Alex looked at the closed door and realized that Elliot had never given up on the old Alex. The old Alex…she couldn’t even remember her anymore. The past…why should she want to remember the past? What did it hold for her but pain? And somehow, it also brought her to when Carly had been in Teddy’s room, and of course that brought her to Reese. Memories then flooded her of Reese by the firelight, Reese in the sunlight, Reese in the snow, and always Reese in her arms. And Reese’s mouth…
Carol’s voice came over the intercom. “Ms. Masters, your sister is on line four. Do you wish to take the call?”
“Yes, thank you, Carol, I’ll take it.” Alex was grateful for the interruption.
†
Reese had hoped that once Alex had a chance to think things over she would call. She never did. At first, she was mad, then the anger became sadness because Reese knew she had seen something special happening between them.
Alex just didn’t care enough. Somehow, no one ever cared enough. She had been dealing with being second-best her whole life. And yes, for a while she indulged in self-pity. How could she have been so stupid to fall for someone that quickly?
As the months went by, she convinced herself that it had all been a mistake. If Alex refused to acknowledge what she had felt that was her problem. She wished she could move on. But, somehow, even after all these months, she would occasionally remember and long for that moment and that kiss.
“Alex…” she said, savoring the moment until her daughter interrupted.
“Mommy, come on we are going to be late!” Carly said as she tugged at her mother.
“Oh, sorry, sweetheart. Yeah, let’s go. Did you grab your glove?”
“I got it. Can we go to McDonald’s after the game?”
“Yeah, I think that sounds great.” She grabbed the small bag next to the door, and they both walked out to the car to drive to Carly’s little league game.
†
“Katherine, I’m busy, I can’t go to a baseball game!”
“Alexandra, you promised him. It’s going to begin at four thirty this afternoon. Alex, he’s gotten to know you again and he loves you. And, Alex, I think you need this too,” she finished softly.
“Kate, I will make it up to him.”
“Alexandra, be there!”
The line went dead. And Alex stared at the phone in disbelief.
“She sounds mad,” Alex said as she hung up the telephone. “I hate baseball.”
Her intercom buzzed again and Carol spoke. “Ms. Masters, your sister on two.”
“Thank you, Carol.” She switched extensions. “Yes, Kate?”
“By the way, Kevin asked me to remind you that you promised to take him to McDonald’s after the game.”
“Okay, okay! I’ll be there. I might just be a little late, but I will be there.”
“Bye.”
“Bye, Kate.”
Her sister Katherine was sometimes a tyrant, but Kate had always been there for her. After Teddy died, not even Kate could reach her. And then, after that night with Reese… God! Always Reese. “Why can’t I get this woman out of my mind?” she asked herself. She would finish the brief tomorrow and go see Kevin’s little league game. Alex closed the file she had been working on and for the first time in a long time she allowed her mind to run free. She had made some changes in her life—some was better than none she told herself. Alex knew that change was necessary; she also admitted to herself that she was not sure where the changes would take her.
She had taken a more active part in her sister’s and nephew’s lives since the night she had called Kate after her incident with Reese. That’s how she thought of it these days. She kept telling herself that she had been caught in that situation because she was lonely. So Kate, good old reliable Kate, had come through for her again. And she had to admit she enjoyed spending time with Kevin, her nephew.
Spending time with her family was Alex’s way of justifying the rest of her life. She was a true paradox. She had gotten softer she told herself and yet she had never been harder than she was now. Elliot was right; she had become ruthless and it was beginning to show.
†
“Come on Carly, throw it!” yelled Reese.
The team was practicing before the game began. Carly was a member of the Blue Jays. She loved to play but, unfortunately, she was not very coordinated. Reese patiently tried to teach her to throw the ball over and over again.
“Okay,” she replied, throwing the ball to the right side of Reese.
Reese ran to catch it. It had rained the night before so the practice field was somewhat muddy and in some places there were patches of mud. As Reese caught the ball, she slid in the mud. All she remembered was hitting something really hard and landing on her bottom. She sat up and looked down at herself covered in mud. Looking to her side, she came face-to-face with what she had run into.
Next to her in the mud sat a furious Alex, wearing a gray business suit. The white blouse, skirt, and jacket were covered in mud, as were her legs, hands, and even some parts of her hair.
“What do you think you were doing!” Alex yelled at a somewhat shocked-looking Reese.
“I was trying to catch…I’m sorry, Alex.”
“Dear, God, this mud is cold!”
Reese got up, wiped her hands on her pants, and extended a hand to Alex.
“Here let me help you up.”
“No! Just stay away from me!” she yelled, trying to get up but she kept slipping in the mud and landing on her bottom. “Shit!”
“No...mud,” said Reese, who began to laugh.
“This is not funny, Reese!”
“It is from here. Now are you going to let me help you or not?” she asked sweetly.
“No! I can get up myself.” Alex almost made it up before her foot got stuck in the mud. Her shoe would not let go of the mud and she fell on her stomach this time.
“Okay, enough, here let me help you,” Reese said, and as she was helping Alex up, they both landed back on their bottoms.
This time they both looked at each other and started laughing. Some of the parents and most of the kids had become spectators of the mud party. When they heard all the laughter, they both looked over at the crowd they had attracted. Kate was one of them.
“Okay, shall we try this again?” asked a laughing Alex.
“I’m ready if you are,” said Reese. They helped each other stand and walk away from the sea of mud they had been in.
Kate walked over with Carly and Kevin behind her. “Well, you two are a sight.”
“No mud jokes, okay, Kate,” Alex said with a smirk.
Kate put her hands up. “And land in the mud with you? Oh no!” She too started laughing.
“Hi, Alex!” exclaimed Carly with glee as soon as she saw her.
“Hello, sweetheart, how is that arm?” she asked the little girl.
“Good as new. See?” She showed Alex her arm and moved it around and bent her wrist.
“Yep, it looks good to me too,” she agreed, laughing.
“Mommy, you are really muddy!” Carly laughed, wrinkling her nose.
“Yes, honey, I really am.” Reese looked at herself up and down and began to laugh as well.
Kate just stood there with a big grin on her face. She was about to open her mouth when Alex gave her the famous look of death and her mouth shut again.
“Kate, this is Reese Owens,” Alex said to her sister, avoiding eye contact. She knew that it wouldn’t take Kate long to figure things out.
Kate turned to Alex and instantly put two and two together. Alex had never told her the last name of the Reese she had referred to that night, but she knew exactly who it was by the way Alex was acting. She then chose to run with it and see how things would go. For now, she would play the game that Alex was obviously not able to own up to. “I know Reese, Alex. Kevin and Carly are on the same team,” Kate said simply.
“Kate is your sister?” Reese asked incredulously.
“Small wor
ld, huh?” answered Alex, knowing full well by the way Kate looked at her that she knew that this was the Reese they had discussed.
“Yes... Hi, Kate,” said Reese before turning back to Alex.
“Why don’t you two go get cleaned up. I’ll watch the kids till you get back, and we can all go to McDonald’s afterward. You can go to my house it’s closer. Alex, you know where my sweats are. Hurry up you two, the game is about to begin.” As she said this, she walked off with Carly and Kevin in tow. “Come on guys, the game is about to start.”
Alex had been silent and Reese had looked nervous at the suggestion so Kate knew she was on to something. Since losing Teddy Alex had run from her emotions. Seeing Alex nervous and unsure now was all Kate needed to know that it was a very good thing for Alex to deal with whatever her feelings were about Reese. Alex had told her about that night with Reese, but what Alex did not know was how much more Kate had seen in the few minutes she had just witnessed; more than Alex had intended, definitely. Alex had always been fearless. Even from childhood she had this light that she brought into everything and everyone. Alex had just simply forgotten or denied anything that might touch her since she had lost Teddy. Kate knew Reese and she liked what she saw. If only Alex would bother to look, she might be surprised. She knew Reese to be an incredible person, and she only hoped that Alex would allow herself to live life again.
“Um, well…no sense in taking two cars,” said Alex. “We can go in my car.” She looked at Reese.
Reese looked at her for a moment. “Okay, your car then. Lead the way, old muddy one.” They both started laughing as they walked toward Alex’s car.
†
Once they were both in the car, they were engulfed by the silence. Alex just looked at the steering wheel and Reese kept staring at her hands, neither one saying anything.
“Reese...I’m sorry...”
“Alex, it’s okay,” Reese said, looking at Alex now.
“I…”
“Alex, this is where we meet okay? A new start…” She looked at Alex, holding her breath.
“Friends then?” Alex asked tentatively.
“I would like that,” said Reese with a big smile.
“Good, I missed you.” Alex started the engine and looked back at her rear window.
Reese just smiled.
†
Reese and Alex began seeing each other again. There were occasional stolen glances and light touches, but it never progressed past that. They began rebuilding from the disastrous beginning of when they met. Slowly, each woman became a part of the other’s life. They planned weekends together with Carly. Occasionally, Alex would stop by after work and then gradually she started staying for dinner. And before she knew it, the only thing they were not doing together was sleeping under the same roof.
So much had changed in those few months. And yet, some things seemed not to at all. One afternoon, the inevitable happened…
“I want to go to McDonald’s,” said Carly.
“Carly, we cannot live in McDonald’s,” said Reese as Alex walked through the door.
“Hi, small fry,” said Alex.
“Alex!” Carly ran into Alex’s waiting arms.
Reese just smiled.
“Hey, that smells good,” said Alex as she walked closer to Reese with Carly in her arms.
“Cookies.”
“Hey, small fry, you’re getting heavy. Have you grown since yesterday?” she asked jokingly.
“No,” Carly answered with a giggle.
“Alex, let’s go to McDonald’s,” Carly pleaded.
“You’re early,” said Reese looking at Alex.
“Yeah, I figured it was a beautiful day so I’m playing hooky.”
“Great, you hungry?” asked Reese as she kept spooning cookie dough on the flat cookie sheet.
“McDonald’s, please?” whined Carly.
“I have an idea. Why don’t we have a barbecue and jump in the pool over at my house.” Alex looked at Carly and began tickling her tummy.
“Can we Mommy? Can we please?”
“Sure, that sounds great. Let me finish the cookies and I’ll get our suits.”
“Maybe we can rent some videos too, if you want, for later,” Alex said, looking at Carly. Reese had gotten used to the way Alex had adopted asking them to spend time with her.
“Okay, maybe I should follow you in my car so that you don’t have to drive us back later.”
“Hey, it’s Friday, and I have plenty of room. Why don’t you guys just stay over?”
“Oh, Mommy, can we? Can we, Mommy?” Both Alex and Carly were waiting for her to answer.
“Okay, I know when I’m outnumbered,” she said, then wiped her hands clean, put the cookies in the oven, and went to tickle Carly.
†
“Is it ready yet?” asked Carly.
“Almost, sweetheart. Do you want to help Mommy bring out something for us to drink?”
“K,” the little girl said as she ran inside.
Alex smiled. She is such a sweet little thing, beautiful just like her mother. That thought had slipped out innocently enough. Alex thought about it. Yes, Reese was beautiful, with her golden hair and the bluest eyes that could look right into your soul. And her mouth...Reese’s mouth is soft and inviting. She mentally shook her head. It is happening again, Alex thought. She was thinking about Reese in that way again. At that moment, Reese walked out of the house wearing a cobalt blue bathing suit and Alex could only stare.
“Come on, Carly, so I can close the door, honey,” Reese said, oblivious to the hungry look on Alex’s face.
“Okay, Mommy.”
“Put those cups on the table, okay.” Reese looked toward Alex. She was both surprised and pleased by the look on her friend’s face.
“You like it?” she asked as she turned to show off her suit.
“Yeah, it looks nice.” Alex looked quickly down at the barbecue.
Reese smiled with renewed hope. She had caught Alex looking at her. So many times she had found herself looking at Alex, imagining what it would be like to kiss her again. So many times Alex had touched her and just as quickly changed the subject or just walked away. Reese had wondered if she had imagined it all. But not today. She recognized the look she had seen on Alex’s face because she knew what wanting was.
Reese had tried so hard not to think of Alex in that way. Having Alex as a friend was better than not having Alex at all. After a while, she came to realize that she treasured the friendship they had built. And although Reese was happy to see desire in Alex’s face, it frightened her since Alex had not been able to handle her feelings before.
It had hurt when Alex ran away that night. It had hurt a lot. But now, she didn’t know if she could endure the separation. Reese had to face, at that moment, that she had fallen in love with Alex She wasn’t sure when it had happened exactly but at that very second she knew it to be true; she was in love with Alex. The enormity of it all hit her suddenly, and at that moment Reese realized that she would rather have Alex as a friend in her life than not have Alex in her life at all. Love with Alex scared her; Alex had run before and might run again if Reese were to change the dynamics of their relationship.
Carly walked over to Alex again. “Are they ready yet?”
“Yep, they are ready.” She gave the little girl a big smile.
“Yeaaaa,” Carly said, hopping up and down.
“Let’s eat,” said a triumphant Alex.
They sat down, ate, and were amused by Carly’s antics. Both women soon forgot the awkwardness of the previous moment as they laughed at Carly, and when they finished eating they started playing in the pool.
†
“Throw it, Carly!” Reese kept yelling. They were playing monkey in the middle and Alex was in the middle. “Come on, honey, throw it!” Reese yelled again, laughing at Alex who was slowly walking toward the giggling child. She then threw the ball and Reese caught it in midair.
Alex turned and played the same
game, walking slowly toward Reese with a wicked smile on her face. Every time she was about to throw it, Alex would get in the way.
“Run, Mommy, run!” Carly screamed in glee.
Reese turned and attempted to run in the water.
Alex caught up with her and pulled her against her body. “I’ve got you,” she said into Reese’s ear.
Suddenly, the heat between them exploded and their bodies melded together. Reese could hear Alex’s breathing close to her ear and felt Alex’s arms tighten around her stomach, pulling her tighter against her. Suddenly, Carly appeared in front of them.
“You lose, Mommy, Alex caught you,” she said, laughing.
“Yes, honey, Alex caught me.” Reese was surprised that Alex was still holding her tightly. She turned in Alex’s arms. Blue eyes met passion-filled green ones. She thought Alex was about to lean down and kiss her when Alex released her from the embrace.
“I’m going to catch you, small fry!” Alex said as she playfully went after Carly.
Reese just smiled.
†
They all had a wonderful day. Alex waited downstairs while Reese put Carly to bed. The child had been exhausted and had fallen asleep while watching The Lion King. Reese was going to come back down for coffee and dessert after Carly was settled.
Alex had told Reese she could use the bedroom across from hers for Carly. It had been Teddy’s room. Reese had not asked but Alex knew that tonight was probably the night for a lot of talking. She heard Reese coming down the stairs and turned to meet those blue eyes. She could tell that Reese was full of questions, but to her credit, she smiled and walked over to her without asking a single one.
“That coffee smells wonderful,” Reese said as she sat down on the couch in front of the coffee table. She started to pour herself a cup and turned toward Alex. “Would you like some, Alex?”
The Very Thought of You Page 4
