by Lynn Stevens
Her head dipped for a minute as she inspected the trash on the table. She reached for the intact napkin and started tearing it apart. “No.” Her hands stilled. “No, I don’t. When I explained why getting married wasn’t a good idea, he blamed you.”
Me? Of course that asshole would blame me. I held my tongue and kept my face even.
“He always blamed you when I disagreed with him. Like I never had a mind of my own.” She pushed the shreds aside and began to drum with her spoon and fork. “I’ve had a lot of time to think. All I’ve been doing is thinking about this. And I mean really think, not just question myself, ya know?”
She waited until I nodded. Because I understood. I’d spent months questioning how my relationship with Henry went wrong, but lately I’d been thinking about how it never really was right.
“He didn’t listen to me. If he had, then he would’ve remembered that I wanted to backpack across Europe. If he had, then he would’ve remembered that I didn’t want to get married until I was thirty. If he had, then he would’ve known that I wanted adventure, fun, a career.” Paige took a long gulp from her margarita. “As much as I love him, I don’t want to marry him. And if I don’t want to marry him, then we shouldn’t be together.”
Paige finished her drink and ordered another. I waited until the waiter left before I gave her my two cents.
“Despite everything I’ve said about Jayce, if you’d said yes, I would’ve supported you. You know that, right?”
Paige reached over and squeezed my hand. “Yeah, I do. But it’s nice to hear.”
I took a sip from my margarita, enjoying the cool lime and tequila sliding down my throat. “Seamus is the guy from the party.”
Paige’s eyes snapped wide. “Seriously? Wait. I thought the guy was Devon Miller.”
“Yep, they’re one and the same. His first name is Seamus, by the way. But…I don’t know. I don’t get it. I don’t get him.” Shaking my head, I realized my own stupidity. “I’m sorry. You don’t want to hear this right now. Not with everything that happened with Jayce.”
“Don’t even go there, chica.” Paige inched forward on her bench. “Hearing that you’re finally moving on from Henry is great. Now, spill. And start from the beginning. Leave nothing out.”
Everything fell out of my mouth like verbal vomit. Once I started I couldn’t stop. I only paused long enough to order my meal, a beef burrito smothered in cheese with salsa and guacamole. Dinner out was not the time to watch what I ate. It was time to drown everything in alcohol and grease. When I finished, Paige stared at me.
“What?” I asked.
“You’re letting the situation with Henry cloud your judgment of Devon.” She leaned back in her booth, biting the corner of her lip. “You fucked Devon Miller. Twice.”
I cringed at her crassness. “No, we didn’t have sex. I told you that. And you were there when Candy confirmed it.” Then I laughed. “At least not this time.”
Paige joined in. “I still don’t believe that wasn’t a factor in Henry breaking up with you.”
“Henry knew a long time before he broke up with me.” I sighed and held up my finger. The waiter arrived with our food. The melted cheese moved toward the edge of the plate like lava. Exactly what I needed. When he left, I said, “I told Henry after it happened. It was a huge mistake and alcohol induced. He forgave me.”
“Or he said he did.” Paige shoved a tortilla chip filled with meat and cheese into her mouth. “Devon Miller,” she said as if still trying to believe it. “You called him your worst enemy for years. You’ve bitched about how he skates by in classes. I think you even called him a douche-canoe, whatever that means. I never understood why, either.”
“Thanks for reminding me why I should delete his number off my phone.” I pulled it out of my pocket and started to do just that when Paige ripped it from my hand.
“Oh no, you don’t.” She hid it under the table. “You’re overthinking this. Like you do everything else. Why are you so determined to hate him when you clearly want to do the bedroom tango again?”
“You’re a poet, you know,” I said while Paige grinned. “I guess… It was easier to hate him for what happened freshman year than it was to hate myself. And believe me, I hated myself plenty. I just held onto that because…”
“Because why? Be totally honest with yourself and me.” Paige shoved another tortilla chip into her mouth. When I didn’t answer immediately, she rolled her hand in a circle to urge me on.
I’d never admitted this out loud. I’d barely admitted it to myself. “Maybe I wasn’t so drunk when I slept with Devon. Maybe I remember it more than I let on. And…” My face burned as I let the last fake maybe drop. “And maybe it was amazing and perfect and everything I could’ve dreamed about.”
Paige laughed. “So you hate him because he was good in bed? Come on. There’s got to be more.”
“I hate him because…” I shook my head as tears welled in my eyes. “I never hated him. I hated myself for cheating on Henry. I hated myself for losing control like that. I hated myself for liking it so damn much.”
“It’s okay to lose control.”
“Not for me.” I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hand.
She inhaled and let the breath out to a count of ten. “Liv, we both have spent our early twenties pining over guys who…well, who aren’t part of our lives anymore. Now, I’m swearing off men until this semester is over, but you have been hiding behind your lost relationship for too damn long. You’re hiding behind the guilt. It’s time to get back on the horse.” Her eyes widened and her mouth curled up. “Or in this case, the cowboy.”
“I don’t think I can trust him,” I said. “He’s hot and cold. When it’s just the two of us, which is rare, he’s sweet. He didn’t even bring my clothes over himself.”
Paige nodded, pursing her lips to keep from laughing. “If he had brought them, you would’ve really freaked out that he was stalking you or something.”
“True.”
“I’m not saying marry the guy. I’m not even saying trust him. But for crying out loud, chica, get to know him.” Paige smiled at the waiter as he sat her third margarita in front of her. “Keep ’em coming.”
He nodded and spared me a glimpse. I shook my head, putting my hand over my drink. One was more than enough for me tonight. Although an entire bottle of tequila might’ve made this conversation easier on my end.
“You could rebound on that guy,” I said, pointing toward the waiter’s butt. “I don’t think he’d mind one bit.”
Paige turned around to watch him walk away. “Probably, but I’m swearing off men, remember? At least for a while. And I’m not ready to just jump into bed with a guy.” She turned back toward me. “However, you need to get laid. Stop being a sixty-year-old retiree and start being a twenty-one-year-old college student. You’ve got the rest of your life to walk the straight and narrow. Take a curve for a change. You might like it.”
Maybe I would. Maybe I wouldn’t. I’d been this responsible person for so long, always doing what was needed of me, always doing what was expected. After Mom died, I had to grow up fast and make sure there was order in our house. How could I just flip a switch and do something as crazy as hop into the sack with a guy I barely knew? How could I let go of the tight control I held over myself?
But how could I not?
Chapter Fourteen
Sorting through Marvin’s project files kept me busy and occupied at JenCar Thursday. Most of them were dated within a few months of each other with ideas meant to be innovative. I wasn’t 100 percent sure they were, though. From what I’d been able to determine, the work had been done within a month to six weeks. That wasn’t enough time to go through every scenario and every detail. It wasn’t enough time to research. It certainly wasn’t enough time to put the calculations to the test. Everything was just theory. It set me on edge. I copied the rudder design Acton had given Lawler and brought it home to analyze further.
With a re
search paper for my Propulsion Systems class due next week, I didn’t have much time for anything other than work or school. Devon and I saw each other in class and occasionally in the halls of JenCar, but not much more than that.
Prof. Farmer sped into Ethics in cargo shorts and flip-flops. The too-loud Hawaiian shirt blinded my poor eyes. Just because it was fifty degrees outside didn’t make it summer. Shorts weather maybe, but not flip-flop weather.
“Okay, class. Today we’ll be talking about consumer rights.” He clapped his hands together, his eyes twinkling under his black frames. He stared right at me and I turned my gaze to the blank page. “Turn your books to page one-eighty-five and we’ll begin.”
I tried to focus on the power point. I tried to focus on the text. I tried to focus on my notes. And I failed. That shirt was a train wreck. I couldn’t stop staring at it.
A thud by my feet drew my gaze away from my prof. Devon settled into his seat and slouched down. I waited for him to say something, anything, but all he did was close his eyes. A moment later a soft snore sounded beside me. I shook my head and took notes. When Farmer finished his lecture, I shoved Devon’s arm to wake him up.
“Shit,” he said, stretching his arms above his head. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”
“So you closed your eyes for no reason?” I pushed my notebook in between my textbooks.
“I’m exhausted. Full practice started this week. Between that, JenCar, and class, I barely have time to sleep.”
“I get it.” I played with the flap on my bag. “Neither one of us has much time for a social life, huh?”
Devon leaned closer. “We have to make time for fun.”
I laughed hard.
“What’s so funny?” Devon’s face was a mixture of amusement and confusion. It only made me laugh harder. “Olivia?”
“Sorry, I don’t know why that set me off,” I said, wiping a tear from the corner of my eye. “Maybe because it was so damn cheesy.”
“Cheesy?” Devon feigned offense. “I was being sincere.”
I shook my head. “You were flirting. Badly.”
“I’ve been told I’m an amazing flirt.” He put his hand up. “By a lot of ladies, I might add.”
“Ah, so you admit to being a player?” I raised an eyebrow and forced the smile from my lips.
“I admit to being a flirt. And a baseball player, but never a ‘playa.’” He bent his head and motioned for me to do the same. “I’m not a player, Olivia. Because when there’s someone I want, I’m not just in it for an inning. I’m there for the entire game.”
“So when are we going to start playing?” I turned my head, lining our lips up, and waited for him to make a move. When he didn’t, I did. I leaned in and brushed my lips over his, surprising myself with my boldness. It was exhilarating.
But a loud bang of the doors shot us apart. The janitor rolled his mop bucket onto the stage without looking our way. Devon ran his hand over his face.
“We really…” He stopped and glanced at his phone. “Sorry, I’ve got to take this. It’s Coach Hummel. I’ll call you later.”
He stood and rushed from the room with his phone to his ear. I wanted to believe him, but knowing how busy he was, I didn’t think he’d call soon. It’s hard to start a game when the teams can’t even get together.
…
Paige showed up at Steak Stockade a little after eleven the next night. She had on her favorite short skirt and red heels I’d kill myself in. Somehow, she made walking in them appear natural. Kit noticed her before I did.
“Liv, when are you going to introduce me to your friend?” His eyes scanned down her body and back to her chest. I don’t think he ever looked at her face.
“When you stop staring at her like she’s a porterhouse,” I said, slapping his shoulder. “Do you even know what color her hair is?”
“It’s not her hair I’m interested in.” He actually licked his lips.
“Gross.” I hurried away from him and to the bar. Paige sat with her legs crossed and her back ramrod straight. Her gaze never left the bartender as he cleaned on the opposite side of where she sat.
“He’s got a gorgeous ass,” she said without looking at me.
“You can see that through the bar?”
“I may have peeked over when he bent down.” Paige shrugged.
“He’s also married with two kids.” I leaned against the bar and stared at my friend. She was in full Paige regalia. Her makeup was smoky and smooth, with perfect cat’s-eye corner. She’d even put her fake lashes on. Her hair flowed down her back in long waves. I knew from experience she’d spent at least an hour just on her hair. And I also knew what this meant. Paige was on the prowl. “What happened to swearing off men until the fall?”
Paige smiled before sipping her drink. “Not men, just boys. And relationships. Definitely swearing off relationships.” She closed her eyes as the alcohol slid down her throat. “But I can’t swear off sex until then. And a vibrator only goes so far.”
I wanted to laugh, but she was way too serious.
“So, my friend, we’re going out as soon as I spring you from this joint. I need a wing-woman. And you’ll be in charge of getting my car back to my place. If I’m successful in my endeavors.” Paige smiled, but there was a hidden sadness behind it. One she wouldn’t let anyone else see tonight. “I just need to not think tonight, okay?”
“Okay,” I said, knowing how she felt. But I’d never been brave enough to act on it.
Paige squeezed my arm. “Thanks, Liv.”
I had no doubt Paige would get what she wanted. “I’m here until closing. And why don’t I just drive my truck?”
“No, you’re not,” Logan said behind me. I turned to see him striding forward with Amber on his heels. “Amber’s closing. You can go now.”
“But—”
“Or you can stay.” Logan raised his eyebrows. “Either way, we’re good here.”
Paige slid off the stool and linked her arm through mine. “We’re leaving.”
I didn’t argue. She ushered me toward the office, adding an extra swing to her step for Kit. It was clear there was a conspiracy going on between Paige and Logan. I’d wait until my place to find out what. I clocked out and practically ran to my truck, Paige following me back to my apartment. She didn’t say another word until I’d closed the door behind us.
“Shower. And make it fast.” She moved toward my armoire and pulled out the blue dress. “You’re wearing this tonight.”
“I was saving that,” I said, mentally adding “for dinner with Devon.”
“Nope. Not an option.” She shooed me toward the shower. “Hurry.”
I didn’t waste a single second. The minute I stepped out of the shower and into the living room, Paige pushed me into a chair and worked my hair into an updo.
“How’d you convince Logan to let me off early?” I asked as she slid bobby pins into my hair.
“It wasn’t hard.” She fluffed a bit of hair then tugged on it. “I reminded him how many times you’d come in on short notice and bailed him out.”
Her magic touch applied my makeup. In less than an hour, I’d been completely transformed.
“It’s only a few hours until last call,” I pointed out as the clock ticked closer to midnight.
Paige opened the door to my apartment. “All the more reason to hurry up.”
She took off down the stairs as I locked up. By the time I made it out to her car, she was already inside.
“Why am I not driving?” I asked again as I slid into the passenger side of The Tank.
“Because you might get lucky, too, and your truck’s too small for a quickie in the parking lot.” Paige started the engine and pulled onto my street. It wasn’t going to happen like that, but I knew better than to argue with her when her mind was set.
We were a few minutes from my apartment when I realized I had no idea where we were going. I couldn’t not know. She drove less than ten blocks when I finally asked. Bu
t I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to like the answer.
“O’Malley’s.” Paige pulled onto the lot behind the bar. “Surprised you didn’t figure it out.”
“I thought when you said you wanted a ‘man’ tonight, you meant some place not near campus.”
Paige pulled the keys out of the ignition and sighed. “Men go to O’Malley’s. Like seniors. And I don’t mean senior citizens.”
I shook my head and climbed out of the car. We pushed our way inside. O’Malley’s was a typical bar and grill, although it was more bar at this time of night. The dark wood and dim lighting made it almost impossible to see ten feet past my face. I hadn’t been to O’Malley’s since last year, and that wasn’t exactly the best memory or most coherent one. Paige brought me to drink off my breakup with Henry. That was the night I fell in love with tequila. The next day was when I swore off drinking anything heavier than wine.
Paige paved her way through the masses, and I followed her path. By the time we reached the bar, I needed a drink. The bartender stepped up the minute Paige broke through to greet him with a wave. She flashed him a sexy smile, which he eagerly returned. Before I could order, he sat two longnecks on the bar in front of Paige.
“Not a fan of beer,” I reminded her.
“More for me.” Paige swallowed half of the first bottle. “But I didn’t order them. Those two guys sent them our way. Besides, I told the bartender to bring you a white wine.”
I leaned over her to follow where she pointed. The “guys” were definitely not in college. I doubted either one of them had stepped onto a campus in more than a decade. They both smiled and one of them had the actual gall to wiggle his fingers. It took all my strength to not throw up in my mouth. Or outside of it. I drained the glass of wine the bartender sat in front of me.
“Those guys are old enough to be our fathers.”
“Relax, Liv, nobody said you had to bone one of them because they sent you a drink.”
I rolled my eyes and waved the bartender down for another glass of chardonnay.
Paige took both bottles and spun around while I waited. There was no way I was staining this dress with a merlot. By the time he’d returned, Paige had made eye contact with her first target. I wasn’t going to let her go home with the first guy she saw. If I could help her avoid any regrets, I would.
