by Pinki Parks
“Not many people have been able to see things through my eyes. You might be the first in a long time who wasn’t military born and bred to understand the sacrifices others have made in the name of peace. Most placate by wearing poppy pins. They think they know, but there’s no way they could without firsthand knowledge.” My words had affected her on a deeper level than I was imagining.
“I have a deep affection for those who serve their country.” Her scent was driving me crazy and I leaned forward to get a little closer.
“There’s always an underlying reason for someone to have this kind of reaction. If I were to hazard a guess, I would say you lost someone very important to you. I don’t think it was a family member, but maybe somebody you felt at the time was not taking your feelings into account by enlisting.” I took off my leather jacket and draped it over her shoulders with her fingers holding it in place.
“I don’t need anybody being a backseat therapist. Let’s just say that I didn’t get my closure and leave it at that. I hate to be brusque, but we don’t really know each other. By your own admission, some things are better left alone.” She was using my words against me and it felt like an uppercut trying to knock me down for the count.
The silence was deafening with only the sound of our feet pushing through the snow. I had one final resting place I wanted to visit and I wasn’t about to take no for an answer. He was my mentor and the guiding force for the reason I stepped in front of danger without even thinking about it twice.
“I’m sorry if I stepped over any boundaries. It was never my intention to make you relive something painful from your past. I know how that feels. I should know better than to inflict that kind of harm on anyone regardless of my curiosity getting the best of me.” I found her easy to talk to and someone uniquely qualified to understand the crippling loss of someone important.
“It wasn’t fair to raise my voice. It’s not ladylike. I thought I put those feelings in the past where they belong. I guess they are closer than they appear.” Gail was getting hot under the collar.
Those watching from above gave me a reason to keep going. Their ghosts made me stronger every waking minute of my life.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I purposely brought you out here to metaphorically slap you across the face with the truth. I’m always trying to open people’s eyes. I sometimes forget how passionate I can be on this subject.” The light sports coat did very little to ward off the natural elements of Mother Nature.
“My parents forgot about me when they thought I was old enough to take care of myself. I grew up quickly learning to fend off bullies with more than kind words. I have the fierceness of a female lion roaring inside me.” It sounded like she had learned to grow up quickly. This was something we had in common.
I led her to a grave with a flashlight in my hand to show us the way. The name brought back painful memories. I deemed it necessary to think about those memories that made me smile. Michael Mills was someone who had taught me some life lessons.
“My father believed I was destined for big things. It wasn’t until 911 when I realized his words had meaning behind them. I went after the cowards. Michael has been whispering in my ear from the moment he was laid to rest. He was my brother from another mother growing up. He was one of the first responders going into the towers.” There was a catch in my throat and I had to turn away from her to prevent her from seeing a modicum of weakness.
Her hand on my shoulder was a reassuring gesture of compassion. She didn’t have to say anything and it was the way that she squeezed my muscle that said more than words. She didn’t try to break up the silence with unnecessary idle chitchat.
I saw something out of the corner of my eye and it made my blood run cold. I saw a dead scorpion laying on its back a couple of feet away from Michael’s grave. Operation Scorpion was only known to a select few. I felt like I was in the crosshairs of somebody’s long-range rifle capable of bringing me down with a single shot.
“I would like to hear more about Michael in your own words.” I could hear her voice, but it was sounding like it was coming from the end of a tunnel.
“Michael would be the first one to tell me to stop acting like a child and grow up. He would never understand the reason why I come back here to talk to him whenever I have the chance. He’s the main reason why I left the military to avoid becoming just another statistic.” I stared at the dead scorpion knowing full well the details of the mission were redacted for a reason.
“Free will is something never to be taken for granted. You have every right to feel the way you do.” It was interesting to get to know her, but we had barely scratched the surface. It was almost as if we were daring one another to reveal more than we should.
I waited until her back was turned before shuffling my feet to cover the scorpion in a fresh layer of snow. I looked around, but it was pitch black and the possibility of somebody lurking in the shadows was causing me some concern.
I drove us back, preoccupied with the vision of the scorpion running around in my mind. There were a few close shaves during some hairpin turns along the back roads. I’m sure she had her heart leaping out of her throat.
Gail didn’t object or scream in defiance when she finally got off the motorcycle. I dropped her off at her car. It was custom made blood red Charger. It was definitely going to stand out from the crowd.
“I didn’t take you for a muscle-car enthusiast. I should remember never to judge a book by its cover. You might have a studious outer exterior with the glasses and very little makeup, but you have layers. Yours is a natural beauty rarely seen these days.” She gave me my jacket and I put it on with her adjusting the collar with your fingernails grazing the outer side of my neck.
I impulsively tried to kiss her, but she moved her lips in time to have the kiss planted on her cheek.
“It has been a very interesting evening, but I believe this is where we say good night.” There was an ice-cold edge to her tone of voice. I didn’t think it was a good idea to push any further than I already did.
“Gail, I thought I was getting a vibe from you. If our signals got crossed then I profusely apologize for doing anything to make you feel uncomfortable.” She was blushing with embarrassment and was touching her cheek where my lips had previously vacated.
The street lamp above lit up her smile like the 4th of July. She put her hand on my cheek and sighed deeply with what I could only assume was regret for not taking a chance. I was glad she was a little bit staid in her approach. I was still wearing the ball and chain around my ankle. This was no time to start something new.
“I do like you, but I would rather not tempt fate. Karma is a bitch. You don’t remind me of any other guy I’ve been out with recently. I know from personal experience they would have suggested a nightcap back at their place with the intention of getting me out of my clothes. The kiss would’ve been an opening. I’m shutting the door before you have a chance to use it.” The wind chill in the air was not the only thing freezing me at a sub-zero below temperature.
“I would like to know what keeps you up at night tossing and turning in your sheets. I know it’s none of my business and you can certainly tell me to go to hell.” I was waiting with bated breath to find out what her response was going to be.
“It’s late and we both have to get up early in the morning for work.” She was quick to get into her car and gun the engine to life. I didn’t tell her about my wife and how she died. It wasn’t the right time.
There were enough horses under the hood to leave a telltale trail of black tar in her wake. I had found a kindred spirit, but there was no way I could allow her to get close without endangering her life. I could feel what I could only describe as a phantom presence of her on my lips. I could only imagine what the real thing would be like.
Chapter Five
Gail
I spent most of the night thinking about him and not being very subtle of about those intense fant
asies. I had a fleeting thought of taking matters into my own hands. I must’ve fallen asleep with visions of the denied kiss still prevalent in my thoughts.
Any other woman in my shoes would have jumped at the opportunity to show him some tender loving care. I had pictured myself wearing a nurse’s uniform with very little underneath. It wasn’t lost on me the size of his equipment making others pale in comparison. I would have loved to show him my naughty bedside manner.
I woke up glistening with droplets of sweat sliding effortlessly between my breasts. It was a cold reminder there was nobody to share my bed. One-night stands held no appeal. They left me feeling cold and walking in a haze after the deed was done.
I preferred sleeping in the nude. Clothing of any kind including lingerie always made me feel trapped somehow. It was more freeing and less cumbersome to stretch out with nothing separating me from the sheets. Chase was someone who I would have loved to get to know intimately. I wanted the smell of him to permeate into the sheets.
I had a weakness for men’s shirts still hanging onto the essence of the man. Any boyfriend who I had been with was well aware of my penchant for grabbing one of their shirts from off their back. It surrounded me in warmth and comfort. It made me feel safe when they weren’t around.
The incessant ringing of my cell phone had me jumping out of my skin. It was barely 6:00 AM. I had no idea who would have the unmitigated gall to call me at this hour. I saw the caller ID and smiled knowingly. I wasn’t at all surprised to see Henry’s phone number on display.
I pressed the speaker portion of my phone giving me the opportunity to do two things at one time.
“So, tell me. Do we have something to gossip about at work today? I want to know all the details. I didn’t call until I was reasonably certain he wasn’t going to be there with you.” We had never shied away from talking about our experiences.
“Don’t you think if there was something to tell, I would’ve called you right after he left? I will say it was better than some of my other dismal encounters. We talked at length and there was no need for games. He didn’t try to tell me anything to get into my pants.” I tore through my closet looking for something to grab his attention from the moment he saw me.
“I think you had the elusive non-sexual encounter. It’s something I’ve heard about, but I have never experienced it.” The bed was custom made to my specifications with the finest craftsmanship money could buy. The four-poster bed was a throwback to my childhood.
I’d never had the chance to break it in and was looking forward to the day when someone made me scream their name in the throes of passion. It was a recent acquisition. The man responsible for the sculpted masterpiece was indeed not a man at all. Tiffany was a Jill of all trades and a master of none who lived down the street.
“Would you like to elaborate on that statement? I might be a little out of touch with the times to know what you’re talking about.” I found a black skirt with a zipper in the back tight enough to hug my curves in all the right places.
“It’s almost better than doing something regrettable to put a smile on your face. It’s when you make a connection spiritually and emotionally. It starts as a friendship and works up to something where the only thing left is a marathon of sex. It apparently happens suddenly and without any warning.” It did sound familiar and we had bonded in a way that most people could never hope to achieve.
My bedroom looked like a cyclone had gone through it. Clothes were strewn everywhere in all directions. I wasn’t much for doing daily chores. If things got bad enough, then I would call Molly Maid.
“I will admit I did want to feel his lips, but I stopped things before they could go too far. You may not agree with it, but you do understand where I’m coming from.” I had no interest in becoming a home wrecker but had no problem being a shoulder to lean on.
“Commitment is for fools who don’t understand variety is the spice of life. Some learn a little late in life and others subject themselves to the same person for years in misery. There are those lucky enough to be with the person they are meant to be with. It doesn’t happen often in this day and age. Have you thought about what you are going to do with this newfound knowledge on a man who is the strong silent type?” I knew he was baiting me. Henry had this instinct to push me into the arms of the bad boy.
“I’m not even going to justify that with an answer. We both know I’m not the kind of woman to seduce. I wouldn’t even know how to make the first move. I don’t know if he’s happily married, but those vows are sacred in my eyes. I might become his confidant and give him pointers to make his marriage work.” I was looking at the mattress and bringing to life in my mind’s eye the two of us fucking like bunnies.
“I’ve heard through the Grapevine he is taking the trainees on wilderness survival training for a few days. It will give you time to come to your senses. Don’t walk away without testing the waters. You will be kicking yourself. Come to think of it, I have that time to convince you with whispered words of encouragement.” Henry had been known to break down the walls of my resistance when he put his mind to it.
There were matching mahogany night tables with a medley of different herbal remedies littering the top. Those were my secret weapons. There were no dangerous chemicals. Nothing but what you would find in nature.
“I wouldn’t even bother and you will be barking up the wrong tree. I don’t mind being there for him in spirit, but his body will never grace my bed.” I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince.
“I do believe you might be protesting a little bit too much. He is a delicious piece of candy that will melt in your mouth and not in your hand. I won’t let you turn down what could be the best thing in your life.” He made things complicated, but life was never boring when he was pulling the strings of his favorite puppet.
“There are times I wonder why we are friends. You have this funny way of getting me to walk outside of my comfort zone. Being with Chase would be playing with a very intense fire, but I won’t be the only one to burn.” I felt guilty for even thinking about him when a woman was waiting at home for him.
“You can’t say you don’t want to leave your mark on him.” I saw the shirt in the closet and I grabbed it without thinking.
I placed the material up against my face inhaling the captured essence of a man no longer walking the planet. This was the last piece of him. I was holding onto it like grim death.
The snow last night was gone by morning with temperatures warm enough to leave my jacket at home. I was tempted to run the few blocks.
The idea of being with Chase had me wanting to turn my body into a temple. I was already in good shape, but I could certainly make the effort to be a little more conscious of what I put in my body. I decided to cut out chocolate and sugars replacing them for the natural kind you would find in fresh fruit.
My pantry was going to be ransacked once I had enough time to go through those things with ingredients I couldn’t even pronounce.
I put on a white and black striped blouse with not even the hint of impropriety.
There seemed no point to wield a red cape to incite the bull when the bull wasn’t even going to be there. I had a few days to bring my libido down to a manageable level. I wasn’t going to throw myself at any available man, but I was open to having my perceptions challenged. Those who made the mistake of getting too close would find my knee making a connection with their family jewels. I was no stranger to using my own form of persuasion to get my point across.
“I don’t want you to give up hope. Things happen when you least expect them. Always keep your eyes open for those possibilities which you shouldn’t let slip through your fingers.” I had seen him walk down the lonely road of heartbreak a few too many times.
“Do I really have to be the one to remind you about Kevin? I know I promised never to bring his name up again, but you brought this on yourself. I know your heart is in the right place, but I’m not ready to get inv
olved seriously with anyone.” I couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of his hands wrapped around me. It brought to mind what other things Chase could do with a body made for sin.
“For your information, Kevin and I are together again. I know what you’re going to say and I don’t want to hear it. He’s always been the one who got away. I have no choice but to give him another chance.” This was the third time and nothing I was going to say was going to change his mind.
It was better to shut my mouth and let things play out naturally. It was always the same cycle where he thought he could change Kevin. They were attracted to each other like two very powerful magnets. Their star would burn brightly for a short time before fizzling out. It usually meant Kevin was caught with his pants down. The most hurtful thing of all was that he was usually caught with a woman.
“I want things to work out for you, but I fear you are doomed to make the same mistake over and over again.” I was holding the shirt with trembling hands and then I put it back in the closet where it belonged.
I had seen him wear it and I made sure to take it from his closet before it could be donated to a worthy cause. His last words were tucked under my bed in a shoe box.
“I can’t say you’re wrong, but I’m hoping this time will be different. I suggest you talk to Chase. You can’t know what he’s thinking without asking a few questions.” I had to make some concessions for Henry’s behavior. He had a tendency to put his foot in his mouth.
“I will certainly give it some thought, but there are a lot of fish in the ocean. I have a lot to offer to the right man. I won’t compromise. I want the total package with sensitivity and strength.” I snatched my briefcase from the front door on my way down the stairs.
My Charger was waiting in the driveway ready to cause other drivers to gape with envy in their eyes.
Chapter Six
Chase
It was a grueling few days in the wilderness. I found myself looking around feeling like somebody was watching me waiting for the right time to strike. It could’ve been my overactive imagination, but I had learned to follow those instincts honed into a razor’s edge.
