To think of it, she wasn’t dating Reese. They were just friends. And friends kissed, didn’t they? They had no commitment and for God’s sake, Reese was a woman. These questions were ridiculous. Weren’t they? And yet, every time she remembered waking up to those blue eyes, she remembered Reese’s mouth.
She had never thought of women this way. She had never really thought much about sex, if the truth be told. She just figured that what she had read and heard about the allure of sex was a lot of exaggeration. She couldn’t possibly be attracted to Reese.
I’m just not attracted to women period. And on that note, she got out of her car and walked to Reese’s house.
†
“Hi there,” said Alex as she walked into the kitchen.
“Hi,” said Reese with the most beautiful smile Alex had ever seen.
Yes, I have to admit, Reese is beautiful, but I can admire that without… She then looked around, avoiding Reese’s eyes.
“Where’s Carly?”
“She has Girl Scouts. They started today, remember?” Reese opened the refrigerator door. “Want a Coke?”
“Yes, thanks,” said Alex as she sat down on the stool next to the island in the kitchen.
Reese got out a Coke and put it in front of Alex. “Kate wants to know if we want to go over there on Saturday. Apparently Rob is basting.” She laughed. “Oh, and we adults can go to the movies in the evening, Kate has arranged for a sitter.” When there was no answer, Reese who was taking something out of the cupboard, turned and looked at the woman. “Alex?”
“Sounds great. You and Carly should go. I have a dinner to go to on Saturday,” she answered. Alex kept looking at her soda and not at Reese.
“Oh…I didn’t know you had plans...” Reese trailed off.
“Yes, Elliot asked me to go to the Carlton Awards Dinner with him and I accepted. It’s this Saturday.” Alex still did not look up at Reese.
Reese felt like someone had hit her hard in the chest. She stood rooted to the spot she was standing in. Alex has a date. Alex is going out with someone else. Alex will be kissed goodnight. Alex…Alex…Alex. She wasn’t sure how long she stood in silence in front of Alex.
Alex never looked up.
Finally, Reese spoke. “I see…well, I hope you have a good time, Alex,” she said softly and turned around before Alex looked up.
Alex drank her Coke in silence as Reese pretended that she didn’t care.
After a few awkward moments, Alex looked up. Something inside her made her want to walk over to Reese and take her in her arms, but instead of doing that, she tried engaging her in conversation. “So, how was school today?”
“The usual. We had teacher in-service today. You know, it’s like a workshop for teachers,” she answered.
“Sounds interesting. So when will you get your second graders back?”
“Next week. They’re thinking of offering Spanish to the teachers as well as adding it to the curriculum.”
“You interested in taking a language?”
“Of course I’m interested in learning, Alex. I’m a teacher,” she answered louder than she had meant to.
Alex stared at her as they were both facing each other now.
Alex could not avoid noticing the tears welling up in Reese’s eyes. She looked down at the Coke can in her hands. “I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“Why?”
Alex looked up. “Why what?”
“Why is it so hard for you to love me?” she asked as tears ran down her face. Reese had tried so hard so many times to hide her feelings for Alex, telling herself that she would be satisfied just being Alex’s friend. But it wasn’t enough anymore. All that filled her mind was so many lonely nights; so many days wanting and not being able to express how much she loved her; so much to say and never able to say a loving word or be able to give a loving touch. It all welled up inside her and she turned her back to Alex, unable to look at her anymore. Reese’s hands covered her face as she began to sob. Her body shook with the tears.
Alex sat watching her until she could no longer stand it. She walked over to Reese and tried taking her in her arms.
“Don’t!” Reese said, pushing her away.
“Let me hold you!” She had not expected this reaction.
“No! Go away, Alex. Please go away…it hurts to love you.” She broke down into tears again.
“Reese…” Alex said softly.
“I thought I could do it, Alex, but I can’t. I hoped that you would someday… Please go, Alex.” She stood with her back to Alex, leaning on the counter in front of her.
“Reese, I don’t want to go,” Alex said softly.
“But, do you want to stay, Alex?” Reese asked as she turned around.
Alex gave no answer.
“There is the difference between us. I am not running like you!” she yelled.
“I am not running. I just can’t give you what you want!” Alex yelled back.
“And what do I want, Alex? What do you think I want?”
Both women stood looking at one another.
Alex broke eye contact first. “I don’t know what you want,” she finally said.
“Don’t you?” Reese asked softly. “Don’t you, Alexandra? I want you. You are what I want.”
Alex stared, unable to speak.
Reese moved closer, and when Alex did not move away, her arms went around Alex’s neck. She felt Alex’s intake of breath as their bodies melded together. Reese’s hand went up to Alex’s hair and caressed it, finally putting a lock behind her ear.
Alex was spellbound. All she felt was the warmth radiating from Reese’s body. All she could hear was a roar in her ears. Her heart pounded in her chest so hard she thought it might burst out of her. Reese was all her mind kept saying. All her senses were flooded with her need for Reese. When Reese’s mouth came closer, Alex did not wait. Her mouth went out to meet it.
Alex’s hands traveled over Reese’s body, her mouth wanting more. She could not pull Reese close enough to her. That flame that had once been lit inside her became a raging fire. She was engrossed in her need to touch, to feel, to taste. Reese.
Reese only knew her need for Alex. Her hands went through Alex’s hair before one traveled down her back. She held her breath as Alex’s mouth kissed down her neck toward her breast.
Alex was filled with wanton desire. If she did not touch Reese, she would burn. She wanted Reese’s skin. As her mouth traveled down Reese’s neck her hands went down her back, over her bottom and she pulled her even closer to her. She could hear Reese’s ragged breathing and, as she pulled her to her, she heard the moan that escaped Reese’s mouth.
“Oh Alex…”
A persistent ringing finally became audible to both of them.
“What is that?”
“The doorbell…” answered a panting Reese.
“Who...?” Alex asked, trying to catch her breath.
“Oh God, it’s Rose…she’s dropping Carly off,” said Reese as their foreheads touched while they each tried to catch their breath.
The doorbell rang again.
“I better go…” She tried pulling out of Alex’s embrace.
Alex pulled her back in her arms again, smiling before lightly kissing her lips and then releasing her.
Reese smiled and blushed. She was straightening her hair and her blouse as she went to answer the door.
Alex lost her smile as Reese walked away.
†
As Reese was talking to her friend Rose, Carly ran into the house.
“Alex!” she screamed, running into Alex’s open arms.
Alex scooped up the little girl and twirled her around.
“Hey, small fry. How was Girl Scouts? Did you like it?” she asked as she smiled indulgently at the child in her arms.
“Yep, it was fun. We’re going on a camping trip. Want to come, Alex?”
“Wow, a camping trip, huh.”
“Yep, with bears and all that stuff,” the little
girl said seriously, nodding her head.
“Wow, real bears?”
“Yes, that is why we have to practice all these safety things and stuff,” she explained.
“What is this I hear about a camping trip?” asked a laughing Reese.
“Alex, is going to come,” Carly told her.
“Hey, now wait a minute, small fry. I never said…” Alex stopped as soon as she saw the dejected look on Carly’s face.
“Honey, Alex may not like camping,” Reese said, trying to reason with the forlorn-looking child.
Carly remained silent, looking down on the floor.
Alex kept looking from Carly to Reese.
“Carly, honey, Alex has to work,” Reese said gently as she took Carly from Alex’s arms.
Alex felt quite empty all of a sudden. “Hey, wait a minute, small fry, I didn’t exactly say no,” she stuttered.
Carly’s head shot up with a hopeful smile.
Reese was looking at her as well.
“Does that mean you will come too?” she asked excitedly.
“That means I will try. If your mom doesn’t mind…” Alex trailed off looking at Reese, who smiled at her.
“I would like it too, Alex,” said Reese.
Alex smiled in return.
“Hooray we’re all going camping!” exclaimed a happy Carly.
“Does this mean I have to sleep in a tent...outdoors…in the woods?” Alex began to look worried. Reese shook her head and started laughing after seeing Alex’s concerned expression.
†
For the next few days, they simply fell back to the old routine. It was as if both of them were afraid of scaring the other away. Alex would come over every night, and all three of them would have dinner, watch some television or play board games. Alex would then say goodnight kiss and hug Carly, then kiss Reese goodbye on the cheek.
By Thursday, Alex had not yet broken her date with Elliot. What am I waiting for? she asked herself. Her thoughts were interrupted by Carol’s voice on the intercom. “Ms. Masters, it’s your sister on two.”
“Thank you, Carol,” said Alex as she picked up the receiver.
“Yes, Katherine?”
“Why so formal?” asked Kate playfully.
“Not formal…what do you want, Kate?” Alex asked in more relaxed tone.
“Just checking on Saturday. I spoke with Reese and she wasn’t sure about it. Alex, she sounded a little funny when I asked. Did anything happen?” Kate asked.
“I have a date with Elliot,” she simply said.
“You what?”
“I have accepted Elliot’s invitation to an awards dinner on Saturday.”
There was no answer from Kate.
“Hey! You still there?” Alex asked.
“Alex…I don’t know quite what to say,” Kate said, sounding miffed.
“There is nothing to say.”
“Alex, are you sure you want to do this?” asked Kate carefully.
“What do you mean?”
“Oh, Alex, cut the shit okay? I have eyes, and I see how you look at Reese,” Kate finally said.
“I…”
“Alex, be careful you don’t lose what you have been given. Love is a gift, Alex.”
This time it was Alex who did not answer.
“Goodbye, Alexandra. Be happy with your conventions and your appearances,” Kate said sarcastically.
“That is not fair, Kate!” Alex exclaimed.
“No, it’s not. Sometimes we have love for only a little while. Don’t waste it, Alex. I guess…I just don’t want you to let it pass you by,” said Kate in a sad-sounding voice. “Think about that, Alex,” she said before hanging up.
As Alex hung up, she was enveloped by her thoughts. Reese had not asked about Saturday again after their…their conversation in the kitchen that night. How would Reese react if Alex were to go out with Elliot on Saturday? Why was she going with Elliot on Saturday was the real question.
†
On Friday night, they acted as if it were any other night. Alex kissed Carly and hugged her good night. Reese walked her to the door as usual. Alex turned to kiss her goodbye but was stopped by the look in Reese’s eyes.
Both women stood for a moment just looking at each other, before Alex broke eye contact first.
Reese took a step forward and kissed Alex lightly on the lips and then pulled away.
“Good night, Alex,” she said softly.
Alex looked up and was once again mesmerized with those beautiful blue eyes. She took a step forward and then just as quickly pulled back. “Goodnight, Reese,” Alex said softly as she turned and walked away.
Chapter 6
“Hi, Reese, come on in,” said Kate with a smile. “Carly, sweetheart, I love that pink outfit!”
“Thank you, Mrs. Stenbeck,” said Carly politely.
“I brought a chocolate mousse cake for dessert,” Reese told Kate as she and Carly walked into the house.
“God, I love you!” Kate exclaimed.
“What is it with your family and this chocolate fetish?” Reese asked, laughing. “I swear Alex pants for chocolate.”
“You should know,” Kate said laughingly at Reese.
“I wish,” answered Reese dejectedly.
Kate looked back at her in dismay. “Carly, honey, Kevin is already in the pool. Why don’t you go ahead and jump in? The water is just perfect.”
“Mommy, can I?” Carly implored.
“Rob is back there supervising.”
“Okay, Carly honey, but listen to Mr. Stenbeck, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy,” Carly said as she went running toward the sliding doors that led to the pool.
“Don’t run, Carly!”
Carly stopped running and looked back. “Sorry.”
Kate looked toward Reese. “Isn’t Alex coming?” she asked Reese.
Reese looked forlorn. “I don’t know, Kate. Last night we just said good night and that was it. I didn’t want to push too hard.”
“Oh, Reese, I’m sorry,” Kate said, trying to comfort her.
“She never promised me anything, Kate. I have no right to expect anything from her.”
“So nothing has happened at all?” Kate asked, hoping that Alex had made some kind of move, but it seemed that her sister was still in the slow lane.
“Well, not exactly nothing…” Reese trailed off.
“What? What?” Kate asked excitedly.
“Well…we had the most passionate kiss I have ever had in my life in the kitchen the other day. If the doorbell hadn’t…well, who can say?” Reese’s face went from a smile back to a disappointed expression.
“I swear, Alexandra can go from brilliant to downright stupid sometimes,” said Kate in exasperation.
“Maybe she just doesn’t like me enough like that…”
“Yeah right!” exclaimed a disbelieving Kate.
“I don’t know, Kate. Maybe I should just try to put this behind me and allow both Alex and I to move on. It’s making me miserable. And Alex…well Alex may just need a friend not a lover.”
“I’m sorry, Reese. She is the loser in this,” Kate said as they both walked out to the pool.
†
The dinner was noisy. They had finished with the awards and now the music was playing loudly.
“Want to dance, Alex?” asked Elliot.
“Sure, why not,” said Alex, getting up.
They walked to the dance floor and Alex moved into Elliot’s arms. He is a good dancer, she thought as she started swaying to the music. As her body started to relax, thoughts of Reese gradually started encompassing her mind.
She remembered clearly how it had felt holding Reese in her arms. Kissing Reese, smelling her, how her mouth and her embrace felt... She realized Elliot had been talking to her and she shook her head trying to clear it.
Confused, he said to her, “What? I thought you liked the ocean?”
“Oh…I’m sorry, Elliot. I wasn’t listening. What did you say again?
”
That set the trend for the rest of the night. She would drift off and Reese would fill her thoughts. When Elliot suggested they leave, she jumped at it. Finally, the night was over and Alex found herself thinking that tomorrow was Sunday and she would see Reese.
Elliot drove her home and walked her to the door.
“Thank you, Elliot. I had a nice time,” she said. As she was pulling her hand away, he took her in his arms and kissed her. Alex, caught by surprise, froze on the spot. When she was about to pull away he released her and smiled. Alex just stared at him.
“Goodnight, Alex. Thank you. I had a wonderful time too,” he said with a huge smile on his face. He then turned around and walked away. Elliot got into his car, waved, and drove away while Alex still stood in the same spot staring after him.
She finally turned around and went inside.
†
Alex tossed and turned all night. She finally just got up and went down to the kitchen for a glass of milk. Getting a glass out of the cupboard she poured herself a glass of chocolate milk then walked over to the table and sat down. The milk made her feel better and, as she was about to finish, she got up and walked over to her study to check her answering machine. Maybe Reese had left a message.
She touched the button that was blinking. There was one message left from Kate at ten that night.
God, Alex, I hope you know what you are doing! We all had a nice time here. The kids had a ball in the pool and then we all went to the movies. Reese is a great person, and you, my dear sister, are an idiot. I think you went a little too far today. I hope it didn’t cost you your happiness. Sometimes, Alex...well, call me tomorrow. Bye, Alex.
The Very Thought of You Page 6
