by K. Langston
Eyes locked tight, Holden’s name was ripped from my throat as I crashed hard and fast into the best orgasm I’d ever had. He slowed to a lazy glide. I never wanted it to end. The attention and pleasure he’d shown my body was beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. I would never recover from this.
Never.
His eyes never left mine as his long hard strokes came faster and faster. Then we were both bursting across the sky. Soaring like two big, bright balls of fire as we rode out our orgasm together. Holden’s head rested on my shoulder as he panted heavily against my chest. The rain had eased up as well as the overwhelming desire and tension between us. Oh, but it was still there. And I was afraid it always would be.
He pulled out slowly, lowering my feet to the floor. I bent down to grab my jeans but he snatched them up first. “Here, put this on.” He handed me his t-shirt.
I spotted my shredded panties. “I can’t believe you ripped my panties off.”
With a playful grin, he scooped up the destroyed material and shoved it into his back pocket. Then he resumed feeding his belt through the loops of his jeans.
I pulled on my boots and started walking towards the door. “Where’re you goin’?” he asked, lacing our fingers together.
“Shower. I need to go the hospital?” I tried to pull my hand from his but he just gripped it tighter.
“I’ll take you. I’d like to see him too.” he said, pulling me towards the barn door.
“Holden-” I tugged at my hand again.
“What?” His hand squeezed tighter.
“You’re not coming with me.” Jerking me to his chest, he cradled my face with this free hand.
“Damn it, woman. Why can’t you just go with the flow? I’m not asking you for anything more than right fuckin’ now. Can you please just give me that?”
Right now, huh?
Deep down, I knew that it would only be harder to walk away from him later. But I was in way too deep already. Those eyes kept sucking me in and so did all of his pretty little words. I wanted to spend every single second I could with this man. That way, when it was time for me to leave, I could at least take his memory with me.
Nodding, I closed my eyes as his warm lips found mine. “I love it when you’re agreeable like this.” he muttered against my lips between sweet, soft kisses.
“I’m sure you do.”
We showered together and he was a perfect gentleman. Not once did he try to make another move on me. Although, I was silently hoping that he would. We exchanged no more than a few heated stares in between shifting back and forth to get under the hot spray. Our slick, wet bodies brushing against one another in passing was enough to leave me aching with unspeakable need. Still wrapped in a towel, I pulled a clean bra from my luggage. My birth control pills stared up from the bottom of the case and awareness hit me hard that I’d had unprotected sex with Holden.
And that I’d forgotten to take my pill for the last two days. I punched the pills out and walked back into the bathroom. With a handful of water, I swallowed the pills. They felt like lead trickling down my throat. My stomach churned at the thought of my complete lack of responsibility. I had never had unprotected sex before. Ever. And I’d never forgotten to take my pill. Holden’s kiss and those stupid V-things made it impossible for me to think past the moment. How could I be so stupid? I took a few deep breaths bracing myself on the sink. Wrapping one arm around my waist, I felt Holden press into my back. My eyes closed on a sigh.
Comfort.
“What’s wrong?” Looking up, I found his eyes laced with concern staring back at mine in the mirror.
“We didn’t use a condom.” I informed him.
“I know. You said you trusted me.” he shrugged then kissed my bare shoulder.
I turned in his arms to face him. “I forgot to take my pill for the last two days.”
His arm wound tighter around my waist. “Well, did you catch up?” he asked.
“Yeah. But what if I forget again? The pill is not 100%? We should’ve used a condom, Holden.” Fear and frustration riddled my nerves. I tried to push from his hold, but he held me tight against his hard, naked chest.
“Hey. Stop. It’ll be fine. Whatever happens…happens.” His carefree words spawned images of me, Holden, and a little brown headed angel tucked right in between us. The vision filled me with warmth, and I found myself smiling at the thought of having children with this man.
Seriously?
Holden kissed my forehead before releasing me. “Get dressed. And quit worrying so damn much.”
Oh, right. Sure.
I had more to worry about now than I did when he walked in here two minutes ago.
This…was getting real.
CHAPTER eleven
The truth is you don’t know what
is going to happen tomorrow.
Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.
-Eminem
Holden
Maddie stared aimlessly out of the passenger side window on the drive to the hospital. The only sounds in the cab of my truck were Jason Aldean on the radio, and the rapid beat of my nervous heart. In the window’s reflection, I could see the wheels of worry rolling across her beautiful face, and it scared the shit out of me. She was processing it all, mulling over the fact that this was far more than she’d ever anticipated. Hell, it was far more than I’d ever dreamed of. Our deep connection was a silent knowing hanging heavy between us, and it was killing me not to expose it and embrace this for all it was worth.
Walking inside the hospital, my hand naturally found hers. The pull was stronger than ever now and the need to touch her constantly was a must. Tugging her hand loose from mine, she spun to face me. “What the hell, Holden?”
“What the hell, Maddie? “ I teased with a smile. Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pulled her in for a kiss. She always felt so perfect in my arms.
Relaxing a little, she placed her hands on my chest and looked up. “Friends, remember?”
There she went with that friends shit again. I had a hell of time maintaining control of my mouth, and my body. I’d like to take her back to my pickup and show her that we were way more than just fucking friends, but this was not the time or the place for that. “Right. Friends.” My chest tightened and hot anger settled low in my gut. I couldn’t wait to get her back to my house.
In my bed.
With my hands tucked safely inside my pockets, I followed her to the hospital room.
“You look a helluva lot better than the last time I saw you,” I teased as I shook Eric Water’s hand.
“Thanks. I appreciate that.” Big E chuckled as he hugged his daughter.
“Hey, Daddy,” Maddie kissed his cheek. “How’re you feelin’?”
“Good. Really good, actually. I’m ready to go home.” He adjusted the covers and sat up a little straighter, his large form obviously uncomfortable in the small hospital bed.
“Where’s Mama?” Maddie asked, looking around the room.
“She went for coffee. We’re both about to go stir crazy in this place. How’re things at the house? Did you get the fields tended to, Holden?” Maddie narrowed her eyes at me over her shoulder. I couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes sir. It’s done.” I said, returning her menacing glare.
“Everything’s fine, Daddy.” Maddie reassured him.
“I see,” The tone in his voice and his eyes darting back and forth between Maddie and I had sweat dotting my forehead.
Thankfully, Mrs. Water’s walked into the room. “Hey y’all.” She hugged her daughter first then turned to me. “What a nice surprise. Good to see you, Holden.” Mrs. Waters cupped my face with one hand affectionately. “Eric, they didn’t have decaf coffee, so I brought you some green tea instead.” She handed him the cup as he wrinkled his nose at the offending liquid.
“Stop being such a baby, it’s good for ya.” She turned her attention back to Maddie. “How’s everything at the house?”
“Good.”
“Did you water my babies?”
“Yes, Mama.” Maddie replied in exasperation of her mother.
We spent the next hour visiting. Their playful banter was endearing, and it felt really good to be included. The only family I had in my life was Archer. My folks weren’t very affectionate and they damn sure didn’t carry on like this. For once in my life, I felt like I belonged, like I was slowly becoming a part of something.
Maddie and I stopped by the grocery store on our way back and picked up everything I needed to make steaks and brown rice. Surprisingly, she didn’t put up much of a fight about coming back to my place for dinner. We pulled up to my house around seven o’clock and Maddie helped me grab the few bags of groceries from the truck.
“Nice place.” she said, looking around the front porch.
Holding the screen door with my back, I allowed her to enter first. “It’s not much, but the ten acres that came with it was well worth the price I paid for it.” I said, kicking the door shut behind us.
Maddie stopped just inside the door. “Wow, Holden, you weren’t kidding when you said ‘bare’ necessities.”
I shrugged. “I’m a simple man.”
I’d warned her on the way that my place was merely a bare humble dwelling. I had a decent living room set that I’d bought second hand from a customer of mine. A cedar kitchen table that I’d picked up on the side of the road. I sanded and stained it to match the chairs I’d bought brand new. My king size bed was probably the most expensive piece of furniture I owned. I’d purchased the black, rod iron frame from an antique store in town. It reminded me of the bed I used to sleep in at my grandmother’s house.
That was it.
The walls were stark white and completely bare, my house had no décor, photos…nothing. I didn’t need much. I damn sure didn’t want any reminders of my old life in Texas.
I quickly put everything away. Then, I marinated the steaks while Maddie opened us both up a bottle of beer. “I need to start the grill. Follow me.” she smiled, grabbing her beer.
The back deck was my favorite part of the whole house. It was one of the main reasons I bought this place. Walking out into the screened in space, the ceiling fans whipped warm air down all around us. It was a mild relief from the sticky southern heat, but a relief all the same. There was a hand-carved, wooden porch swing on one end of the deck covered with plush blue pillows that I did not buy. I had requested they be included in the purchase price, along with everything else on this deck. On the other end were a few other lavishly cushioned chairs and a matching table. I had a massive lake about fifty feet from the back of my house. Archer had helped me tear down the old dock and rebuild the new one a few weekends ago. I had a rickety lounge chair sitting right in the center of that bad boy where I could fish and relax. I could sit out there for hours, watching the sun reflect its vibrant rays of light off the peaceful water. This was my oasis.
Maddie sat down on the porch swing and kicked off her flip flops, stretching her bare legs down the full length of the swing. “This sure is a nice place, Holden. I mean, you’re in desperate need of an interior decorator, but other than that, it’s beautiful. I love the view.” Her teasing smile wrapped around the rim of her bottle before she took a sip.
Could she be any fucking cuter?
Trying to ignore the tightening of my jeans, I stepped out onto the unscreened portion of the deck. I poured the right amount of charcoal into the grill then doused it with lighter fluid. Once I lit the fire, I went to sit down on the swing beside her. Lifting her feet to rest in my lap, I noticed her tiny toenails were painted bright pink. I had an overwhelming urge to suck on the sweet little digits. She looked a bit uncomfortable with this so I began to rub the soles of her feet. She relaxed under my touch.
“Feel good?” Maddie sighed and I could feel the pent up tension leaving her body.
“Yes. You’re really good at that.” She closed her eyes on a deep moan and the tightening in my pants became worse. The appreciative noises she made had my dick ready to take her.
“Good. Then you’ll enjoy the full body massage I have planned for you later.”
Swallowing another swig from her bottle, she eyed me carefully. “I told you, you could only have me one time.”
“I know exactly what you said. But you and I both know that one time…will never be enough.”
I watched closely as a league of emotions played across her flawless face, desire being the most dominant. Maddie couldn’t resist me no more than I could resist her.
We were perfect for each other.
“So are you gonna feed me, or what?”
“Oh, yes ma’am.” In more ways than she’ll ever know.
***
“This is so good.” Maddie hummed around her fork full of brown rice.
“Thanks.” I said, shoving my plate away.
Maddie slid her plate to join mine then wiped her mouth. She’d eaten everything. “That was delicious, Holden. Where’d you learn to cook?”
I smiled at the memories of helping my grandmother cook in the kitchen. “My grandmother. She used to say to me, ‘don’t expect a woman to cook and clean for ya boy. The only reason you need a woman is so your heart and soul will have a place to call home.’ She passed away seven years ago.” Pain shot through my chest. I still missed her. I wasn’t there when she died. I was…
“I’m so sorry,” Maddie reached under the table and caressed my leg, comforting me. “What about the rest of your family?”
“I don’t have a relationship with my family. Archer’s my family. I haven’t spoken to my parents since I left Texas five years ago. Unless you’re into oil or their stupid ass country club, you might as well not even exist. My sister Hannah is just like ‘em.”
Fuck. I hated talking about this shit.
“That must be so hard for you.” Her tiny hand rubbed my thigh.
“I’m good. I don’t need them in my life to be happy.” I stated.
“Everybody needs family, Holden.”
I stood up from the table, the bottom of my chair scrapping loudly across the tiled floor. “I don’t.”
“Ok.” she said, hesitantly.
Resting my hands on the counter, I took several deep breaths. I wanted to share everything with her, even the ugly shit. “When I left Texas five years ago, I wasn’t the same person I am today.” I could hear Maddie shifting in her seat, but I didn’t chance a look. I kept my eyes down and my chin tucked to my chest. The thickness in my throat made it hard to speak. “I was a junkie, Maddie. It was the lowest time in my life and my folks didn’t give a single fuck whether I lived or died, as long as I didn’t shame their precious name.” I sucked in another breath, but it did little to calm my nerves. “I killed someone.”
CHAPTER twelve
Every life has a measure of sorrow,
and sometimes this is what awakens us.
-Steven Tyler
Madison
“What?”
Looking up at the ceiling, he let out a ragged breath. “I killed my best friend.” His words came out weak and broken. The pain in his voice made my chest ache. “Garrett was…he was like a brother to me. As far back as I could remember, we’d been inseparable. Our families were close, so naturally we were too. Their wealth and stature gave two boys like us entirely too much power and freedom at a very young age. We had anything we wanted right at our fingertips. We attended the best schools, drove the most expensive cars, and did the best drugs. Pills…blow…weed…you name it, we did it. By the time we were eighteen…we were out of control.”
Holden had a better hold of his emotions but I could tell he was still struggling with the memories. “I guess you could say Garrett’s addiction ran slightly deeper than mine. He always did everything to the extreme. I was merely chasin’ a temporary escape. Garrett was chasin’ a permanent oblivion. He never wanted to come down. And for a long time, I didn’t either.”
Grabbing a beer from the fridge,
Holden downed half of it in three gulps then set it down on the counter. He spun the base of the bottle with his fingertips. “When I turned twenty-two, Blair came along, I thought I’d finally found a reason to change. She was crazy about me. And God help me, I was crazy about her too. I tried to stay clean, but it was off and on. I thought that I did a good job of hidin’ my addiction, but she eventually caught on. And while Blair was smart, she was also curious. She begged me to experience those things with her. I was just fucked up enough to think I could control the situation. We started out with ecstasy first, then moved on to harder shit. After a while, Blair was no longer the girl I’d fallen in love with, and her addiction ran parallel to Garrett’s. The breaking point was when I walked in on them five years ago and found them fuckin’ on Garrett’s ten thousand dollar couch. Almost every surface of that apartment was covered in blow. They’d been fuckin’ behind my back for a goddamn year. I thought she loved me, but instead she was in love with my best friend or the drugs…who fuckin’ knows? I lost it. Told Garrett I hated his guts, and that I was done with him and her. I was done with all of it. I left that night and drove straight here to Archer’s.”
He took another swig of his beer, sat it back gently then looked right into my eyes. “The next day, Blair called me non-stop, but I refused to answer. I had to read in a goddamn text message that my best friend had overdosed. They’d had a huge fight after I left, so Blair went to stay at a friend’s house. She found him dead the next morning, in a pool of his own shit and vomit. My best friend died alone. He needed my help, and I turned my back on him. ” His voice cracked and a small sob left his trembling lips.
I immediately sprung to my feet. Wrapping my arms tight around his waist, I buried my head into his solid chest and did my best to hold back my own tears. “It’s not your fault, Holden. You can’t carry that around.” I struggled to find the right words to console him, but I found it difficult considering what he’d gone through. Losing his best friend, his girlfriend, and battling addiction…Holden had been through a lot.
