by Love, K. J.
Finding
Peace
Book 1 in the Finding series
By
K.J. Love
© K. J. Love 2014
Finding Peace (Finding, #1)© K. J. Love, 2014
This book is a work of fiction, Names, characters, places, and incidents are either a product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locale is entirely coincidental.
All rights are reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the publisher, except by a reviewer who wishes to quote brief passages for review purposes only.
Cover Designer: P.J. Belden
Cover Model: Whitney Jackson
Photographer: Mechelle Jackson
Dedication
This book is dedicated to all those people that have found themselves in a situation that they didn’t want to be in. To those who have always tried to please everyone else, even if they had to sacrifice their own happiness. I hope that you finally see that always pleasing others and sacrificing yourself to do so will never bring you happiness or peace.
To My daughter, Whitney. You make me so proud to be your mother. For the meals you cooked while I was writing, for all the help you gave and your opinion on where the story should go next, I can never thank you enough. I love you.
My son, Brandon, who I think thought at times I was losing my mind while I was writing. Thank you for putting up with your mother’s craziness. I love you.
Landon Nana loves you so much. Your smile brings me happiness every day.
To my BFF Tammy. Thank you for always being there for me and letting me bounce ideas off of you and for your patience when at times all I could talk about was this book and getting it finished. I love you.
To my Mama for cheering me on and reading as I wrote this story, giving me feedback and always telling me how talented she always that I was. Of course that’s a mom’s job right? I love you.
To my new friend/soul sister Author P. J. Belden I can’t thank you enough for all of your guidance and help in the world of writing. Without your help I never would have been able to navigate through all of it. You are an amazing friend and author. You encouraged me and praised my writing style that I at times had a hard time accepting. You never let me give up. I love you. Thank you so much.
To my family and friends. Thank you all for your support and encouragement. You will never know how much it means to me. You know who you are and I love you all.
And last but definitely not least. To my real life Blake, my husband, Keith. We found each other at a time that I was sacrificing my happiness to make others happy and you saved me. I can’t thank you enough for loving me and being my forever. I’d do it all again. Thank you for supporting me and overlooking all the late meals and unwashed clothes that were always piling up and for the meals you went out to get and bring home while I was writing. Your support means so much to me and I couldn’t have done it without you. I love you beyond words.
I love all of you and I thank God that I have you.
To my Love’s Beta Beauties…
Thank you for everything. Your help was unbelievable and I couldn’t have done this without you.
Emma Clifton, Antoinette Avon, Carrie Ann, Mary Bounds, Author P. J. Belden, Bethany Cimler, and Jodie Pickler
*Author Note*
Please keep in mind that this story takes place before the availability of cell phones and GPS or any other modern technology that we have available today to help speed up the process of communication between one another. Snail mail and pricy long distance phone calls were all there was available.
Table of Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Chapter Forty-Four
Chapter Forty-Five
Chapter Forty-Six
Epilogue
Coming Soon
About Author
PrologueKayla
My name is Kayla Jameson. I am a product of a union I don’t believe I will ever really know about. My mother was a seventeen year old girl, who decided the best thing she could do for me was give me up for adoption. I completely agree with her. I’m seventeen now and I know at this age that I would lack the skills it takes to be a great mother. Could I do it? Sure, if forced to, but I understand her decision and would never think badly of her.
My adoptive parents never hid the fact that I was adopted. They made me fully aware of it at a very early age. It’s all I ever knew. I didn’t think anything of it until I started kindergarten and learned that this was not normal for every family. My father was a soldier in the Army and my mother was a homemaker. He was gone a lot, but my mother and I pressed on and did our duty to our country by keeping the home front under control. My father was always so proud of us.
I love my adoptive parents with all of my heart. The love they have for me has been overwhelming at times. I was six when my world was turned upside down. All I can remember is hearing the yelling. The non-stop yelling and my mother crying so hard she couldn’t breathe.
I try to console her. I put my small hand in hers and say over and over. “Mommy, it’s okay. Are you hurt? Do you need me to go get Daddy?” She just cries harder and wraps me in her arms and squeezes me so hard I think she is going to crush me.
Just then, my daddy walks into the room with a suitcase and makes his way to the front door. There are tears running down his face. I run to him. I cling to his leg asking “Dad…dy, wh…ere are you going?” I can barely understand myself through the sobs that wreck my small trembling body. Daddy kneels down and looks over my shoulder at my mommy who turns her head from him. She is broken. This I know. And so is Daddy.
“My sweet, sweet baby girl; I’m so sorry, but daddy has to go. I promise I will see you soon. Take care of mommy and be daddy’s good girl. I love you.”
I grab him around the neck and won’t let him go. He looks to my mommy for help as he tries to break my hold on him. I look into his light green eyes and I see my own. Even though he isn’t my biological daddy, our eyes are almost identical. People comment on it all the time.
“I thought
you didn’t have to leave again. I thought your job changed and you can stay at Fort Bragg and be with me and mommy. Don’t leave me, Daddy! I’ll go with you. Who will take care of you if me and mommy aren’t with you? Please, Daddy. PLEASE! Don’t go.” I plead with all my heart. I don’t understand and no one will explain what is happening.
“I’m not leaving to go on a mission, Kayla. I’ll still be in North Carolina. You have to go take care of Mommy now. I will call you tonight. I promise.”
“But Daddy, who will tuck me in and sing my song to me? You always sing to me until I go to sleep. You can’t leave, you just can’t”
“Kayla, baby, please don’t make this any harder. I will sing to you over the phone, I promise. I promise, sweet girl. I’ll always sing to you.”
Mommy walks up behind me and wraps me in her arms. She roughly pulls me away from my daddy. I try to pull away from her, but she is too big and I am too small. My light blonde hair sticks to my face due to my tears and sweat, where I tried so hard to hold on to him. I scrub at my face so hard it hurts. My eyes hurt. My chest hurts. I don’t know why, but I know this is different. He isn’t just leaving for work, I know he’s not.
Daddy stands and looks at mommy with a look of hurt on his face. “I do love you, Paige. I always will.”
My mother’s sobs grow louder and she falls to the floor, holding me in her lap. He turns and walks out the door and out of our lives.
My mother did her best, but depression overtook her and she turned to drugs and alcohol to help ease her pain. Things got worse each day. She stopped taking care of me. I did everything on my own. I fixed my own food and got my own clothes for school. She couldn’t see past her own sorrow. My father kept his promise. He called me every night and sang to me when I was ready for bed.
“Hi, Daddy, I miss you.”
“I miss you too, baby girl. How was your day?”
This is now our routine. I am always careful not to tell Daddy about Mommy, I don’t want her to be mad at me or for him to be mad at her.
“Are you in bed and ready for your song?”
“Yes, Daddy, I’m ready.”
“Ok, snuggle into your covers and close those beautiful green eyes.” I listen to his soothing voice over the phone. “Daddy’s girl you’ll always be. Never a day that I don’t dream, of the person that, you’ll grow up to be. All the things that you have to offer… all your sweetness that you share… Daddy’s girl… Daddy’s girl…. Never a day that I don’t wish I could give you, your every wish… Daddy’s girl…. You’re Daddy’s girl…. Your beautiful green eyes… they pierce my soul… you’re daddy’s girl…. Daddy’s girl…. One day you will know… You’re daddy’s girl…. Daddy’s girl…..” I think I hear Daddy crying, but I’m not sure. “I love you, sweet girl. Go to sleep. I’ll see you soon.”
I whisper “I love you, too, Daddy.”
My father’s parents basically tricked him into signing over his parental rights. He had been called back to active duty and his parents took care of everything for him. So, when they told him to sign, he did. At the time, he thought they were looking out for him and for me. This ensured that they got full custody of me. My mother didn’t fight them. Honestly, she knew she wasn't in any shape to take care of me. With her anti-depressants and other things, she was barely able to take care of herself. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't pull herself out of the downward spiral she was in. I now believe that her having to take care of me reminded her of my father too much and she just couldn’t do it at that time.
My grandparents thought they were doing what was best for me. They loved me dearly and showed it every day. Never have I ever felt unloved, but I just never understood why I couldn't be with either of my parents. I rarely got to see my mother and my father was gone a lot. After my grandparents took custody of me, my father decided to start going on missions again. I didn’t fully understand, but I knew enough to always be afraid for him. He did his best to keep his promise to me, but there were times that he couldn’t make his nightly call and eventually they stopped. Maybe I had just gotten too old. By the time I was twelve, my father and I hardly ever spoke.
This is a loss that is hard for me to relive. Maybe even the reason that I feel that every man will leave me. Losing him the way I did was like experiencing a death. He was the one who did everything with me and for me. Loving him was easy, we connected naturally. Although I loved my mom, if my dad was there I was by his side. Always being daddy’s girl.
I was his little princess and he was my king. The man that would never let me down and always protect me. He was the type of dad that would have tea parties with me, play dress up, and let me do his hair up in my hair barrettes. This rough and tough military man was always a teddy bear with me. I miss the closeness that we had. Hopefully, one day we can have it again or at least some semblance of it. Wanting my future children to have him be active in their lives, is something that I long for.
My grandmother was my saving grace and is the reason I am who I am today. She was a God fearing woman who taught me right from wrong. Teaching me to be a moral person, and that in all that we do, we should always follow God. This woman was there for me when I felt abandoned by everyone. Holding me when I cried, helping me through my fears, and nursing me when I was sick. She wasn’t the one who adopted me, that’s not a choice she made, but when those that had made that choice, couldn’t do it anymore, she was the one who was there.
Chapter 1Kayla
ELEVEN YEARS LATER
Spring 1989
I love my grandparents dearly and I’m so grateful to them. I asked them if I could move to live with my mother in Florida when I was fourteen. She has been clean and sober for many years now and I desperately wanted to get to know her. She got married to a wonderful man and has her life completely together. I’m so proud of her and I’m thankful that she is finally happy again. She has come a long way.
My grandparents were reluctant, but after doing some investigating, they agreed to let me go. I had been living with her for two years when my grandparents informed me that my father had finally retired from the military. He asked them to allow me to come and stay with him, if I was in agreement.
So, I’m living in North Carolina once again to finally reconnect with my dad. I love this state. You get the best of both worlds. You can go to the mountains or to the beach. Who wouldn’t love that? I didn’t know anyone and hated to be transferring high schools, but I felt getting to know my dad again was more important.
My dad also remarried and I now have a step-mom, Anne, and a step-brother, Nick, that I barely know. My dad is military through and through. He’s tough as nails and set in his ways. We immediately begin to bump heads.
When I met and started dating David Delany my dad flipped. That might have had something to do with the fact that David was twenty and I had just turned sixteen. David wasn’t the type of guy my dad thought that I should be with. That, just made me want to be with him even more. Dad was hardly ever around when I was growing up. I understood it was his job, but the close relationship we once had was gone. He was always distant with me and I never understood it.
I met David through a girl at school. In an attempt to make friends, I talked to the first people who talked to me. Even I know he wasn’t the best choice for a boyfriend. I just felt so alone.
“What do you say? You want to go out tonight? Come on we haven’t been anywhere in forever.”
Tessa speaking took me out of my trance.
Tessa Brooks is my best friend. Actually, she is more like my sister. I met Tessa my sophomore year.
Tessa’s outgoing personality made her easy to get to know. She is wild and crazy, while I’m shy and quiet. We complement each other well. She brings me out of my shell and I help ground her. I have always wished I could be more like her.
It was during my senior year that her family saved me. My father and I had a huge disagreement. My father couldn't understand my decision to stay with David.
According to him, I was free to move on now. I thought that was just a cruel way to look at the situation. Of course, I was still dealing with my grief at the time. After not following his rules and doing exactly what he wanted me to do, he told me I needed to find somewhere else to live. All of this happened just a few months into my senior year. I don’t think my father thought I would actually leave, but I am stubborn just like him. Tessa’s family took me in and loved me as one of their own.
Troy and Lisa Brooks are some of the best people I know. When I moved in with them, Tessa and I shared a bedroom. Of course, we didn’t mind at all. However, the Brooks’ were building a house on Badin Lake in North Carolina and Tessa and I were very excited about moving there. The only thing we were concerned about was the forty minute commute to school one way. The Brooks have money, but you would never know it by talking to them. They are down-to-earth and are always willing to help anyone in need. I have always respected and admired them.
“Tessa, I don’t know. I honestly don’t feel like doing anything, but David will be here soon to pick me up and you know he will be pissed if I cancel on him again. He’ll end up showing up here in the middle of the night and then what will your dad say?”
By the time I met Tessa, I had already been in a relationship with David for a few months. We’ve now been together for two years. He has no goals in life right now, unless you count partying. We became engaged last year. Things were great at first, but, as of late, I’m trying to escape him on a daily basis. It seems all he wants to do is smoke pot and drink. How did I get myself into this? I swore I would never go down this road; never date this type of guy. I’ve started to realize that David has nothing in common with my current friends, the ones I actually want to be associated with. I’m wishing at this point that he will just break it off because even though I know it’s what I want, I don’t know how to walk away. No, that's not exactly true, I just don't like to hurt people.
