“Doctor...McKensey, was it?” The doctor nodded. “Her mother...”
“You can go in to see her in a minute, she is a little disoriented. You can pick her up tomorrow if all is well. I don’t, however, see any complications at this time,” he was saying as a nurse approached him.
“Doctor McKensey, we have a double gunshot wound coming in through emergency.”
“Doctor...wait...I can’t...” Alex tried to say but the doctor rushed off as the sound of a siren filled the emergency area.
Carly squeezed her hand and Alex looked down at her. “I told them you brought me and mommy in and you would take care of me,” the child said.
Alex’s mouth dropped open and then closed again. She knelt down so she could speak at the child’s eye level. “Carly, won’t your daddy be worried?” Alex gently asked.
“I don’t have a daddy.”
“Well, isn’t there anyone that will be worried if you don’t go back home?”
“No, it’s just me and mommy.”
Alex ran her fingers through her hair not knowing exactly what to do. Perhaps the mother could answer some of these questions. She didn’t feel well. Her head felt crowded with cobwebs and memories that always left her in a state of confusion and disorientation. She would ask the mother. The mother would know who to call. She felt a pulling on her hand and Alex looked down at the child.
“What’s your name?” the little girl asked.
“Alex...my name is Alex,” she said, looking into sleepy baby blue eyes. “Come on, sleepyhead; let’s go see your mommy.”
Alex pushed the door to the hospital room open and slowly walked toward the woman lying on the bed.
“Mommy!” Carly ran toward the bed as Alex brought a chair over next to the bed for the child to stand on and see her mother.
“Mommy,” the child said again, touching her mother’s cheek.
The woman’s eyes fluttered open and a smile slowly filled her face. “Baby, are you okay?” she whispered.
“I’m okay, Mommy. Alex is taking care of me.”
“Alex,” the mother murmured as her eyes closed again.
Chapter 2
With the confusion at the hospital and the memories swirling inside of her, Alex found herself just taking the child home with her. It was not a choice made with logic or the lack of it, it was simply one made by a child who put her hand in hers and trusted that she would be there. And Alex needed to make sure that this little girl would be taken care of.
She took Carly home with her and together they walked to Teddy’s room where Alex tucked a sleepy Carly into Teddy’s old bed. It felt surreal in a way; but it also made her feel that it was so right. She had tucked in a child and it filled her with emotions she thought she had forgotten and with emotions she thought she could and would never feel again. She closed the door slowly and walked into her bedroom. There was a child under her roof again and a stranger with blue eyes that filled her thoughts.
As Alex got ready for bed she pondered the evening’s events. The emergency room had been busy that night; there were car accidents, people arriving by ambulances with heart attacks, and gunshot wounds. She wondered how the doctors and nurses did it day in and day out. How could they work with such horror each and every day?
It was no surprise that they just assumed she would take care of Carly. But her legal mind also told her that they had left themselves open to a giant lawsuit. For that matter, so had she. Her mind was not working rationally she kept telling herself. Something had happened tonight; no…something had been happening to her for a long time. Her personal life had been in limbo for a very long time now. Tonight was the first time in a long, long while that she had acted on pure emotion. It made no sense for her to have brought this child home with her, but she had. All she knew was that when Carly had put her little hand in hers emotions overwhelmed her. She needed to think, this she realized, but she was so confused that logic obviously had had no place in her decision-making this night.
Alex decided to just stop thinking; overthinking was one of her biggest problems. She would deal with it all in the morning. She was tired. And there were the blonde woman’s blue eyes that somehow had not left her thoughts. Maybe she knew the woman from somewhere. Perhaps they shopped at the same stores or even met at a business dinner or something. Alex lay down in her bed not able to take another step or think another thought. She knew she had acted irrationally tonight. So many things were flooding her mind. Alex was sure she knew Carly’s mother from somewhere.
And of course, there was the fact that this woman’s child was sleeping in Teddy’s room. Alex took a deep breath; and as usual she expected the anxiety to begin and to go through another sleepless night. But, instead she was filled with an unexpected sense of peace.
There is a child sleeping in Teddy’s room. With that thought, she closed her eyes and slept through the night for the first time in two years.
†
“Alex, I’m hungry,” said a small, soft voice.
Alex opened one eye and then the other and sat up in bed with a startled surprise as she stared at a little girl with golden curls who was standing next to her bed. She rubbed her eyes and looked at the child again, and suddenly the events of the night before flooded her mind.
“Are we going to go see mommy?” the child asked softly.
“Um...well, let’s see. Let’s have some breakfast and then we can go to the hospital and see your mommy,” Alex said with a smile. “Okay?”
“Do you think she missed me last night?” Carly asked as her lower lip quivered.
“Carly, I am sure that your mommy is going to be happy to see you. If we hurry and have our breakfast maybe we can get there before she has hers. We can pass by the gift shop and get her a present. Would you like that?”
The reasoning seemed to pacify the child and a bright smile filled her face with the thought of surprising her mother with a present.
Alex got out of bed and went to her closet. She chose a pair of jeans and a designer T-shirt. She hadn’t worn jeans in such a long time. They never seemed appropriate since all she had done for the past two years was work. She remembered the last time she had worn jeans she’d gone to see Teddy play little league.
A small voice interrupted her thoughts.
“Alex, do you have kids?”
Alex froze on the spot. She felt the space of the closet closing in around her as her breathing became somewhat ragged. She could only hear a strange buzzing in her ears, and she realized that she was experiencing the beginnings of a panic attack. Her knees felt week and she could feel the nausea and fear building. The panic that usually followed began.
“Alex?” A little hand took hold of her hand and pulled her out of the closet.
“Sit down, Alex, you don’t look so good,” Carly said as she walked her to the bed. “I’ll get you some water okay? Wait here.”
Alex tried to concentrate on her breathing. She closed her eyes and remembered the doctor’s instructions. It had been so long since she’d had an attack. She rubbed her leg to focus and then tried to see herself in a quiet place.
“Here, Alex, drink this,” Carly said as she guided the glass to Alex’s mouth. “You are probably tired. My mommy had a very bad cold once and she got really tired. I remember I got her a glass of water and she felt better.”
Alex opened her eyes and drank the water as instructed.
“Feeling better now?”
Touched by the concern she saw in the child’s eyes Alex, without thinking, caressed the soft cheek, and kissed the child’s forehead. “Yes, Carly, I feel much better. Thank you.” She slowly began to breathe easier.
Alex’s reward: a lovely smile. She caressed the child’s hair. “You are very sweet, Carly.”
“Mommy calls me her sweet pea.”
“I feel much better now. Let’s get ready and go see your mommy.”
†
An hour later, woman and child walked into the hospital. Alex kept goi
ng from one scenario to another in her head. How the hell was she going to explain that she had taken a child home and brought her back the next day? Had she lost her mind? No, she wasn’t going to go there; what she had done had been completely insane.
With anticipation, Alex walked a little faster as she got closer to the door of the hospital room where Carly’s mother would be waiting. She wanted to get it over and done with. As soon as she opened the door, she was faced with a hysterical woman and several very anxious hospital personnel.
“Where is my daughter? Oh God, where is my daughter!”
“Ms. Owens, please calm down. We have notified the police and they are on their way,” a very anxious nurse was saying.
“Mommy!” yelled Carly as she ran to her mother. Immediately her mother’s head turned and her arms opened, welcoming her child into her embrace. The nurse closest to the hysterical mother picked the child up and helped her onto the bed.
“Baby! Oh, God...baby, are you okay?” Reese Owens asked as she held her child tightly against her. She kept asking the child the same thing over and over again as tears of joy ran down her face.
All eyes turned to Alex.
A dark-haired nurse spoke first. “You took the child without her mother’s permission!” she said accusingly. “The police have been called and are on their way so you better not be going anywhere.”
“Well, I’m glad they are on the way because this child was handed over to me last night by a Dr. McKensy and an emergency room nurse. They let me take her home without asking so much as a single question. They didn’t even ask who I was. So yes, please have the police come. I think there should definitely be some charges made as to the ineptitude of this hospital. I would say that the hospital is definitely liable for this.” Alex was furious as she continued. “You people have no excuse for what happened here last night. Someone could have hurt that child!” a very indignant Alex yelled, pointing to Carly. Then she pointed at the hospital staff. “Get out! I want to speak to Ms. Owens alone.” Alex was angry, but she also realized that she had acted just as irresponsibly. Right now all she could think about was that if it had not been for her someone else might have hurt Carly.
They all stood speechless, shocked by the enormity of the accusations.
“Now!” she yelled.
Everyone walked out quickly. Alex then turned her attention to Reese Owens and was met again by those blue eyes. Alex’s stance relaxed and she walked over to the woman in the bed. As she got closer, she put her hand out. “Hello, I’m Alexandra Masters.”
“I don’t know whether to thank you or kill you,” said the very angry blonde. She took Alex’s hand and as the connection occurred, their eyes fused, both women felt a sudden jolt as the connection was made. Blue eyes searched green ones. “If you have hurt...”
“Alex took good care of me, Mommy.” Reese’s attention went back to her daughter and she released Alex’s hand.
“I’m sorry you were worried,” said Alex softly.
Reese’s eyes went back to Alex.
“Alex made me eggs just the way you make them for breakfast, Mommy,” said Carly as Reese’s eyes went from one to the other.
“I’m really sorry you were worried. Last night it seemed the only thing to do. We came in here to speak to you and you kind of passed out,” Alex said with a kind of floppy smile as she tilted her head.
Reese looked at the woman before her unable to believe her incredible attraction to this stranger amidst her anger and worry for her daughter. “Did you bring us to the hospital?”
“Yes.”
“Thank you. I’m not quite sure what happened,” she said as she looked back at her daughter. “I’m so glad to see you, sweet pea.” She touched the cast. “Does it hurt very much?”
“No...um...only a little. Mommy, Alex has a little boy and I slept in his room last night. He has that castle I wanted from the toy catalog. Remember, Mommy? Maybe Alex can tell us where she got it,” said an excited Carly.
Reese looked up to see a very pale Alex. For one instant, before the curtain of cold came down, she saw so much pain in those green eyes.
Alex’s face turned to Carly and a soft smile appeared briefly on her face before she turned her attention to Carly’s mother. “Here is my card, Ms. Owens, I’m sorry that I cannot stay. If you have any questions please contact me and I will be more than happy to answer them. I was glad to be able to help you and your little girl.” Once Reese took her business card, Alex walked toward the door.
“Wait!” called Reese, and Alex froze as she was about to open the door. “I…I think we got off on the wrong foot.”
Alex turned to face her. “You were in a car accident last night. I brought you and your daughter to the hospital. I was, by great negligence, given your child to take home, I would sue these people if I were you. I took your child home with me and then I brought her back safe and sound to you today. I have a deposition to work on. I don’t think there is much else to discuss. Have a nice day, Ms. Owens.” Alex then stopped, took a deep breath, then spoke again much softer. “I regret that you were frightened…I’m sorry, I only wanted to help and perhaps I acted badly…” Alex looked up and met Reese’s eyes. “I’m sorry I scared you…” She exited the room leaving a very confused Reese behind.
“Did I say something wrong, Mommy?”
Reese looked down at her daughter. “No, honey. Miss Masters just had to go to work,” she said, reassuring her daughter before looking down at the card Alex had given her.
†
Alex almost ran down the hallway. When she reached the outside of the building, she leaned against the wall of the hospital and attempted to regulate her breathing. The cold air kept hitting her face. She focused on the solidness of the concrete she was leaning against. She felt dizzy and the shaking began to take hold of her body. She kept telling herself that it was going to be okay. When she began to feel more in control of her breathing it began to get a little easier. Control. She kept saying over and over again to herself. When she began to acknowledge her surroundings she slowly walked back to her car and drove home. Alex felt confused and scared; the panic attacks were back.
When she got home, she went directly into Teddy’s room and cried. She had not cried since that day when they told her Teddy was dead. Alex had simply turned something off and not allowed herself to feel the pain. But, as she looked around her son’s room, she finally allowed herself to feel the loss of him. She fell to her knees. Seeing Carly in Reese’s arms reminded her of what it had been like to hold Teddy. Oh God, she remembered how it felt to hold and love Teddy. And finally, after two years, she allowed herself the tears. And when the tears finally came she couldn’t make them stop. Alex didn’t work for the remainder of the weekend. She didn’t do much of anything, hardly leaving Teddy’s room. She had finally faced losing her child. And as she accepted his loss, she found the pain unbearable.
Chapter 3
Alex went into the office on Monday a week later and, as usual, buried herself once again in paperwork.
Elliot noticed the slight darkness under her eyes but said nothing that morning. Alex had not missed a day of work in the last two years and when she let them know that she was taking a week off no one questioned her. Alex tried very hard to go on as if nothing had happened, but something had and Elliot knew that eventually she would come to him and discuss it. They had been friends for years, although in the last two he, as well as others, had felt severed from Alex’s life. He, though, still held onto hope that one day she would come back. After another week had gone by and Alex had not approached him, he decided to just go into her office and plain ask her what had happened.
“Alex, you have a minute?” Elliot asked as he poked his head into her office. Alex looked up from the paperwork on her desk.
“Sure, Elliot, come on in. I have to ask you a few questions in reference to—”
“Alex, what’s wrong?” He cut her off before she continued.
“Wrong?
” she inquired as she looked back up at Elliot again.
“Yes, what is wrong?” He took his time in saying the words, waiting for some kind of response from her.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” she answered, looking back down at her paperwork. “Elliot, in reference to this case…”
“Alex, I can tell there is something wrong,” he insisted.
“Elliot, just let it go, okay.” The buzzing of her intercom interrupted the conversation. Alex pushed down the button and spoke. “Yes, Carol?”
“Ms. Masters, there is a Ms. Owens here and she insists she must see you,” said a harried Carol.
Alex said nothing for a moment. Elliot noticed her hesitation.
“Ms. Masters?” asked Carol again.
Alex shook her head as if shaking out of a trance. “Give me a minute, Carol, and then please send her in.” She quickly released the button and took a deep breath. Reese Owens was in her office.
“Alex?”
Her eyes looked up and were met with a very curious look on Elliot’s face.
“Elliot, I met this woman and...”
“Alex, do you want me to…”
Before Elliot could finish his sentence, the door to the office opened and in walked Reese Owens.
Blue eyes met green ones and again that feeling of déjà vu hit Alex. Both women became once again lost in each other’s eyes.
Alex stood up slowly behind her desk.
Elliot coughed.
Alex snapped out of it first and looked at Elliot. “Elliot, will you please excuse us?”
“Alex, are you sure?”
“Elliot, I will address your concerns at another time,” she said, dismissing him.
The Very Thought of You Page 2
