“I killed him,” my whisper was louder as a solid mass in comparison. He didn’t say a word as the confession dripped off my tongue without its consent.
“You didn’t kill anyone. That was nothing. Nothing more than a dream,” he sounded like he was trying to convince himself of my hellish reality.
“Of course,” I didn’t know what else to say.
The car slammed to a stop in the middle of the road, “Look. I have killed people, Ash. I’ve watched a soul seep from the iris of a victim, that is something that you never want to see. Tell me that you haven’t done it,” he demanded.
“I have never killed someone…in real life.” I didn’t know how to answer that. I have watched myself kill many people; some over and over again. I know what it looks like, what it feels like to have your soul ripped from your body. That was the one thing that I didn’t need to deal with right now.
“Why do I still have skin? Why am I real? I shouldn’t be, I say trying to change the subject.
“Drake is a very strong vampire. There is no question that his, whatever the fuck that was, would let you… humanize for some time. Just don’t do anything stupid with it,” he sternly said without looking away from the road.
I stared out of the window, hoping that this power would wear off soon. I didn’t want it. I could feel the darkness coat parts of me as it cycled through my body. I wanted to go back to Thad’s house and pretend none of this ever happened. I don’t want to fear touching the wrong person, especially Thad.
I have been through Hell and back without feeling like there was nothing to live for. Now, I am fighting that fight daily as I am constantly reminded of the bad things that I can do. I know it is just a dream, but what if it isn’t?
An occasional car passed, slowing as they met Thad’s black car on the road. The fog and mist grew thicker as the temperature dropped. Closing my eyes in hopes that this, too is a dream, I am disappointed every time as I open my eyes to the most uncomfortable situation I have been in during my afterlife.
My left-hand warms unexpectedly. Thad’s fingers wrap around my hand, with a tight squeeze. His violet eyes darken as I stay as still as I can. The warmth is different than what Drake left me with. The cloud of fear dissipates as Thad’s thumb rubs a small circle over mine. This is what being human is like, this is what I miss the most.
A connection with someone, someone that you...
Before I could finish, he rips his hand from mine. “I just wanted to check and see if it was wearing off.” His eyes left mine and returned to the road, emotionless.
That is all it was? He was checking on me? I should’ve figured there was no reason for him to want to touch me. The last time, it could’ve killed him; I could’ve killed him.
“Is it?” I felt like I had to say something as I looked to my lap.
“You are still covered in him.”
The way he said it, I felt disgusted. I had no control over the energy that I was trying to remove from my body. There was no question that I was nothing more than a ball of Drake to him. I looked to me, but I had the remnants of Drake coursing through my form.
“Pull over,” I said.
“I am not pulling over here. We are in the middle of nowhere. We will be home soon. Then we will fix this.”
I wanted out of this car as much as he hated being near me. He hadn’t said it and he didn’t need to. The look on his face said it all.
“Hurry. I want this over with.”
Without another word from either of us, he sped through the country roads leading to the city.
The street lights were brighter and more frequent as we made our way through the neighborhoods. Time was endless as he huffed and puffed his way through the gates of his estate. I was thankful that I could be alone, yet pissed that I was the one that did this. It was my fault. If I would’ve just stayed home this wouldn’t be a problem. The need to see myself, my resting place and my past caused more than I was ready to accept. Thad hated me, my grave was left untouched and I knew there was nothing good about being human. Humans have emotions and reactions that a ghost doesn’t have. Emotions are one thing, but being human they are so much more debilitating. What I didn’t count on was Drake.
“Just let me out,” I couldn’t look at him as I told him what I wanted. I wanted to be as far away from him as I could. He knew I was safe as long as I was in the compound that he barred me from leaving.
The car slowed faster than I expected causing my body to jerk forward against the seatbelt. Pain shot to my shoulder as he hit he latch, releasing me from restraint. With all of the emotions racing through me and the pain that would bruise if this was long term, I slam my body in to the door, trying to escape.
I stilled as I looked to the door handle. Of course, you are a fucking body, Ashley.
Pulling on the chrome handle, the door unlocks, filling the car with fresh air. I carefully stepped out, avoiding a fall that I didn’t need. My balance was shot after tonight. How was I supposed to think much less walk?
Regardless, I needed to be alone.
“Don’t go..”
“I won’t,” I replied as I started towards the garden. Blossoms were closed up for the night, leaving vines as the only thing I could focus on. My knees hit the dirt before I thought to do it. Pulling weeds from the flower bed was easier when I didn’t need him to help me. Thad took care of the garden and always appeared to want to. I never had to admit that I needed him to keep the beauty alive. This didn’t need me.
Feelings, human feelings are a real bitch to try to control. Right now, I struggled with one thing that I couldn’t forget. I needed him. I wanted him, but maybe he doesn’t need me. I need to go in the house, there was something that I have wanted to do for a long time.
Chapter Ten
Thaddeus
The only one left.
Drake’s words won’t leave me alone. There has to be more, otherwise Ashley is more of a target than I had ever imagined. Someone is collecting power, a real source of energy, for whatever reason they are forgetting that there are rules.
As much as I want to find the person responsible, I can’t leave her alone. Not in her condition. She is different, right now. She has skin and color, things that I have yet to see from a seer. Ghosts don’t have mass or warmth. She was warm to the touch when I reached for her hand. I fought like hell to avoid touching her, but in that minute, the one where the adrenaline wears off and reality crashes in to you like a bus, I realized that I could’ve lost her.
The fear of losing everything was worth it, if only to make sure she was there. I couldn’t be sure after the vision I saw and the need to give up everything. The constant current of energy between us was for both assurance and possession. She is mine and Drake knows that. I’ll use the term loosely, but she was feeding off of him and it killed me to know someone else flowed through her body.
I couldn’t sit in the car any longer. I had to burn off some of this anger before I took it out on her. She didn’t deserve it but she was here.
The air was crisp as it hit my skin. I could hear music coming from the house as I walked to the empty garden. I thought for sure she would be here. I followed the sound in to the parlor, stopping without her seeing me. Her hands moved effortlessly against the grand piano as if she had been doing it her whole life. I never asked much about her past but playing piano was definitely on her list of pre-ghost hobbies. It had to be.
The sonata was recognizable but there were missing notes every few bars. I couldn’t help but smile as I watched her skin fade and return as she played through the transition. She was returning to me without Drake poisoning her insides. I wanted Ashley back, my Ashley.
With a deep sigh, the music stopped. Silence filled the room following the loss of ‘human’ and the return of her ghost form. Her head hung as she stared at the keys in front of her. She wanted to keep playing and I wanted to make her forget Drake.
My footsteps were louder than I wanted them to be against the
hardwood. She turned slowly, knowing it was me, and looked right in to my eyes. If a ghost could cry, this is what it would look like.
“I didn’t know you played, but it was beautiful,” I said as I sat next to her on the bench.
“Thank you. I miss the simple things,” she admitted without looking away from me.
“Keep playing.”
“I can’t. I’m a ghost, remember?” Sounds of defeat hit me in a place that I haven’t been affected in a very long time. I never wanted this and I wasn’t willing to let it go. I had the desire to make her happy.
“Play,” I instructed.
With a huff and an obvious distaste for my demand, she slammed her hands through the piano.
“Do it again. This time, don’t try and hurt yourself,” I chuckled to her.
Her transparent fingers extended and balled in to a fist repetitively. She wasn’t in the mood to humor me, but I had to try.
At first there was nothing, no music, no happiness, but she didn’t stop.
“Close your eyes, Ash.”
She did as I asked, giving me a chance to help her even if it killed me.
I stood to her back as her fingers played a silent song. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen to me, but I had to do this. I reached around her, placing my hands against hers. She stopped moving as soon as I touched her. The flow between us was quicker than I expected but she needed this.
“Keep playing.”
I could feel her pull from me as if I was giving my life to her. I guess I was in a way, but there wasn’t anything that I would rather do.
As her body began to return to skin. I pulled away without letting go. My body was telling me to stop but I refused. I gently held on to her wrist as she pushed down on a key.
“Don’t do this,” her gentle voice warned. “I can’t do this without you.”
“Then, play,” I reminded her.
This time she didn’t argue as I gently ran my fingers against her skin, careful not to lose focus or connection. One wrong move and she could kill me. In that moment she created music and I gave that to her.
“Ashley, don’t be afraid. Trust me.”
“I have seen what happens. I did it to you.”
“This is different. I won’t explain it, I want you to…” I was at a loss for words. I wanted to say things that I shouldn’t and she started playing, leaving me in the clear.
Controlling my breathing and only allowing her to take so much was proving to be harder than I thought. I didn’t know how much more I could give, but I wanted Drake out of her system as much as she needed to know that she can play anytime she wants.
“Thank you,” she turned to me with a smile, separating me from her. This time I wasn’t on the floor or suffering the excruciating pain. This time I was slightly weaker than I was, but I was willing to give that up for a chance to make her happy after all she has been through.
“You’re welcome.” I nodded and knew I had to get out of there. She really was beautiful but completely off limits. She was a ghost and I, well I don’t know what was breaking the rules anymore.
She was safe here and I needed her to stay that way until I could figure out how to end this before it was too late.
“I am going up stairs, I’ll see you later.” There was nothing more that I could say. I had work to do and for the first time, Ashley was a distraction.
She smiled as I walked away. My room felt empty as I walked in. There wasn’t anything out of place, but I knew something was missing. Tossing my leather jacket to the chair, I grab a t-shirt and sweat pants. Needing a shower and a moment to get my strength back up, I pull my sweater over my head and turn on the water while I have a chance.
Looking at my reflection, I start planning my next move.
“Fuck. How am I going to figure out where to start?” I say to my own reflection.
Thin layers of steam begin to coat the mirror, leaving me talking to myself. I don’t know what to do with her or the fucking vamp lords. These guys are up to something that requires enough energy to start real shit. A complete elimination of the seers is nothing any vampire would want, unless you are out to destroy your own kind.
“That’s exactly what they are planning to do.”
Slamming my hands on the porcelain countertop, the sink slightly pulled away from the wall. Without care, I hauled ass out of my room to the end of the hall.
I had no idea what I was going to say when I got there, but I needed Ashley to do her thing for me. It may be the last time that she is alive long enough to help, being she is one of a kind and she is mine. That alone puts her in harm’s way at this point.
Stopping just shy of her oak door, I still. The intricate designs on the door made this a one-of-a-kind piece of wood, and it was perfect for her.
Struggling to find my voice, I held my fist inches from her door. I could hear her humming on the other side of the one thing protecting her from me. She was singing the song that I helped her play on the piano. Rolling notes and key changes were pitch perfect and I was selfish enough to ruin this moment for her, or was I?
The best thing for her was to be as far away from me as possible. If the future that I expect collides with her, she will beg for something worse than death.
Chapter Eleven
Ashley
One moment.
One speck in time, changes everything.
There was nothing that I could do to stop him from leaving me in the parlor. I felt him disappear from my body as fast as he made the decision to leave. I had one of the best and worst nights of my after-life, and here I was, alone.
Drake felt like death as his toxic energy made a vile path through my body. Thad, on the other hand, he felt… amazing, like an April breeze in a cherry blossom field. Thad selflessly risked his own life to give me that moment.
Whether he knew it or not, he gave me something that I haven’t had in a long time. He gave me back something that I loved and he shared that with me. One day, I would make it up to him, but until then I would do anything for him. He deserved me.
If it was too much to give me the strength that he should’ve kept for himself, he should’ve just told me. I should’ve stopped him, but the need to feel human was more important than his safety. Now, all I wanted to do was make sure he was okay. The pain in my happiness was hidden within the false sense of security he was giving me. Now, I needed to find him.
Thaddeus was responsible for every emotion that I was capable of expressing in this moment. Passing through the door, there was something that he was keeping from me and I was going to find out what it costed him to give me the strength to play the piano.
The hallway was eerily quiet and hollow. If fear had the normal response to my transparent body, the tiny hairs on my body would be dancing to the gods as a warning. Nothing felt right as I made it to his open door. The mahogany bed that I have seen so many times before, was untouched. The moisture from the shower drifted through the doorway as I slowly moved towards the room. He never would’ve left all of these doors open, even with my ability to walk through them.
The glass door was open and Thad was nowhere to be seen. Out of human habit, I looked tothe mirror as I let the loneliness melt away with the rolling clouds of steam as I entered the bedroom.
“Where are you, Thad?” I leaned forward on the porcelain counter top and everything went black.
Fluorescent lights flickered until the room brightened enough for me to see I was standing in a hospital room. The grey walls and sparse table tops were a telling sign that there were no visitors. Here I was, back in a vision and feared I would watch myself do bad things to good people.
The sheet hanging from the ceiling was pulled back by a nurse holding a syringe and an unmarked bottle. Annoying beeps were making it hard to concentrate and it didn’t help that I was forced in to a dream that I didn’t want instead of looking for Thad. The last time I slipped in, I was out for three days.
“The doctor will be in soon to c
heck on you. Don’t worry, everything will be fine once the IV gets to working,” the nurse said to the guy in the bed. A teenager, at most, lie still, staring at the ceiling with empty eyes and a sole tear falling from his left eye.
Looking to the foot of the bed, I find the clipboard filled with notes and random scribbles that would only make sense to the medical staff.
From what I could tell, the seventeen-year old male took a fall and hasn’t recovered from his injuries. Doesn’t look like there was any brain injuries or spinal damage, but he was, by no means, responsive to any of the tests the doctors had tried. He was left in a room with nothing more than a few drab pictures and a television mounted to the wall.
Glancing to the boy, I think of the football game he is missing or prom that he will never dance at. First loves and life lessons have been taken from this young man with no empathy for the future he deserves.
As the nurse paces by the door with her eyes focused on her watch, she stops and looks to the bed and up to the monitors attached to him. The beeping becomes erratic, causing the lights to spike before they level out to a rhythm reminding me of a metronome. The steady bells give her permission to slip out the door unheard.
There has to be a reason that I am here and I needed to make it quick. As if I summoned the end of this dream, the teen flat-lined. No heartbeat, no movement and no reason for it. I ran to the monitor, trying to push all of the buttons. I am a fucking ghost with no way to stop this nightmare for happening. He was only a child and didn’t need to have his life end this way.
I watched as I walked through the room. My reflection was standing on the other side of the bed in a less transparent form. I didn’t see me as she, I, her, whoever she is, leaned down over what remains of a healthy body, mirroring me from the other side. She looks up to me with her finger pushed to her lips, “Shhhh.”
Secondary Silence Page 5
