
"The room is beautiful," she said.
I nodded in agreement; ignoring the pity she tried hard to keep hidden. I was getting use to it.
"It’s perfect. I am so glad we finished before you have to leave."
"I know me too." Liz's eyebrows pulled together. "Are you sure you're going to be alright by yourself for a whole month?"
"Yes, Liz, of course I will," I reassured her with a soft smile. She had asked the same question daily since she found out she would have to travel overseas for a month.
Wolford was opening new hotels in four different countries across Europe and as the CEO’s executive assistant, Liz had to be present for the grand openings. It was a great opportunity for her. It had always been her dream to travel more and I wasn't about to hold her back, not after everything she had done and was willing to do for me.
After a quick nod, Liz walked over and placed her hand on my tummy, rubbing lightly. "I cannot believe you’re already more than six months along! Less than three left before we get to meet the lovely Ava," she said excitedly with one of her brightest smiles.
"I can't wait either!"
I really couldn't. My pregnancy had been, well not necessarily a breeze, but very pleasant. The morning sickness had not lasted too long and so far I had felt great, physically at least.
Emotionally, I was doing better. I loved my baby's fathers and missed them dearly, but I had come to terms with reality. Life was good and I promised myself I would be the best mom I could be to my darling girl.
I refused to dwell in the past when the future was looking so blessed. I might have gotten lonely at times, but I continued to remind myself that Liz and Ava were all I really needed. However, as many times as I silently repeated those words, my heart felt like it had been ripped into shreds and in the process of healing, left a gaping hole that would never be repaired.
"So, what are your plans for your day off?" Liz asked.
She had gotten me a part time position with Wolford also, except I was just a lowly secretary, a part time one at that. Once the baby was born and a routine was established, I hoped they would hire me full time. I hated the thought of not being with the baby all day, but I needed to pull my weight. Liz was wonderful for helping me out and I was not about to become a freeloader.
I felt like I had made the right decision to leave my old job. I hadn’t been too attached to the other employees. I also needed the change of scenery. Knoxville was definitely different, a mixture of big city, beautiful mountains and diverse people.
We found our home in a small subdivision outside the city. It was quiet compared to the hustle and bustle we endured at work. I was also relieved I wouldn’t have to worry about running into anyone I knew, especially Jordan or Alex.
"I have a doctor's appointment."
I glanced down to check the time. My eyes filled with tears at the sight of the small gold and diamond watch Jordan had given me for my thirtieth birthday last year. I push the memory away quickly as usual. I could not bring myself to stop wearing the beautiful gift, but I tried hard not to think about it too much.
"In an hour, actually."
I was surprised to hear my voice break at such mundane words. I cleared my throat as I stood up and turned my back to Liz.
"I need to get ready."
Liz knew when I was hiding, but she had learned that sometimes it was what I needed, so she didn’t stop me as I strode away to my bedroom. I wanted to shower and change my clothes before I headed out.
Once dressed, I pulled my hair up and twisted it into a knot. It was getting really long. I tried telling myself I just did not have the time to get it cut, but in reality, I knew that wasn't true. Both Jordan and Alex used to comment on how much they loved my long hair and I just could not bear to change it.
As I stared at myself in the mirror, looking at the woman who was just thinking about how she needed to move on, I realized what a phony I was. I vowed right then to get my hair cut after my doctor's appointment. Nothing too short, maybe shoulder length, with layers. Feeling a little stronger I slipped on my shoes.
Liz was getting her purse when I walked out of my bedroom. She had also changed out of her jeans and t-shirt. She looked so pretty in her plum sleeveless dress with her smooth blonde hair swept up into a sophisticated ponytail. The dress covered most of her skin and the hem went past her knees, yet somehow she still looked sexy. How some guy had not swept her off her feet yet, was beyond me.
"Off to work?"
"Yep, I have meetings all day," Liz said while sliding on a pair of matching pumps. "Hopefully they won't run long and I can be home for dinner."
"No worries if you're not. It's my turn to cook. And by the way, I love the dress."
"Thanks, you are looking good yourself," she said with a smile.
I looked down at my comfortable maternity wear and thought 'yeah right.' Knowing exactly what I was thinking as usual, Liz rolled her eyes and left for work.
Not long after Liz had gone, I was driving to my doctor's office. There was nothing special about the visit, just a routine check up, but I was feeling anxious. I had always felt that way before seeing the doctor. I guessed it was the fear of finding something wrong that had my heart beating a little faster.
I was positive everything was all right, but I didn't think I could handle losing the baby. She was so precious to me and she was a part of them, Jordan and Alex. Only one was the biological father, but I did not want to know which. I liked to think of the baby as being a part of them both.
As my pregnancy progressed, I had begun to wonder if I had done the right thing by telling them I was going to have an abortion. They had made their opinion very clear on having children. Neither wanted to have a baby, but if I thought about it, what guy wanted to start having kids right at the beginning of a relationship?
I pressed lightly on the brakes, easing to a stop at a red light. As I sat waiting for it to turn green, I wondered, not for the first time, if maybe I should get in touch with them. They did have a right to know about our baby girl.
I did not need anything from them, we would be all right alone. I also knew it would never change how they felt about me. The three of us were over and done, that was a given, but I was eaten up with guilt over keeping the news from them.
As I was turning the dial on the radio, a car horn and revving engine got my attention and my head jerk up to see the commotion. In that horrific moment, everything began moving in slow motion.
A green Taurus was swerving through the intersection, and heading right toward my little VW bug. I scanned around me and found nowhere to go. I looked back at the oncoming car just in time to watch it slam into my passenger side.
My mouth opened into a scream as my car rocked and spun from the impact. Glass shattered, metal groaned and I was thrown sideways into the door with the momentum. I remembered later how strange it was to actually hear the disgusting sound of bone cracking as my body slammed against the car door.
The air bag deployed, making me flinch back. I was too close to the steering wheel and felt my face sting with fresh burns. I could hardly breathe with all the powder in the air.
Suddenly, all was silent and unmoving. I tried to focus on my breathing, but could not stop coughing as smoke filled my lungs. Remembering the baby, my calm breathing went out the window. My right hand wrapped around my belly as I began to cry and pray that she would be okay.
Just the thought of something happening to Ava was causing a full-blown panic attack. I couldn't get enough air and my heart pounded so hard I felt it in my ears. My vision was getting blurry as the pain spreading throughout my body becam
e more intense.
I barely registered a muffled voice to my left, but I couldn't respond. The blurry vision was turning dark and I began feeling numb. My last thoughts before my surroundings disappeared, was that I hoped the baby would be safe and that Jordan and Alex could have been there with me.
~ 7 ~
Jordan
Rubbing my bleary eyes with the palms of my hands, I tried to focus on the bright computer screen. However, the colors and words only blurred together. With a half-hearted curse, I leaned back in my chair and closed my eyes.
I really needed a break. I had been working non-stop for the last three months on very little rest. A good night’s sleep was getting harder and harder to come by. I was down to only about an hour a night. Not good, I admitted, but I knew I would survive. I had been through worse during a mission, I told myself.
Yet, every damn time I closed my eyes another set awaited. Eyes so sweet, they reminded me of chocolate swirled with caramel. They danced with sensuous amusement, their long lashes torturing me with flirtation.
As I watched the pleasure turn to glistening tears, an ache would begin in my chest. I was the cause of that misery and I could never forgive myself for that.
However, what was unbearably worse, was when those warm eyes that could melt the coldest block of ice, turned hard as stone. An impermeable wall replaced a unique openness that I loved. The unforgiving accusations would bring me instantly awake. The only thing I could do was work, keep my mind busy, and away from the misery that I caused.
A glance at the clock told me it was mid morning already, another sleepless night for me. With a heavy sigh I stood and headed to the kitchen for more coffee. The pot was empty so I quickly started a fresh batch and searched for something to eat.
Alex walked into the kitchen and I turned to look at him. He gave me a once over, probably noticing my wrinkled appearance. I was in desperate need of a shower and clean clothes, among other things.
